The Virgin Porn Addict -- Why Do We Differentiate So Much Between Sins of the Heart and the Body?
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Well scripture also says that hating someone is equal to murder so I'm not sure what to make of it because if that's true, then all of us are murderers and adulterers. A man (or woman) doesn't have to see porn to have impure thoughts about someone else, and who has never felt hate for someone in their entire life? No one. Unless they are a saint.
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I think that was exactly Jesus' point to people who believed they were more righteous than others -- that no one can think they've sinned less than someone else or committed less grievous sins or are somehow more holy than someone else, because all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
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Thanks. 
I think we are each looking at the topic from our gender's perspective, and perhaps struggling to see the other side objectively. If we take a common situation, we could each say, "It's this way because he (she) did this" and the other could say, "Yes, because she (he) did that." It's often a tangled mess of hurt and reaction that is only resolved with grace, repentance, and forgiveness. Neither gender is always at fault. An action one person takes because of their own pain might be the one that causes the most pain in the other person, even if it was not intended to cause pain.
I think we are each looking at the topic from our gender's perspective, and perhaps struggling to see the other side objectively. If we take a common situation, we could each say, "It's this way because he (she) did this" and the other could say, "Yes, because she (he) did that." It's often a tangled mess of hurt and reaction that is only resolved with grace, repentance, and forgiveness. Neither gender is always at fault. An action one person takes because of their own pain might be the one that causes the most pain in the other person, even if it was not intended to cause pain.
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Hey Everyone,
Over the years on CC, there have been times when someone will post a thread that says something like this: "I'm a virgin, and I'm looking for a virgin, and only a virgin to marry, but unfortunately, the rest of you weak, sinful people have all given into temptation and are making it impossible for me to find my special someone!"
I want to add a disclaimer right of the bat that I am NOT in any way, shape, or form, criticizing anyone from EITHER camp (whether virgin or non-virgin, and for whatever reason.) I do understand that some people have a very valid point in that they are working diligently to save themselves for marriage, only to be discouraged that no one else seems to have done the same thing.
I am not saying that these feelings are wrong at all.
But a few times over the years when I've been able to talk with someone who is a virgin and upset that no one else seems to be living by the same moral standard as they do, it will be disclosed that the person actually IS experimenting with and expressing their sexuality through pornography (and I'm not condemning anyone because we are almost all exposed to porn in one way or the other, seeing as today's ads and television shows would have been considered pornographic in the past.)
Rather, my interest in this thread is when a person is a virgin and is angry that they can't find another virgin to marry, and thinks it's terrible that "everyone else is out there doing it", but fulfills their own desires and curiosities through various "at home" medias.
In other words, there seems to be clear distinction between those who are sinning physically, maybe with several people, and those who are sinning spiritually, maybe with thousands of other people (via imagination) through the various things they have read/seen/been exposed to, purposely or not. (And of course, I realize that non-virgins fight this battle just as much.)
The questions I had in mind for this discussion are:
* Why is there a clear distinction between a physical sin and a sin of the heart, when Jesus said that looking at someone lustfully is all-out sin, because as a matter of the heart, the deed is already done? (Matthew 5:28.)
* I understand that the person who sins physically is putting themselves in a different situation with additional dangers, such as STD's and an unplanned pregnancy, but if sin is truly sin, why do those who sin in the flesh seem to be seen as "more guilty" than those who have sinned via print, computer, or any other media?
* Is it because the person who sins both in mind and body has fallen on two different fronts (mental and physical), and the person who fails "alone" has "only" sinned in mind, but not with another physical person?
Again, this thread is NOT meant to condemn anyone in any way, but rather to explore our own biases in how we categorize sin and why we see some people as being "worse" sinners or committing "worse" sins than others.
I'm guessing there is a wide variety of answers that could be given here, and I want to invite people to discuss them in an honest way that helps us both learn and empathize with each other instead of putting others down.
God bless, and thank you for your thoughts!
Over the years on CC, there have been times when someone will post a thread that says something like this: "I'm a virgin, and I'm looking for a virgin, and only a virgin to marry, but unfortunately, the rest of you weak, sinful people have all given into temptation and are making it impossible for me to find my special someone!"
