I feel like some kind of sexual predator

Sharp · Apr 28, 2010

Yes, weird topic.

This is something that has been bothering me for a while, and I'm wondering whether other dudes out there experience this.

I pay alot of attention to body language, and I notice things. I feel like my presence makes girls uncomfortable. The following are things that I notice girls do:

- When I make eye contact with a girl, she immediately looks away.

- When a girl realises my presence in a room or space, she will adjust her clothes, like her top or her skirt, to make sure there is no flesh showing (even when there are other guys in the room already).

- When I am walking behind a girl and she becomes aware of my presence, she will adjust her pants or skirt, again to make sure there is no skin showing.

- When I am sitting down, and a girl walks past me (walking perpendicular to my line of sight), I can tell she is focusing with all her strength to look straight ahead and avoid eye contact with me, lest our eyes should meet and I should become enflamed with lust.

- Girls will do almost anything to avoid being alone with me. If a girl is waiting for the lift, and I also stand next to the lift to wait, she will leave and find something else to do to delay her lift ride.

- My presence seems to prompt girls to look at their cell phones. I think this is to make themselves look occupied or to make the time pass quickly in which they have to endure my presence.

Is this all in my head? Does this happen to other guys, or just me?

Maybe some of the young lasses here can shed some light on this - do you exhibit this kind of behaviour in the presence of a particular type of man? I feel like I am perceived as sleazy, which is why girls behave this way around me.

Pete_Martinez · Apr 28, 2010

No idea man. A bit in the off direction but maybe they like you? Girls do weird stuff when they want to grab attention or are too shy to admit something. I know when some people like someone they can't handle the pressure sometimes and grab some distance. Sometimes though being too overly aware of things really gives it away. For example, if someone has a few extra pounds or a scar and they try to hide it only brings it out. When they don't focus on things they feel is a flaw the other person won't focus on it either. Which I suppose is where the phrase came from, "Just be yourself".

MahogonySnail · Apr 28, 2010

Try wiping the drool off your face BEFORE engaging a woman's attention.

Sharp seriously I have noticed exactly the same thing. For example I'm walking next to a girl that im talking to and she deliberately speeds up to try and overtake me. Now I'm a pretty fast walker so then she trys the 'lag behind' manouver.

I don't think it has anything to do with you. I think they are just being gurls.

704champion · Apr 28, 2010

hey,

of course you notice their body language. this is everyone's natural reaction. we can only judge others outwardly. where as God can see the true intent of the heart. I think it's important to realize that limitation.

most people are looking at the same time or were already looking when you looked up their way. people don't want others to think they are staring, so they quickly turn away.

as far as the clothes go,yes, alot of women out there do assume men are sicko perverts. yes all or most of them. but some women want to make sure belly rolls and what not are covered or not showing.

i've known of women acting like this for no reason at all, and also because they were attracted to the guy.

women are beautiful, weird creatures. you can't find any two completely the same.

in short, I think you're spazzing out over nothing.

be patient, God is always working things out for the good for those who love Him.

blake

NodMyHeadLikeYeah · Apr 28, 2010

There is one thing to look at someone in the eye when you talk to them, then their is doing a weird staring in the eye when your talking to them. Of course a woman is gonna look away if its the second of the two, i mean who wouldnt.
The adjusting of the clothes thing, i wouldnt worry about. Were women, are clothes are complicated! Sometimes your shirt will move this way or your pants will move that way when you dont want them to. So thats really nothing.
The cell phone thing. Come on now you know women love phones! I look at my cell phone constantly, and yeah if their is someone i dont know and were in a place togehter alone like an elevator (im assuming thats what you mean by lift) i'll take out my phone and mess with it just so i wont feel uncomfortable. That isnt anything to worry about either.

I think this really is all in your head.

MahogonySnail · Apr 28, 2010

I'm amazed you have a cell phone. I bet it's red or pink to match your handbag.

NodMyHeadLikeYeah · Apr 28, 2010

MahogonySnail said:

HA yes actually it is pink!!

QuestionTime · Apr 28, 2010

It's a confidence thing. If the women don't think you are confident enough to be in their presence then they act stupid like this. And they do make men feel like there is something uniquely wrong with that man and destroy his self-esteem in the process. I can accept heathens treating men this way, but when I get this kind of treatment in churches I get a bit upset.

Of course women with less confidence will not treat you this way. Immigrant women do not treat men this way. Women 40+ typically won't treat men this way. It's a stuck up western society attitude, and there are some verses in the old testament where God talks about women like this and declares how he is going to make their perfume a stench, etc..

However, lusting after women is a big contributor to this problem. I don't have the same problems with eying women that I used to, so I don't notice this as much anymore.

I used to get it real bad in downtown Calgary. All of the wealthy business type ladies had attitudes you could literally feel. Seriously, you could feel the attitude as you walk by.

