One for the Ladies
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"Christian boys are cowards. I've never dated a Christian in my whole life"
With all respect, I gotta say that if you were living in my town, and after reading your self description, I'll definitely, without a doubt, pursue you!!! I've been so persistent trying to get a date with some of the girls I've liked, even if they weren't Christians (Like 99%, which I admit wasn't always a good idea) You'll laugh if I told you some of the things I did to get a date.
I'm somewhat shy, but definitely not a coward. There aren't that many good christian/God-centered Christians girls where I live, so if you happen to be one, I'll absolutely go the extra, extra mile, ; ) God bless.
With all respect, I gotta say that if you were living in my town, and after reading your self description, I'll definitely, without a doubt, pursue you!!! I've been so persistent trying to get a date with some of the girls I've liked, even if they weren't Christians (Like 99%, which I admit wasn't always a good idea) You'll laugh if I told you some of the things I did to get a date.
I'm somewhat shy, but definitely not a coward. There aren't that many good christian/God-centered Christians girls where I live, so if you happen to be one, I'll absolutely go the extra, extra mile, ; ) God bless.
K
I've known men who understand the importance of initiative in friendships as well as relationships, most of them non-Christians but some of them Christian. Not all Christians guys are cowards...just most I've met. Maybe they're not cowards- maybe they're just lazy conversationalists and expect the girl to do all the boy-chasing.
If you are a woman and you know the guy you're interested in likes you but he's just too shy to say something, go ahead and give him a verbal nudge. It's not easy putting yourself out there. There could be a thousand reasons why a guy won't pursue you. It's not like we voice our private admiring thoughts to every person we meet.
Just yesterday a friend of mine told me 10 years ago he had a crush on me. This shocked me because 10 years ago I was an awkward chubby teenager who felt no guy would ever be interested in me. And in high school he was some skinny, gorgeous womanizer (who I felt was completely out of my league). You just never know who feels what about you- not everybody pursues what they want! So what does it matter who asked who out anyway? As if this guy in the video has any idea who you are and what your life or relationships are like.
If you are a woman and you know the guy you're interested in likes you but he's just too shy to say something, go ahead and give him a verbal nudge. It's not easy putting yourself out there. There could be a thousand reasons why a guy won't pursue you. It's not like we voice our private admiring thoughts to every person we meet.
Just yesterday a friend of mine told me 10 years ago he had a crush on me. This shocked me because 10 years ago I was an awkward chubby teenager who felt no guy would ever be interested in me. And in high school he was some skinny, gorgeous womanizer (who I felt was completely out of my league). You just never know who feels what about you- not everybody pursues what they want! So what does it matter who asked who out anyway? As if this guy in the video has any idea who you are and what your life or relationships are like.
Yeah, you know I don't believe the Bible says anything about who can ask who out. Where this fellow gets his teaching then I don't know. I suppose it is according to the "traditions of men," which of course are always heavy burdens placed upon people.
"Thou shalt not ask a man to date you, or you shall be dragged into a public place and stoned to death."
I don't see that anywhere in the Bible. Yep, so ladies, I have to voice my disagreement with this preacher. Surely God isn't going to make you suffer for years hoping some guy asks you out and then find out some woman grabbed him before you got to him. That's just silly.
Quest
K
I don't know if you could call it a christian guy thing, well maybe.
But it's the same for christian girls as they're usually more shy as well.
The hard thing is, does christian girl b) like christian boy a) or will christian boy a) get shot down by christian girl b)?
Just thinking back when I was nervous about asking girls out I remember it wasn't just the getting shot down side of it, it's also knowing where you sit socially. I mean there's only one reason why a girl would say no and that's if your not good enough for her, so why would any guy willingly put himself out there to be socially persecuted
Now these days the answer to that one is more simple, if you like them let them know. If they say no then it's probably for the best as they have no idea what they're missing out on because I'm awesome (sorry just finished watching season 3 of how I met your mother, Barney is legendary)
But seriously, the game changes when the thing your looking for in a girl isn't just her looks and her smile or her hair or the way she makes your heart flip a little in your chest when she looks at you. It's all those things plus the way she genuinely feels about you that matters most.
So if she says no, don't worry she doesn't feel for you. It's a good thing that you find out earlier rather than later.
