If You've Ever Sought Help for a Problem, Was it Really of Very Much Help?

[Hamarr]

I think sometimes we as christians, and especially pastors, can end up feeling stuck between our frailty and our faith. There are times when a pastor probably should say I'm not the best person to help, but saying that leads to questions of is the wisdom of God not sufficient, can God not handle this, if Christ can really heal all the brokenness of the world shouldn't he be enough, etc.

All too often this ends up as a kind of, well we don't want to send them to the world (one of the questions that keeps me from seeking advice in a lot of places is the concern that while I may get advice that will enable me to get what I want, I'm not so sure that such advice will be in keeping with God's commands and values) but since we really don't know what to tell them we end up giving them mostly useless platitudes like read your Bible more and pray about it (good things to do, but certainly not a whole answer in addressing a serious problem) or some vague wait on God and he will somehow magically fix it.

Yeah. I remember not being in a good state and getting some Bible versus thrown my way that were not so helpful. One of them, I could have taken in a way that I was to feel shame for sinning on top of everything else. There was a pastor around here that had a bit of a mental health background that suggested counseling to people that was far more helpful.

If it were a physical thing, people generally wouldn't say give it to God, like they would for mental health issues. I'm picturing someone getting their broken in an accident and someone saying "give it to God" instead of taking them to the hospital. To be fair, a lot of what is being learned about these is pretty new, especially around family dysfunction, trauma, etc.

 

[Lynx]

If it were a physical thing, people generally wouldn't say give it to God, like they would for mental health issues. I'm picturing someone getting their broken in an accident and someone saying "give it to God" instead of taking them to the hospital. To be fair, a lot of what is being learned about these is pretty new, especially around family dysfunction, trauma, etc.

Actually I've seen that too. Somebody passes out because of a heart attack or stroke or something, and people praying for the afflicted person, and somebody pulls out a phone to call for an ambulance... and people glare at him.

The glaring never stops the call, fortunately, but some seem to take it as an affront to faith.

 

[Dino246]

I think sometimes we as christians, and especially pastors, can end up feeling stuck between our frailty and our faith. There are times when a pastor probably should say I'm not the best person to help, but saying that leads to questions of is the wisdom of God not sufficient, can God not handle this, if Christ can really heal all the brokenness of the world shouldn't he be enough, etc.

All too often this ends up as a kind of, well we don't want to send them to the world (one of the questions that keeps me from seeking advice in a lot of places is the concern that while I may get advice that will enable me to get what I want, I'm not so sure that such advice will be in keeping with God's commands and values) but since we really don't know what to tell them we end up giving them mostly useless platitudes like read your Bible more and pray about it (good things to do, but certainly not a whole answer in addressing a serious problem) or some vague wait on God and he will somehow magically fix it.

The counselors I went to are overt Christians and use sound biblical principles in their practice. The one I went to more recently is a member at the same church I attend, and the pastor is unashamed to send people to him for help. I would never send a Christian to a non-Christian counselor, for any problem. You might as well send a cancer patient to a mechanic.

 

[Didymous]

I don't care what anyone says-the bible and prayer, then your church are still the best ways to get help. As for the choices you listed, if they're Christian(when applicable)then they are probably useful. Secular resources(IMO)should only be a last resort.

 

[cinder]

Yeah, but I do have to agree with Mr. Newhart about horoscopes. We definitely don't go there. =^.^=

Oh I can agree with him enough to say that yes the solution is "Stop it"; but that's about as helpful as being told don't wreck your car or learn to read. It's not actually giving you any skills or training to do what you're being asked to do.

 

[Lynx]

Aye, and I understood what you were saying with the video clip.

But when she mentioned her horoscope and he said we definitely don't go there, I was shaking my head. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Especially at the psychologist's office.

 

[Krumbeard]

Recommending someone go somewhere else for help isn't being much help. (i.e; I need help painting my house.. Call a painter). That's advice, but its not offering any direct help. Generally, when I express a problem, I get an opinion in response, and everyone has an opinion. The best help is when someone gets personally involved and helps. A couple of examples;

I need help finding a girlfriend... Advice; sign-up on Match.com... Help; I'll introduce you to a couple of available ladies.
I"m injured........... Advice; call a doctor..... Help; The Parable of the Good Samaritan

I know this is of topic but for whatever reason, it really cracked me up this morning!

