I’m a new Christian ask husband for reconciliation

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Jessijess

Junior Member
#1
Dec 28, 2017
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#1
Hello I have a question. Hope somebody can help me
I got married when I was 19 and my husband had a sugar mamma at the time I could have sworn he was unfaithful because of the way he was acting. I spoke to him yesterday and said if he had been unfaithful to me while we were together and he said no.
But he did confess he used women for money and gifts in exchange of I don’t know what. Since I just accepted Christ I’ve been reading the scripture and it says to reconcile he said that he could forgive me but we could never be together since it been 7 years since the last time I’ve seen him and that we are deferent people we both have committed adultery by now. He says he is also somewhat atheist but that he understands me. I’m so devastated. I don’t love him and I’m asking him to pretty much get back with me.he has said no. He was nice about it. I’m young and want children and to know that I must remain unmarried for the rest of my life has had me in tears for 3 days straight I can’t sleep I can’t eat. Please pray for me.ive met an awesome man who is willing to be unmarried and live a sexless life with me. He comes with me to church.
 
7

7seasrekeyed

Guest
#2
#2
sounds pretty trollish

two threads exactly the same

nummmmm

that's not an awesome man either. chuckle
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#3
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
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#3
This is a put on, right?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#7
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
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#7
If he had a sugar mama then, most likely he has one (or more) now.. He has confessed he uses women, so obviously he's an uncommitted player. You haven't seen him in 7 years, and despite you saying you DON'T love him, you want him back.. Are you still married or did you divorce? If he cheated on you while you were married, you have grounds for divorce. Also, abandonment of the marriage is grounds for divorce.


He's an atheist, so you're unequally yoked with him. If you've met another guy and he's good to you, then go for it. :) Leave hubby in the past. HE left YOU, not the other way around.. And he has no interest in returning to you, so just move on.
 
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Jessijess

Junior Member
#8
Dec 28, 2017
14
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0
#8
I came to Christ about a month ago. And I’ve been reading the scripture and it says to reconcile. So I told him what my believes where
he said he understands but that there’s no way of getting back together. I’m abstaining from sex since coming to god so I don’t know where I stand. I’m not trolling I’m very new to this I posted this on another thread and was told to come to the family forum. But to clarify I left my home first because I was almost sure he was having sex with these women he now says he never did he just used them. So I guess I’m the one at fault.
 
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Jessijess

Junior Member
#9
Dec 28, 2017
14
1
0
#9
Not trolling at all. Sorry if you thought that.
 
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AuntieAnt

Guest
#10
#10
The tormenting guilt that the devil uses to deter us in our walk with Christ is only overcome by the Truth of Jesus Christ. Get before God and let Him search your heart and expose those things which are really keeping you in bondage. It's apparent that you are afraid of displeasing God and want to square up with Him about your past mistakes. Fortunately, Jesus Christ washed away all past mistakes (and future) with His precious Blood. You are a NEW creation in Jesus.

God is so kind and very faithful to answer you so just go before Him and ask Him to give you eyes to see the Truth. That's where you'll find the peace you're looking for. Praying for you, sister.
 
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Jessijess

Junior Member
#11
Dec 28, 2017
14
1
0
#11
Thank you sister. I really need it. I know maybe I’m just really depressed because knowing I will remain alone and not become a mother is just hitting me really hard. I’m 28 so it’s hard. Not so much for the sexual part because I have a condition where I can’t be very sexual. So I guess I’m a fraud of dying alone.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#12
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
9,702
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#12
Scripture also says not to be yoked to an unbeliever. He's admitted to being an atheist.. He admitted to using women for money and gifts in exchange for something. Usually that "exchange" is for sex. He sure isn't gonna admit that he DID have sex with these women. You'll be making a colossal mistake by trying to get back with him. Firstly, because he has no interest and has clearly moved on, and secondly, because God doesn't want you in a relationship that was clearly a train wreck in progress from day one. He has better plans for you, so forget hubby and open yourself up to what GOD wants for you. NOT what YOU want for yourself..

Jessijess said:
I came to Christ about a month ago. And I’ve been reading the scripture and it says to reconcile. So I told him what my believes where
he said he understands but that there’s no way of getting back together. I’m abstaining from sex since coming to god so I don’t know where I stand. I’m not trolling I’m very new to this I posted this on another thread and was told to come to the family forum. But to clarify I left my home first because I was almost sure he was having sex with these women he now says he never did he just used them. So I guess I’m the one at fault.
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blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#13
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
9,702
113
#13
Sweetie, God destines some of us to be single. My relationships with men all ended in disaster and I've been single now since 2006. I'm happy being single, and not having sex. I'm also much better off because I'm not getting cheated on or beaten up anymore..