Rob ^_^
P.S
Dread if I lived in the states I'd ask you out, so don't give up on the christian boys yet
But it's the same for christian girls as they're usually more shy as well.
The hard thing is, does christian girl b) like christian boy a) or will christian boy a) get shot down by christian girl b)?
Just thinking back when I was nervous about asking girls out I remember it wasn't just the getting shot down side of it, it's also knowing where you sit socially. I mean there's only one reason why a girl would say no and that's if your not good enough for her, so why would any guy willingly put himself out there to be socially persecuted
Now these days the answer to that one is more simple, if you like them let them know. If they say no then it's probably for the best as they have no idea what they're missing out on because I'm awesome (sorry just finished watching season 3 of how I met your mother, Barney is legendary
)But seriously, the game changes when the thing your looking for in a girl isn't just her looks and her smile or her hair or the way she makes your heart flip a little in your chest when she looks at you. It's all those things plus the way she genuinely feels about you that matters most.
So if she says no, don't worry she doesn't feel for you. It's a good thing that you find out earlier rather than later.
Rob ^_^
P.S
Dread if I lived in the states I'd ask you out, so don't give up on the christian boys yet
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B
I highly enjoyed this video. I can't necessarily say Christian boys are cowards though. I just think their shy and a little hesistant, these factors don't make someone a coward. I do agree however that men should pursue a girl, BUT I also know that guys are shy. So girls give him the hint. My last relationship I was in...we were friends first and he had no interest in me, but you know how I knew? I asked him, I told him lay your cards on the table, as this guy said in this video. He said he didn't want to ruin our friendship, well after telling him how I felt and seeing how he felt..I backed off a bit, now you know what happened? He came after me, and pursued me. Not saying this will always happen, but giving a little push or hints just might give that certain guy the initiative to pursue you. As for not being able to find Christian singles, just pray and go to all the right places, God will help you when it's time. God bless everyone. <3
M
I think what he's saying is partly right, mainly what he says about being a man is taking a chance and picking yourself up when you get rejected etc..
But rather than say something completely unhelpful like 'don't be a coward' he could have said something that might actually help the guys out there struggling with confidence, not a lot of value in that video really beyond stating the obvious truth.
Put simply my view is that the woman has to show initial interest with a wink or smile or whatever and then it's on the guy to step up and take the initiative and ask for a date, what happens after that is all 50/50 so I think if a man doesn't go and ask for date he's probably not confident enough in himself to pursue the relationship beyond that point.
But rather than say something completely unhelpful like 'don't be a coward' he could have said something that might actually help the guys out there struggling with confidence, not a lot of value in that video really beyond stating the obvious truth.
Put simply my view is that the woman has to show initial interest with a wink or smile or whatever and then it's on the guy to step up and take the initiative and ask for a date, what happens after that is all 50/50 so I think if a man doesn't go and ask for date he's probably not confident enough in himself to pursue the relationship beyond that point.
Yeah, I don't think that all Christian men struggle with confidence, just the same as guys who are not Christian. Also there is nothing wrong with a lady asking a man out? well, there probably isn't.
The video itself is from a series and that was just a clip. However, the whole arena of being a Christian guy is leadership, so if you haven't got the bottle to ask a lady out?
You don't need to wait for signs that a lady is interested, whats wrong if you fancy someone, just going up and asking?..they can either say YES or NO how hard is it? guys stop feeling sorry for yourselves.. just go and ask. show the lady that you can lead.
Now, I know some people are naturally shy, and I can sympathise with that. but pray for courage.. and wisdom.
Its time for men to take back manhood, and stop this namby pamby nonsenese. its about time we stopped this modern view of finding the feminine side.. men we don't have feminine side we have a masculine make up because we are suprise, suprise...men! (Im not talking about being the old chauvinist) but being a man. show your prospective wife that you can lead.
phil
The video itself is from a series and that was just a clip. However, the whole arena of being a Christian guy is leadership, so if you haven't got the bottle to ask a lady out?
You don't need to wait for signs that a lady is interested, whats wrong if you fancy someone, just going up and asking?..they can either say YES or NO how hard is it? guys stop feeling sorry for yourselves.. just go and ask. show the lady that you can lead.
Now, I know some people are naturally shy, and I can sympathise with that. but pray for courage.. and wisdom.