Sorry. My apologies.

 

[zeroturbulence]

How did I miss this thread?! Anyway... the best way I've found to get help is to search for expert advice on youtube. There are many professionals on there that can help with everything. There are even doctors, psychologists, dieticians, pastors, and self-help gurus. The key word is 'professional'. I weed out the amatuers and look for a pro who seems to really know what they're talking about. I've found helpful advice on all kinds of things.

 

[Didymous]

I've always turned to God-even before I was saved. He's the only one that always helps.

 

[love_comes_softly]

The OP really asks some interesting questions.

I’m definitely someone who tends to direct others seeking help to other sources and I think it’s because apart from praying for someone, I don’t feel adequate to help serious issues.

I’m certainly a natural listener, BUT I myself, would have an extremely difficult time seeking out true help from online sources or professionals.

I find myself to be a private person and it stresses me out to share things I’m going through. I’ve done it, but it isn’t typically helpful.

Oddly enough, apart from prayer and reading the word (that is my source of daily help and center of peace), I get more help in listening to other people talk about their life and things they are going through. It’s not necessarily that my issues are being put into perspective, but I learn through others.

 

[Zan]

(Most) doctors who are in the health business for any span of time go through certain qualifications and a lot of education before getting around to helping patients with prescription medications, so they know what they are doing. If you want to bring faith into the equation, I imagine you shouldn't "resign yourself" to a dozen pills a day--you should make adjustments to your lifestyle that reflect your direction in improving health until (for example) you no longer need medication for blood pressure, or lose enough weight to overcome diabetes, it happens. Nonetheless, there is a lot of clinical research supporting the chemicals they use to improve health conditions, and if you examine the literature that comes with every prescription, you are aware of possible side effects which you can discuss with a doctor to make informed decisions.

In the case of mental health, it is especially important to be aware of side effects from prescriptions, as a lot of them such as lithium (used to treat bipolar disorders) are basically poison despite the benefits it may have on your psychological well-being. Effective Psychiatry is based upon being honest and upfront with your doctor as possible to narrow down a diagnosis and then decide on what steps are necessary to treat a condition. For some conditions, there aren't any prescriptions which are known to make a difference. For classic anxiety/depression, there is usually an element of brain chemistry involved which can be very treatable.

Personally, I have struggled with anxiety a while, but not since I got the right medication for it. It makes things 95% bearable.

 

[Didymous]

I don't care what anyone says-the bible and prayer, then your church are still the best ways to get help. As for the choices you listed, if they're Christian(when applicable)then they are probably useful. Secular resources(IMO)should only be a last resort.

I never thought about it when I posted this,, but upon rereading it, I saw that it might seem harsh. That wasn't my intent, and I apologize if anyone thought it was.

I've tried many of the things on your list, Seoul, and some were helpful for a bit. God is the only thing that lasted. I've had many issues that God helped me with-when nothing else would.

 

[Krumbeard]

I never thought about it when I posted this,, but upon rereading it, I saw that it might seem harsh. That wasn't my intent, and I apologize if anyone thought it was.

I've tried many of the things on your list, Seoul, and some were helpful for a bit. God is the only thing that lasted. I've had many issues that God helped me with-when nothing else would.

Thanks for your thoughts Didy.

I have read through this post several days ago and have been thinking about it.

I started a reply but deleted it. Now here I am again.

I have gotten help for problems, still do. It helped me to understand how to deal with things. Secular counseling or self help books only go so far. They seem to miss the "man is a sinner" part.

As I get older and learn more about what the bible has to say about God, us and this world, it does help.

I have been to AA meetings. Still not sure what I think about those. I have been to Al Anon meetings. They use the same 12 step program that AA uses. It was encouraging to be around others that understood why you were there. The principles taught were helpful to more than just substance abuse.

I have gotten help from pastors and counselors.

