How to date introverted Christian men?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
T

toinena

Guest
#121
#121
Introvert or extrovert? You can find yourself far out or quite in the middle of the scale. Either case. If you are not accepted as the person God created you to be, or if you push into a relationship God didn't intended, it will not end nicely.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#122
Mar 13, 2014
42,538
17,014
113
69
Tennessee
#122
dc44James said:
Be patient. Be faithful. Introverted Christian men are looking for the diamond on the street. Good women are more rare than diamonds. Do not jump to the thought that they may be uninterested. Introverted Christian men court on the inside first.
Click to expand...
I especially took note of your last sentence as it was true in my case.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#123
Mar 13, 2014
42,538
17,014
113
69
Tennessee
#123
almond641 said:
To the contrary, I invited him out, thanks to the encouragement and prayers from many of you here! The good news is that he accepted it and we met this afternoon. The bad news is that it didn't work out well - nothing to do with him being an introvert but that he has no passion for following or serving God. It's pretty sad to find out this, but in the end it's good to know that he is not the right person for me. Despite being raised up in a traditional Christian family, he stopped attending Sunday Service since last year and is venturing into the non-Christian world, which I could clearly tell from our conversation.

It has been nearly a week since I started this thread, and I'm amazed by how much all of your advice and encouragement have changed me - from a woman who firmly believes in waiting for the right man - to warmly inviting my interested one out. Yes, my first date was a failure today, but I gained new insights and will reach out to more men. I THANK EACH OF YOU FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM WITH ME! And my blessings to you all - whether you are still looking for the right one, or in a relationship. God has the best in store for us.
Click to expand...
I would not say that your first date was a failure as you gained experience and learned something about someone that you didn't know before. It is always an adventure to venture out into the unknown. That takes courage. Very admirable.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#124
Mar 13, 2014
42,538
17,014
113
69
Tennessee
#124
Adstar said:
Being on the introverted side of things myself and as a male i would advise it is near impossible for a woman who is interested in an introvert to force the issue along.. Taking the classical mans role and asking a introvert out will just end in the guy running...

The only way a woman can have a chance with an introvert... and it is not much of a chance... Is to make themselves as less threatening towards the introvert as they can.. Also if a woman is to show interest in an introvert she should do so by looking at him and trying to establish eye contact and in that moment make it clear that she finds him appealing.. But only do so for a very short time period like 1 or two seconds.. Then look away and give him time to de-stress and take on board the information, maybe half an hour .. Then try it again.. Seek to establish eye contact with the introvert and when contact is established give him that look again with a smile.. You should probably act kind of shy also.. Making yourself seem even less dangerous or threatening or confronting as you can..

Introverts find the process of establishing new human friends a very stressful high pressure experience.. Establishing a romantic relationship is is 10 times more stressful then establishing a friend..

Also the statements from some saying that if the introverted guy is ""really interested"" in you enough then he will suddenly change into an extrovert for you is just wrong.. There are a lot of introverts who find themselves deeply in love with a woman and will admire her from afar for years and he never ever approach her.. Sad but true..
Click to expand...
The only way a woman can have a chance with an introvert is the same for having a chance with any type of personality, and that is to just be yourself, and to show a genuine interest.

I believe also that it is 10 times more exciting to establish a romantic relationship that just a friendship and not 10 times more stressful. A better word for a woman appearing to be 'dangerous' is alluring and 'threatening' is desire.

Admiring a woman from afar for years is not going cut it. A major obstacle to establishing a romantic relationship is to not have the fear of rejection or commitment. Why wait for years on the sidelines pondering whether or not you have a chance? Get in the game and seize the opportunity if one should present itself. Another thing, don't wait years to ask a woman to marry you and then take years to actually get married. Time is a precious commodity. If you love a woman and feel she would make a good wife ask her to marry you and then get married. This whole process should take weeks and months but not months and years.

I am an introvert also and know from a lifetime of experience that being meek and timid in the game of love does not work and only leads to frustration and heartbreak.
 
almond641

almond641

Member
#125
Jun 30, 2018
29
38
13
#125
tourist said:
I would not say that your first date was a failure as you gained experience and learned something about someone that you didn't know before. It is always an adventure to venture out into the unknown. That takes courage. Very admirable.
Click to expand...
Thanks tourist - you are very encouraging. When I reflect on that experience, I no longer think of it a failure either. It was an honest, open-ended conversation. We both talked about our families, school experience and careers, just like good friends. I appreciate that he was very candid with me. Although it was upsetting to hear he has not been going to church, we learnt a lot about each other just within an hour.

So if any of you - introverted or not - is interested in someone, take the first step to invite him/her out. It doesn't have to be like a romantic date. Seeing that person as a good friend can help us gain more insights about him/her from the beginning.
 
almond641

almond641

Member
#126
Jun 30, 2018
29
38
13
#126
dc44James said:
Be patient. Be faithful. Introverted Christian men are looking for the diamond on the street. Good women are more rare than diamonds. Do not jump to the thought that they may be uninterested. Introverted Christian men court on the inside first.
Click to expand...
Well, that man appeared so cool when we met that I thought he had no interest in me. But then I recalled what you said. So how can I tell whether he is interested in meeting again or not? Should I just wait?
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#127
#127
Adstar said:
Well you are not as introverted as some other people are.. If you where then you would understand..
Click to expand...
Excuse me, but I won't get into a "who has it worst debate with you."

But just to say, you would be amazed by the things that introverted people are accomplishing everyday.