Jessijess said:
Thank you sister. I really need it. I know maybe I’m just really depressed because knowing I will remain alone and not become a mother is just hitting me really hard. I’m 28 so it’s hard. Not so much for the sexual part because I have a condition where I can’t be very sexual. So I guess I’m a fraud of dying alone.
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Jessijess

Junior Member
#14
Dec 28, 2017
14
1
0
#14
I met a man who in my sickness treats me really good and really loves me without a doubt in my mind. I had file for divorce about a month ago. So I could remarry and have the lord bless my marriage but from what I’ve read he does approve of that. Says god hates divorce so I want to be ok with god and even tho I love another man I guess I was willing to return to him. Oh sister my heart is so devestated. I don’t know who to talk to because I’m pretty much the only true believer. I want god to bless me but thinking about being alone in my sickness gives me great anxiety. Thank you for your response
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#15
Feb 21, 2014
70,951
9,702
113
#15
God HAS blessed you. He's freed you from a loveless marriage, He has brought someone better into your life, etc.. Yes, God hates divorce but makes allowance for it in cases like this. Hubby is a user, and a playboy, he's also an atheist, and does not love you, nor does he want you back.. So stop knocking on this door, because what's behind it isn't meant for you anymore.

Stop holding on to what was never really yours. Look forward to your new life with God.


Jessijess said:
I met a man who in my sickness treats me really good and really loves me without a doubt in my mind. I had file for divorce about a month ago. So I could remarry and have the lord bless my marriage but from what I’ve read he does approve of that. Says god hates divorce so I want to be ok with god and even tho I love another man I guess I was willing to return to him. Oh sister my heart is so devestated. I don’t know who to talk to because I’m pretty much the only true believer. I want god to bless me but thinking about being alone in my sickness gives me great anxiety. Thank you for your response
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AuntieAnt

Guest
#16
#16
Jessijess said:
Thank you sister. I really need it. I know maybe I’m just really depressed because knowing I will remain alone and not become a mother is just hitting me really hard. I’m 28 so it’s hard. Not so much for the sexual part because I have a condition where I can’t be very sexual. So I guess I’m a fraud of dying alone.
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Jesus understands and cares. He tells us not to be anxious and that nothing is impossible with Him. He really means that. It's never what we think. Our fears always lie to us. God's ways are so much higher and more miraculous than we can imagine.

Our Lord is a good, merciful and kind Father. I hope you spend more alone time with Him and just talk to Him as a daughter talks to her Father. As hard as it may to believe, the Lord will NEVER be angry at you or rebuke you or abandon you. He will never let you go, sister. I pray you only seek His Truth in your life. His plans are way better than the desperate and pitiful plans we conjure up for ourselves.

[Isaiah 54:9] "Just as I swore in the time of Noah that I would never again let a flood cover the earth, so now I swear that I will never again be angry and punish you.”

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Depleted

Guest
#19
#19
Jessijess said:
Thank you sister. I really need it. I know maybe I’m just really depressed because knowing I will remain alone and not become a mother is just hitting me really hard. I’m 28 so it’s hard. Not so much for the sexual part because I have a condition where I can’t be very sexual. So I guess I’m a fraud of dying alone.
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All of 28, eh?

Okay, so lay down coming atcha in one fell swoop:
1. You are born again. You're old life is just that. You're old life. You are now a new creation. A new person. Being trained in the Lord and fulfilling what he will have you do to train you. What you are now, won't change until you die, and become the being God is training us to become. The body bites the dust. The spirit does not. And you have that spirit in you, which makes you a new creation/born-again/adopted by God. That's the facts. That's what God has done for you, is doing for you, will do for you.

2. You were married before? Well, that was part of your old life, so what is done is done. Literally. Done! Over. Complete. Never to be renewed. Especially considering that same scripture you're reading (1 Cor. 7, right? If not, you really need to get to 1 Cor. 7 in a hurry, because you're very raw on understanding marriage), tells you NOT to get unequally yoked. And your first husband was pretty much a douche bag when you were married to him, and isn't a believer now, AND you don't love him, so why in the world do you think the Lord will send you back to that junk you already went miserable over the first time? New creation! It means something. It's a good thing. Your ex? Nah! Might become born-again in the future, but not now, and it's over, so let it stay over.

Whew! Right? Let that guilt leave the building, because that's one guilt that no longer belongs to you.

