I dont love my wife...

[J214]

Hey my name is Jesse ive been married a few months but ive been with this woman going on 14 yrs. Our relationship started on pure lust and we got pregnant within the first month being together. I didnt have a dad growing up he passed before I was born and hers was locked up her whole childhood. Needless to say I wanted my family bad on the account my dad passed before I met him, this is when the disrespect starts on her side all her insecurities from not having her dad there either start to reveal themself. Disrespect ,games ,cheating,manipulation now I wasnt no one perfect I cheated,neglected her I did this when she refuae to communicate and try to make me feel like I was the problem. Present day were married I feel like I deserve better than her, I also feel she capitalized on my vulnerability for family since she knows How much me being a father meant to me so she acted any wwhich she wanted to knowing I would work on my family. What do yall think..

 

[Ugly]

I think you had 14 years to figure this out, which you seemed to have done, but made the choice to move forward with something you knew wasn't right. Now you're stuck with your decision. And i doubt you magically stopped loving her in the past few months, but probably has been a long time. You knew what she was doing for quite a while, no doubt.
Seems to me that unless you catch her cheating you're stuck with the consequences of what you chose to do. Even if she manipulated you, once you figured out what she was doing and kept moving forward that makes it your responsibility, not hers. Soon as you realized what was going on the blame fell to you.
May seem a little harsh and i'm not trying to attack you, but we all have to face the consequences of our decisions.

 

[wwjd_kilden]

I have to agree with Ugly on this one.
You had a long time where you could choose to go away from it, that time is now over.
It takes two to marry, you did it knowingly

 

[resurrection33]

Hey my name is Jesse ive been married a few months but ive been with this woman going on 14 yrs. Our relationship started on pure lust and we got pregnant within the first month being together. I didnt have a dad growing up he passed before I was born and hers was locked up her whole childhood. Needless to say I wanted my family bad on the account my dad passed before I met him, this is when the disrespect starts on her side all her insecurities from not having her dad there either start to reveal themself. Disrespect ,games ,cheating,manipulation now I wasnt no one perfect I cheated,neglected her I did this when she refuae to communicate and try to make me feel like I was the problem. Present day were married I feel like I deserve better than her, I also feel she capitalized on my vulnerability for family since she knows How much me being a father meant to me so she acted any wwhich she wanted to knowing I would work on my family. What do yall think..

I don't have all the facts, but from what you said, it sounds to me like you are trying to evade responsibility. Life isn't easy. You made a commitment to your wife and you now have the responsibility to honor that commitment.

 

[Rosesrock]

I think your selfish and honestly you need to think about what God thinks.
Counseling with a pastor , reading your bible and praying. Learn what kind of man God wants you to be. What marriage looks like to him. He can bad will rebuild your marriage if you ask him and dive in 110%. First you have to work on you. Your heart towards your wife needs to change.
Remember. You're not good enough for her either.

Broken together by casting crowns is a really great song.

 

[rdbseekingafterhim]

I have to agree especially if you're a Christian. When you get married you take a vow of til death do you part. Life isn't easy. We were never promised a bed of roses. Honestly just over 2 weeks ago I was ready to throw in the towel with my wife. You know what? God came in and changed my heart. It takes two to make a marriage work. It's a full time job that you have to work at. I suggest going to some marriage counseling classes. Make sure that the classes are run by Christians. Jesus loves the church we are His bride and no matter what we do to Him He doesn't think about divorcing us. As Christians we fall down and mess up, but Jesus always welcomes us back. We are to follow His example in everything. God doesn't like divorce it destroys peoples lives. So do whatever it takes to make it work my friend.

 

[Tommy379]

Love is a choice. you choose to or not to love.

 

[Rosesrock]

Love is a choice. you choose to or not to love.

I wish more people understood this.
Love is not an emotion. Not a feeling. It's a choice we have to choose everyday.
I don't always love my husband. But I love Christ and the commitment I made to him.

 

[Miri]

Sounds like you both need to meet with the risen Lord Jesus.

