Bad Housekeeper,Grounds for Divorce?

[Depleted]

No it's because you may not throw the toys away. For the rest I have nothing. Don't care about stuff. Now that they're older they don't care so much anymore luckily and my brother just throws it away, what does he care.

My hubby's uncle and aunt had it figured out. They had two children and "a shed." "A shed" is different from what you're imagining. It's Philly talk for that back room that was added on the rowhome to make the house bigger. It sits between the kitchen and tiny backyard. And, for most people it's part pantry, part bathroom, and part boots/coats/umbrella storage area. For them it was just a room with a washer and dryer.

And when they wore their clothes for a day, the clothes were thrown in the room. No, not in the washer, and certainly not in the dryer, into that room. And when the dishes were used, they went into that room. And when they ran out of clothes and dishes, they bought new clothes and dishes, and throw the old ones into that room.

(Hubby was a child back then.) And my future MIL went in there one day to sort it out. She cleaned the dirty clothes and washed the dirty dishes. Then she had enough clothes for her family of six and any nieces or nephews who could use clothes, plus four sets of dishes. There was no purpose in giving the things back to the owners, because they could afford to live like that. It was a choice.

I would love to live like that, except... I'd throw the dishes and clothes out in the trash to give more room in the house. lol (Ack! Knowing me, I couldn't do that even. I'd feel obliged to clean them before giving them away to the needy, so what would be the purpose in throwing them out if they were clean again?)

 

[kaylagrl]

None taken. I'm not trying to change anyone. I just communicate what works best for me. I've found that a routine helps to clear out my head of all the things that need to be done. If I have unfinished things they cloud my brain and my emotional health suffers. If my stuff is done I can actually enjoy my free time because then, it is really free.

Both my husband and I like a clean home. But both of us clean.If I dont get to something he has no trouble helping even though he works and I don't. So,may I ask,did you look for someone to marry that had your same priorities or did you just find out after you married that she was lazy?

 

[Sirk]

Both my husband and I like a clean home. But both of us clean.If I dont get to something he has no trouble helping even though he works and I don't. So,may I ask,did you look for someone to marry that had your same priorities or did you just find out after you married that she was lazy?

I saw the signs and didn't listen to them. I found that when you are entering into a relationship you look at the benefits, criticism is low, grace is high and such things. I now possess a very keen eye for checking myself. Maybe so much so that I'll be single for the rest of my days.

 

[coby2]

I saw the signs and didn't listen to them. I found that when you are entering into a relationship you look at the benefits, criticism is low, grace is high and such things. I now possess a very keen eye for checking myself. Maybe so much so that I'll be single for the rest of my days.

You had those blurry pink glasses on I think.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

What I do now if I pick up the weird idea of dating someone is ask my mom and dad and a few others with clear sight and even if they say yes I get flashbacks and cut it off lol.

 

[ember]

In the end I got so sick of the fights, I'd ask my ex to put his demands list on the kitchen counter. I'm like: clean up what needs to be cleaned up, but well whatever, it was extreme and it was not messy. He'd get mad if there were 3 toys under the couch. We ate in the park so there wouldn't fall crumbs. Then he had the kids 7 months alone. It doesn't look as organized as it used to anymore and he was exhausted and when I picked them up to be with me he would thank me and he said he was sorry.
Demanding guys have absolutely no idea how much work it is and I was pregnant too and depressed and nuts and I had a job.

yeah...that demanding attitude is never any fun for anyone

sounds to me like he had unresolved issues and took them out on you

you can't fix other people..as I'm sure you know...and constantly nitpicking just makes a person resentful...so sorry all that happened coby...

 

[ember]

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

LOL!.......

 

[sassylady]

I can't imagine divorcing somebody for that. It would be better to clean yourself than divorce.

I had a friend with MS and her husband commuted an hour one way to work, and when she had one of her bouts where she was unable to do anything, he just did what really needed to be done and didn't stress about it.

When I stayed home with the children my husband told me it was more important to him that the children were properly taken care of and if the house wasn't perfect that didn't matter. (I still managed to clean anyway)

 

[coby2]

yeah...that demanding attitude is never any fun for anyone

sounds to me like he had unresolved issues and took them out on you

you can't fix other people..as I'm sure you know...and constantly nitpicking just makes a person resentful...so sorry all that happened coby...

He just thought it was normal. He had it with his new wife too, he said in church. He'd micromanage her with cleaning, while she has been a housecleaner. The Lord now told him to stop doing that and let her have her way, so he did, luckily for her.
He was just raised like that himself. They had to eat in the kitchen to avoid crumbs, toys were not allowed inside the living room. They had tasks, one cleaned up the bathroom, every kid had a task. He's Indonesian. Dutch upbringing is totally different.
Our kids don't mind. He always says: when you're with dad you have to put your shoes off, otherwise the floor gets dirty and when you're with mom you have to keep them on otherwise your feet get dirty.
Lol and after all this disaster we wanted to start a clean centre together 2 years back hahahahahahaha, because we both needed a job. Glad we didn't.

 

[ember]

some guys are just koo koo.....

now some guy will post that some women are just koo koo

maybe all the koo koos should get together LOL!

