Virginity

[seoulsearch]

However my other comparison is how I actually feel about it. Its like shoplifting a candy bar its not a huge deal and its not really going to do any harm. However I'm not going to tell kids to do it.

Likewise, if you read our posts, NONE of us here EVER said anything to the effect that 1. losing your virginity isn't a big deal, because it IS, and 2. NONE of us here ever wrote that we were promoting going out and losing it to just anyone or having random sex with anyone who came by.

It sounded as if you thought the only reason a person here would be a non-virgin is because they're out partying away with any and all random persons they meet. TOTALLY UNTRUE. Some of us made mistakes BUT are turning our lives around, some of us had our virginity stolen through abuse, some of us were married, and some of us were just like you and going through all the struggles you're going through now.

I understand what you're saying, Greenguy. I think you feel like you're waiting and making sacrifices and you're a little bit angry, bitter, and afraid that the fight you're going through won't even matter to anyone in the end. From my posts, you can also see that I understand the issues of rejection very well. Many of us can sympathize with you because we've been there, are ARE right there once again, after going through some life traumas ourselves. We may no longer be virgins, but the struggle is just as challenging, if not worse in many ways, because once you know about something, you can't "un-know" it.

And you're right--sometimes the only person who cares about our purity is God. It is very discouraging to me personally when I find Christian men who think they've triumphed if they haven't had sex in, let's say, two months, and it's because they were just separated from their spouse. I am NOT belittling anyone's struggle at all, I'm just saying, that in my situation of trying to live a renewed life for God, going to dinner with a "Christian guy" (he was in missions, on the worship team, the who enchilada) who tells me to my face that he'd "love it if I tried to bribe with sex" is EXTREMELY discouraging, to say the least. I actually told him that I thought his behavior was completely inappropriate.

Keep seeking God, Green... You're not alone in your feelings, even if your virginity is by "failure to get what you wanted to accomplish." Many of us have been there, and if you're looking for someone to talk to or be a mentor, there are many great guys who have posted in this thread or here in the forum whom I'm sure would be more than willing to encourage you.

 

[cmarieh]

They are not less valuable than the people that are keeping their virginity if anything they are more. I have heard this phrase of being a "recycled virgin" meaning you did have sex before marriage, but yet you want to wait to have a sexual relationship until you are married. This only works though is if you repent for what happened or turn away from sin. I hope this helps you feel better

 

[greenguy23]

They are not less valuable than the people that are keeping their virginity if anything they are more. I have heard this phrase of being a "recycled virgin" meaning you did have sex before marriage, but yet you want to wait to have a sexual relationship until you are married. This only works though is if you repent for what happened or turn away from sin. I hope this helps you feel better

I'm going to be upfront with you. Are you the devil? because this post makes me want to put a bullet in my head. Its bad enough I hear this from all my peers and media 24/7. I'm mean if virginity doesn't really matter then Suicide for the right reasons doesn't matter either.

 

[resurrection33]

They are not less valuable than the people that are keeping their virginity if anything they are more. I have heard this phrase of being a "recycled virgin" meaning you did have sex before marriage, but yet you want to wait to have a sexual relationship until you are married. This only works though is if you repent for what happened or turn away from sin. I hope this helps you feel better

I don't know why a person who kept their virginity till they married would be less valuable than someone who didn't. Jesus told us not to fornicate.

[20] And he said, "What comes out of a man is what defiles a man.
[21] For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, fornication, theft, murder, adultery,
[22] coveting, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.
[23] All these evil things come from within, and they defile a man." Mark 7:20-23 RSV

 

[isaria]

I agree it is beautiful to wait and to hold sexuality sacred , holy and high and wait till marriage.
Many people who did not wait may of had traumatic and very bad sex that never felt good but when they later in life marry in good church and have holy union may sing "like a virgin touch for first time" as maybe they never have been touched with love but only lust.
If you only been touched with lust and bad sex and then touched with love by a Good man of God indeed you may feel shiny and new and like virgin of love making .

It is said also those whom have had intercourse should still wait till marriage till they make sexual love.

