Can't accept my girlfriend's past
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Sorry for the misunderstanding, I mean she has bigger problems with God than She has with me, not me and God.
And to the previous posters:
Yes, I want a serious long-lasting (lifelong) relationship.
And no, I do not get involved in sexual acts cause I'm kinda asexual so I really don't need it -> I don't practice it.
And to the previous posters:
Yes, I want a serious long-lasting (lifelong) relationship.
And no, I do not get involved in sexual acts cause I'm kinda asexual so I really don't need it -> I don't practice it.
Everyone has a past and we learn from the experiences in life . If she was with guys while dating you it would be a different story. Since that seems to nort be the case you have to try accept it & move foward. God doesn't want us to have pitty for ourselves over our past. Whats most important is put your feelings aside and tell her Gods perspective. Let her know the importance of repenting for her sins and accept Christ in her life.
U
You are the one with a problem, not her. And you're trying to pressure her into your way of feeling.
You don't sound like a douche, you are being one.
And if you think being "a real man" and "tough" by attempting to ignore things while bitterness and resentment builds inside you need to look into what a real man actually is.
Fact of the matter is this relationship is one giant red flag.
You can't get over her past.
She doesn't care that you can't get over it.
You are bringing condemnation on her.
You're expecting her to think and feel how you determine she should.
She did these things and has no conviction over it.
You think ignoring the problem is being a "man".
The problem remains because of you.
You expect her to apologize for her past?? Seriously? That's the douchiest thing about you.
"Bigger problems with God than me".
All you have done is laid out a road map to a doomed relationship. Shown that you think she owes you an apology for her past (the arrogance in that expectation.. you should be the one apologizing for that attitude).
If you want to be a "real man" then stop wasting time in a dead end relationship. Stop expecting her to conform to your standards and apologize for not meeting them. Grow up and see the situation for what it is. She doesn't care about what she did and has no Godly conviction about it. You get get past it and create excessive expectations. If you can't accept it stop wasting your time. Her time.
If you think breaking up is a nightmare imagine getting divorced 10 years down the road because you won't let her past go, and your badgering drives her further from regret, just to spite you.
A "real man" would see things for what they are, not what they wish they were, and move on.
You don't sound like a douche, you are being one.
And if you think being "a real man" and "tough" by attempting to ignore things while bitterness and resentment builds inside you need to look into what a real man actually is.
Fact of the matter is this relationship is one giant red flag.
You can't get over her past.
She doesn't care that you can't get over it.
You are bringing condemnation on her.
You're expecting her to think and feel how you determine she should.
She did these things and has no conviction over it.
You think ignoring the problem is being a "man".
The problem remains because of you.
You expect her to apologize for her past?? Seriously? That's the douchiest thing about you.
"Bigger problems with God than me".
All you have done is laid out a road map to a doomed relationship. Shown that you think she owes you an apology for her past (the arrogance in that expectation.. you should be the one apologizing for that attitude).
If you want to be a "real man" then stop wasting time in a dead end relationship. Stop expecting her to conform to your standards and apologize for not meeting them. Grow up and see the situation for what it is. She doesn't care about what she did and has no Godly conviction about it. You get get past it and create excessive expectations. If you can't accept it stop wasting your time. Her time.
If you think breaking up is a nightmare imagine getting divorced 10 years down the road because you won't let her past go, and your badgering drives her further from regret, just to spite you.
A "real man" would see things for what they are, not what they wish they were, and move on.
And by the way, if her ex was a decent bloke and he truly loved her, I don't think I'd have much problems with her past. But I just can't imagine that being the case. And the fact that I don't know him and they had a reason to break up paints very unpleasant pictures in my mind. Like him using her for his own benefits, or they both using each other in some evil lustful way.
I've thought about that (topic, even before we met, for a random girl) and if her ex was some of my best friends, I wouldn't have a problem with that. Cause I know they're decent dudes with big hearts who would give all when in a relationship. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it certainly does to me.
