What should I do
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Hi I like your name JesusIsMyLife22. The purpose of this life is to develop a relationship with God through Jesus.
A marriage should help us in that walk.
The most important decision you will make in life after God is who you will spend you life with. The wrong decision is extremely costly emotionally and spiritually. Especially if you get children. Financial problems also come with divorce. If you get children you will never be free of him. He can manipulate you through the children.
A good marriage is a beautiful experience, a really bad marriage is an ongoing trauma.
There is a practical reason we should not have an unbeliever as a partner. The difference in the way we look at our lives is so different and the difference will get worse.
Problems in a good marriage help us develop our character and our relationship with Jesus. Problems in a bad relationship hurt and damage our soul, and make our walk with God more difficult.
There are many good Christian men that can love and appreciate you as you deserve to be treated. You are still young. Take your time and wait to meet a good decent man. It is better to wait now and have a good life, than to rush in an regret it for the rest of your life.
As blue_ladybug said: there are too many red flags. Your chioce to leave this guy is the only right choice.
A marriage should help us in that walk.
The most important decision you will make in life after God is who you will spend you life with. The wrong decision is extremely costly emotionally and spiritually. Especially if you get children. Financial problems also come with divorce. If you get children you will never be free of him. He can manipulate you through the children.
A good marriage is a beautiful experience, a really bad marriage is an ongoing trauma.
There is a practical reason we should not have an unbeliever as a partner. The difference in the way we look at our lives is so different and the difference will get worse.
Problems in a good marriage help us develop our character and our relationship with Jesus. Problems in a bad relationship hurt and damage our soul, and make our walk with God more difficult.
There are many good Christian men that can love and appreciate you as you deserve to be treated. You are still young. Take your time and wait to meet a good decent man. It is better to wait now and have a good life, than to rush in an regret it for the rest of your life.
As blue_ladybug said: there are too many red flags. Your chioce to leave this guy is the only right choice.
D
Two things I advise you to do right away. The first is even more important than the second.
1. Find a better church. I do get when first saved, we tend to pick the closest church and go there thinking they're all alike and everyone in it is a Christian. Neither is true. (They aren't all alike. And most people, even in church, aren't Christians.) You landed into a legalistic hocus-pocus church. The type of place where everything and their great-aunt Tilly are evil or evil spirits. It's the kind of church where legalism is squared away with superstition. Find a church that teaches God and Bible only. (If you'd like help figuring out how to find one, feel free to PM me.) It's God we need to focus on, not behavior. Behavior does NOT change without God himself changing it.
2. Find your own place to live, or... if your home is your place, tell live-in boyfriend to find his own place. Timeline, assuming you're both employed, is 90 days. And, I'm not saying to end this relationship. Who knows? Maybe he is your future husband. But this I know, you're undergoing major, wonderful change. You've been born again by the Lord, but you're not doing yourself any good living with him, and you're not doing any good for him with the demands you're making of him. It's unfair to both of you to keep this "partnership" going. "Partner." The word itself is a worldly word that just doesn't work as Christians. It just doesn't, so separate physically from him.
BUT before deciding if he is or isn't The One, get yourself some distance and get yourself to a good church.
After all, when the Lord chose you, did it come with the prerequisite requirements of giving up rap, porn, and sex? Did anyone tell you, "Give up your three favorite sins, and you win time with God?" Assuming not, your witness to him is exactly that, which is neither the gospel nor a helpful understanding of what you or he wants. And I blame that lousy understanding on the church you landed in after being saved.
I made a similar blunder when I was first born again, and it took me a decade to figure out what I was doing was counterproductive from what the Bible suggested I do. Don't be as slow a learner as I was.
Because, honestly? The Lord could easily save your boyfriend too, but not the way you're going about it.
1. Find a better church. I do get when first saved, we tend to pick the closest church and go there thinking they're all alike and everyone in it is a Christian. Neither is true. (They aren't all alike. And most people, even in church, aren't Christians.) You landed into a legalistic hocus-pocus church. The type of place where everything and their great-aunt Tilly are evil or evil spirits. It's the kind of church where legalism is squared away with superstition. Find a church that teaches God and Bible only. (If you'd like help figuring out how to find one, feel free to PM me.) It's God we need to focus on, not behavior. Behavior does NOT change without God himself changing it.
