not to throw the age thing in there too much, but i think it's pretty incredible that you, at the age of 21, have developed a desire to understand the bible beyond the superficial and light, and especially, gleaning what God intends for us in our life and relationships. i earnestly wish i had started back then as well. it's really neat to see. : )
Ladies: How Important Is It to Feel Protected in a Relationship?
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C
Thank you. : ) It's kind of something that my dad influenced me towards. I don't do word studies nearly as often as I should, but when I do (or more often, when I study someone else's word studies) they generally tend to have very interesting and enlightening results. This one was extremely relevant to me, since the term "help-meet" always kind of put me off. LOL
R
I think also on top of word studies we should study women of the bible. What help meet really means put into action. As women we are more influential in the lives of husbands than one tends to believe. Thing is. I pray my daughter's become the help meet to their husbands when they are married. Its almost I.possible to be that before hand. Now you can prepare and commit certain things. But mostly to the Lord.
I strive to be a better wife for mine daily. and help in whatever way makes His life better, easier and toward the Lord. I also pray for contentment. Its not really about what I want. Its what God wants.
It's really not as hard as we all make it. It's really a true commitment to God. Wait I said that.
I strive to be a better wife for mine daily. and help in whatever way makes His life better, easier and toward the Lord. I also pray for contentment. Its not really about what I want. Its what God wants.
It's really not as hard as we all make it. It's really a true commitment to God. Wait I said that.
I had a conversation with a woman recently about a wifes "role" in a relationship. She went on about taking care of the house, laundry, cooking, etc... I felt offended. (I didnt expect to feel that way but I did) I promptly responded with "I am fully capable of taking care of myself. I dont want someone doing all of those things for me." Of course, she became offended as well. My take is this: I dont see a difference in each persons role in the relationship. You make a mess, clean it up. Dont expect someone to do it for you. You wore the clothes, not the other person. Do your own laundry. If I'm not spiritually strong enough to be a leader in that manner, then its not her responsibility to think she can fix that. That is between me and God. If the whole thing gets too emotionally demanding, thats a huge turn-off. Personally, i would want a woman who is emotionally strong enough to hold her own and not need to be fixed. We are adults. We should have the solutions to these issues figured out by now. I still dont understand what this has to do with the word "protected". If you dont feel "secure" in a relationship, get counseling or get out of it. That in itself can emotionally ware on a person.
Ladies, what makes you feel protected? (Physically, emotionally, and spiritually?)
What makes me feel protected in a relationship is stability.
It’s this knowledge that the guy I want to be with is not going anywhere no matter what. No matter what the storms, no matter what the crisis, at the end of the day he’s not going to run out on me.
I don’t want to be with anyone who is not 100% sure that I am the one person they want to be with more than anything.
That’s what makes me feel safe.
Even at my worst, he’s seen it all and he loves me just the way I am. There’s no other woman for him but me and that’s the security that I look for in a relationship.
This ties up everything for me – emotionally and spiritually.
I don’t buy the whole physical protection thing – because I am not a wilting flower that can’t take care of herself. I also don’t know what it entails for someone to be a spiritual leader.
Is he going to give me a sermon? No thanks.
These are the types of guys that I want to avoid at all costs and who make me feel unsafe-
· Controlling and domineering
· Aggressive and abusive
· Jealous and overly possessive – It’s ok for us to have boundaries where we would keep opposite gender friends away from us but a lack of trust creates a toxic relationship. It’s ok to be jealous now and then. It’s not ok to be unable to trust me and feel insecure all the time. The foundation of any relationship is trust.
· Emotionally unavailable – To be in a relationship with a man, who is unable to open up, commit and share his life with me or be vulnerable and let me in, would be devastating in the long run. It would be like being in a relationship with a stranger. I want to be with a guy who wants to be with me just as badly.
· Financially insecure – I would not feel protected if I were in a relationship with a man who couldn’t fend for himself.
· Dealing with addictions – If a man is not making an active effort to change this aspect about himself that would be a huge red flag to me.I am sympathetic and understand the immense struggle that people go through with this. I have the highest respect for people who put God first and decide to move away from addictions.
What makes me feel protected in a relationship is stability.
It’s this knowledge that the guy I want to be with is not going anywhere no matter what. No matter what the storms, no matter what the crisis, at the end of the day he’s not going to run out on me.
I don’t want to be with anyone who is not 100% sure that I am the one person they want to be with more than anything.
That’s what makes me feel safe.
Even at my worst, he’s seen it all and he loves me just the way I am. There’s no other woman for him but me and that’s the security that I look for in a relationship.
This ties up everything for me – emotionally and spiritually.