God can turn this around for you both, marriage is precious in the eyes
of God. The question is if you are both willing to seek the Lord with all
your heart and surrender up your hurts, anger, disppointments, mistakes,
sin, bitterness etc to Him.




2 Corinthians 5:17-21 NKJV
[17] Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed
away; behold, all things have become new. [18] Now all things are of God, who has
reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of
reconciliation, [19] that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself,
not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
[20] Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through
us: we implore you on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God. [21] For He made Him who
knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.


Ezekiel 36:25-28 NKJV
[25] Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you
from all your filthiness and from all your idols. [26] I will give you a new heart and put
a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a
heart of flesh. [27] I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes,
and you will keep My judgments and do them. [28] Then you shall dwell in the land that
I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people, and I will be your God.



Psalm 51:10-17 NKJV
[10] Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
[11] Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
[12] Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
[13] Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners shall be converted to You.
[14] Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, The God of my salvation, And my
tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness. [15] O Lord, open my lips, And my mouth
shall show forth Your praise. [16] For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;
You do not delight in burnt offering. [17] The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart- These, O God, You will not despise.

 

[Blain]

All of this because you both grew up without dads? I never had a dad or even a family that cared about me but I sure didn't go down this route. Honestly if you think you deserve better than her then perhaps you need to consider searching your own heart first, why would marry if you didn't love her?

 

[rdbseekingafterhim]

I don't share this often, but my past was horrific. My mother was raped when she was real young and had me. My mom chose drugs over me. My grandmother started taking care of me. Her idea of childcare was drug you up til you passed out get you sick and take you to the hospital to get treatment. This went on for 2 and a half years. When the state took me away I was considered mentally retarded I couldn't walk, talk, and drooled everywhere. I made a miraculous recovery. My adopted parents weren't much better. They mentally abused me saying I was stupid, worthless, never going to amount to anything, and end up living under a bridge. Here's the kicker they were Christians too. I was never shown the proper relationship of husband wife or parent child for that matter. I made it through it all thanks to my Lord and savior. He is capable of getting you through anything. Looking back I probably could've died a long time ago. God has a purpose for our lives. You should try to find that purpose and pray that He will repair your marriage. It's never too late.

 

[Tommy379]

All of this because you both grew up without dads? I never had a dad or even a family that cared about me but I sure didn't go down this route. Honestly if you think you deserve better than her then perhaps you need to consider searching your own heart first, why would marry if you didn't love her?

Do not do anything with your own heart except make sure it is still pumping blood through your body. "searching your own heart first" means nothing except you are willing to trust fickle and unreliable emotions instead of the word of God. "follow your heart" "trust your heart" and "listen to what your heart tells you" are sayings put on motivational posters. You know who hangs around the human heart and manipulates emotions, Satan. Proverbs 28:26 says "He who trust in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered"

 

[azlightsout]

You cheated, she cheated . I just went thru a divorce and its not cheap and your the one thats going to pay for it . Gonna be real hard to find 'better' when u have to pay her alimony and child support every month . Believe me she is already calculating how much she is going to get - if she isn't one of her friends is . Trust me

 

[Blain]

Do not do anything with your own heart except make sure it is still pumping blood through your body. "searching your own heart first" means nothing except you are willing to trust fickle and unreliable emotions instead of the word of God. "follow your heart" "trust your heart" and "listen to what your heart tells you" are sayings put on motivational posters. You know who hangs around the human heart and manipulates emotions, Satan. Proverbs 28:26 says "He who trust in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered"

I'm afraid I can't do that. my hearts eyes are solely set on God he is all my heart sees all it desires all it craves and so I follow my heart knowing I can trust it because it's eyes are solely set on him. And I always speak my heart and God has so often spoken through it. The scripture you posted is true for those who follow their fleshly hearts desires but when your hearts eyes are solely on God and when your heart is so richly filled with love for God with him and for all others then you know you can trust it because you know that God is the one who reigns in it.

