Can't accept my girlfriend's past

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Paulie

Member
#1
Aug 15, 2017
31
1
8
#1
Well, that's basically it. She has a sexual past she doesn't regret, which I can't accept. I thought I'd be alright with it, but when you love someone, it becomes a true nightmare, that just ruins the relationship. I've discussed it with her, she knows how much it hurts me, but she just keeps saying it's something that is in the past. Yet she never apologizes, and she doesn't feel guilty, cause at the time, she was in love with that guy. I know she really has bigger problems with God than me, but I love her and I can't just let go of her.
I've read a dozens of articles on accepting your girlfriend's past, consulted with friends and random strangers on chats, some of which were Christian.

I want to know what you guys think about that. What should I do? Should I leave her? Should I pray she finds peace and realizes what a mistake she made? I know we all have sins, and I highly regret mine, why can't she?
 
PennEd

PennEd

Senior Member
#2
Apr 22, 2013
13,704
9,193
113
#2
Paulie said:
Well, that's basically it. She has a sexual past she doesn't regret, which I can't accept. I thought I'd be alright with it, but when you love someone, it becomes a true nightmare, that just ruins the relationship. I've discussed it with her, she knows how much it hurts me, but she just keeps saying it's something that is in the past. Yet she never apologizes, and she doesn't feel guilty, cause at the time, she was in love with that guy. I know she really has bigger problems with God than me, but I love her and I can't just let go of her.
I've read a dozens of articles on accepting your girlfriend's past, consulted with friends and random strangers on chats, some of which were Christian.

I want to know what you guys think about that. What should I do? Should I leave her? Should I pray she finds peace and realizes what a mistake she made? I know we all have sins, and I highly regret mine, why can't she?
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You CANNOT control the thoughts, words, and actions of other people. It sounds like we should be praying for you, not her.

Drop it. Show her the love of Christ in you. Your act will grow tiresome sooner or later for her. So if you love her move on. If you can't then break up with her NOW. It's not fair for her to be clubbed over the head constantly for her past.
 
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Paulie

Member
#3
Aug 15, 2017
31
1
8
#3
I know I sound like a major douche, but I just feel hurt, you know? That's what I'm trying to say, the fact that she was unfaithful to God doesn't give me the peace of mind I need in order to feel comfortable in that relationship.
And no, I can't leave her... We tried to break up and it was a 3 week nightmare before we finally got back together. I don't want to "club her over the head" so I dropped the talks months ago and I'm trying to act "tough" and like "a real man", who is perfectly okay with her past, realizes he's the one she chose, is the better man and blah blah, but... the problem remains.
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#4
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
48
#4
Paulie said:
Well, that's basically it. She has a sexual past she doesn't regret, which I can't accept. I thought I'd be alright with it, but when you love someone, it becomes a true nightmare, that just ruins the relationship. I've discussed it with her, she knows how much it hurts me, but she just keeps saying it's something that is in the past. Yet she never apologizes, and she doesn't feel guilty, cause at the time, she was in love with that guy. I know she really has bigger problems with God than me, but I love her and I can't just let go of her.
I've read a dozens of articles on accepting your girlfriend's past, consulted with friends and random strangers on chats, some of which were Christian.

I want to know what you guys think about that. What should I do? Should I leave her? Should I pray she finds peace and realizes what a mistake she made? I know we all have sins, and I highly regret mine, why can't she?
Click to expand...
Well first it is very unGodly for you to hold her past against her.. Second if God has room to forgive her transgression's then why can't you?. Sounds to me like you need to try to judge her for who she is now not for who she was. What if it was you who had sex and she said I am sorry I love you but I just can't get over your past.. how would you feel? Would you not want to say to get that it was my past not my future. You need to put yourself in her shoes. If you still can not get over it then you need to let her go because you are being unfair.
 
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Paulie

Member
#5
Aug 15, 2017
31
1
8
#5
jenniferand2 said:
Well first it is very unGodly for you to hold her past against her.. Second if God has room to forgive her transgression's then why can't you?. Sounds to me like you need to try to judge her for who she is now not for who she was. What if it was you who had sex and she said I am sorry I love you but I just can't get over your past.. how would you feel? Would you not want to say to get that it was my past not my future. You need to put yourself in her shoes. If you still can not get over it then you need to let her go because you are being unfair.
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I would beg for forgiveness if that was the case. She never said sorry and never said she even regrets this happening. Oh, and she is not a Christian.
I fear she's fond of her past.
 
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jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#6
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
48
#6
Okay what should she apologize for? She did all this before she knew you or was in a relationship with you so why apologize? Also maybe talk to get about God and see if you get her to learn to live God as well.
 
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Paulie

Member
#7
Aug 15, 2017
31
1
8
#7
jenniferand2 said:
Okay what should she apologize for? She did all this before she knew you or was in a relationship with you so why apologize? Also maybe talk to get about God and see if you get her to learn to live God as well.
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Maybe that's the only way. But I feel like I become a worse person around her, because of her past. I'm angry and easily irritated. I lost my confidence as well. How can I talk about God when I myself am unworthy of being a Christian? That's hypocritical.
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#8
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
841
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#8
If it's this complicated, I would leave her and find another honey.

It'll be even harder if you manage to power through and marry her.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#10
Jul 3, 2015
62,214
31,191
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#10
You can't change her past or the fact that she has one.

What is she supposed to apologize to YOU for???

You should be apologizing to her, and leave her so she can find
someone who accepts her for who she is, not who she was.

You are unequally yoked, and that is a no no.
 