I don’t buy the whole physical protection thing – because I am not a wilting flower that can’t take care of herself. I also don’t know what it entails for someone to be a spiritual leader.
Is he going to give me a sermon? No thanks.
These are the types of guys that I want to avoid at all costs and who make me feel unsafe-
· Controlling and domineering
· Aggressive and abusive
· Jealous and overly possessive – It’s ok for us to have boundaries where we would keep opposite gender friends away from us but a lack of trust creates a toxic relationship. It’s ok to be jealous now and then. It’s not ok to be unable to trust me and feel insecure all the time. The foundation of any relationship is trust.
· Emotionally unavailable – To be in a relationship with a man, who is unable to open up, commit and share his life with me or be vulnerable and let me in, would be devastating in the long run. It would be like being in a relationship with a stranger. I want to be with a guy who wants to be with me just as badly.
· Financially insecure – I would not feel protected if I were in a relationship with a man who couldn’t fend for himself.
· Dealing with addictions – If a man is not making an active effort to change this aspect about himself that would be a huge red flag to me.I am sympathetic and understand the immense struggle that people go through with this. I have the highest respect for people who put God first and decide to move away from addictions.
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C
Since the OP was concerned with feeling protected ("feelings" being that all-important female word, you know 
) and dealing with 3 different areas of a person's life that need to be secured and protected, that's what I personally was addressing.
- If a man is unfit to help me and protect me spiritually (i.e., he is oblivious to his role as a spiritual leader, or isn't spiritual at all), where does that leave me when I come under spiritual attack from the enemy? If I am not protected spiritually, I will not be or feel safe.
- If a man is unfit/unwilling to protect me emotionally, i.e. help me through a rough spot, listen to me when I need to talk something out, be kind, and gently redirect me if I get off-track on something, then there will not be a deep connection with him and I will not be capable of trusting him fully. That will leave me wide open to the temptation to either withdraw into a shell, or reach out for emotional help from someone else when that connection was meant to be shared with him. If I am not emotionally protected and secure, I will not be or feel safe.
- If a man is unwilling to protect me physically, which seems to be what you're addressing, I'm not going to be able to trust him with my safety, physical or otherwise, which is pretty much taken to be one of the most basic dynamics of a male/female relationship. I'm quite capable of putting serious damage on a would-be attacker by myself; I'm decent with a firearm, and almost always armed in one form or another. But if he's there, I'm expecting him to step up. If he is unwilling to put himself between me and danger, does he really love me? I don't think so. If I'm not protected physically, I will not be or feel safe.
To guys, it's kind of straightforward: put yourself between her and the bad guy = protected.
To girls, it's not always that simple; there are different facets of being protected and secure.
) and dealing with 3 different areas of a person's life that need to be secured and protected, that's what I personally was addressing. - If a man is unfit to help me and protect me spiritually (i.e., he is oblivious to his role as a spiritual leader, or isn't spiritual at all), where does that leave me when I come under spiritual attack from the enemy? If I am not protected spiritually, I will not be or feel safe.
- If a man is unfit/unwilling to protect me emotionally, i.e. help me through a rough spot, listen to me when I need to talk something out, be kind, and gently redirect me if I get off-track on something, then there will not be a deep connection with him and I will not be capable of trusting him fully. That will leave me wide open to the temptation to either withdraw into a shell, or reach out for emotional help from someone else when that connection was meant to be shared with him. If I am not emotionally protected and secure, I will not be or feel safe.
- If a man is unwilling to protect me physically, which seems to be what you're addressing, I'm not going to be able to trust him with my safety, physical or otherwise, which is pretty much taken to be one of the most basic dynamics of a male/female relationship. I'm quite capable of putting serious damage on a would-be attacker by myself; I'm decent with a firearm, and almost always armed in one form or another. But if he's there, I'm expecting him to step up. If he is unwilling to put himself between me and danger, does he really love me? I don't think so. If I'm not protected physically, I will not be or feel safe.
To guys, it's kind of straightforward: put yourself between her and the bad guy = protected.
To girls, it's not always that simple; there are different facets of being protected and secure.
Hmm. Aside from the physical meaning, perhaps its my literal OCD, protected just doesn't seem to contextually fit this. It should be "what makes you feel "Secure" in a relationship. "Protected" doesn't fit.
For instance, lets use the spiritual attack scenario. He cant actually protect you from a spiritual attack. Sure, he can pray for you. But he cant stop it from happening. Therefore, he cant offer protection. Plus, we pray to God for protection in that aspect.