I've thought about that (topic, even before we met, for a random girl) and if her ex was some of my best friends, I wouldn't have a problem with that. Cause I know they're decent dudes with big hearts who would give all when in a relationship. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it certainly does to me.
I have some questions for you....
1. You don't want to be a real man?
Why not? Is that a bad thing?
2. What does it mean to "work hard" on a relationship?
I work hard at different things because I have to. I have to work hard on my relationship too?
When does fun come into the picture??
OK. Now I'll answer you.
It sounds like you never had a relationship before.
This may be why you don't understand the situation.
So,,,if you leave her, and then in a year you find yourself in a different relationship,,,you'll finally understand
you're current situation. Of course it'll be too late by then.
Or do you truly believe we all get to have only one relationship in our whole life?
That's so romantic.
And unrealistic.
1. You don't want to be a real man?
Why not? Is that a bad thing?
2. What does it mean to "work hard" on a relationship?
I work hard at different things because I have to. I have to work hard on my relationship too?
When does fun come into the picture??
OK. Now I'll answer you.
It sounds like you never had a relationship before.
This may be why you don't understand the situation.
So,,,if you leave her, and then in a year you find yourself in a different relationship,,,you'll finally understand
you're current situation. Of course it'll be too late by then.
Or do you truly believe we all get to have only one relationship in our whole life?
That's so romantic.
And unrealistic.
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Well, everything requires work, it won't magically happen when you sit on your couch watching football. If you want a strong relationship, you have to work for it: work on yourself, your understandings, being there for your wifey, being the best version of yourself for that other person. As it is with God. You don't just say "Oh I'm Christian now, everything I do is forgiven". No. You work every day on becoming the best you can. Having the best relationship you're capable of, whether it is with God or your loved one.
And I've had previous relationships. Never had the same problem.
And I don't have a problem being a man. I just don't like the idea that a man should never complain and always be the strong and rational one in a relationship. Everyone has their ups and downs, and if you can't rely on your wife to be by your side when you have a problem, and solve it together... I don't think that's a real relationship. I've been there. It is cool somehow to have a girl that relies completely on you, but she becomes more of a pretty accessory than a person.
And I've had previous relationships. Never had the same problem.
And I don't have a problem being a man. I just don't like the idea that a man should never complain and always be the strong and rational one in a relationship. Everyone has their ups and downs, and if you can't rely on your wife to be by your side when you have a problem, and solve it together... I don't think that's a real relationship. I've been there. It is cool somehow to have a girl that relies completely on you, but she becomes more of a pretty accessory than a person.
Don't forget to wear the belt of truth always with God. God wants us to realize His Sovereignty. We are apt to tie God up in His own laws and allow Him no free will. We say we know what God wants with this relationship, we know what God will do, and suddenly He upsets all our calculations by working in unprecedented ways; You have expected God to work here in a certain way; don't be surprised if God does just the opposite. There are unexpected issues in life; unexpected joys when we looked for sorrow, and sorrow when we expected joy, until we learn to say, all my expectations are from Thee.
I will give you my opinion straight up...if you can't accept her past, she's not the one for you. Relationships and commitment s like marriage takes someone who loves the other person enough to forgive them for mistakes. This is her past and you can't move past that to focus on the present...to me that says either you need counseling or you don't love this girl the way you think you do. If you need a virgin...find a virgin. As I always say to back up my opinions...pray about it...talk to your pastor.
T
Not harsh. He just tells it as it is.
And no. You came here to ask why she has so many problems.
Don't try to say you came here to get advice on how to fix yourself. Read your first post.
I still doubt you will take people's advice into consideration. I hope you will. Or break up with her to spare her
And no. You came here to ask why she has so many problems.
Don't try to say you came here to get advice on how to fix yourself. Read your first post.
I still doubt you will take people's advice into consideration. I hope you will. Or break up with her to spare her