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Paulie

Member
#11
Aug 15, 2017
31
1
8
#11
Desdichado said:
Also, Na Tri Moreta!
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:) Glad to find a fellow Bulgarian on this forum!

THANK YOU for all the answers, keep them coming, really! The more answers I get from honest Christians, the better! I need to make a decision and follow it, I cannot keep living with these bipolar-like states of mind. I must either accept her and work on our relationship as hard as I can, or leave her now and never look back... but I just can't decide which is better for both of us.
 
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Paulie

Member
#12
Aug 15, 2017
31
1
8
#12
Magenta said:
You can't change her past or the fact that she has one.

What is she supposed to apologize to YOU for???

You should be apologizing to her, and leave her so she can find
someone who accepts her for who she is, not who she was.

You are unequally yoked, and that is a no no.
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What do you mean by "unequally yoked" and being a no no? That we don't have a chance as a couple or? And if that's what you meant, what will create that chance?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#13
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
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#13
I always tell it as I see it, so here it is.. You need to stop obsessing, YES, obsessing, over what this girl did in her past. She had premarital sex, and surely God has forgiven her, so YOU need to follow suit and do the same. And why does she need to apologize to YOU for what she's done in her past? She doesn't need to justify her past actions to you. And maybe the reason why she doesn't regret those actions, is because she used them to become a better person. So get over your ego, accept her as she is now, and realize that only GOD can judge her. And you are not God. :)
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#14
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
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#14
Paulie said:
Maybe that's the only way. But I feel like I become a worse person around her, because of her past. I'm angry and easily irritated. I lost my confidence as well. How can I talk about God when I myself am unworthy of being a Christian? That's hypocritical.
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I think you need solice prayer and your bible. I won't argue your being hypocritical but even you are worth the time according to God. If your angry and not yourself then you need to either break it off with her again or forgive her and move on. Trying to see if she will study the bible with you is a place to start both of you learning more about God.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#15
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
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#15
Is your girlfriend a Christian? If not, then you're unequally yoked with her. If you cannot accept her past, and if she cannot give up that lifestyle, there isn't a snowball's chance in Texas that this relationship will work out in the long run..


Paulie said:
What do you mean by "unequally yoked" and being a no no? That we don't have a chance as a couple or? And if that's what you meant, what will create that chance?
Click to expand...
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#16
Jul 3, 2015
62,214
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113
#16
Paulie said:
What do you mean by "unequally yoked" and being a no no? That we don't have a chance as a couple or? And if that's what you meant, what will create that chance?
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If you are a believer, you should not marry a non-Christian. If you are dating for any other purpose than with an eye to a life long commitment, she will end up in the same boat she was in earlier, only this time it will be with YOU. If you are having this much trouble accepting who she is, you do NOT love her. You resent her past and hate that she has one, which is a fact that she cannot change (that she has a past). How easily do you think you will be able to change your mind set? I would say not very easily at all.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#17
Mar 13, 2014
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#17
Seems to me that the reason that you want her to apologize for her past is because it bothers you greatly. This happened before she was in your life. If she now says she desires an exclusive relationship with you and promises to be faithful would you think differently about her?

I highly advise that you both agree to refrain from sex unless or until you are married.

It may take some time before she comes to a realization that she has made serious mistakes and committed sin in the past. What makes you think that she has bigger problems with God than you do? If you can't accept her for who she is now than I don't see much of a future for either of you to have a relationship leading to marriage.

My counsel to you is to end this relationship for her sake as well as yours and to focus on improving your spiritual life and your personal relationship with God. The longer you wait the least likely you will find a woman that is a virgin that's close to your age so you're going to have to come to terms with that.

You can read all the articles you want on relationships but I don't believe that's going to help you unless you are able to apply anything useful into practice. What should matter to most is what is in her heart now and not what she has done in the past.

Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
 
T

TemporaryCircumstances

Guest
#18
#18
Paulie said:
Well, that's basically it. She has a sexual past she doesn't regret, which I can't accept. I thought I'd be alright with it, but when you love someone, it becomes a true nightmare, that just ruins the relationship. I've discussed it with her, she knows how much it hurts me, but she just keeps saying it's something that is in the past. Yet she never apologizes, and she doesn't feel guilty, cause at the time, she was in love with that guy. I know she really has bigger problems with God than me, but I love her and I can't just let go of her.
I've read a dozens of articles on accepting your girlfriend's past, consulted with friends and random strangers on chats, some of which were Christian.

I want to know what you guys think about that. What should I do? Should I leave her? Should I pray she finds peace and realizes what a mistake she made? I know we all have sins, and I highly regret mine, why can't she?
Click to expand...

She doesn't have to say sorry for her past.
She is right it is in the past.
You, however, need to stop judging her on her past and look past it. She's not with this guy now correct? She's with you so stop looking back and look forward
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#19
Mar 13, 2014
42,739
17,199
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Tennessee
#19
Paulie said:
Maybe that's the only way. But I feel like I become a worse person around her, because of her past. I'm angry and easily irritated. I lost my confidence as well. How can I talk about God when I myself am unworthy of being a Christian? That's hypocritical.
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No one is really worthy to become a Christian. It's only by the grace of God that this is even possible.
 
Z

Zi

Guest
#20
#20
If you can't look beyond it for her then leave.. Make sure you are being fair next time you meet someone. You're not perfect and someone has to look beyond that and love you too
Paulie said:
Maybe that's the only way. But I feel like I become a worse person around her, because of her past. I'm angry and easily irritated. I lost my confidence as well. How can I talk about God when I myself am unworthy of being a Christian? That's hypocritical.
Click to expand...
 
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