IMO, if the OP is stuck on protection and insecurities, they are afraid of too many things. And, if i may address all the ladies and guys who feel this way... If you have a ton of insecurities, DO NOT enter into a relationship. You need to deal with those first. Dont make those the other persons problem. Don't look to others to fix you. (unless you look to a doctor, they get paid to fix people)
Lets face the possible reality. It is entirely possible we may never get married or be in a relationship. So, isnt it just good business to learn how to function on your own? That way, when a relationship does happen, you are set to go. Look at the metric ton of emotional distress scattered across this forum. If you are seeking God and are still a mess, then you have a long way to go. Trying to navigate a relationship and be an influence in someone else life should not be top priority. At least, it wont fix the source of your distress.
Be content in what you have and where God has you. IF it is His will for you to be in a relationship, not only will He lead you to that, He will lead you to the right person. But this takes effort on your part. Be the best example of Christ you can be and keep on keepn on. Look at what you want vs what God wants.
But I digress.
PEACE!! BA
For instance, lets use the spiritual attack scenario. He cant actually protect you from a spiritual attack. Sure, he can pray for you. But he cant stop it from happening. Therefore, he cant offer protection. Plus, we pray to God for protection in that aspect.
IMO, if the OP is stuck on protection and insecurities, they are afraid of too many things. And, if i may address all the ladies and guys who feel this way... If you have a ton of insecurities, DO NOT enter into a relationship. You need to deal with those first. Dont make those the other persons problem. Don't look to others to fix you. (unless you look to a doctor, they get paid to fix people)
Lets face the possible reality. It is entirely possible we may never get married or be in a relationship. So, isnt it just good business to learn how to function on your own? That way, when a relationship does happen, you are set to go. Look at the metric ton of emotional distress scattered across this forum. If you are seeking God and are still a mess, then you have a long way to go. Trying to navigate a relationship and be an influence in someone else life should not be top priority. At least, it wont fix the source of your distress.
Be content in what you have and where God has you. IF it is His will for you to be in a relationship, not only will He lead you to that, He will lead you to the right person. But this takes effort on your part. Be the best example of Christ you can be and keep on keepn on. Look at what you want vs what God wants.
But I digress.
PEACE!! BA
C
I agree very strongly that no one with a bunch of insecurities should enter a serious relationship expecting that to fix them. I agree very strongly that if you can't function on your own, you need to get that taken care of before you try to function with someone else. God is the one who heals our insecurities and the only One who can provide perfect protection and fulfillment, BUT...
- People can cause insecurities. Your spouse or significant other shouldn't do that to you. They're supposed to protect you and keep you safe. You wouldn't trust someone who wouldn't try to keep you physically safe and protect you from harm; same goes for the spiritual and emotional.
- If you're properly protected on all 3 fronts, you'll probably feel pretty secure.
You may not be able to intervene when someone is under a spiritual attack, just like you may not always be able to physically intervene when something bad is happening to someone else. But praying for them is helping to defend them and uphold them, because when you pray you're inciting the help of Someone who can always help.
Also, there are a lot of spiritual attacks that come about because someone let a destructive thought enter their mind that was planted by the enemy. If a person can talk through that with another person who is looking out for them emotionally and spiritually, a lot of problems and potential for attack can be averted. In that sense, you can spiritually protect people. A careful, gentle rebuke can also be a form of spiritual protection for somebody else.
- People can cause insecurities. Your spouse or significant other shouldn't do that to you. They're supposed to protect you and keep you safe. You wouldn't trust someone who wouldn't try to keep you physically safe and protect you from harm; same goes for the spiritual and emotional.
- If you're properly protected on all 3 fronts, you'll probably feel pretty secure.
You may not be able to intervene when someone is under a spiritual attack, just like you may not always be able to physically intervene when something bad is happening to someone else. But praying for them is helping to defend them and uphold them, because when you pray you're inciting the help of Someone who can always help.
Also, there are a lot of spiritual attacks that come about because someone let a destructive thought enter their mind that was planted by the enemy. If a person can talk through that with another person who is looking out for them emotionally and spiritually, a lot of problems and potential for attack can be averted. In that sense, you can spiritually protect people. A careful, gentle rebuke can also be a form of spiritual protection for somebody else.
And there is the problem. Rational and logical thought takes a back seat to feelings.... Then I suppose I am destined to never get their way of thinking. If a logical thought cant be pulled together because acting on feelings feels better, then rest in the bed you made.
Its "feelings" that got us into this mess with gender identity. "I feel like a woman or man" Feelings.. Pfft... Use your head people.
Its "feelings" that got us into this mess with gender identity. "I feel like a woman or man" Feelings.. Pfft... Use your head people.
If I could, I would include a disclaimer with each of my threads that says something like this: "Just because I'm talking about this particular issue doesn't mean I'm neurotically obsessing over it."
