"I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!"

[Speak2Me]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

My apologies. I won't bother you again.

 

[joefizz]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

If I ever wanted someone to prove their love to me:

hahaha that face choice is hysterical,now you got me wondering if arnold swarzaneggar was a pokemon which one would he be...Let's see he's a big guy but not lazy so he wouldn't be snorlax,he's intimidating but really docile so he wouldn't be mew two hmmmm....

 

[seoulsearch]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

Speak2Me,

Thank you for being so gracious.

I know you had good intentions, and I do appreciate that.

Hope to keep seeing you around in the forums.

 

[Saturn]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

I don't have the energy to "prove myself" to someone and I wouldn't ask anyone to prove themselves to me either.

I think it's always a great idea to become friends first. That way you get to see each other in all kinds of different situations and see how the other person would react to different stressors etc.

Having said that, there are things that I look for in a guy that I have had negative experiences with in the past. I do not want a repeat of anything that failed before. However, it's not a prove yourself type of attitude, it's more, if I see this type of behavior I will know to stay away from that person.

 

[laughingheart]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

Yes recently I was dating a fellow for a year who seemed to be a gentleman and a devoted Christian. Not long ago he said he wanted a serious discussion. He said he was torn. He said he'd seen too many women who let themselves go and get obese. He said that while he was attracted, he would be really really attracted if I promised to lose 40 pounds over the next year. He wanted me to look like I did when I was 20. He said if I did that he wouldn't have to worried if in the future I put on some weight. If I could promise to do that then we could take it to the next level. I was also to maintain a good self esteem and not be sad because that would bring him down and he said women tended towards being moody.
I can't even express the sadness but his experiences led him to want something that I couldn't promise, should not have to promise, something that can't be the reason whether you will commit to love or not. Of course you want to be the best you for the one you love but this was too conditional for me.

 

[seoulsearch]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

Yes recently I was dating a fellow for a year who seemed to be a gentleman and a devoted Christian. Not long ago he said he wanted a serious discussion. He said he was torn. He said he'd seen too many women who let themselves go and get obese. He said that while he was attracted, he would be really really attracted if I promised to lose 40 pounds over the next year. He wanted me to look like I did when I was 20. He said if I did that he wouldn't have to worried if in the future I put on some weight. If I could promise to do that then we could take it to the next level. I was also to maintain a good self esteem and not be sad because that would bring him down and he said women tended towards being moody.
I can't even express the sadness but his experiences led him to want something that I couldn't promise, should not have to promise, something that can't be the reason whether you will commit to love or not. Of course you want to be the best you for the one you love but this was too conditional for me.

I am so sorry someone would treat you this way. You are am amazing person and I surely believe there is someone better out there for you than this!!!

I'm just curious... Did he by any chance meet his own standards? Was his slim, fit, and trim, and could he promise to stay that way? Did he look like he did when he was 20? Was he always happy and upbeat, making sure he never brought you down?

I was on Christian dating sites on and off for years, but I haven't been on them for a couple of years. I guess I got too discouraged by people who believe "God wants only the BEST for me," and so they think that "the best" means a perfect 25-year-old model.

I understand preferences and so forth, but I couldn't believe how demanding some people were (I read a few women's profiles that floored me, too.)

But two that stick in my mind (and I've talked about these before), was one guy who wrote, "If you're the type of girl whom everyone says 'has a great personality', please don't bother writing me." Um, no problem there, Mr. End All Be All. I'm not sure what it was that he thought he had to offer that only supermodels need apply, but it sure wasn't humility.

My favorite though was the guy who said the only girls he was interested in were former cheerleaders, dancers, gymnasts, or athletes with "slim, shapely, attractive figures." He blatantly stated that God "made men visual" and so he needed an exceptionally attractive wife to keep him interested in her. After all, it was his God-given right!!!

The thing that cracked me up about this guy is... Well, I give him credit for showing a supposedly honest photo. He was at least 50 pounds overweight himself (probably more than that--I'm bad at guessing people's weight.) Seriously. He very clearly had two chins, and I'm pretty sure you could have fit an extra dinner plate between them.

But by golly, he insisted that God had made him visual and so he needed an outstandingly visually-pleasing wife!!!

I remember very badly wanting to write him and ask, "So... if God made men visual... Do you think he made women blind?"

But alas. Sigh. I hate having to try to be good sometimes. I also hate blatant hypocrisy.

(Laughingheart, you are beautiful and I always see you encouraging people here. I will pray that you would find someone with a whole lot more depth than this guy you told us about!!! Hang in there, beautiful sister. It's great to have you back. )

 

[Lynx]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

The problem with physical beauty is, it fades. As Erma Bombeck said, "Gravity is the great equalizer."