2. Find your own place to live, or... if your home is your place, tell live-in boyfriend to find his own place. Timeline, assuming you're both employed, is 90 days. And, I'm not saying to end this relationship. Who knows? Maybe he is your future husband. But this I know, you're undergoing major, wonderful change. You've been born again by the Lord, but you're not doing yourself any good living with him, and you're not doing any good for him with the demands you're making of him. It's unfair to both of you to keep this "partnership" going. "Partner." The word itself is a worldly word that just doesn't work as Christians. It just doesn't, so separate physically from him.
BUT before deciding if he is or isn't The One, get yourself some distance and get yourself to a good church.
After all, when the Lord chose you, did it come with the prerequisite requirements of giving up rap, porn, and sex? Did anyone tell you, "Give up your three favorite sins, and you win time with God?" Assuming not, your witness to him is exactly that, which is neither the gospel nor a helpful understanding of what you or he wants. And I blame that lousy understanding on the church you landed in after being saved.
I made a similar blunder when I was first born again, and it took me a decade to figure out what I was doing was counterproductive from what the Bible suggested I do. Don't be as slow a learner as I was.
Because, honestly? The Lord could easily save your boyfriend too, but not the way you're going about it.
D
Two friends of ours celebrated their 30th anniversary yesterday, making us remember the beginning of their relationship.
The beginning of their relationship. They were invited to his father's wedding. He was very angry with his father for two reasons:
1. Dad was marrying someone roughly the son's age.
2. Dad was not getting married in the Catholic Church. (Dad had become born again. Son and his girlfriend weren't born again yet.)
So, son planned a big surprise for his father's wedding. He took a gun and was going to shoot him at the altar. (And, he had the personality to do that too.) His girlfriend was with him.
Instead, son heard the gospel as the marriage vows, and became born again on the spot. End of plan to kill Dad, (btw, Dad was a sweetheart too), and the beginning of a better relationship between him and his girlfriend, that would turn into a 30th anniversary celebration yesterday.
Moral of story? I really wish you'd stop deciding who God will and will not save, merely because "he's a guy, therefore is not worthy to marry." That is your message for every women who ever mentions she has a tough relationship, at the moment, with a guy. "He's a guy, therefore is not worthy to marriage."
And sadly, since you're the first responder to all of these kinds of post, many walk away thinking you gave a good answer. An answer for you, not for God.
The beginning of their relationship. They were invited to his father's wedding. He was very angry with his father for two reasons:
1. Dad was marrying someone roughly the son's age.
2. Dad was not getting married in the Catholic Church. (Dad had become born again. Son and his girlfriend weren't born again yet.)
So, son planned a big surprise for his father's wedding. He took a gun and was going to shoot him at the altar. (And, he had the personality to do that too.) His girlfriend was with him.
Instead, son heard the gospel as the marriage vows, and became born again on the spot. End of plan to kill Dad, (btw, Dad was a sweetheart too), and the beginning of a better relationship between him and his girlfriend, that would turn into a 30th anniversary celebration yesterday.
Moral of story? I really wish you'd stop deciding who God will and will not save, merely because "he's a guy, therefore is not worthy to marry." That is your message for every women who ever mentions she has a tough relationship, at the moment, with a guy. "He's a guy, therefore is not worthy to marriage."
And sadly, since you're the first responder to all of these kinds of post, many walk away thinking you gave a good answer. An answer for you, not for God.
D
Think back to 20-year-old Tourist. Now. Honestly? Weren't you more like that kid than you wish to remember? And should everyone have given up on you because you were?
The guy is like most 20-year-old guys. One of the things I appreciate about 20-year-old guys is how quickly they return to sanity, even though they swear what they're doing at that moment is the 100% proper/best choice to make! They make decisions at the flip of a coin and change their minds even quicker. That's what youth gives us. And the same is true for most 20-year-old gals too.
Never judge the eternity of a 20-year-old, because they're only 20 for a year, but grow for the rest of their lives. We do not know God's plans for these two young people. Most older couples who weren't saved when they met have stories similar to this. The first is saved, and then the other is saved in a relatively short time. AND, good thing too, because we tend to make some really stupid decisions before we're saved, (and some more even after we're saved.)
The guy is like most 20-year-old guys. One of the things I appreciate about 20-year-old guys is how quickly they return to sanity, even though they swear what they're doing at that moment is the 100% proper/best choice to make! They make decisions at the flip of a coin and change their minds even quicker. That's what youth gives us. And the same is true for most 20-year-old gals too.