I do want to emphasize that these things in and of themselves without God would only go so far and would be kind of empty.

But also, if there was no God, I don't think we'd even have those things.

This might be a bit straggled. Sorry.

 

[LittleMermaid]

I like to read self-help books. Some of them have helped me. Actually, each one of them has at least a few good tips so they're always helpful in some sense. I also enjoy reading the Bible. I go to the back of the Bible in the concordance and look up what I'm having trouble with. For example if I'm feeling fat and lazy, I look up "glutton" and read the verses from the Bible that pertain to that word. That helps me. Proverbs is so so good for this!

I also prefer natural remedies over medications. With anxiety (which is something I struggle with), I usually go for a walk outside to calm down. I sometimes turn off all electronics and start reading a good book or file my nails. It's good to do something relaxing when having a little spurt of anxiety. If it's an anxiety attack (which I don't get often, thank God!) I have learned to take deep breaths to calm down.
Also the cognitive behavioral triangle is a God send! It's amazing how such a small piece of information could really help you in life!

For those that don't know...basically you are made of behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Each one affects the other two. So if you want to change your emotions, for example, you have to think differently and act differently. If you want to change a behavior like developing good habits, you have to think positively about it and change your emotions toward the new habit.

I cannot afford a therapist. I have tried to look for some help online and I really cannot find anything good. Most sites charge or want you to sign in and you can't really talk to a professional unless you pay. Which is understandable as people need to make money. But I'm just saying, I couldn't really find help there.

A couple of years ago I had an online relationship with a man who was emotionally abusive. He would cuss me out on Skype like crazy! Two good friends on here (@seoulsearch and @Sonflower) helped me realize this man was nuts and that I needed to let go of him. Thank you ladies for helping me with that! Heaven knows where I would be now if I had continued talking to him.

After I ended that relationship, I felt kinda down and I sought help through a website called https://www.loveisrespect.org/. I was able to chat to a professional on there for free. I also got a lot of information on what an emotionally abusive relationship looks like. I learned what gaslighting is. :O So that was an awesome resource!

I think when it comes to finding information the internet is great. There is really no limit. Not only can you find medical sites with natural cures for what you have, you can also connect with friends that can make your life easier. But of course, nothing beats the word of God. Hold on to your Bibles the most.

I find that the most difficult thing about seeking help is that we sometimes get a ton of information but we don't follow through. In other words, it's the obedience part that is hard to do. For example, I know that to do better in school, I should study at the library instead of at home where I have a lot of distractions. But instead of staying at the University for a few more hours, I usually go home to take a nap. lol

 

[Krumbeard]

When we seek help, we should expect to have to put in effort. Change takes work and time. there are thousands of small decisions made all the time. We need to learn to change the small decisions we make. As we do, or at least for me, change slowly happens.

I was and still am working on some issues. I was told how this will play out. I thought I wouldn't follow the normal pattern because I wanted to be better. I did follow that. Despite that, I am changing. And it is taking a much longer time than I wanted but is holding true to what I was told. So the advice or tools you are getting/using now, keep them in mind as you make these decisions.

I have been working on a remodel project in my house for...let's see how long...way too long! But now I am at the finishing the drywall part. Ugh! It has to be done in steps. As far as I know, it cannot be done in one shot. I have to do some, wait for the spackle to dry, do some more, wait, do some more...etc. You can't rush it. And with living life...I don't have the time to work on that exclusively so that it gets done faster than it is.

Same with our issues. We need to pour the concrete and let it "cure" before we build on it. If you rush it, you will have bad results. Also, we often do not have the time or means to halt our lives to strictly work on an issue or issues in our lives exclusively. So change takes time, weeks, months, years or decades and we should always be changing for better as "new" things are revealed in our lives as we grow.

 

[Lanolin]

I think when some people say 'you need help' they actually mean 'i cant help you, go bother someone else'.
I think thats a cruel thing to do actually as there are little things you CAN do to help someone. The person who is stuggling first needs someone to listen to them. If you cant be that person, at least pray for them.

The thing is, if you do need help, you need to know who can help, and thats God. He will send the helper to you, thats the holy spirit.