A plea from an introvert, to the introverts :)

  • Thread starter Thread starter Rush
  • Start date Start date
  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
gtyZylV.jpg

​
 
Like you I need my down time. I need someone who has their own life and doesn't need a clone. When you meet a good match you will know it when their company causes you to relax and the thought of them makes you feel peaceful and happy. I had someone like that. If I got anxious their voice had this amazing calming effect on me.
I am also an introvert so I can say that we can be selfish with our time. Some of it is self preservation but there is also a certain amount of compromise necessary so everything isn't based around our wants. It is a decision a person has to make if they really want to honour the person they are with.
Maybe a long distance relationship would work. You could work out times to be together and connect whenever you wanted my phone/email/skype but you would have your space as well. Whatever happens I wish you joy.
 
Rush said:
Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

The idea of being alone with someone is so attractive. And those of you that have suggested it, you're right, I've met couples that have achieved it to some degree by understanding their spouses boundaries and needs, so there's definitely hope.

But while doing a different thing together is something lovely, I still want to be able to spend quality time without being resentful (like a jerk)... I don't ever want to resent my prospective spouse just for being near me (again, like a jerk).

For a real life example of what I hope for, I've only met one couple who are both total introverts who like the same things, and can enjoy those things together, but still recharge as though they're alone: "hanging out with him is like being alone", my friend affectionately refers to her husband.

They hit the relationship lottery, I know it. They both know how lucky they are to have met another human being that never feels like they're being drained by the others their presence...
I guess what I'm wondering is, am I expecting too much to find that too? Someone who doesn't EVER drain me, someone with whom I can share close personal space and still relax as though I'm alone.[/QUOt

You sort of shoot yourself in the foot if you ask for someone who doesn't ever drain you. You meet someone and because you are nervous that they will drain you you are tense and therefore stressed which will drain you. Your own fear will drain you and make it an overwhelming experience. Don't look for a relationship. Do not meet someone worrying how they will disappoint you or not fit perfectly. Go and meet a person. It is the expectations that are killing the moment. Even really good quality shoes take a little time before they have that perfect fit. Consider what you have to offer someone and focus on showing her that rather than waiting for her to prove her worthiness. Best of luck.
Click to expand...
 
I'm an introvert in a sense that too much social exposure easily wears me out and being alone and doing nothing is how I recharge. Or at least I thought so. Cause really, that kinda applies to everyone so I don't know anymore.

Tbh, I think, with the world at our finger tips, we really have less reasons to go out. If 'socializing' is not limited to physically going out and having conversations with other people offline, we're all very social people.

Our active CC membership is proof.
 
I think too many people get introversion confused with shyness and/or social anxiety; they're completely different things. Yes, due to the nature of what an introvert is, it's common for introverts to have more difficulties socializing. However, the only thing that makes an introvert an introvert is that having more alone time is more crucial. The more extroverted person will also need alone time, they just need less of it. There are plenty of very social, outgoing introverts in the world, as well as shy, quiet extroverts. And though an extrovert is energized by being around others, this doesn't necessarily mean they need to be around tons of people; for many extroverts, being around a close-knit group of friends often is more than enough.
 
Last edited:
SkittlePumpkin said:
I think too many people get introversion confused with shyness and/or social anxiety; they're completely different things. Yes, due to the nature of what an introvert is, it's common for introverts to have more difficulties socializing. However, the only thing that makes an introvert an introvert is that having more alone time is more crucial. The more extroverted person will also need alone time, they just need less of it. There are plenty of very social, outgoing introverts in the world, as well as shy, quiet extroverts. And though an extrovert is energized by being around others, this doesn't necessarily mean they need to be around tons of people; for many extroverts, being around a close-knit group of friends often is more than enough.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry Skittles, but the dictionary disagrees....:rolleyes:



in·tro·vert

[ˈintrəˌvərt]




NOUN



  • a shy, reticent person.
 
SkittlePumpkin said:
I think too many people get introversion confused with shyness and/or social anxiety; they're completely different things. Yes, due to the nature of what an introvert is, it's common for introverts to have more difficulties socializing. However, the only thing that makes an introvert an introvert is that having more alone time is more crucial. The more extroverted person will also need alone time, they just need less of it. There are plenty of very social, outgoing introverts in the world, as well as shy, quiet extroverts. And though an extrovert is energized by being around others, this doesn't necessarily mean they need to be around tons of people; for many extroverts, being around a close-knit group of friends often is more than enough.
Click to expand...
I agree with you. I've always been extremely extroverted, but I also really enjoy down time and relaxing alone. I enjoy going to functions or holiday parties, etc, but I prefer spending time with a few friends. I'd much rather have conversations of substance with a few people that I trust. I'm normally very outgoing, but I can be shy in certain situations ( if I don't feel comfortable). I've also known people who were introverts and they were very outgoing and confident.
 
Rush said:
Alternatively, I'm not opposed to self development if it can be healthily achieved.
Has anyone experienced successful and happy adaptation of self to exist beyond one's normal way of being to accommodate a greater love?
Click to expand...

Hello Rush! I think it isnt too much for you to expect to have the same kind of relationship as the couple's you mentioned, for like everybody else, you are entitled to have your own ideals such as an ideal relationship like that. We just have to keep an open mind that a relationship of any kind such as that requires work and compromise no matter how similar or different you are with your partner. And it seems to me that you arent closing yourself to do a lil bending for a good relationship, which is a great quality to have when you dont want to grow old alone. All the best! I sincerely wish that you'll meet her in God's perfect time!

I enjoyed reading your thread and will continue reading the rest later. :D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back