Never judge the eternity of a 20-year-old, because they're only 20 for a year, but grow for the rest of their lives. We do not know God's plans for these two young people. Most older couples who weren't saved when they met have stories similar to this. The first is saved, and then the other is saved in a relatively short time. AND, good thing too, because we tend to make some really stupid decisions before we're saved, (and some more even after we're saved.)
How nice for your friends. 
You know, you really need to address your problem of constantly assuming that you know what I "always" do, or say or feel. You don't so just STOP. This guy may be her husband someday, maybe not. Either way God will NOT and CANNOT change him unless he WANTS to change. God can't force him to give up porn, being selfish, and singing uncouth lyrics. He needs to want to do that for himself and the OP.
You know, you really need to address your problem of constantly assuming that you know what I "always" do, or say or feel. You don't so just STOP. This guy may be her husband someday, maybe not. Either way God will NOT and CANNOT change him unless he WANTS to change. God can't force him to give up porn, being selfish, and singing uncouth lyrics. He needs to want to do that for himself and the OP.
D
How nice for your friends. You know, you really need to address your problem of constantly assuming that you know what I "always" do, or say or feel. You don't so just STOP. This guy may be her husband someday, maybe not. Either way God will NOT and CANNOT change him unless he WANTS to change. God can't force him to give up porn, being selfish, and singing uncouth lyrics. He needs to want to do that for himself and the OP.
You know, you really need to address your problem of constantly assuming that you know what I "always" do, or say or feel. You don't so just STOP. This guy may be her husband someday, maybe not. Either way God will NOT and CANNOT change him unless he WANTS to change. God can't force him to give up porn, being selfish, and singing uncouth lyrics. He needs to want to do that for himself and the OP.
Clear enough?
OK I am a man. This is my view as a man. My experience comes from having gone to a boys only school, then straight into the army, based far away in the sticks (well mostly sand, but there were some sticks). I then worked in male oriented workplaces for much of my life.
In my view, for women, about 20% of men are best left alone. Stay as far away as possible. They are bad news for relationships.
Then there are another 15% to 20% that have an attitude that is not ideal for a really loving relationship.
It is from the rest that a decent to great lifelong relationship can be had.
For most women, if they want to have a family, there is a certain time they have to establish a solid, sincere relationship.
With this in mind, waiting 10 or so years to see whether or not a young man will mature into a good loving husband material is not really a good idea.
In my experience, If a guy in his early 20s is not behaving in a way that gives a young woman confidence and trust, she should dump him and move on to meet someone from the decent guy group. If a woman stays with the nasty fellow, the chance of meeting a decent man is minimal.
Having a relationship with someone who is not a sincere Chistian, in the hope that he might at some future date turn to God, is a bad idea. If a woman will stay with him as he is, why should he change?
Jesusismylife22, my humble advice is to leave your boyfriend and be open to meet someone who is already a sincere Christian. And don't get involved sexually too early. If you say "No" to sex and he loves you, he will stay. If you say "No" and he goes away, then think "Good riddance" no matter how "cool" he might have seemed.
With sex there is a trap. Some men have a relationship in order to have regular sex, while some women have sex in order to have a relationship. Don't fall into that trap. It complicates life.
That's my 2 bits.
In my view, for women, about 20% of men are best left alone. Stay as far away as possible. They are bad news for relationships.
Then there are another 15% to 20% that have an attitude that is not ideal for a really loving relationship.
It is from the rest that a decent to great lifelong relationship can be had.
For most women, if they want to have a family, there is a certain time they have to establish a solid, sincere relationship.
With this in mind, waiting 10 or so years to see whether or not a young man will mature into a good loving husband material is not really a good idea.
In my experience, If a guy in his early 20s is not behaving in a way that gives a young woman confidence and trust, she should dump him and move on to meet someone from the decent guy group. If a woman stays with the nasty fellow, the chance of meeting a decent man is minimal.
Having a relationship with someone who is not a sincere Chistian, in the hope that he might at some future date turn to God, is a bad idea. If a woman will stay with him as he is, why should he change?
Jesusismylife22, my humble advice is to leave your boyfriend and be open to meet someone who is already a sincere Christian. And don't get involved sexually too early. If you say "No" to sex and he loves you, he will stay. If you say "No" and he goes away, then think "Good riddance" no matter how "cool" he might have seemed.
With sex there is a trap. Some men have a relationship in order to have regular sex, while some women have sex in order to have a relationship. Don't fall into that trap. It complicates life.
