C
The "nice guy" or "nice girl" routine
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J
No wonder the "Coffee Shops" in Amsterdam are so busy! I put up with similar (but not quite as bad) from my ex, and it Will Never Happen Again! There's not enough Hashish or Weed in Amsterdam to make me put up with that anymore. I remember what it was like here in the late sixties, I wanna go back!!
But don't take it personally. If that's how it is there, it's okay as long as I'm not there
But don't take it personally. If that's how it is there, it's okay as long as I'm not there
K
Wait a minute. If a guy holds the door open for a woman or helps an old lady across the street or helps to find a lost dog or volunteers at a homeless shelter he is the "nice guy" and is very repulsive to women? Huh?
What is wrong with this picture?
What is wrong with this picture?
Exactly,what kind of world is it now that having manners is a bad thing!? smh
C
I think that the overly domineering, aggressive, pushy man is to women, in some ways, what the scantily clad easy woman is to men. It might look attractive and fun at first, but you know in your head it's no good and if you're stupid enough to mess with it you know it's going to be short-lived and you're going to get burned. Badly. If you use your brain, you know that is something to run the other way from.
Being nice does not in anyway imply that you have to be fake or shallow, or that you have no spine. I am privileged to know a few genuinely good, nice, kind men who have perfectly good spines and know when it's time to stand up for themselves and others. That's the kind of man I want.
As to a man who is nice but is a spineless pushover... I try to avoid them. How can someone have your back when he doesn't have one of his own? Those men who can't deal with problems and situations gently but firmly become filled with silent resentment and bitterness that builds up over time and results in passive-aggression (which you will find rings quite true if you will read some of the resentment-filled posts on this site from this particular brand of "nice guys"...).
Then there is the superficially and selectively nice guy... like what Melita was talking about. The white knight. I dislike facades and shallowness. That's why it's good to take a look at how they treat their friends and family members. In 5 years, that's how they will be treating you, and if you get a chance to observe them around their family often, they can't keep the facade up all the time... it slips out and is a big red flag.
Being nice does not in anyway imply that you have to be fake or shallow, or that you have no spine. I am privileged to know a few genuinely good, nice, kind men who have perfectly good spines and know when it's time to stand up for themselves and others. That's the kind of man I want.
As to a man who is nice but is a spineless pushover... I try to avoid them. How can someone have your back when he doesn't have one of his own? Those men who can't deal with problems and situations gently but firmly become filled with silent resentment and bitterness that builds up over time and results in passive-aggression (which you will find rings quite true if you will read some of the resentment-filled posts on this site from this particular brand of "nice guys"...).
Then there is the superficially and selectively nice guy... like what Melita was talking about. The white knight. I dislike facades and shallowness. That's why it's good to take a look at how they treat their friends and family members. In 5 years, that's how they will be treating you, and if you get a chance to observe them around their family often, they can't keep the facade up all the time... it slips out and is a big red flag.
This is my humble opinion, to the fellow guys here who I've heard say "Well, I use to be nice but..."
It sounds like you sold out, compromised or you weren't genuinely nice to begin with. Society shuns who you really are and the standard of conduct you hold yourselves to so you cop out? Help me with this logic, Gentlemen. If this is true, I pray for our wives and I pray for our characters. Be the light to the world! If some of us have a spiritual gift to help then don't let a few insults throw you back out of fear.
As crosstweed so eloquently stated, being spineless does not equal being nice. Cowardice is an unattractive trait. I think, if it's in your heart to woo a man/woman then go all out with wisdom as your guide. If it's not in your heart then don't fake or pretend to win favors or acceptance, we can do better than that.
I enjoy the genuinely nice women, I've come across a few fakes and let me tell you that is scary!
It sounds like you sold out, compromised or you weren't genuinely nice to begin with. Society shuns who you really are and the standard of conduct you hold yourselves to so you cop out? Help me with this logic, Gentlemen. If this is true, I pray for our wives and I pray for our characters. Be the light to the world! If some of us have a spiritual gift to help then don't let a few insults throw you back out of fear.
As crosstweed so eloquently stated, being spineless does not equal being nice. Cowardice is an unattractive trait. I think, if it's in your heart to woo a man/woman then go all out with wisdom as your guide. If it's not in your heart then don't fake or pretend to win favors or acceptance, we can do better than that.
I enjoy the genuinely nice women, I've come across a few fakes and let me tell you that is scary!
J
Honestly, I was brought up that way. And it kicked my butt. The college of hard knocks has not always been kind to me, but I guess I had to learn somehow. That's why I've been going to a therapist for a while. My therapist says I'm a really good Man and is surprised I came out as good as I have. Not that my family is bad, they just needed a course on how to raise a Man. If I were a Woman in that house I would have been much better off. That's just how it is.
He says I pretty much raised myself. I was provided for well enough, except the part that it takes to succeed in the world. He said I did a good job of raising myself and making do with what I had.
He says I pretty much raised myself. I was provided for well enough, except the part that it takes to succeed in the world. He said I did a good job of raising myself and making do with what I had.
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It is better to be a nice guy or girl then just "playing the role of one." When someone is playing the role of a nice guy or girl to someone they usually want something from them, but that doesn't really make them a nice guy or girl in reality. It just means they are being "nice" to get something in return.
Agree 100%.
As a teen I could never get any dates because my skin was so bad and my face full of blotches. My mom told me, not to worry as once I grew up women would always love me because I was a "nice guy". She was correct that a lot of women called me "nice guy" but instead of liking me for it, they despised me.
Sad to say, when it comes to women, nice guys finish last. And I mean dead last.
Of course, had I been wealthy I could have been the worse SOB in the world and women would have loved me. But that's another story ......
For me, even a non believer can be nice. I prefer a man who is after Christ, first and foremost, ( no gentlemen, not perfect) But in his heart truly wants to live for Christ. If this is the case, he will allow the fire, and the shaping and molding, to be who he is called to be. The same goes for women. I was a very independent woman. Through being badly burned and hard times, I am learning and being shaped into who I have been called to be. Which is far from perfect. But I can see the results, and would not change the bad for anything now. It has made me a better me. For me it is not nice verses bad. we all can be nice and we all can be bad. If Christ is not the first, then the nice does not last. I have seen and heard alot of men say the want a Proverbs 31 wife. But are they the Husband God called them to be? WE all have ideas of what we think WE want. The question is, have we allowed God to make us into what we need to be? ( The plank verses the speck)
I've had the experience of being rejected by a gal in favor of what is commonly called a "macho man". Afterwards, the gal who rejected me regretted it as the macho guy abused her in some way. Other guys I've known have had the same experience.
Little do these gals realize that "macho" is the Spanish word for a male mule. As we all know these creatures are not very bright. Thus, it comes as no surprise that such tough guys mistreat these women. But it often is the latter's fault as they are the ones who choose the bad guys over the good ones.
Alpha males ask you out. The nice guys do an attempt 10 years later when you're married for a long time. That's why nice guys in Holland don't finish last. I think alpha males do. Women ask them out and don't want someone who tells them what to do. Long live feminism, it's just the question if you want that. I spoke to nice men on dating sites who now liked me because first they were married to a bossy feminist who asked them and treated them bad. One really looked like a guy, but he was almost blind, so he couldn't see it. I once heard: nice men want a shark. Afraid it's in some cases just as true as nice girls wanting a jerk. At least those ask you out when you're shy.