is it right to spank r kids

[silverwind]

... and here's my proof:

The reason so many children/teens are so insolent and violent these days is simply because of the neglect of discipline. Children WANT boundaries. It clearly shows them that the parent cares about them and loves them. I stayed home to raise 4 children; when I was in situations where discipline was needed I didn't say 'wait til your dad gets home'. It was my responsibility to discipline and correct my child at the moment of defiance. I had a little wooden spoon that worked like a charm, although I hated using it. Sometimes I just had to remind them it was 'there' and that was enough. All my children love and respect me and all of them are saved and love the Lord. Love is the key. Let me add that one of my sons (who is now 22) was the most testing of all my kids. He is the one that benefited the most from the wooden spoon. Not once did he ever tell me 'mom, i hate you for using that thing on me'. He turned out great, although he was a handful. There is nothing wrong with spanking as long as it is done in love and patience. Not frustration and anger. That is the key. God uses discipline on his own children and we all know that can sometimes be pretty harsh, but He wants to correct our messed-up ways because He loves us.

 

[QuestionTime]

sorry you guys got it mistaken........there are reports from child psychologists that spanking a child on the bottom is too close to genitals and can cause arousal in children...i said nothing about their parents being aroused when they smack their kid.. that was not the subject at hand.and to think that arousing children is ok? well i would not even suggest such a thing. that would be pretty sick. people who arent even willing to consider this proffessional advice obviously are not open to considering better ways to discipline their children or at least for people who agree to smacking their child to consider smacking them on the leg or hand instead

Yikes, I don't ever recall getting "excited" by spankings when I was a child, quite the opposite actually! But maybe it was sub-concious? LOL, but I have never found physical pain exciting as an adult so I just don't think I can agree with this.

I think these child psychologists either have an agenda, or they are just using worldly wisdom and not Godly wisdom.

Quest

 

[VW]

Yikes, I don't ever recall getting "excited" by spankings when I was a child, quite the opposite actually! But maybe it was sub-concious? LOL, but I have never found physical pain exciting as an adult so I just don't think I can agree with this.

I think these child psychologists either have an agenda, or they are just using worldly wisdom and not Godly wisdom.

Quest

It is fairly obvious that a 2 or 3 or even a 10 year child will not become sexually aroused. Man's wisdom is sometime ridiculous.

 

[nanabean]

sorry you guys got it mistaken........there are reports from child psychologists that spanking a child on the bottom is too close to genitals and can cause arousal in children...i said nothing about their parents being aroused when they smack their kid.. that was not the subject at hand.and to think that arousing children is ok? well i would not even suggest such a thing. that would be pretty sick. people who arent even willing to consider this proffessional advice obviously are not open to considering better ways to discipline their children or at least for people who agree to smacking their child to consider smacking them on the leg or hand instead . i believe that every parent at some point has smacked their child. and every parent has got angry with their child too. we are human....not super human.i think we need to keep an open mind to better ways to discipline children and listen to proffessionals who have done many more studies than we have and consider what is best for our children. not what is easiest for us. what would Jesus do? i agree we need to stop attacking each other.this christian chat site seems to do alot of attacking one another and not discussing the subject . which i find bizarre for people who are suppose to be representing Jesus Christ. there will always be debate over whether to smack as a disipline or not. its a way that has been used for many years .....i think we need to use every other option before we use physical discipline. we are human beings with reasoning minds. not animals.and as for smacking your wife....well why would someone even ask such a question?? now that for me is quite frightening...but who are we to judge. thanks and Blessings

I still stand by my original post where I said I feel that if used appropriatly, in moderation, and with sensibility, a swat on the tuchus with an open hand (sexual arousal??? noooo way!!!!) ...can be effective and done with love and guidance. I also think other forms of disipline can and should be considered and used, and that what works for one child, may not work for another. regardless of whom we are talking about being sexually aroused....parent or child....nooooo way!!!!!!!

I also want to point out that, again, the use of "smack" instead of "spank" or "swat" puts a very different feeling and/or conutation to the whole of what we are talking of. It just brings a completely altered picture to mind.......