Its time for men to take back manhood, and stop this namby pamby nonsenese. its about time we stopped this modern view of finding the feminine side.. men we don't have feminine side we have a masculine make up because we are suprise, suprise...men! (Im not talking about being the old chauvinist) but being a man. show your prospective wife that you can lead.
phil
M
You don't need to wait for a sign but I think it's a good approach, if a woman winks or smiles it gives a guy that little bit of confidence he might need to make the leap and it also helps reduce the chance of an embarrassing rejection, and that kind of consideration is greatly appreciated when you're out on a limb.
But this is another area where there is way too much worry and too many questions, it comes down to the fact that if you want someone you have to be pro-active, gender and biblical commands are just lame excuses.
If a woman is interested in a guy she has to show it and can't blame a guy for apparently not reading her invisible signals, she has a role to play in getting the ball rolling, and the same goes for a guy, he likes a girl she can only wink and smile so much, in the end he has to buoy himself and just take the chance, it goes both ways and things like 'leadership' and 'pursuing' are used too often as excuses, it's not as tough as it seems for guys or girls.
But this is another area where there is way too much worry and too many questions, it comes down to the fact that if you want someone you have to be pro-active, gender and biblical commands are just lame excuses.
If a woman is interested in a guy she has to show it and can't blame a guy for apparently not reading her invisible signals, she has a role to play in getting the ball rolling, and the same goes for a guy, he likes a girl she can only wink and smile so much, in the end he has to buoy himself and just take the chance, it goes both ways and things like 'leadership' and 'pursuing' are used too often as excuses, it's not as tough as it seems for guys or girls.
I know what you are saying, there is nothing wrong with a wmoen showing interest in a man. but I think men can be very weak and not just going over to some they like and ask. Ive seen on here alot of excuses that men get no signs.. just go and ask.... it couldnt be any easier. in the same token if a lady likes a man she can show this.
Phil
Phil
P
Okay, so here's my thoughts on this, now I may be getting this totally wrong because I've never even been asked out, but here it goes...
I don't think that chick should ask the dude out because, I've always thought that the guy should be the initiator of the relationship (men were put on this earth first, right?) I think that guys would honestly prefer to be the initiator because it seems like a girl asking a guy out just seem immasculating to me (sp?)
I totally agree with the guy, it's okay for the girl to ask the guy to lay it out, ask what the plan is. Do I think it's a good idea? No, because generally if the girl's gonna ask that she obviously has an intrest in the guy, and if the guy doesn't really "like" the girl like that she's gonna end up getting her heart broken or something like that...
Again, I dunno, like I said, I've never even been asked out... so... yeah... dunno...
I don't think that chick should ask the dude out because, I've always thought that the guy should be the initiator of the relationship (men were put on this earth first, right?) I think that guys would honestly prefer to be the initiator because it seems like a girl asking a guy out just seem immasculating to me (sp?)
I totally agree with the guy, it's okay for the girl to ask the guy to lay it out, ask what the plan is. Do I think it's a good idea? No, because generally if the girl's gonna ask that she obviously has an intrest in the guy, and if the guy doesn't really "like" the girl like that she's gonna end up getting her heart broken or something like that...
Again, I dunno, like I said, I've never even been asked out... so... yeah... dunno...
H
First off what is God's opinion over all? What's in the bible? What is he speaking to us personally as individual women? Lets look at some of the accounts of bible stories like Ruth and Boaz. Was she not instructed to pursue some one in the bible that being Boaz by her mother in law? Then there is Isaac and Rebecka where he was lead to her. The bible does give us examples of different ones and does this mean that we have to hold on to every word that he preached? I would hope that people would really think that though more.
Secondly, does every thing have to be so black and white for all women and just because this preacher stands up on a stand does that mean he is speaking for all women in general? I am sure he means well but does he speak for all women? I think putting all women into one box is very dangerous and it's not right go in that direction because it may damage some one and haven't we seen enough damage done with leaders whom have fallen off the podium? I know I have been either put in a box or have done that with others because it's how we can be conditioned to think like.
Thirdly, I would like to think that we are different and God deals with us all as individuals then see's us all women as being different in his sight. Should we all do the same exact things? Are we all the exact same women all together? An Army runs as one unit but does that mean all women are one woman marching to the same beat? Are not our testimonies different or meant to be different so that God can use those testimonies to reach a lost and dying world?