3. Brings me back to "all of 28, eh?" When is menopause and do you remember what the purpose was to menopause? (Bet you weren't expecting to go back to sex ed from a Christian Chat, were you? lol) Menopause, that time in every woman's life where she runs out of eggs to get pregnant, so the baby-making machine shuts down and we can continue our lives without worrying about having babies at 60. (Whew! Telling you. Having a baby at 60 is beyond my energy levels, so very glad I can't still have them. lol) Sooo, when is menopause? Usually a woman is in her 40s. Sometimes her 50s. And how old are you? All of 28, eh?

How old will you be at your next birthday? 40? THEN worry, because you were gypped of 12 years. When you were 16 were you thinking you were already running out of time to have babies? Were you even prepared to have them back then? Wasn't 16 a long, long time ago for you? Guess what. 40 is just as long away from you as 16 is. Hold off on the freak out until 40 is your next birthday. Who knows what happens by then? At 16 did you ever think you'd be divorced by 28? No? Then why are you already planning for 40? You have no more idea what's coming in the future then you did when you were 16. Don't hook up with any guy just because you think you're eggs are shriveling up. They aren't yet! 28! Pretty standard in the US not to have babies before 28 nowadays.

And if you can't have babies? (You said you can't be very sexual. Then again, it isn't required often to have babies, and chances are good whatever is wrong can be treated.) Then you and your HUSBAND can adopt. Lots of children could use a good Christian home to grow up in. And you obviously want to be a mom.

4. Seriously? You're going to shack up with a guy because you want babies but no sex? Blows my mind on the logic for that one. Kind of like getting really excited the Philadelphia Eagles might win the World Series. (Eagles are football. World Series is baseball. Eagles will never go on to the World Series.)

How did it come to be that you already learned God wants reconciliation but don't know he does NOT want us to shack up with guys? What have you been reading to get the one without getting the other?

No shacking up. Shacking up bad. Shacking up always bad. And shacking up with a guy who doesn't want sex? Well, geesh louise! Where do you think that will go? Only three things I can think could come out of that:
1. He lies. He really is planning on having sex with you, and if biding his time doesn't work, force will.
2. He doesn't lie, in which case you get a guy who will never want sex with you, even if you happen to fall in love and get married. (Sometimes is still some times. And it is good when it happens.)
3. This one is guaranteed, no matter whether 1 or 2 happens. Eligible guys who might fall in love with you and are truly wonderful, God-fearing, God-loving, powerful men of God will never EVER ask you out on a date, because you're living with a guy!

Seriously. You are born again. That does not mean leave your brain behind. Thinking is part of this new life. Common sense still works. God will instill more sense into us, (his uncommon sense, which is a good thing), but you really need to think better than this or you're setting yourself up for failure after failure after failure. And, judging from your old life, failure already hurt you deeply. Don't add to it!

You just heard it will be harder for you to have sex than most women? Not the same thing as no sex. Not the same thing as the baby-making factory is over. It just means less likely. And you are way too young to give up now.

And one thing you don't know yet. You don't know yet what happens when you find a man who totally loves you. Sex is just sex. When that happens it makes the word "sex" seem obsolete. (And, yes, not like sex isn't really good.)

You just became a new creature. Let's stop jumping the gun this fast. Too much you're missing, and it's a good path following the Lord.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#20
#20
Jessijess said:
I met a man who in my sickness treats me really good and really loves me without a doubt in my mind. I had file for divorce about a month ago. So I could remarry and have the lord bless my marriage but from what I’ve read he does approve of that. Says god hates divorce so I want to be ok with god and even tho I love another man I guess I was willing to return to him. Oh sister my heart is so devestated. I don’t know who to talk to because I’m pretty much the only true believer. I want god to bless me but thinking about being alone in my sickness gives me great anxiety. Thank you for your response
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You talked about this new guy loving you. Barely a mention if you love him. And you said you're the only true believer? God has a lot to say about equally yoked, and this new guy doesn't qualify. God is working stuff out in your life. No guarantees it will be easy. (Pretty much guaranteed it won't be, but still worth it.) Follow the Lord and you won't get burned twice by who you choose to marry.

You already have a history of picking the wrong guy. Let the Lord teach you who the right guy is. He will be a man of God -- a true believer. And we women need that because we are the weaker vessel. (Even if the Lord keeps us single, he will give us a man of God to help us when we need help. Maybe not a husband. Might be a pastor or someone like that, but the Lord does give us someone to help us.)
 
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