work place bullying.

[mj007]

You are not a victim of anything. But if you believe you are, you are.

It all starts in the mind. Maybe there is a problem, maybe there isn't a problem.

Some of the hardest things to accept are, I accept my work colleagues just the way they are, I accept my family just the way they are. It is from a point of acceptance that solutions appear.

It is almost as if, people pick up on non-acceptance vibes. But how can you fix something you don't accept?

Look at Martin Luther King and how he resolved things, he worked n peace rather than resistance. People always want to resist what they don't like and what they don't want.

I really think this is what, 'resist not evil' means. What you resist, persists. All solutions are ultimately peaceful. If unaligned with peace, as in judgement, resistance, resentment, don't be surprised if it sticks around or gets worse.

I had similar issues with what I observe in my workplace, although as soon as I get into a cycle of non-acceptance I feel stress which turns into judgement. But I did ask God about it and he said:

Issue no doubt, do not give in to hate, for I created man but I did not create the wicked in him. Have love for your brothers, even those who throw stones at you. And do you pick up this stone and throw it back at your brother? Issue no hate, for I am with your brother and I am also with you. And should you throw the stone back at your brother, do you not throw it at me? And if I throw it back at you, will you not suffer? What must you endure to know that it was not pain, but love which cast the first stone? For I am with your brother, who did not see that I am with him, as you did not see that I am with you. Had you not cast the first stone?

So when I get into that cycle, I remember that particular prayer/conversation/answer, when I think about those who I judge as casting stones, I can make a positive out of it. All is a test, a challenge to our own thoughts.

Willie-T
Thank you.
God knows I'm not perfect by any means but I'm trying. I honestly thought this place this site forum was a place to come express yourself.. with good Christian people that weren't going to lash out solely cause I said .....hey hey. I hurt right now someone anyone listen.. listen I need someone right now cause I feel alone... just seek advice not judgment.
God bless.Thank you

 

[ArcanePrince]

hmmmmmm

....

and i was JUST about to grow a man-bun

The video was off. You are not a real millennial. You dont see people your age doing any of that. Real millennials are born around 2000 and after, thus being called millennials. The video assumed they were influenced around 2000 but the world was not like that. You were a teen around then when none of this stuff existed.

 

[Miri]

There is standing on your own two feet and allowing yourself to be trampled
all over in the guise of "it's good for you". The two aren't the same in my book.

Do me a favor, will ya? It is all too easy for us to relate times when we feel we weren't treated fairly. But, do you think that for every post you make about those times, you can ALSO post at least a line or two where you faced up to something, and came away with a feeling of knocking the hell out of it?

It doesn't have to be a total and complete win. Even if you feel you stood for yourself on a minor point somewhere in a conversation...... post about it.

Now, there is a danger in this. There are four basic way people present themselves...
1) They can be "Passive" (not good.)
2) They can be "Aggressive" (This is the way you saw me... also not good.)
3) They can be "Passive-Aggressive" (This is the worst of all — and also the most common, by far. But, it is deceptive, phony, and leads us to live a lie, emotionally.)

4) And then there is "Assertive" (This is the lifestyle to strive for because it allows you to be honest. Honest with yourself, and honest with others.

These 4 concepts are worth some online study. I hope you will look into it.

There is a fifth also, turning it over to God and allowing Him to work
(the persistent widow).

In my teens, twenties my life experiences (brought up in foster care, bullying due to
being mixed race, lived in a white area, went to a white school, lived in poverty etc),
meant I was very socially withdrawn, she, no confidence. But I was a grown up, life
experiences had taught me to grow up fast.

My first job at 18 fortunately was with grown up people who were amazing, it wasn't just a job,
it was a place of learning and making good friends for me. I learnt a lot and my confidence
increased because I had good people from a different environment to teach me.

Then I had to move to another department due to redundancies at 21 as they closed the pension
and wages department down; and what a difference.
The staff were young 20 something's, forever competing to wear the best clothes, makeup.
The women spent more time flashing their eyelids at the men and being spiteful, knocking
each other down, forming cliques and dragging any new people through the dirt - that was
unless the new people were as shallow as them.

I might have been shy and still lacked some confidence but I was a grown up and I wasn't
about to lower myself to their level just to be popular. It sounds a bit like Cecil is in the
same boat.