Isaiah 3:
16Moreover the LORD saith, Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tinkling with their feet:
17Therefore the LORD will smite with a scab the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the LORD will discover their secret parts.
18In that day the Lord will take away the bravery of their tinkling ornaments about their feet, and their cauls, and their round tires like the moon,
19The chains, and the bracelets, and the mufflers,
20The bonnets, and the ornaments of the legs, and the headbands, and the tablets, and the earrings,
21The rings, and nose jewels,
22The changeable suits of apparel, and the mantles, and the wimples, and the crisping pins,
23The glasses, and the fine linen, and the hoods, and the vails.
24And it shall come to pass, that instead of sweet smell there shall be stink; and instead of a girdle a rent; and instead of well set hair baldness; and instead of a stomacher a girding of sackcloth; and burning instead of beauty.

QuestionTime · Apr 28, 2010

Hey Sharp,

As far as these women go, don't let them affect your self-esteem. Just let them have attitude if they want to have attitude. The most important thing to remember is that they can only hurt you if you allow them to.

Seriously, they can't hurt you by acting this way. So put it out of your mind. So far as I am concerned, God will deal with them in due time if they don't repent. Also, I am a really nice guy and they are losing out by not getting to know me. Everywhere I work the women love me, it just takes me a little while to get comfortable with new people, and then my self-esteem around them grows and everyone likes me.

lightbliss · Apr 28, 2010

IDK, guys are pretty weird.

On the bus [my mom] nearly always experiences some "creepy " guy, usually when she's standing up and he's standing behind her. I mean, like, neck breathing, "accidentally" bumping into her, all kinds of stuff.

Females tend to feel/get uncomfortable when guys (mainly strangers) stare and/or are in their personal space, hence the awkward adjustments.

MahogonySnail · Apr 28, 2010

What you failed to mention is that a female's personal space extends out to 20 feet around her.

Matthew · Apr 28, 2010

Sharp said:

I have had similar things in the past now and then, some women just seem to be uncomfortable around men they don't know and do odd things to feel more at ease, like adjust their clothing or looking straight ahead or waiting for the next elevator etc.....so I don't think it is just you that causes this unless you fail to wash on a regular basis.

But it might also be in your head to an extent, once you notice something like that it seems to be more common, but maybe the woman by the elevator forgot something she had to do, and maybe the women adjusted her clothes because she was cold or had in itch.....there could be lots of reasons you don't know about, maybe the mobile phone was on vibrate and she got a text message etc...

If your just behaving normally I wouldn't worry about it, some people are sensitive to certain things like having someone else in the elevator or standing close to them, we all have our quirks I guess so I wouldn't change anything.

It's like the classic issue of someone sitting next to you in the cinema when the place is half empty, there's no reason it should reallly bother anyone to have someone sitting beside them in a public place, but some people just really dislike it and it has nothing to do with the person that sat down beside them.

Mands · Apr 28, 2010

lol I feel bad for every man I've ever acted strangely around!

Sharp, I don't think its necessarily you - but it is you at the same time. haha Woman are funny little things sometimes, and I know we can be confusing. All that you said you've noticed women doing, we ALL do - but not because we don't like you or you're creeping us out, just because we're self concious. When a guy walks into the room, we don't want to give off the wrong signals, so we cover up what needs to be covered (especially if the guy walking in is one that we find attractive and or like) We don't always know what to say when we're caught alone with a guy, (some of us are a wiz and never have problems, but me, sometimes I stumble over my words and end up looking like a total idiot - so just because they don't want to be alone with you doesn't mean YOU make them uncomfortable, it's just the fact that maybe they don't know what to say. haha and the cell phone thing is like the WORLD WIDE safe zone for us. We take it out and play with it to look occupied and a little aloof. We don't like appearing bored and it helps keep our hands busy if we're nervous or unsure of what to do or say. It may be you, it may not. They could be intimidated by you, they could not. Who knows. It's a little hard to try to disect whats going on in our pretty little heads sometimes. Sometimes we do things that we know make absolutely NO sense - and we can't even explain why we do them!!

Just keep being yourself -- don't stare tho!! lol that will freak women out. Eye contact is ok, just make sure you add a smile. No smile is kinda creeperish. Just be polite and do your best to make them feel at ease. Women are intimidated by men much more than we like to admit sometimes! And it's not always because we like you - sometimes it's just because we want to be attractive and we adjust and readjust everything to make sure we appear that way. We're funny! that's all there is to it.

Jennifleur · Apr 28, 2010

Sharp said:

Hmm, weird... Some might be explainable. For instance, looking away when making eye contact, I do that but, then again, I'm shy. So that could be because they're shy. I adjust my clothing, but it's more to make sure that I'm not offering any visual temptation (I try not to wear any revealing clothing anyway, but certain tops make me a bit more conscious of it, and worried that I'm showing too much) - it just becomes more obvious to me when someone's closer. If I am near a stranger, because I am shy and awkward around people I do not know, I usually try to distract myself with something, even looking at a cell phone.

I don't speed up to avoid people, or pretend I do not see them. I try to acknowledge their presence and smile (though this backfires at times - I get really creepy guys interested...sheesh). I wouldn't typically change my mind about getting on an elevator unless I had a really bad "vibe" from the person (which is rare, but I've learned to pay attention to my instincts). Some of your experience I can understand would make you feel that way, but others are completely explainable. I wouldn't let it get you down.