Fourthly, I think that people can fall short because they first rely on men and then on God first instead of it being God first then man. It's what church people can be used to instead of really pursing God in the way he wants us to go after him. What does the bible say or instruct us to do? Whom should I first love be in whom we pursue first? I think more focus could be spend on God and focusing on a relationship with God because often times people fail to have one with God and they don't know how to walk with God. People can fall through the cracks of the church because yeah this has happened to me also.
Fifty, he does give some good advice and it can be helpful but it doesn't mean that his advice fits all women as one unit as we are all put into one solid unit as one together. He doesn't give one biblical example and he is just talking from his own practical experience. Should we all go around and talk out of our own practical experience and tell others to do like wise just because we think we know it all? He talks about dads and it seems that he is assuming that all fathers are a like?
What about women who came from a dysfunctional back grounds where their fathers were abusive to them? Abuse can come in various degrees and it's not all the same. Both Women and Men may even require healing prior to getting involved with another person. Why? Well it makes for a much stronger testimony and because I do believe it's in God's will that they be healed, set free by deliverance, and made into the kind of person God wants them to become. God is the potter and we are the clay. Does the clay tell the potter what to do and how to do it? (Isaiah 64:8)
What about those women in the church because they may not have had a close relationship with their fathers as perhaps maybe some of them had wished they did? Do we know it all for that person's life and will their life end up being exactly as how we experienced our own? Who's to say that for sure? I used to have my sister's telling me not to do certain things and I know it was for my own good but then I am a different person then they are and I may not experience things exactly as they have.
I always thought as a Christian believer that I was a different person. I would like to believe that I am but I have constantly had people say to me. This is you and your experience you are like a Jonah or you are like Paul blab blab. I have to wonder if not people are doing more damage then good to one another by putting every thing so neatly into a box just because that's what we think is good for one person will be good for the whole rest.
Who are we to go around and tell others how they should find their mate or what type of person they are because we think we know who they are? I have met people whom have married non believers but then they became believers down the road. Then I have heard their advice don't marry a non believer. Well yes and no but what if God leads a person in the spirit to some one who isn't saved and they get saved and then they end up becoming some one's husband or wife or even for that matter some one else's husband or wife?
Who knows what God is capable of and yet I think we like to tell God what to do and the sad thing is I think sometimes we just get in his way. I know I have and that's when I had to let go and get out of God's way. I dated a non believer or should I say a Religious man mainly because at the time I was partly raised as Born Again Christian and had a Religious up bringing growing up. (My sister was Born Again and my parents were Religious.) I know that God is working on his life because while we were dating he read the bible and he also read another book by a Christian author whom I can remember he smiled when he talked about her.
I didn't have to tell him to read the bible because he did it because he wanted to read it.I thought for sure I was going to marry this man, but God apparently wanted me to let go and it was because God wanted to do something in my life. So I took that man and I put him on the altar for God as my sacrifice to God because I did love this man but not as God would have had me love him while we were together. I would say that God wanted me to prove my love for him first so that I am capable enough to give that to some one else. My story hasn't ended because I don't know if God is either going to bring us back together or if he has something else planned?
I can't predict the future but one thing that God had me do was to pray for him and you know the hardest thing was to let go because we knew each other for a long time and it really hurt to let him go because I was so attached to him. It still hurts because letting go hasn't been easy and yes I have tried dating but some how that had back fired on me too. In other words......I have to be number one in your life and not all those whom you choose to pursue. I do believe in some cases dating can be damaging to a person but not all people because God may very well want you to meet some one when you are ready enough to date them. It depends on what he wants and not what we want because sometimes I think we can be very selfish when it comes to the things that God wants to actively do in our own lives.
You see that is what happens and worst of all at that time he was my idol, which God wanted to knock down in my life. Can marriage and dating be an idol? I don't know ask yourselves that question individually because usually that's between God and that person. I looked up to him and I put him on a pedal stool because at the time I wasn't truly wasn't walking with God in parts of my life. But when God had called me back to him that's when I realized that he has plans. Even married people can put another on a pedal stool and look at their mate like an idol and God will remove idols if they are in his way. God can do what he pleases because he has to be number one and if he isn't then he sure is heck going to let you know it and yes it can happen the hard way.