I remember one comic strip that wasn't really funny, but it was supposed to be caustic and sarcastic, not funny. The main character was a rich guy, and somebody mentioned he was on his third marriage. He corrected the speaker, "Four. They keep aging out." In other words when his wife hits a certain age he always divorces her and marries another younger woman.

 

[notmyown]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

The problem with physical beauty is, it fades. As Erma Bombeck said, "Gravity is the great equalizer."

I remember one comic strip that wasn't really funny, but it was supposed to be caustic and sarcastic, not funny. The main character was a rich guy, and somebody mentioned he was on his third marriage. He corrected the speaker, "Four. They keep aging out." In other words when his wife hits a certain age he always divorces her and marries another younger woman.

mom used to say we should sleep on our heads to counteract gravity. (haven't tried it)

and dad, when mom turned 40, said he was going to trade her in for two twenties. at 50, it was two twenty-fives. and so on.

when he died, they were about to celebrate their 55th anniversary. he never did make good on that, er, promise.

 

[La_Vie_En_Rose]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

I have been told " I thought you were different than other women, but I was wrong" but it doesn't bother me cause it was from a guy who was pretending to be a Christian to get in good with me. When he started talking about fantasizing about what he would do to me in the bathtub and I put a stop to it the mask fell off and I became like "all the other girls"

You should have said “there’s a common denominator here, and it ain’t me.” Maybe it would make him think, but probably not.

 

[La_Vie_En_Rose]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

Hey Everyone,

A little while back, we were talking about the times when we want someone to "prove" that they love us, and why.

This time around, I'd like to ask you about the times when someone has expected you to prove something to them, or when you've wanted someone else to prove something to you.

Several years ago, I knew a girl whose boyfriend summed up his entire dating philosophy in one sentence: "I have to prove that I'm not all the other guys (who did her wrong before me.)"

Unfortunately, I don't think that's too far off the mark. I know I've felt that myself, and from both sides.

While men might feel they have to prove they're not every other jerk from a woman's past, I constantly feel like I have to prove that I'm not some blood-sucking vampire who is after a guy's wallet. In fact, even years ago, CC changed my entire dating philosophy because of how many posts I kept reading from guys who were taken to the cleaners and are still recovering.

I can totally empathize with that (I once paid for court fees, childcare, and a good share of many of the needs of someone else's kids for 3 years), but at the same time, I don't know what else I can do to try to "prove" that I'm not whoever it was that used them as a personal ATM, and that not every woman is like that.

Therefore, now when I go on a date, I always, always offer to pay for myself, and if a guy is going to pay for me (which I always find chivalrous and appreciate, never expect it), he is going to have to be a bit insistent about it (which I find very sweet and highly respect, but I want him to know I spent the time talking to him because I wanted to.0

After reading so many posts from guys here who have been burnt to a crisp, I decided for myself (I'm not speaking for anyone else out there, just my own self) that no guy was ever going to be able to say that I used him for a free dinner. And, if he is particularly bitter (i.e., complains about women and their materialistic ways all throughout the date), I pretty much say to heck with it and just ask the waitress to bring me the entire check.

But I also never go out with the guy again, because I'm not interested in trying to prove that I'm not "like all women", or whoever it was in the past that he's fighting, if only in his own mind.

Because of this, I try very hard to look at people with a fresh slate. When I feel let down after a date, it's usually because, in my own naive mind, I'm hoping for a higher set of standards, and I'm pretty disappointed if someone makes me feel like cheap company. Several years ago, I went to meet a guy I'd been talking to on a dating site, and I admit, I was a bit hopeful. This was someone I think I could have really liked, and before we met, he'd claimed he was driving 90 minutes each way every Sunday just to go back to his home church, which he said he was quite active in.

We met for a late lunch and I was thinking on the drive home that it might be nice to go see a movie next time... That is, until I literally just walked into the house and he started texting me to ask when we could start "sharing bodies." And to be honest, it just made me feel sad. Um. No, just no.

One of the things I've had to pray for extra help with is to try to be able to see every person for who they are... and not for who or what they might remind me of from the past.

What about the rest of you?

* Do people ask you to prove to them that you're "not like the others"? How do you react? Do you take them up on their challenge, or do you walk away?

* Do you expect others to prove to you that they're not like everyone else? How have they reacted, and what happened next?

Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts and experiences--I'm really looking forward to reading your answers.

I think men should have to prove they are serious and not just interested in sex. I mean, it is not too much to ask if you are marriage minded for the guy who is interested to be marriage minded too, or go look for Miss Easy elsewhere.

 

[Depleted]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

To the original topic of this thread: The more I think about it, the more impossible the premise sounds. How does one prove a negative? It's the same problem christians and atheists have - they can't prove God doesn't exist and we can't prove the big bang didn't happen.