And lightbliss made a good point, though I don't think it applies to you or your situation. I know that I feel uncomfortable when guys I do not know get a little too close or get a bit personal with their actions or conversation. But, again, that's not what's going on in your case, Luke. Eh, who can figure out what's wrong with them? Lol. We're not all that weird, I promise.

penguingal · Apr 28, 2010

NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:

I agree with this one, if women felt guys r actually looking at them, they might think there's something wrong with the hair, makeup, or even clothes. The last thing I want is find a button undone or even zip (yikes!) so it makes us being very conscious of how we look. Maybe they stepped away to check themselves, I know I do that sometimes

seoulsearch · Apr 28, 2010

Wow, Sharp!!

What an excellent title and subject!! (Certainly made me look twice

.)

I am trying to think of what I want to say and I am hoping I won't offend any gentlemen out there. Some women are raised to be very submissive and modest and that means acting in many of the ways you described. I have known some young women who were told that if they make deliberate eye contact with guys or are caught alone with one in any circumstance, they are "asking for trouble" and will be blamed for anything that could happen. Many times, this advice will come from a young woman's mother! (My Mom was not like that, but she did put an emphasis on never being alone with a guy in a way that could be seen as inappropriate.) Now, I realize the bus stop or other public place doesn't count, but it's hard to get the programming out of your head if you were raised with it. There are also many women who have gone through things that weren't their fault but were told it was and this of course, leads to a general fear as well.

As far as clothing is concerned, I do pay attention to what the guys here say and one of the number one complaints they seem to have (and it's perfectly valid) is that many "Christian" women dress suggestively and so as the other women here have stated, I do try to be cautious about that as well, though sometimes it does feel as if you have to wear a snowsuit year-round.

PLEASE LET ME APOLOGIZE TO ALL YOU GUYS FOR MAKING IT FEEL AS IF YOU'RE A PREDATOR, because I'm definitely guilty in this department.

My only explanation is that I actually have been around some guys who WERE predators, as well as situations such as this: I worked at a small cafe in college and two of the guys we worked with always nodded and made "looks" at each other around certain girls. We girls grilled them a bit to find out what this meant... and finally got them to admit that the women they "gave signals over" were ones they found to be especially good-looking... and they were taking turns imagining them in various sexual positions. One of these guys went through the Lutheran school system like me.

Guys, I'm sorry some of us girls have been around guys like that... because we start to think that all guys are like that: "If he's looking at me, is he one of those guys who sits in his room watching porn in all his spare time, and imagining me as part of it?" These kinds of things make women afraid of men. In addition, because I'm also on the smaller side, I like to be aware of my surroundings and know where there's an exit in case I feel threatened.

Yes, I know, all guys are NOT horrible perverts!!!

I'm sorry you good ones suffer the fallout from the ones who are.... We're trying!!!

Feel free to give us your advice as to how to let God renew our minds toward you and please forgive us for thinking that way. Keep posting and sharing your thoughts with us... we women like to be reminded that you're still out there. Maybe some of us just haven't had the privilege of meeting you yet.

Matthew · Apr 28, 2010

Mands said:

It's amazing anyone ends up together

Guys do this kind of thing as well when they are suddenly in a one to one with a woman they don't know, or don't know that well. All of a sudden it's akward shifting and nervous avoidance of eye contact etc..., and some of the times it's actually because we are attracted to that person, and I guess that's the ironic part.

I guess guys and grils just provoke certain reactions from eachother that we can't avoid, the key is not to be too self-conscious about it otherwise we'll all start wondering what's wrong with us.

I didn't know the cell phone was such a standard way out, I figured people just can't stand to be without them and I half suspect there's an ever growing worldwide addiction to them, but at least they are multi-purpose.

DABEARS85 · Apr 29, 2010

This is a weird subject, but it is a good one too. I think these type of attitudes sometimes go along with certain girls... a lot like what Quest said. The problem I have is that is attractive to me... like the need to bring them back down to earth creates a huge challenge for me I guess. I have some weird need to keep people grounded for some reason. I'm always fine with a girl giving an attitude to other people, but when she does it to me... I dunno... I give one twice as bad back to her.... what ends up happening is sparks fly and next thing I know I'm dating her. I need to learn to not do that lol.

Sharp · Apr 29, 2010

Mands said:

Ok so you think the clothes adjustment thing can be a good thing? That's not so bad then. That's actually one of the more common ones. So why don't girls adjust their clothes around guys that they don't like or find attractive?

I like to look at people in window reflections and mirrors, etc. in a way that they can not see me looking at them. It happens so often that I'll notice a girl noticing me there and then BAM she starts moving her clothes around.

Next time a girl does that I'm gonna say BAM, YOU LIKE ME DON'T YOU!!!!!

Sharp · Apr 29, 2010

MahogonySnail said:

Ha!

You should try to stay right next to her, and then walk in the same stride as her, when she takes a step, you take one too!

I feel like some kind of sexual predator

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