My perception was very clouded and confused in my life and that's what God also wanted to deal with inside of me and he has. I never would have thought that I was addicted to my boyfriend like an idol but that's where I was and that's when I think we have to ask ourselves both men and women as individuals if some one in our lives or something has become an idol. God will show you and he will teach you things if you allow him to show you? I assumed too much and that's where I went wrong but boy it's not an easy lesson to learn but it is humbling. God wanted to teach me things. (Jeremiah 33:3)
Lastly that video we all viewed was partly from a service so if that's what is presented here then we are getting a part message, and I don't know what he had said previously? I can only go by that one video and I could have jumped the guns here a little but I guess I am just concerned that some one out here will take it all to heart. Especially if they are very young in the Lord and are a young single person. I would be very concerned for them. I am learning to think things through a lot more which is enabling me to become more of a critical thinker. I am not all that much of one but perhaps it's what God wants me to learn to become like now. In my opinion giving partial messages like this one is dangerous because we are not all the same one person.
Secondly, does every thing have to be so black and white for all women and just because this preacher stands up on a stand does that mean he is speaking for all women in general? I am sure he means well but does he speak for all women? I think putting all women into one box is very dangerous and it's not right go in that direction because it may damage some one and haven't we seen enough damage done with leaders whom have fallen off the podium? I know I have been either put in a box or have done that with others because it's how we can be conditioned to think like.
Thirdly, I would like to think that we are different and God deals with us all as individuals then see's us all women as being different in his sight. Should we all do the same exact things? Are we all the exact same women all together? An Army runs as one unit but does that mean all women are one woman marching to the same beat? Are not our testimonies different or meant to be different so that God can use those testimonies to reach a lost and dying world?
Fourthly, I think that people can fall short because they first rely on men and then on God first instead of it being God first then man. It's what church people can be used to instead of really pursing God in the way he wants us to go after him. What does the bible say or instruct us to do? Whom should I first love be in whom we pursue first? I think more focus could be spend on God and focusing on a relationship with God because often times people fail to have one with God and they don't know how to walk with God. People can fall through the cracks of the church because yeah this has happened to me also.
Fifty, he does give some good advice and it can be helpful but it doesn't mean that his advice fits all women as one unit as we are all put into one solid unit as one together. He doesn't give one biblical example and he is just talking from his own practical experience. Should we all go around and talk out of our own practical experience and tell others to do like wise just because we think we know it all? He talks about dads and it seems that he is assuming that all fathers are a like?
What about women who came from a dysfunctional back grounds where their fathers were abusive to them? Abuse can come in various degrees and it's not all the same. Both Women and Men may even require healing prior to getting involved with another person. Why? Well it makes for a much stronger testimony and because I do believe it's in God's will that they be healed, set free by deliverance, and made into the kind of person God wants them to become. God is the potter and we are the clay. Does the clay tell the potter what to do and how to do it? (Isaiah 64:8)
What about those women in the church because they may not have had a close relationship with their fathers as perhaps maybe some of them had wished they did? Do we know it all for that person's life and will their life end up being exactly as how we experienced our own? Who's to say that for sure? I used to have my sister's telling me not to do certain things and I know it was for my own good but then I am a different person then they are and I may not experience things exactly as they have.
I always thought as a Christian believer that I was a different person. I would like to believe that I am but I have constantly had people say to me. This is you and your experience you are like a Jonah or you are like Paul blab blab. I have to wonder if not people are doing more damage then good to one another by putting every thing so neatly into a box just because that's what we think is good for one person will be good for the whole rest.
Who are we to go around and tell others how they should find their mate or what type of person they are because we think we know who they are? I have met people whom have married non believers but then they became believers down the road. Then I have heard their advice don't marry a non believer. Well yes and no but what if God leads a person in the spirit to some one who isn't saved and they get saved and then they end up becoming some one's husband or wife or even for that matter some one else's husband or wife?
Who knows what God is capable of and yet I think we like to tell God what to do and the sad thing is I think sometimes we just get in his way. I know I have and that's when I had to let go and get out of God's way. I dated a non believer or should I say a Religious man mainly because at the time I was partly raised as Born Again Christian and had a Religious up bringing growing up. (My sister was Born Again and my parents were Religious.) I know that God is working on his life because while we were dating he read the bible and he also read another book by a Christian author whom I can remember he smiled when he talked about her.