 

[nanabean]

Give me one well circulated, peer-reviewed study that shows this. How ridiculous can you get? Are children also aroused when they poop? (since proximity is the main thrust of this reasoning)

Although I agree with this sentiment, we should be careful of our words to each other; this could have and should have been worded better.

For the uninitiated, this is an example of a strawman argument. When a person makes something up and then attacks the phantom of their own imagination they are engaged in dishonest dialogue.



There are far more credible studies that show smacking a child on the hand is dangerous because of the way it affects the heart. The duff is the best place to spank exactly because of its cushioning and ability to spread the force of the blow and not cause lasting damage.

Smacking on the hand is dangerous to the heart?? In what way?? I've never heard of this and am confused??

Notice the subtle hint that parents spank their children only because they lose control and do so out of anger and frustration. Notice also the use of the word "smack". This poster must be well versed in liberal spin-doctoring.



Spanking is "easy" for parents? Professionals like Dr. Spock?



Jesus is against discipline? So you got Jesus on your side of this argument? You should read the Bible a little more. Start with Revelation 6:16 which talks about the wrath of the Lamb.




I knew a mother that would, at every opportunity possible, exclaim self righteously how she would never spank her daughter. She thought her daughter was a perfect little angel. The rest of us knew her to be a lying brat. Perhaps the bubble will finally burst for some of these liberal parents when their children end up dead or in prison. I have scant hope.

In Christ's most Sacred Heart

I'm trying to piece together what you are trying to say here......I pray it isn't how III am reading it........ please do explain so I can maybe rest easier????


I just think that on the whole this post could have been written in gentler tones. We each have our opinions, our thoughts, and have a right to express them....but kindness goes a long way in making this site a place to return to in order to fellowship, learn and communicate.

 

[saintmichaeldefendthem]

Nanabean,

I'm new to this forum but I'm an old hand at discussion boards in general. The rules are strikingly similary wherever I go. There is a certain chat etiquette that says you can attack someone's argument but you can't attack them personally. It takes experience to know the difference. Just because I assail someone's argument with a great deal of vitriol does not mean I am attacking that person. Sometimes the heat of rhetoric may seem like one is attacking another personally, but unless a person has their own character assaulted, no violation has taken place.

For instance, recently another member of this forum said that I was "sad" as in pitiable. I immediately advised that person to stop or be reported to the moderators. This is an example of a violation. As far as how I feel personally about each member here, I'll make no evasion that I love them with the love of Christ.

And by the way, the hand is full of nerves tightly bundled and concentrated. When the hand is struck, it sends an electric shock to the heart, especially in small children. A child's behind has nerves that are far more spread out so spanking them there causes no harm.

In the Sacred Heart of Christ

 

[vevarde]

spankings fine, it hurts for a while but then it stops and you know not to do what you just did again or you'll get spanked again lol.

 

[wingsofwind]

also spanking usally doesn't line up with the crime. You're supposed to have the punishment line up with the crime. I mean if a child lies you spank them. What does that teach them? Don't get caught in a lie or I'll get hit. Instead it is better to explain to a child the dangers of lying and maybe even read Proverbs 30:32 and stories like the boy who cried wolf and the emperor's new clothes.

So, your child lies to you and you tell them a story? Wow. Your child will now lie just to get story time .

BTW, what makes you think that those who do spank do not talk to their children and explain to them why they are getting a spanken and why they should not be doing bad?

 

[wingsofwind]

Spanking teaches children that there are negative consequences to a disobedient action, and children respond much more to action than they do to stories and discussion, that is why it is crucial that parents lead by example.

If a parent does something and then tells the child not too, they are more likely to do it anyway, they are less likely if the parent also doesnt do it.

Spanking is all about fear, but not fear of parents rather fear of discomfort and fear of punishnment, any child that was spanked and feared their parents was simply abused not disciplined, whether it was minor or major.....I understand parents don't want to spank out of fear of crossing that line....BUT not applying appropriate discipline will cause just as many problems for them later in life of a different sort.

Some kids are better behaved may not require it but some will......whether you incorporate spanking or not you must apply good discipline otherwise your kids will pay the price.