The problem is when you keep expecting something, sooner or later you see it... whether it did or did not really happen. If my (hypothetical) girlfriend has been hurt by guys before, and if she is watching me for signs that I am like those other guys, I can't prove I'm not because there is no point at which we can say "okay, it is proven now." And the longer she watches for signs, the more likely it is she will convince herself that she sees them, whether they are really there or not. That's not something against this (theoretical) girlfriend in particular, it's just human nature.

I'm not saying I would immediately bail out if I found out she was watching for proof that I'm not like those other guys. But the longer the situation persists, the more probable it will end in, at best, a breakup.

(I've been snooping again. )

Hubby was married before. The baggage was inevitable. He never asked me to prove myself, but, boy! He needed to believe I'm not her.

No weight on my shoulders. I'm not her. I've been proving that to him for 37 years. He believes it 98% of the time now. Nothing wrong with proving yourself, especially when you are who you claim to be.

We're always proving ourselves.

 

[JesusLives]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

I'll know a woman loves me when she slashes my tires, and burns all my stuff in the front yard.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....buddy you crack me up....

 

[JesusLives]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

I'll know a woman loves me when she slashes my tires, and burns all my stuff in the front yard.

Are you kidding? I wish for that kind of love.

I kid you not... My dad's wife he married after my mom had died had separated and he threw her clothes out on the driveway and I was just a little kid and felt so bad that I picked up her fur coat and took it to the neighbors house... Not sure if that was love or hate but made me feel bad as an 8 year old kid.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

Hey Everyone,

A little while back, we were talking about the times when we want someone to "prove" that they love us, and why.

This time around, I'd like to ask you about the times when someone has expected you to prove something to them,.....

 

[Tommy379]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

I kid you not... My dad's wife he married after my mom had died had separated and he threw her clothes out on the driveway and I was just a little kid and felt so bad that I picked up her fur coat and took it to the neighbors house... Not sure if that was love or hate but made me feel bad as an 8 year old kid.

I don't know what that is, when a man does it. I just noticed that when women do it around here, they are passionately in love with that man.

 

[JesusLives]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

I always tried to start a new relationship with a clean page and would let the guy write on it. If I didn't like what I saw I'd move on. I don't think I ever had to prove myself and don't think I ever expected anyone to prove something to me either.

I was too busy in relationships trying to make myself into what I thought they wanted and never felt I could be the real me. That's why after my 35 year singleness and attempted relationships at 59 by the time I met Tourist I was over all of it so I told him everything about the Real Me even the not so pretty parts and he was o.k. with the real me....Three years married and counting we didn't have to prove a thing to each other at all we just did a lot of talking and writing and figured out we were o.k. with the real people we were and it didn't matter that I'm a bit too fat and he's a bit too thin or that he's a republican and I'm a Democrat or that we were raised in two different religious affiliations. We work together and complement each other.

I love him for who he is and vise versa so no proving here. We really are who we said we were and we don't have to prove our love either cause we both know we love each other and enjoy showing our love to one another each day and it is fun to watch it growing. So thankful God brought us together on this site.

Wishing the same for all of the singles that want a relationship that you will find and be blessed in it without having to prove yourselves to anyone.

 

[Lighthearted]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

Hey ya sister seoul...
I think just about everyone who's been in a relationship that ended has either been a giver or a taker. I hear so many people use this cliche' of wanting a 50/50 relationship. What's wrong with 100% from each person?
If it's really meant to be, one should give their all.
Men have told me that they've been hurt...well, so have I. Yet, I find myself not holding back my trust. I figure everyone deserves to start on their own clean slate. It's important to me to find a man willing to do the same. That way, they can take the opportunity to get to know me. Then they can step back and see that I'm worth the search...and I hope that I can say the same about them.

 

[tourist]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

I'll know a woman loves me when she slashes my tires, and burns all my stuff in the front yard.

Probably a redhead (jk).

 

[tourist]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

Yes recently I was dating a fellow for a year who seemed to be a gentleman and a devoted Christian. Not long ago he said he wanted a serious discussion. He said he was torn. He said he'd seen too many women who let themselves go and get obese. He said that while he was attracted, he would be really really attracted if I promised to lose 40 pounds over the next year. He wanted me to look like I did when I was 20. He said if I did that he wouldn't have to worried if in the future I put on some weight. If I could promise to do that then we could take it to the next level. I was also to maintain a good self esteem and not be sad because that would bring him down and he said women tended towards being moody.
I can't even express the sadness but his experiences led him to want something that I couldn't promise, should not have to promise, something that can't be the reason whether you will commit to love or not. Of course you want to be the best you for the one you love but this was too conditional for me.

It was his loss and not yours. Guy sounds like a real jerk.

 

[Tommy379]

Re: "I Love You." "Prove It!" Part 2: "Prove to Me That You're Not Like All the Rest!

Probably a redhead (jk).

I'd like to give this a double thumbs up, super like, and a right swipe.