Everyday when I wake up I can either, hide under my bed and never leave the house or I can step out in faith that God will be with me and help me.
 
D

dc44James

Member
#128
Jul 7, 2018
31
22
8
#128
almond641 said:
Well, that man appeared so cool when we met that I thought he had no interest in me. But then I recalled what you said. So how can I tell whether he is interested in meeting again or not? Should I just wait?
Click to expand...
Almond. Yes. Wait. Pray for guidance from our father. Nothing good comes when we do it in our time, not his.
 
D

dc44James

Member
#129
Jul 7, 2018
31
22
8
#129
Kim82 said:
Excuse me, but I won't get into a "who has it worst debate with you."

But just to say, you would be amazed by the things that introverted people are accomplishing everyday.

Everyday when I wake up I can either, hide under my bed and never leave the house or I can step out in faith that God will be with me and help me.
Click to expand...
That is me Kim. Amen.
 
D

dc44James

Member
#130
Jul 7, 2018
31
22
8
#130
tourist said:
I especially took note of your last sentence as it was true in my case.
Click to expand...
Absolutely true. My partner is going to PROVE by her actions, not words, that she is a worthy Christian partner. Of course, we must constantly prove it as well. Flattery is of the devil.
 
K

Kim82

Guest
#131
#131
tourist said:
The only way a woman can have a chance with an introvert is the same for having a chance with any type of personality, and that is to just be yourself, and to show a genuine interest.

I believe also that it is 10 times more exciting to establish a romantic relationship that just a friendship and not 10 times more stressful. A better word for a woman appearing to be 'dangerous' is alluring and 'threatening' is desire.

Admiring a woman from afar for years is not going cut it. A major obstacle to establishing a romantic relationship is to not have the fear of rejection or commitment. Why wait for years on the sidelines pondering whether or not you have a chance? Get in the game and seize the opportunity if one should present itself. Another thing, don't wait years to ask a woman to marry you and then take years to actually get married. Time is a precious commodity. If you love a woman and feel she would make a good wife ask her to marry you and then get married. This whole process should take weeks and months but not months and years.

I am an introvert also and know from a lifetime of experience that being meek and timid in the game of love does not work and only leads to frustration and heartbreak.
Click to expand...
 
K

Khalil

Guest
#132
#132
I am an introverted man myself. Introverted men can also tend to be introspective so they're good at knowing emotions and other people before those people even know them well enough. An introverted man will understand a women very well and the emotional bond will be very intense and romantic. But because of the introverted guys shyness it could cause them to neglect romantic gestures at times and lack dominance. Which probably won't be so fulfilling to the women that expects dominance out of her man.
 
T

toinena

Guest
#133
#133
Khalil said:
I am an introverted man myself. Introverted men can also tend to be introspective so they're good at knowing emotions and other people before those people even know them well enough. An introverted man will understand a women very well and the emotional bond will be very intense and romantic. But because of the introverted guys shyness it could cause them to neglect romantic gestures at times and lack dominance. Which probably won't be so fulfilling to the women that expects dominance out of her man.
Click to expand...
Not all women want to he dominated and some that do, do it because they are emotionally hurt or struggle with issues that are not resolved. Love is not about domination but of mutual submission and respect.

What a woman do need and every relationship needs is communication. My ex husband just turned his deaf ear (literally) to me when I needed to tell him something that was very important to me. It made me very frustrated. Our marriage didn't end nicely.

An extrovert needs to speak to think. An introvert speaks before he is thinking. If they don't meet each other on those needs, they have a serious communication problem.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#134
Aug 2, 2009
24,643
4,304
113
#134
Kim82 said:
...bro if you can't even work your brain to find a way that's comfortable for you, to let a woman know you like her, then the fact is, you don't really want her or want a life with her, you are only an admirer. And really what good is that?
Click to expand...
This shows that you really don't know what an introverted/shy man is like. They are deathly afraid of rejection because of various personal reasons. That is why they have trouble summoning up the courage to let a woman know that they are interested. And I am not saying that a woman should make the first move!

Also, who are you to tell him what he's feeling? And calling him 'bro' while telling him he doesn't know what he's talking about and calling his feelings USELESS is disrepectful. Would you like it if someone told you that you don't know what you're talking about and that you're feelings are useless while calling you 'babe'? Please show a little respect.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#135
Aug 13, 2014
27,110
9,211
113
#135
Deathly afraid? zeroturbulence I happen to be an introvert and I am not "deathly afraid" of rejection. Actually apathy is the main reason I'm still single. I just never have gotten around to finding a woman.

Deathly afraid? Really? I'm not even deathly afraid of spiders, though I will either hurt a snake or hurt myself trying to get away from a snake.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#136
Aug 2, 2009
24,643
4,304
113
#136
Lynx said:
Deathly afraid? zeroturbulence I happen to be an introvert and I am not "deathly afraid" of rejection. Actually apathy is the main reason I'm still single. I just never have gotten around to finding a woman.

Deathly afraid? Really? I'm not even deathly afraid of spiders, though I will either hurt a snake or hurt myself trying to get away from a snake.
Click to expand...
Good for you! I really don't care what you think. You somehow like to think you are better than me and just keep trying to one-up me every chance you get on this forum.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#137
Aug 13, 2014
27,110
9,211
113
#137
No, I'm just not deathly afraid of rejection.

Are you?
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#138
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#138
You two gotta stop hogging the threads with y’all disagreements now.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#139
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#139
I'm deathly afraid of snakes
 
You must log in or register to reply here.