Did you know that the phrase 'fear the Lord' is in 32 verses of the Bible? Fearing your parents does not mean that they abused you. I am not saying all parents do not abuse their children, I know some do. I am simply saying that just because a child fears their parents does not mean that that child is being abused. My girls fear their father more than I because he spanks harder and is more intimidating than I am. But he does NOT abuse them. He loves them and wants them to grow up into law abiding citizens and God fearing Christians.

Wingsofwind​

 

[wingsofwind]

leaving a mark or bruising is bad even if its just once.

Not true. I have had plenty marks and brusings from my parents growing up but they never abused me. They would use a belt or switch that may leave welps or a brus here or there but they did it so that I would remember and think twice before acting up again.

I had a juvinile officer tell me once that my parents can beat me untill I am put in the hospital and they can not do anything to my parents for it if they had tried everything else. My brother was always getting in to troble and my parents had the officer come to the house to speak to him (step mother had conections). Kind of like a scare tatic. It worked .

Now I am not saying that parents should TRY to leave them, nor am I saying that some do leave them on perpuse. This would/is abuse. I am simply saying that just because a child may get one every once in a while don't mean that their parents are abusing them.

Wingsofwind​

 

[nanabean]

I knew a mother that would, at every opportunity possible, exclaim self righteously how she would never spank her daughter. She thought her daughter was a perfect little angel. The rest of us knew her to be a lying brat. Perhaps the bubble will finally burst for some of these liberal parents when their children end up dead or in prison. I have scant hope.
I'm trying to piece together what you are trying to say here......I pray it isn't how III am reading it........ please do explain so I can maybe rest easier????
In Christ's most Sacred Heart

I'm still trying to piece together what you are trying to say here...please explain???

Nanabean,



I'm new to this forum but I'm an old hand at discussion boards in general. The rules are strikingly similary wherever I go. There is a certain chat etiquette that says you can attack someone's argument but you can't attack them personally. It takes experience to know the difference. Just because I assail someone's argument with a great deal of vitriol does not mean I am attacking that person. Sometimes the heat of rhetoric may seem like one is attacking another personally, but unless a person has their own character assaulted, no violation has taken place.

For instance, recently another member of this forum said that I was "sad" as in pitiable. I immediately advised that person to stop or be reported to the moderators. This is an example of a violation. As far as how I feel personally about each member here, I'll make no evasion that I love them with the love of Christ.
I still feel things could have been worded better. But we can leave it at that.

And by the way, the hand is full of nerves tightly bundled and concentrated. When the hand is struck, it sends an electric shock to the heart, especially in small children. A child's behind has nerves that are far more spread out so spanking them there causes no harm.
Thanks for explaining this....I'd never heard of it before, but thinking on it, it does makes sense.
In the Sacred Heart of Christ

 

[nanabean]

Not true. I have had plenty marks and brusings from my parents growing up but they never abused me. They would use a belt or switch that may leave welps or a brus here or there but they did it so that I would remember and think twice before acting up again.

I had a juvinile officer tell me once that my parents can beat me untill I am put in the hospital and they can not do anything to my parents for it if they had tried everything else. My brother was always getting in to troble and my parents had the officer come to the house to speak to him (step mother had conections). Kind of like a scare tatic. It worked .

Now I am not saying that parents should TRY to leave them, nor am I saying that some do leave them on perpuse. This would/is abuse. I am simply saying that just because a child may get one every once in a while don't mean that their parents are abusing them.

Wingsofwind​

I beg to differ......I can see absolutely no reason a parent has a need, nor right to leave marks (bruisings???......*shudders*) on thier child (children). As I have advocated before, a spank or swat on the tuchus with an open hand if done within boundaries of being a disipline, rather than done in anger, can be an effective deterrment from repeated wrong behavior.

 

[forgivenandloved]

Not true. I have had plenty marks and brusings from my parents growing up but they never abused me. They would use a belt or switch that may leave welps or a brus here or there but they did it so that I would remember and think twice before acting up again.

I had a juvinile officer tell me once that my parents can beat me untill I am put in the hospital and they can not do anything to my parents for it if they had tried everything else. My brother was always getting in to troble and my parents had the officer come to the house to speak to him (step mother had conections). Kind of like a scare tatic. It worked .