That's my 2 bits.
L
Check this series out by Andy Stanley. It helped me tremendously.
YourMove.is | Ep1 – The Right Person Myth
Make sure you listen to all four of them.
I think you need to let him go. He is obviously not a Christian and we need to be equally yoked. Trust me, this is not the guy your heavenly father would want for his daughter. It's easier said than done...but a year from now you'll be so happy you let him go.
You might think that you can convert him but that's something that only God can do. If he is the one God has for you...he will come back to you as a Christian man ready to commit. But for now...let him go, hun.
YourMove.is | Ep1 – The Right Person Myth
Make sure you listen to all four of them.
I think you need to let him go. He is obviously not a Christian and we need to be equally yoked. Trust me, this is not the guy your heavenly father would want for his daughter. It's easier said than done...but a year from now you'll be so happy you let him go.
You might think that you can convert him but that's something that only God can do. If he is the one God has for you...he will come back to you as a Christian man ready to commit. But for now...let him go, hun.
Well it is up to you if you can accept his flaws because all men have bad sides of character. there is no such thing as flawless partner. Only God Almighty is the flawless being on earth.
but for me, it he does not stop doing sinful things you mentioned, I think it is the best that you separate with him.
you must find a partner who loves to hear, study and live by the Words of God.
The better a Godly pastor if you will be lucky.
but for me, it he does not stop doing sinful things you mentioned, I think it is the best that you separate with him.
you must find a partner who loves to hear, study and live by the Words of God.
The better a Godly pastor if you will be lucky.
D
You're right about only one thing. I did make bad choices in guys. However, I don't hate men at all. If I did, I'd be a lesbian. Also, not ALL guys are bad. You really need to stop assuming, Lynn. You really aren't as smart as you think you are, concerning me. Is THAT clear enough for YOU?
Also, not ALL guys are bad. You really need to stop assuming, Lynn. You really aren't as smart as you think you are, concerning me. Is THAT clear enough for YOU?
It is truly sad that you think hating guys means you'd become a lesbian. Hating is hating. It's not always sexual, and yet you think it is. And, just because you hate guys does not mean you don't hate women too.
Have you ever noticed what happens with you on this site? You come off with haughty as a starting point, and a finishing point, every time. It comes in the "This should be on the proper forum." "You should leave him." "That's wrong." And when you're not you shouldn't, your sprawling all over how much you hate this site or yelling at someone for whatever. And when there isn't anything else to do, you revive your personal threads to keep adding to them, and then recommending them for everyone going through something.
What's there? Your constant anger! Your ego. Certainly not God. Certainly never edifying. You're always angry.
You don't get it, do you? I DO NOT HATE MEN. Nor do I hate women, either. I may not like them all, but I don't hate any of them. FYI: I'm not the only one who tells people that their posts are sometimes in the wrong forum. Threads about porn or similar subject, do NOT belong in the Intro forum. So what if I revive a few of MY threads? At least doing so keeps me out of trouble, and not getting beeched at by people like you who think they know EVERYTHING about me. For the last time, stop assuming you know me, how I feel or what I think.. And there's nothing wrong with recommending my threads to people. I recommend other people's threads to others as well.. No ego there.
Believe me, YOU are by far the most angry person here. You've been told so by many here, and you're also the most confrontational person here. But you ignore that fact, and try to make ME the angry one, when I'm not. NO ONE here has EVER told me I'm angry except for you. So stop projecting YOUR own anger onto me, please. Thanks, and back to ignore you go.
Believe me, YOU are by far the most angry person here. You've been told so by many here, and you're also the most confrontational person here. But you ignore that fact, and try to make ME the angry one, when I'm not. NO ONE here has EVER told me I'm angry except for you. So stop projecting YOUR own anger onto me, please. Thanks, and back to ignore you go.
[FONT=微软雅黑]You should tell him. if he still look into porn ，That's cheating on you about he loves you. and not good for sex with you , still bad for health. I do not know how much you love him ,and how much he loves you .[FONT=微软雅黑]You should convince him with the right reason, pary to god help you.[/FONT][/FONT]
R
It doesn't matter if this guy will change and this is only a phase. People are saying this guy, right now in the time of his life is not right for her. He may end up being a great, wonderful God fearing man but right now that is not the case. Right now, she needs to focus on her faith and relationship on God. After a few years and they reconnect...just maybe they can find out what happens