The "gang" mentality meant there was little I could do, it caused me a great deal of
stress which in turn made it difficult to do my job. It got to a point where my mood brightened
on Friday afternoon, Saturday I was back to my old self, Sunday morning I was back in the pit
of despair dreading going to work on Monday.


I couldn't just walk out I needed the money, it was also around a time when unemployment
levels in the UK were the highest they had ever been. I applied for other jobs but there
was like 200 applying for every job going at that time.

I kept praying, please God get me out of this place, I felt trapped and unable to do anything.

Then one day we were all told the company has been taken over, two thirds of the staff were
made redundant, I was one of them I was 24. While others were depressed I was jumping
for joy, I was free the redundancy money was enough to keep going for a while.

A few weeks later I was offered a temporary job for a Christian Evangelistic charity by word of
mouth. I made no application, there was no interview, just started straight away.

That kept me going for 9 months and it was a fantastic Christian environment like going to
church every day. I loved it. I regained the confidence in my abilities and grow in my experience
as it was a very hands on, do everything kind of job, running the office, finance, banking,
distributing materials, receptionist, etc.


It had to come to an end so then I had to go on unemployment. The levels of unemployment
were even higher by now but I didn't want just any poor quality job so I prayed that I would
not even get an interview if the job was not right for me.

I sent off application after application with no response and wondered if I had made a mistake
praying that prayer. Then finally I got called to an interview, the person who I saw said
he just wanted to meet me and show me around the place, as they had already decided to
employ me, so it wasn't even a real interview. That was the Friday and I started on the
Monday.

Often we just need to get out of the way so God can fight on our behalf.
The Christian has choices which exceed the choices of the world.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

Since you know what harm you've caused, would you turn around and do it again?

The problem started with gossiping, and, instead of dealing with the problem, she kept quiet, let it happen, walked away, and then came here to gossip about the gossipers. I don't like liars, so I don't lie. I have been convicted by God about gossiping, so I don't gossip. But, I'd be quite the hypocrite if I then chose to hang around the Clintons after announcing those two things.

This isn't an issue of thin skin. This is an issue on high noses.

gos·sip

noun
1.
casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.



"high noses"?


hmmmmmm

 

[NoNameMcgee]

The video was off. You are not a real millennial. You dont see people your age doing any of that. Real millennials are born around 2000 and after, thus being called millennials. The video assumed they were influenced around 2000 but the world was not like that. You were a teen around then when none of this stuff existed.

to be honest

i see people of all ages being entitled and lazy...

people in their late 50s with no work ethic or skills

and people 18 with the same issues


i think lazy selfish people my age are just as, if not more common than the generation before me... or this newer one coming up



ive worked over 30,000 hours on the clock

in many different jobs

maybe my experience is different than others but thats what i see with my own eyes

 

[celi007]

What is high nose?
I kept a distance after they invited me to sit with them,and I strongly disagree with with the way they criticizing a person for the appearance... I chose not to change the conversation be a friend to that behavior.
This is a Christian site a place to perhaps express yourself without being called Old ......old????
In here a Christian place if someone is lost misguided isn't the right thing to do to offer respectful words ????

 

[Enow]

gos·sip

noun
1.
casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.



"high noses"?


hmmmmmm

I had thought that slander was different from gossip wherein slander is defaming someone with lies whereas gossip is defaming someone with negative true reports about the person. Neither one is done out of love.

But I could be wrong in one sense because....believers are to mark those that cause division that err from the truth and from the faith in Jesus Christ which is done out of love to keep those from being led astray by heretics.

Romans 16:[SUP]17 [/SUP]Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. [SUP]18 [/SUP]For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.

Hmmm....

 

[NoNameMcgee]

What is high nose?
I kept a distance after they invited me to sit with them,and I strongly disagree with with the way they criticizing a person for the appearance... I chose not to change the conversation be a friend to that behavior.
This is a Christian site a place to perhaps express yourself without being called Old ......old????
In here a Christian place if someone is lost misguided isn't the right thing to do to offer respectful words ????

i think what lynn was getting at

is she doesnt think this is something that should be made public without them around to defend themself....


otherwise it would also count as "gossip"


maybe im wrong about what she thinks though...

 

[celi007]

NonameMcgee
Understand.ok but the words she chose to use were rude.
I go back to say is this not a Christian site???? If someone is lost misguided the respectful correct right thing to do is to offer respectful words back ????a Christian right?