In my time on CC, I've written approximately 550 threads (the system only holds 20 pages worth of your past writings, so when I write new threads, the ones I wrote when I first got here are being pushed out of the system.)
I understand that people usually don't realize that just because I write about a topic, it doesn't mean that I am personally struggling with it. It might be something I've observed in others, dealt with in the past, or happened to read or hear about. However, I almost always choose to write from a first-person point of view, making myself an example, because I feel it makes the reader more comfortable. I'm always more interested in discussions in which the facilitator acts as if they can at least relate to the subject, but that's just my own preference.
As I wrote in another post, I keep a notebook of ideas for threads. At last count I have about 82 ideas, give or take--some can be mashed together, others need to be broken down into sub-categories. For instance, all I did for this thread was write down the word, "Protection", then jotted down some ideas and observations over time, and finally decided to split it into 2 different threads.
The purpose of my threads is always to start a conversation and open up a discussion among a wide variety of people with different experiences and backgrounds. I am usually NOT asking for advice, but rather what OTHER PEOPLE think about the topic from the basis of their own lives.
My questions are also a bit of a curtain for me. Sure, I struggle with, or have struggled with, some (not all) of these things at some point in time.
But only the people who really know me know which ones they may be, and at what point in time I dealt with them.
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The other half of it is that I care less about how people perceive me than I do about getting difficult topics out in the open to discuss.
I've dealt with people having misconceptions about who I am all my life, and people are going to think what they want to think anyway, no matter how many disclaimers I try to include.
For me, it's the subject and the discussion that's important--not my reputation--and I'm thankful that I've had people here who choose to get to know me on a personal basis anyway, despite all the threads.
I've dealt with people having misconceptions about who I am all my life, and people are going to think what they want to think anyway, no matter how many disclaimers I try to include.
For me, it's the subject and the discussion that's important--not my reputation--and I'm thankful that I've had people here who choose to get to know me on a personal basis anyway, despite all the threads.
The other half of it is that I care less about how people perceive me than I do about getting difficult topics out in the open to discuss.
I've dealt with people having misconceptions about who I am all my life, and people are going to think what they want to think anyway, no matter how many disclaimers I try to include.
For me, it's the subject and the discussion that's important--not my reputation--and I'm thankful that I've had people here who choose to get to know me on a personal basis anyway, despite all the threads.
I've dealt with people having misconceptions about who I am all my life, and people are going to think what they want to think anyway, no matter how many disclaimers I try to include.
For me, it's the subject and the discussion that's important--not my reputation--and I'm thankful that I've had people here who choose to get to know me on a personal basis anyway, despite all the threads.
Hey, like I said, it was just my opinion. I'll sleep the same either way.
R
I'm on my computer so I'm gonna go all out here on this one.
First yes, a husband can intervene in a spiritual attack of his wife and vice versa. Actually anyone can.
As for Emotional strength vs. a husband/wife relationship there are all kinds of differences in these topics.
Yes I agree each person in every healthy relationship needs to be spiritually and emotionally strong. But sometimes that doesn't happen. I do think the Lord in His perfect timing can bring people together that will "fit".
Personalities are a huge indicator.
Some men need to feel needed, and a lady who is needed to be wanted....bam fit.
So you can't really blanket all relationships as the very same, those the reason I love how these questions are asked.
Because they are on an individual basis.
And if we are called to be married, we are not supposed to function on our own. We are called to complete someone.
Although I do understand where you're coming from on a distressed, toxic, and unhealthy level.....I don't think one needs to be "all together" to go into a relationship.
First yes, a husband can intervene in a spiritual attack of his wife and vice versa. Actually anyone can.
As for Emotional strength vs. a husband/wife relationship there are all kinds of differences in these topics.
Yes I agree each person in every healthy relationship needs to be spiritually and emotionally strong. But sometimes that doesn't happen. I do think the Lord in His perfect timing can bring people together that will "fit".
Personalities are a huge indicator.
Some men need to feel needed, and a lady who is needed to be wanted....bam fit.
So you can't really blanket all relationships as the very same, those the reason I love how these questions are asked.
Because they are on an individual basis.
And if we are called to be married, we are not supposed to function on our own. We are called to complete someone.
Although I do understand where you're coming from on a distressed, toxic, and unhealthy level.....I don't think one needs to be "all together" to go into a relationship.
D
It's not a problem though. God made us different for a reason. Of course you will never get their way of thinking, man has been trying for thousands of years to no avail. Just because they don't speak our cold hard calculating language doesn't mean it's bad, just different. In a good way. Life would be quite boring without women around would it not?