It is good for communication and for a man to ask partner and communicate about things and visa versa so know where stand.
Some christians do not wait till marriage with the sex what I hear.
Depends on how strict one is with this perhaps and what guidance and lead you have.
Try to do and be ones best one can and stay true and pray to be faithful.

 

[dizzychad]

If having sex with others before your marriage is not a big deal, then you should be cool with your spouse having sex outside of your marriage after the wedding. The results are basically the same.

 

[Godsgirl83]

If having sex with others before your marriage is not a big deal, then you should be cool with your spouse having sex outside of your marriage after the wedding. The results are basically the same.

hello @dizzychad. Welcome to CC.
Just an FYI, on the top left side of thread post is a date that shows when the post was made.
The last post in this thread before you is dated Aug. 30, 2013.
That means it has been nearly 6 years since anyone posted in this thread.
Also, under the user names has some info about them. Some say "Banned" meaning they are no longer allowed on the site,
some say "guest" I believe that is for people who were members and have requested accounts to be closed (post stay up still)
and some have various other sayings under their names. If you hover over the name, some user info show and depending on how each person has their account set up you can sometimes see the last date/time a user was active on site (some have that disabled).
It helps to know this info for future maneuverings through the site

I've read your other post.
You are a rare jewel!
May you continue to stand STRONG!
Blessings,
GG

 

[Mii]

If having sex with others before your marriage is not a big deal, then you should be cool with your spouse having sex outside of your marriage after the wedding. The results are basically the same.

Are you familiar with Hosea and what the Lord asked him to do?

Are you familiar with the story of Rahab?

Are you familiar with the story of Ruth?


I would be mostly open to being a step father or being someone's second husband... if that's what the Lord had planned for my life. It would be an odd story but I trust his judgment. Who cares if I physically have kept myself from someone if my "heart" is not pure?

It means something yes, but the physical is ONLY the surface.

I've made consistent effort and sacrifice toward that area. Usually looking down or forcing down the impulse for double takes. Refusing to "feast with my eyes" but am not pure in all areas. I'm not going to be graphic in a co-ed forum but a lot of that stuff has slowly "cooled" with time and that saddens me more than anything else. It's not frustration so much anymore as much as pain, that maybe if I did something different I could have shared all those moments.

I'm not ragging on you btw...it's just that I felt a sense of entitlement and self-righteousness for a long time about being a virgin and I believe that to be clear error.

I have a friend that got married a virgin and he had an opportunity that almost all of his family were against...he was protected after a fashion and remained as he was.

On the wedding day he sort of vaguely told me that he just wasn't ever able to overcome certain issues leastways I think that's what was being communicated and he chose to marry and from what I can tell the Lord effected that.


We all have our own personal issues and not one of us is perfect. Not to say that you think you are...just that the example you posted shows some frustration and anger and I find that particular example disturbing. It's not about her past...it's about "our" future. If the Lord has redeemed her out of a life of waywardness and her heart is for him, that's all I could ever really ask for.

 

[laughingheart]

Is the same importance put on a man's virginity as a woman's? It should be. A young man should be encouraged and respected for striving to have sexual morals. If a male or female chooses the single life, they should be shown great respect. Our sexuality is a God given gift and so there is no shame in seeking a marriage partner. If someone is OK without it, then we, especially in the church, should support that decision. It is not about whether a woman is worthy, making her virginity an allowable way of passing judgement. Too many women in our society have this decision taken from them at an early age. It is heartbreaking. I have counselled heartbroken young girls who feel they cannot be loved because their virginity was taken from them. Let us be the love of Christ for each other. Be kind. Be a force for healing and renewed life. Let us stop pointing fingers, and instead, hold each other's hands as we walk together in this life. Just my thoughts.

 

[laughingheart]

Sometimes people have not been given a choice. I saw some bad things in my work as a social worker. Sadly there are too many children who have had that option taken from them. Having their boundaries messed with so young, can lead to acting out afterwards. They are burdened with pain. My heart breaks for them. I believe that when we are forgiven all sins, and I repeat, all sins, are wiped away and we have been redeemed. We need to stand in that. We need to help others stand in that. It is not our place to berate people for their actions before salvation. You may unintentionally hurt someone who has already suffered abuse and shame.
What I am finding disturbing, at this stage of life, is people in the church who, because they are older, and passed childbearing, are much more lax about sexual morality. I understand that it is hard to go from no intimacy, to intimacy, and then back again to no intimacy, but being single, we still need to know whose we are. God loves us and we still need to stand firm with our morality. Our obedience to the word is true praise and gratitude for what he has done and continues to do.
Please know that if you are reading this and you suffered abuse, it was not your fault, nor is it your shame, and Christ washes you clean of the past. You are loved and you are worthy. Bless you, and gentle hugs.