 

[Depleted]

There is standing on your own two feet and allowing yourself to be trampled
all over in the guise of "it's good for you". The two aren't the same in my book.

Another choice -- stand up for the one being bullied! (And you are that. )

To be trampled is just plain silly. But getting out of the way, so the tramplers can trample someone else isn't a good choice either. We have a higher calling: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Truthfully, I get trampled often enough for sticking up for the next one people want to trample. It hurts. It's also worth it because I just made sure someone else learned she/he isn't alone. Chances are even whether that person got trampled too, but somehow knowing you're not alone makes the wounds less painful.

If our goal is to just protect ourselves, how are we different than the rest of the world?

 

[Depleted]

Depleted
What? I had a bad day of work sought some wayy to express it here how is that compared remotely to what they did?So coming home telling your loved ones home about your day of work is gossiping really?Too old? How sold are you?

Yeah, when I was young I came home and told hubby about my bad day. He told me to quit the job and I did. In his mind and in my mind that was one of the stupider things we ever decided.

After that, when something went wrong, I thought about it. Something went wrong for one of a few reasons:
1. Stuff doesn't work all the time.
2. Someone intentionally decided to screw with me.
3. I got self-centered again.

All in all, only one thing went wrong -- God didn't hand me a good and easy day that day, because he really is into the "patience" thingy and he's going to teach me patience if it kills me. (45 years later, and it still feels like that most of the time. lol)

I can't do a thing about things breaking down other then fix what can be fixed, live without it, or get a new one.

Most the time it is the third choice. I get self-centered, so it's time to recenter God back into the middle, instead of me. (Beg him to get that most of the time.)

And it's rarely the second one. It's rarely the second one, because all people are usually the third one, (self-centered), so it is best to assume they really aren't screwing with me because they have nothing better to do. I'm not that important and they aren't that bored.

BUT, on those rare moments when it really is just that, then I take the time to think it over. Is this a battle to be won, or does it serve no purpose? If there is no purpose in the battle, then let them do whatever, while I get on with my life. They aren't that important either, and I'm not that bored. If I am, then it's a lousy job, because I much rather be doing the work I was hired to do.

And the only reason it was ever worth the battle was when they were screwing with someone else. In those rare moments when it hit that point, I stopped coming home to whine at hubby. (It was a very good job. lol) I am a grownup. I can fight my own battles. And I will fight with someone else who is being unfairly attacked.

I do talk to hubby about these things, if my plan doesn't work, it's getting worse for the other person, and I've run out of plans to try. But the purpose for that is two heads are better than one. It's not to get sympathy and it's not to get advice that makes everything about me. (Good thing there too, considering had I continue to whine at hubby, later on he would have gone to my work place and pummeled a co-worker who had the gall to grab my butt, and he would have gone to prison for that one.)

So if this is where you come to whine, feel free to assume some of us will get on your case for whining. Since you didn't ask what to do, yeah. you come here to whine. Think of a better plan. And when you do, if it doesn't work, and you can't come up with a better plan, we're here for you.

 

[Depleted]

Willie-T
Thank you.
God knows I'm not perfect by any means but I'm trying. I honestly thought this place this site forum was a place to come express yourself.. with good Christian people that weren't going to lash out solely cause I said .....hey hey. I hurt right now someone anyone listen.. listen I need someone right now cause I feel alone... just seek advice not judgment.
God bless.Thank you

Reread your first post. You were not asking for advice. The only thing you asked at all is for us to tell you what some people we've never met are thinking.

And, if you thought this forum was "a place to come express yourself.. with good Christian people that weren't going to lash," that's only because you haven't read any of the other posts. And, if you believed that, you wouldn't be lashing yourself.

Now what you're doing is back pedaling and trying to make yourself out to not be what you showed yourself to be. And you're doing that in the same way the women in work did it to that other woman and to you. I can almost guarantee what got them against you. In their minds, they were doing the right thing, but you weren't playing the game. You were quiet. And when you didn't return the next day, they thought you thought you were better than them. They weren't wrong!

Aren't you doing the same thing now by judging Miri and Ab as your peers, and, at first, Willie, and now me as the bad guys? And aren't you trying to use kindness to Miri as leverage against what you didn't want to hear? The only difference between that and what bullies do is that bullies can find people who agree with them and like them for dividing people into betters and worses. They too think they have the moral high ground, because they're better!

