Girls would you give a guy a chance that struggles with porn as a boyfriend?
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You know, watching certain people turn yet another thread into an argument for the 713th time has started me wondering if perhaps there's a similarity between arguments and porn. Or at least between addiction to arguments and addiction to porn. The strong emotions, the adrenaline high...
Um... never mind. Ignore me. Go back to your arguments.
Um... never mind. Ignore me. Go back to your arguments.
Really, it's sick. At least, think of those who come here for answers, and not for the pointless arguments that are totally unrelated and unhelpful.
Now, when you actually BELIEVE that, you are close to ready to begin doing something about it.
Hint: as trivial as it sounds, one of the first things any of us has to do is learn to make the conscious effort not to own these things as ours or "my" issues. Try to notice how difficult it really is for you to express anything about the issues you battle, without claiming them for your very own, simply by the possessive words you use to describe them.
One of the first challenges I will make to you is that you need to stop verbally calling them "yours". Watch.... you honestly will NOT be able to cease that at first. This, alone, should tell you something very revealing.
Hint: as trivial as it sounds, one of the first things any of us has to do is learn to make the conscious effort not to own these things as ours or "my" issues. Try to notice how difficult it really is for you to express anything about the issues you battle, without claiming them for your very own, simply by the possessive words you use to describe them.
One of the first challenges I will make to you is that you need to stop verbally calling them "yours". Watch.... you honestly will NOT be able to cease that at first. This, alone, should tell you something very revealing.
We all imagined that at first, too. That usually goes along with thinking that an Accountability Partner does some good, too.
Although they ARE temporary "stop-gaps", Band-Aids, as it were, they remain EXTERNAL changes. And it is our thinking that must change before anything truly effective or lasting will occur.
Although they ARE temporary "stop-gaps", Band-Aids, as it were, they remain EXTERNAL changes. And it is our thinking that must change before anything truly effective or lasting will occur.
I agree with this completely. The idea seems great.
I had two accountability partners and in the end both of them were flops. We ended up flip flopping who was having a good week and who wasnt and in the end I mentally justified my own actions because he, who was older and more mature than I was, still struggled with it. If he still struggled then every week or two wasnt that bad...right?
It seems like a great idea in theory but in practice I dont think it works well.
I had two accountability partners and in the end both of them were flops. We ended up flip flopping who was having a good week and who wasnt and in the end I mentally justified my own actions because he, who was older and more mature than I was, still struggled with it. If he still struggled then every week or two wasnt that bad...right?
It seems like a great idea in theory but in practice I dont think it works well.
People tend to blame the coping skill. The coping skill is the outward expression of the underlying emotional pain. The solution is two fold....to learn and practice healthy coping skills and to peel back the onion to reveal the emotional pain that started it all. Unprocessed pain always leads to anger anxiety and depression which always lead to unhealthy coping skills and addictions and it spins in a circle back to anger anxiety and depression back to unhealthy coping skills.
I don't mean to sound new agey and all that but each of us has this little baby soul that we came into the world with. In our first 6 years of life we are imprinted with our identity and what we believe about ourselves. Often we are sinned against by the adults in our lives and those voices stay with us until we cast them off and learn healthy ways to dialogue with ourselves and speak truth to the painful emotions that life and people bring. If you don't learn these things those addictions will always be knocking at your door.
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