 

[laughingheart]

Sometimes people have not been given a choice. I saw some bad things in my work as a social worker. Sadly there are too many children who have had that option taken from them. Having their boundaries messed with so young, can lead to acting out afterwards. They are burdened with pain. My heart breaks for them. I believe that when we are forgiven all sins, and I repeat, all sins, are wiped away and we have been redeemed. We need to stand in that. We need to help others stand in that. It is not our place to berate people for their actions before salvation. You may unintentionally hurt someone who has already suffered abuse and shame.
What I am finding disturbing, at this stage of life, is people in the church who, because they are older, and passed childbearing, are much more lax about sexual morality. I understand that it is hard to go from no intimacy, to intimacy, and then back again to no intimacy, but being single, we still need to know whose we are. God loves us and we still need to stand firm with our morality. Our obedience to the word is true praise and gratitude for what he has done and continues to do.
Please know that if you are reading this and you suffered abuse, it was not your fault, nor is it your shame, and Christ washes you clean of the past. You are loved and you are worthy. Bless you, and gentle hugs.

Sorry if I repeated myself a bit in posts that were a month apart. You can see that my heart is really affected by people who need protection, mercy and grace.

 

[SoulWeaver]

This idea that somehow people are less worthy because of past mistakes, it reminds me a lot of those Muslim I-dropped-a-lollipop-and-now-it's-filthy woman analogies... It's everything but Christian. If someone doesn't understand that Jesus makes all things new chances are they themselves harbor filth on the inside because they don't understand their own salvation or God. Even Christians do this to others in various areas, and people especially like devaluing others when it comes to past sexual sin. We should never live licentiously, holiness is pivotal, but nobody can change their past no matter how much they want to. Anyone who chose a bad thing, they missed out on better things they could have had... if they are a new creature in Christ, they understand well that they didn't gain, and they grieve over their loss! We need to beware not to be this:

Isaiah 65:5 Which say, Stand by thyself, come not near to me; for I am holier than thou. These are a smoke in my nose, a fire that burneth all the day.
Matthew 20:11 And when they had received it, they murmured against the goodman of the house, 12 Saying, These last have wrought but one hour, and thou hast made them equal unto us, which have borne the burden and heat of the day. 16 So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen.

 

[Princesse]

I always wonder how single Christian men view women who are no longer virgins. Do they seek and/or value these women more?

I've never dated a Christian man before, so this is all new to me.

I have never encountered a man (Christian or otherwise) with a fixation on virginity. Most men don’t enter marriage in the same state. But I’ve certainly engaged with men who desire a partner who respects and honors their companion. And more than a few acknowledge the difficulty of finding someone with those qualities.

Men aren’t complaining about an absence of virginity. They’re referencing disrespectful women with entitled attitudes whose self-absorption blinds them to the dichotomy of their behavior in light of their expectations.

Just because you’re a virgin doesn’t mean your disposition and heart are equally chaste.

 

[oksana123]

The church I grew up in, it wasn't even a question. If you lost your virginity you would have to come out publicly confess and repent in front of the congregation. It was assumed that if you were geeing married you were a virgin. If you were not christian before and lost your virginity you had to tell your husband to be. If your husband found out after the wedding that you were not it would be a big deal to the point that he could divorce you. "Baptist church."

 

[GWYW_Bob]

There is hardly anything so valuable to a single person than their virginity. Don’t let Satan tempt you into losing it before you get married.

Yes, X1000

 

[Prycejosh1987]

I am not a virgin, there is no shame in being a virgin, i was pressured to trying sex with a woman, because people were saying how good it is. It is highly overrated, for example it takes a lot of fitness and women tend to make the guy do most of the work.