True enough love is not just an emotion or a feeling but that doesn't mean we are to discard it, we humans are emotional beings we feel and experience love sadness passion anger ect. and where do you think we got that from? God is an emotional being he feels all this as well but the feeling and emotion itself does not define the love one has for another but at the same time we are not emotionless robots

 

[blue_ladybug]

Hey my name is Jesse ive been married a few months but ive been with this woman going on 14 yrs. Our relationship started on pure lust and we got pregnant within the first month being together. I didnt have a dad growing up he passed before I was born and hers was locked up her whole childhood. Needless to say I wanted my family bad on the account my dad passed before I met him, this is when the disrespect starts on her side all her insecurities from not having her dad there either start to reveal themself. Disrespect ,games ,cheating,manipulation now I wasnt no one perfect I cheated,neglected her I did this when she refuae to communicate and try to make me feel like I was the problem. Present day were married I feel like I deserve better than her, I also feel she capitalized on my vulnerability for family since she knows How much me being a father meant to me so she acted any wwhich she wanted to knowing I would work on my family. What do yall think..

I think the two of you are incredibly and probably irreparably messed up in the head due to losing your respective fathers. I agree with Ugly and wwjd_.. You've had over a decade to figure this out. Takes two to tango and make a marriage. Sounds like neither one of you actually loves and respects each other. Your relationship isn't even based on love. It's based on "pure lust", to quote your own words. A relationship based on lust, and not love and trust, is doomed to fail. :/ jmo

 

[Blain]

I think the two of you are incredibly and probably irreparably messed up in the head due to losing your respective fathers LOL umm blunt much blue? you crack me up I love youXD

 

[Angela53510]

I agree with Miri, that your problem is not your dads or one another, but your individual relationships with Christ.

Do you know Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour? Are you attending a Bible believing church weekly? Are you reading your Bibles and praying daily?

Because in this day and age, I don't believe most marriages will survive without it. My husband and I both had issues with our families of origin. But instead of dwelling on that, and using it as an excuse to break up, we both clung to Jesus. He made the changes in our marriage we needed to keep us strong and faithful. Neither of us had the strength to repair our marriage at certain times, but God can and did.

We are going on 35 years now. We just had my husband's birthday, and our 4 children and grandchildren and other family members came to celebrate with us. As I sat and watched the grandkids play, the grown children talk and have fun, I could only reflect on the graciousness of God, who kept and preserved our marriage, so in our retirement, we have a wonderful marriage and family.

That could not have happened without God. Jesus is the glue, and you need to find that. And when you find it, pray that your wife will find it. Being a Christian is so much more than just having Christian parents or grandparents, or going to church a few times.

"For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”" Romans 10:13

 

[WarriorForChrist]

I also agree with Angela and Miri. You aren't going to change things on your own. You need Christ in your life and through Him this can be fixed. Everyone in life goes through trials. What happens in our past shouldn't define us. Jesus is the only thing that should define any Christian.

 

[Demi777]

What I am kinda missing in here is where is the talk about the child? Dont you care for that babe? It shouldnt be about you anymore, not what you want and think you deserve. It should be about that child. You should be thinking and working out that the child gets what it needs and deserves. Which is love and a family. This baby is a part of you and needs you now. You should build your relationship on that. I dont give a dime about what you two say because your just making up excuses for doing the wrong things but that Child needs a Mother AND a Father. You two should grow up and pray that God brings you through and heals your marriage because with that Child, he gave his blessing on the marriage.

 

[kaylagrl]

What I am kinda missing in here is where is the talk about the child? Dont you care for that babe? It shouldnt be about you anymore, not what you want and think you deserve. It should be about that child. You should be thinking and working out that the child gets what it needs and deserves. Which is love and a family. This baby is a part of you and needs you now. You should build your relationship on that. I dont give a dime about what you two say because your just making up excuses for doing the wrong things but that Child needs a Mother AND a Father. You two should grow up and pray that God brings you through and heals your marriage because with that Child, he gave his blessing on the marriage.

Not to discount the other great posts but once again sis you have gotten to the heart of the issue. Wise beyond your years dear sister. Well spoken.


ps, must spread some rep around, but I will get you