A friend died 4 years ago this month (25th July 2013), but it seems like just yesterday I heard the news. Her death came as a shock. I had not long come back from backsliding as a christian and I had never shared the gospel with her. We had lost contact for about 18 months leading up to her death. I had no idea she had moved to NY. I happened to be there the day before she died, and had no idea she was close by. To make things worse, I didn't realize we had a mutual friend, who lived just 20 miles or so from her. I had plans to meet up with him the day before her death, but he got sick. Had we have met up, her name would have probably come up in conversation and I would've naturally reached out to her while I was in town 
Her death was ruled an accidental drowning in the bathtub, while intoxicated (drugs and alcohol). I remember she used to drink like a fish. I always sensed like the alcohol was her way of trying to numb internal pain. I was right as her boyfriend told me she revealed many things in her journal. She was a tortured soul Her last paintings were a bit disturbing, quite morbid... a dove stabbed with a knife. When I look at it now it looks to me like the dove of peace being murdered
I did feel guilt. If only I had reached out to her on that day then maybe she wouldn't have died. I also found an unread email from her that she sent months before, which I only just read after her death. She wanted to talk. To this day will never know what that was about. I had been so busy with work that it was difficult keeping up with relationships too, which is why I lost contact with some. I just wonder if maybe I would've made a difference in her life. I can only hope she reached out to God in those final moments. You just never know. She could've said a prayer in her desperate state. Strange thing is she kept coming into my mind constantly at the time that I didn't know she had just died, which is actually what led to me finding out about her death.
Just last October a colleague/friend died, who I had known for 10 years. He was ill in the 2 years leading up to his death, but I didn't realize it was life threatening, so his death was really unexpected. I was in shock for a bit, and also feeling a bit creatively lost, since we had collaborated on so many projects together in those 10 years, and now that journey had come to an end. The last time I saw him I had stopped by for lunch and just had no idea that was our final goodbye. We hugged and he smiled as I left. That smile will be forever in my memory.
You think over conversations you had with the person. I think some of the worst regrets are living with things you wish you had said while you had the chance. And now it's too late. I did share the gospel with him the year before and talked about the effects of sin, so I have that hope that maybe he got saved before he died. You just never know. I trust that God would've used what I said, bringing it to his memory before he passed away.
Her death was ruled an accidental drowning in the bathtub, while intoxicated (drugs and alcohol). I remember she used to drink like a fish. I always sensed like the alcohol was her way of trying to numb internal pain. I was right as her boyfriend told me she revealed many things in her journal. She was a tortured soul
Her last paintings were a bit disturbing, quite morbid... a dove stabbed with a knife. When I look at it now it looks to me like the dove of peace being murdered I did feel guilt. If only I had reached out to her on that day then maybe she wouldn't have died. I also found an unread email from her that she sent months before, which I only just read after her death. She wanted to talk. To this day will never know what that was about. I had been so busy with work that it was difficult keeping up with relationships too, which is why I lost contact with some. I just wonder if maybe I would've made a difference in her life. I can only hope she reached out to God in those final moments. You just never know. She could've said a prayer in her desperate state. Strange thing is she kept coming into my mind constantly at the time that I didn't know she had just died, which is actually what led to me finding out about her death.
Just last October a colleague/friend died, who I had known for 10 years. He was ill in the 2 years leading up to his death, but I didn't realize it was life threatening, so his death was really unexpected. I was in shock for a bit, and also feeling a bit creatively lost, since we had collaborated on so many projects together in those 10 years, and now that journey had come to an end. The last time I saw him I had stopped by for lunch and just had no idea that was our final goodbye. We hugged and he smiled as I left. That smile will be forever in my memory.
You think over conversations you had with the person. I think some of the worst regrets are living with things you wish you had said while you had the chance. And now it's too late. I did share the gospel with him the year before and talked about the effects of sin, so I have that hope that maybe he got saved before he died. You just never know. I trust that God would've used what I said, bringing it to his memory before he passed away.
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