Bill...I would not accept that...we do share some similar things it seems
I used to get pretty anxious myself over who knows what...would just hit me and I wanted to claw the walls
I began to see it as spiritual (through other things...long story)
I am of the mind that we do not just accept things...I believe we need to distingush when we can take a stand and whatever it is, it has got to go
I can still get those zoomy butterflies for no reason...but now I chase 'em away in Jesus name
the fact that this hit you all of a sudden sends up red flags IMO and I don't want to get spooky here but my worst things also started in a church...through an individual that was appearing as a minister of God but was not because they were living a double life and fooling people...you cannot do that and be a person through whom the Holy Spirit operates
if I can get free of that, I believe you can also...I heard you about the prayers and begging God...I begged God for 7 years to get free and although it is like I can still feel...if that makes sense...aftereffects...I know what is what now and will not accept things I know are not of God...I honestly wish I could have just not lived this, but in the end, it probably has helped me more than hurt me...
I wish I could talk to you face to face but that isn't going to happen....but coping is not good.
I don't want to 'cope' and I am sure you don't either. we are promised victory over the enemy and sometimes it can take years because this is just not taught in church
it is really through reading 2 different books that I got free...one is one that I already mentioned to you and the other is Neil Andersons' 'Victory Over the Darkness'....and I went to different people also to 'help' with my problem and they made it worse because they could not help me...in the end, I came to the conclusion that God wanted me to stand on my own 2 feet and help myself...with His word and His promise to set us free
unlike physical healing, we are promised victory over the devil because Jesus attained that for us
I don't know what Paul's thorn in the flesh was, but not sure it was his eyesight...seems more likely that everywhere he went, great opposition was stirred up against him...and that by an unseen 'force'
I can see some people rolling their eyes now...but if this helps at all.........
Well that's where I am at and have been for nearly 30 years.
I gave a snippet so now I'm go give some insight.
That day in church I was sat next to my fiance.
A lady that I realised that I did not want marry.
My thoughts were "Ok we will marry, have a couple of kids, get divorced and I would get to see the kids at the weekend"
That was my life experience with my mum.
Married divorce twice in my younger years.
Never knew my real dad. Only two shocking memories.
Step dad hated me.
So back to my thoughts in that church service and even as I type this I feel so ashamed and tears are rolling down my face.
I was willing to be like what I saw and had been through.
That afternoon I broke off the engagement. Even though the elder I spoke to implored me not to.
That is when the severe anxiety started.
After that any time I got close to a lady and the possibility of commitment my anxiety went off the Richter scale.
In fact I dumped my now wife before we got married.
Then God made it clear to me. This is your wife to be. In fact my wife had dream before we started going out.
This man is your husband.
So I believed God. We got back together. To be honest I was all over the place with her.
But when God said to me "Tori is your wife to be" you could but hold me back.
We celebrate 24years of marriage this year, have 4 beautiful kids.
The thought of leaving them has never entered my mind.
I love them so so much.
My beautiful Godly wife tells me, yes this screw up that she feels so secure with me, Im a great loving husband, wonderful Father and I have actually taught her so much (she was bought up in a secure loving Christian family)
Yet I still carry over that day in church.
I have revisited that day thousands of times.
Been prayed for and over thousands of times.
Claimed Bible verses above not being anxious
Repented of my thoughts about divorce and that must be true given been married for almost 24 years, not because I have to be but because I love being married to the most amazing woman who I love so deeply.
Yet that day in church is still with me, the anxiety.
So to me I can't see where else to go with it.
My wife and I are planning our 25th next year.
Really looking forward to it.
We are planning a cruise.
The Med and Fjords.