I didn't have to tell him to read the bible because he did it because he wanted to read it.I thought for sure I was going to marry this man, but God apparently wanted me to let go and it was because God wanted to do something in my life. So I took that man and I put him on the altar for God as my sacrifice to God because I did love this man but not as God would have had me love him while we were together. I would say that God wanted me to prove my love for him first so that I am capable enough to give that to some one else. My story hasn't ended because I don't know if God is either going to bring us back together or if he has something else planned?
I can't predict the future but one thing that God had me do was to pray for him and you know the hardest thing was to let go because we knew each other for a long time and it really hurt to let him go because I was so attached to him. It still hurts because letting go hasn't been easy and yes I have tried dating but some how that had back fired on me too. In other words......I have to be number one in your life and not all those whom you choose to pursue. I do believe in some cases dating can be damaging to a person but not all people because God may very well want you to meet some one when you are ready enough to date them. It depends on what he wants and not what we want because sometimes I think we can be very selfish when it comes to the things that God wants to actively do in our own lives.
You see that is what happens and worst of all at that time he was my idol, which God wanted to knock down in my life. Can marriage and dating be an idol? I don't know ask yourselves that question individually because usually that's between God and that person. I looked up to him and I put him on a pedal stool because at the time I wasn't truly wasn't walking with God in parts of my life. But when God had called me back to him that's when I realized that he has plans. Even married people can put another on a pedal stool and look at their mate like an idol and God will remove idols if they are in his way. God can do what he pleases because he has to be number one and if he isn't then he sure is heck going to let you know it and yes it can happen the hard way.
My perception was very clouded and confused in my life and that's what God also wanted to deal with inside of me and he has. I never would have thought that I was addicted to my boyfriend like an idol but that's where I was and that's when I think we have to ask ourselves both men and women as individuals if some one in our lives or something has become an idol. God will show you and he will teach you things if you allow him to show you? I assumed too much and that's where I went wrong but boy it's not an easy lesson to learn but it is humbling. God wanted to teach me things. (Jeremiah 33:3)
Lastly that video we all viewed was partly from a service so if that's what is presented here then we are getting a part message, and I don't know what he had said previously? I can only go by that one video and I could have jumped the guns here a little but I guess I am just concerned that some one out here will take it all to heart. Especially if they are very young in the Lord and are a young single person. I would be very concerned for them. I am learning to think things through a lot more which is enabling me to become more of a critical thinker. I am not all that much of one but perhaps it's what God wants me to learn to become like now. In my opinion giving partial messages like this one is dangerous because we are not all the same one person.
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hi heart that is a very good post. did rebecca ask Isaac out?
ruth is an interesting story indeed, for it is the line to which our lord comes. however,Naomi and ruth where basically destitute, it was Boaz who took interest first in Ruth (the field incident). basically, Ruth let it be known to Boaz that she was interested, this is slightly different.
but you are right, you need to take in what the whole bible says, and it really doesnt say much about asking someone out! However, we can learn alot about the roles of men and women throughout all of Scripture. I just personally believe that the man should show be the one to lead. If a lady is interested in a man..be like Ruth, show the man that you are definately interested in Him..mind you I wouldnt advize sneeking into His bedroom and lying at his feet allnight just to get noticed lol.
this said. there are guys who are naturally shy, as well as ladies, so if you are a lady, you just may well have to rugby tackle a shy guy to show him you are interested, then he'l ask you out
Phil
ruth is an interesting story indeed, for it is the line to which our lord comes. however,Naomi and ruth where basically destitute, it was Boaz who took interest first in Ruth (the field incident). basically, Ruth let it be known to Boaz that she was interested, this is slightly different.
but you are right, you need to take in what the whole bible says, and it really doesnt say much about asking someone out! However, we can learn alot about the roles of men and women throughout all of Scripture. I just personally believe that the man should show be the one to lead. If a lady is interested in a man..be like Ruth, show the man that you are definately interested in Him..mind you I wouldnt advize sneeking into His bedroom and lying at his feet allnight just to get noticed lol
.this said. there are guys who are naturally shy, as well as ladies, so if you are a lady, you just may well have to rugby tackle a shy guy to show him you are interested, then he'l ask you out
Phil