Now I am not saying that parents should TRY to leave them, nor am I saying that some do leave them on perpuse. This would/is abuse. I am simply saying that just because a child may get one every once in a while don't mean that their parents are abusing them.

Wingsofwind​

There is no reason to leave a mark. Leaving welts and bruisies is child abuse! If a child doesn't learn through a spanking that doesn't leave marks, then they should try some other discipline.

 

[forgivenandloved]

So, your child lies to you and you tell them a story? Wow. Your child will now lie just to get story time .

BTW, what makes you think that those who do spank do not talk to their children and explain to them why they are getting a spanken and why they should not be doing bad?

I'm saying they will learn the consequences of lying instead of just thinking when they lie they get hurt. The story about the boy who cried wolf teaches a child if they continually lie people will stop believing the child. It's a great lesson.

 

[VW]

There are some things which must be punished with corporal punishment. Defiance, direct disobedience, rebellion, these must be stopped in such a way that it is clear to the growing mind that they will not be tolerated. Otherwise, the child will not learn, except in the worst of circumstances, the result of these things.

What current thinking in the modern world says is that children are able to decide for themselves. That they can and should be treated just as grown people. The fallacy here is that children are not ready to make the decisions which adults make, because they do not have the training or experience to make the right choices. Many adults don't make the right choices, how can we expect children to?

I have raised 5 children to adulthood. My first is the least well adjusted of them all. Of the other 4, I am proud to call them my friends, and I respect them as much as they do me.

 

[wingsofwind]

I beg to differ......I can see absolutely no reason a parent has a need, nor right to leave marks (bruisings???......*shudders*) on thier child (children). As I have advocated before, a spank or swat on the tuchus with an open hand if done within boundaries of being a disipline, rather than done in anger, can be an effective deterrment from repeated wrong behavior.

My parents never 'meant' to leave them. However, those marks kept me from forgetting and taught me to obey.

As to the parent having a 'right' to leave marks. I think some children do deserve the marks and the parents do have the right where I live to leave them. However, they do not have the right to beat the child if the child did nothing wrong. That is where the abuse comes in. Some parents or care takers tend to beat children just because they want to. This IS abuse and they should be locked up and never be aloud around another child again.

Wingsofwind​

 

[wingsofwind]

There is no reason to leave a mark. Leaving welts and bruisies is child abuse! If a child doesn't learn through a spanking that doesn't leave marks, then they should try some other discipline.

Just because a parent leaves a mark does not mean the child is being abused. I know of many parents that discipline their children with out spanking them that often and use a different type of discipline. Those children run their parents. They know that the other discipline is not sever enough for them to obey so they don't. Those children DO need a good 'spanking'. Then maybe they will learn that the consequences of their actions may result in a bad thing.

Wingsofwind​

 

[wingsofwind]

I'm saying they will learn the consequences of lying instead of just thinking when they lie they get hurt. The story about the boy who cried wolf teaches a child if they continually lie people will stop believing the child. It's a great lesson.

I never said those stories would not teach a lesson. In fact, I asked you what made you think the parents do not talk to their children when they misbehave. A 'spanken' helps the child know that when they are defient there are consequences rather than only a 'talken to'.

Wingsofwind​

 

[forgivenandloved]

Just because a parent leaves a mark does not mean the child is being abused. I know of many parents that discipline their children with out spanking them that often and use a different type of discipline. Those children run their parents. They know that the other discipline is not sever enough for them to obey so they don't. Those children DO need a good 'spanking'. Then maybe they will learn that the consequences of their actions may result in a bad thing.

Wingsofwind​

I'm not saying not to spank them (even though I don't agree with spanking). I'm just saying spank a child with an open hand without leaving a mark. I was never spanked and I sure didn't run the house. The parents of those children that run the house obviously don't know how to discipline properly.

 

[forgivenandloved]

I never said those stories would not teach a lesson. In fact, I asked you what made you think the parents do not talk to their children when they misbehave. A 'spanken' helps the child know that when they are defient there are consequences rather than only a 'talken to'.

Wingsofwind​

Okay I'm sorry I missed that. Okay I'm not denying they do. I'd rather talk to the child rather spank them. Just an alternative I plan on using.