 

[kaylagrl]

I saw the signs and didn't listen to them. I found that when you are entering into a relationship you look at the benefits, criticism is low, grace is high and such things. I now possess a very keen eye for checking myself. Maybe so much so that I'll be single for the rest of my days.

Not meaning to pry but my husband and I dated 3yrs before we were engaged. Did you date long? I wonder sometimes if that makes a difference. Blended families are also hard tho. My sister has that situation and its a big problem in the marriage.

 

[kaylagrl]

I can't imagine divorcing somebody for that. It would be better to clean yourself than divorce.

I had a friend with MS and her husband commuted an hour one way to work, and when she had one of her bouts where she was unable to do anything, he just did what really needed to be done and didn't stress about it.

When I stayed home with the children my husband told me it was more important to him that the children were properly taken care of and if the house wasn't perfect that didn't matter. (I still managed to clean anyway)

I think people that are obsessed with cleanliness and neatness shouldnt have children. lol Kids and messes go hand and hand. My nephews come to visit, 8 and 11, and as old as they are you still have messes,toys around, food knocked over. As parents I think that would come with the territory. I do think there is a difference between a disorderly house and a filthy house. Expecting to have an orderly house with kids in it is like expecting a tornado to improve a town after its gone through.I just think some people are not realistic when it comes to expectations.

 

[Sirk]

Not meaning to pry but my husband and I dated 3yrs before we were engaged. Did you date long? I wonder sometimes if that makes a difference. Blended families are also hard tho. My sister has that situation and its a big problem in the marriage.

we dated for 4 months. It was way too fast. I was stupid and immature and thought that love conquered all. I was broken and lost and didn't know how to take care of myself either spiritually or emotionally. She talked a good Christian game. She's still talking it while her teenager and likely her preteen have her completely buffaloed. What I know now is that the character of a persons children are a pretty good indication of the character of their parent or parents.

 

[kaylagrl]

we dated for 4 months. It was way too fast. I was stupid and immature and thought that love conquered all. I was broken and lost and didn't know how to take care of myself either spiritually or emotionally. She talked a good Christian game. She's still talking it while her teenager and likely her preteen have her completely buffaloed. What I know now is that the character of a persons children are a pretty good indication of the character of their parent or parents.

Its really hard when you think you know someone and they change after you marry. I mean like a major change. My sister married a guy that was a board member and youth leader,unofficial,seemed like a great match. Wow, really bad turn after the I dos. Violent temper,very critical,emotionally abusive. She's still married and I don't know how she does it.

 

[Sirk]

In the end she is a taker just like her kids are. None of them know how to connect with people. They haven't learned that when life is all about you it's an endless search for meaning and significance. I saw her oldest the other day. He is fifteen. He was sitting in the passenger seat of his truck lighting up a smoke while someone else was driving. He will likely end up on drugs and selling the cabinets full of addaral that his mom has. He will keep getting a pass from mommy until he becomes the authorities problem. I was lucky to get out of there and I am so happy for my son that we did.

 

[Sirk]

Its really hard when you think you know someone and they change after you marry. I mean like a major change. My sister married a guy that was a board member and youth leader,unofficial,seemed like a great match. Wow, really bad turn after the I dos. Violent temper,very critical,emotionally abusive. She's still married and I don't know how she does it.

i wasn't perfect. I had some anger issues. However, her and her kids were the emotionally abusive ones. And they still don't see it. I felt very used. In spite of all of it I am a better dad and I've learned a lot and am in a much better place. I am well on my way to good emotional health. I've worked hard.

 

[kaylagrl]

i wasn't perfect. I had some anger issues. However, her and her kids were the emotionally abusive ones. And they still don't see it. I felt very used.

I think one can only live so long with dysfunction. I grew up with that so I was really careful about getting married. I was in my 40s so I was real cautious. lol I worried because the women in my family tend to make really bad choices in relationships even though they all married Christian men. I dont think anyone should live with abuse.

 

[Sirk]

I think one can only live so long with dysfunction. I grew up with that so I was really careful about getting married. I was in my 40s so I was real cautious. lol I worried because the women in my family tend to make really bad choices in relationships even though they all married Christian men. I dont think anyone should live with abuse.

My people pleasing tendencies, low self esteem and hopelessly romantic mindset was the perfect storm for me to make bad choices in regards to a mate. I craved connection and love. I was probably a walking example of how a person who doesn't know how to love themselves can't give or receive love.

 

[Sirk]

Jethro is a wise man.....

[video=youtube;kB8u0TQZS5o]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kB8u0TQZS5o[/video]

 

[Depleted]

Anything entertaining that you is separate from the responsibilities in life. Whether it's being on the computer or whatever. If those things come before your life's responsibilities then you are escaping from said responsibilities.

Sooo... don't read novels either? And don't come on here? And don't watch TV? And don't play instruments? And...? How far does this go, because I'm pretty sure I take off from responsibilities a few hours every day on purpose. And that's if I don't count sleeping.

 

[Depleted]

I vacuum a couple of times a week and clean my floors once a week. When I do my laundry I fold it and put it away. I do my dishes as I go. I like order and coming home to a non chaotic environment.

And because this is how you do it, it ought to be how everyone does it or we're not good stewards?