I'm not trying to make you feel bad about yourself. No need for that. You already do that well. I'm trying to show you what you're doing in hopes you decide to come up with a better plan. Because this victimhood isn't working for you. You're not a victim. You do, however, have degrees of culprit about you though.

 

[Depleted]

gos·sip

noun
1.
casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.



"high noses"?


hmmmmmm

(Note: All the noses are still high. lol)

 

[Depleted]

to be honest

i see people of all ages being entitled and lazy...

people in their late 50s with no work ethic or skills

and people 18 with the same issues


i think lazy selfish people my age are just as, if not more common than the generation before me... or this newer one coming up



ive worked over 30,000 hours on the clock

in many different jobs

maybe my experience is different than others but thats what i see with my own eyes

Oh, your experience is different to about 99.5% of all people in this era. Most teens aren't living on their own surviving by their own wits. And, not only did you pull that off, you have over a decade of experience doing that at your ripe old age. Don't sell yourself short! I'd trust you in my corner, and it's hard to gain my trust.

Most people walk away when life gets tough for a "friend." Your life has been tough enough that you have calluses on your calluses on your calluses, BUT God softened your heart enough that it will never get so tough that you walk. Thick skinned and tender heart. A winning combination!

Yeah, really, you're different than the vast majority of us and in a good way, although painfully won.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

Oh, your experience is different to about 99.5% of all people in this era. Most teens aren't living on their own surviving by their own wits. And, not only did you pull that off, you have over a decade of experience doing that at your ripe old age. Don't sell yourself short! I'd trust you in my corner, and it's hard to gain my trust.

Most people walk away when life gets tough for a "friend." Your life has been tough enough that you have calluses on your calluses on your calluses, BUT God softened your heart enough that it will never get so tough that you walk. Thick skinned and tender heart. A winning combination!

Yeah, really, you're different than the vast majority of us and in a good way, although painfully won.

lol

youre too nice to me

ive never done anything good on my own
^_^

 

[Depleted]

What is high nose?
I kept a distance after they invited me to sit with them,and I strongly disagree with with the way they criticizing a person for the appearance... I chose not to change the conversation be a friend to that behavior.
This is a Christian site a place to perhaps express yourself without being called Old ......old????
In here a Christian place if someone is lost misguided isn't the right thing to do to offer respectful words ????

Really stuck on that "old" thing, aren't you? You're the one who said you were too old for this. So why is it you're making me out to be the bad guy for agreeing with you?

Sorry, dividing doesn't work for me. You're trying to get pats on your back without the Gibbs slap. And sometimes we all need a good Gibbs slap.

You chose to run away from something, instead of talking to them about what you think. They chose to read that the way they wanted to also. The outcome is predictable, since no one actually told each other what they're thinking. And it's not just work. You also have been guessing for years what's up with your family, when what you show is different from what you describe.

We have as yet not developed telepathy. So, if we want someone to know what we're thinking, we have to tell them rather than turn around and walk away silently.

 

[Depleted]

NonameMcgee
Understand.ok but the words she chose to use were rude.
I go back to say is this not a Christian site???? If someone is lost misguided the respectful correct right thing to do is to offer respectful words back ????a Christian right?

Same thought you had about Willie, so, okay. Sometimes you misread people. Now that you know this online, how about taking that into IRL?

 

[Depleted]

i think what lynn was getting at

is she doesnt think this is something that should be made public without them around to defend themself....


otherwise it would also count as "gossip"


maybe im wrong about what she thinks though...

You're not wrong.

 

[Depleted]

lol

youre too nice to me

ive never done anything good on my own
^_^

None of us have, however, you're willing to let God do good through you.

 

[Fenner]

Thank you and God Bless you Miri
I definitely feel they are bullies because I personally saw how these grown women ripped the poor girl apart for no reason other than her appearance.She was younger than them and had done nothing to them their behavior is inexcusable meann spirited should not be tolerated or excused it's wrong whether is bullying or not that behavior is horrible immature mean.

Be polite but try and ignore them the best you can. Just be professional and try to not let them take up space in your mind. I have a feeling others in the office know what they’re like. If it continues maybe see the Human Resources person for help.