I want to add a disclaimer right of the bat that I am NOT in any way, shape, or form, criticizing anyone from EITHER camp (whether virgin or non-virgin, and for whatever reason.) I do understand that some people have a very valid point in that they are working diligently to save themselves for marriage, only to be discouraged that no one else seems to have done the same thing.
I am not saying that these feelings are wrong at all.
But a few times over the years when I've been able to talk with someone who is a virgin and upset that no one else seems to be living by the same moral standard as they do, it will be disclosed that the person actually IS experimenting with and expressing their sexuality through pornography (and I'm not condemning anyone because we are almost all exposed to porn in one way or the other, seeing as today's ads and television shows would have been considered pornographic in the past.)
Rather, my interest in this thread is when a person is a virgin and is angry that they can't find another virgin to marry, and thinks it's terrible that "everyone else is out there doing it", but fulfills their own desires and curiosities through various "at home" medias.
In other words, there seems to be clear distinction between those who are sinning physically, maybe with several people, and those who are sinning spiritually, maybe with thousands of other people (via imagination) through the various things they have read/seen/been exposed to, purposely or not. (And of course, I realize that non-virgins fight this battle just as much.)
The questions I had in mind for this discussion are:
* Why is there a clear distinction between a physical sin and a sin of the heart, when Jesus said that looking at someone lustfully is all-out sin, because as a matter of the heart, the deed is already done? (Matthew 5:28.)
* I understand that the person who sins physically is putting themselves in a different situation with additional dangers, such as STD's and an unplanned pregnancy, but if sin is truly sin, why do those who sin in the flesh seem to be seen as "more guilty" than those who have sinned via print, computer, or any other media?
* Is it because the person who sins both in mind and body has fallen on two different fronts (mental and physical), and the person who fails "alone" has "only" sinned in mind, but not with another physical person?
Again, this thread is NOT meant to condemn anyone in any way, but rather to explore our own biases in how we categorize sin and why we see some people as being "worse" sinners or committing "worse" sins than others.
I'm guessing there is a wide variety of answers that could be given here, and I want to invite people to discuss them in an honest way that helps us both learn and empathize with each other instead of putting others down.
God bless, and thank you for your thoughts!
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Hey Everyone,
Over the years on CC, there have been times when someone will post a thread that says something like this: "I'm a virgin, and I'm looking for a virgin, and only a virgin to marry, but unfortunately, the rest of you weak, sinful people have all given into temptation and are making it impossible for me to find my special someone!"
I want to add a disclaimer right of the bat that I am NOT in any way, shape, or form, criticizing anyone from EITHER camp (whether virgin or non-virgin, and for whatever reason.) I do understand that some people have a very valid point in that they are working diligently to save themselves for marriage, only to be discouraged that no one else seems to have done the same thing.
I am not saying that these feelings are wrong at all.
But a few times over the years when I've been able to talk with someone who is a virgin and upset that no one else seems to be living by the same moral standard as they do, it will be disclosed that the person actually IS experimenting with and expressing their sexuality through pornography (and I'm not condemning anyone because we are almost all exposed to porn in one way or the other, seeing as today's ads and television shows would have been considered pornographic in the past.)
Rather, my interest in this thread is when a person is a virgin and is angry that they can't find another virgin to marry, and thinks it's terrible that "everyone else is out there doing it", but fulfills their own desires and curiosities through various "at home" medias.
In other words, there seems to be clear distinction between those who are sinning physically, maybe with several people, and those who are sinning spiritually, maybe with thousands of other people (via imagination) through the various things they have read/seen/been exposed to, purposely or not. (And of course, I realize that non-virgins fight this battle just as much.)
The questions I had in mind for this discussion are:
* Why is there a clear distinction between a physical sin and a sin of the heart, when Jesus said that looking at someone lustfully is all-out sin, because as a matter of the heart, the deed is already done? (Matthew 5:28.)
* I understand that the person who sins physically is putting themselves in a different situation with additional dangers, such as STD's and an unplanned pregnancy, but if sin is truly sin, why do those who sin in the flesh seem to be seen as "more guilty" than those who have sinned via print, computer, or any other media?
* Is it because the person who sins both in mind and body has fallen on two different fronts (mental and physical), and the person who fails "alone" has "only" sinned in mind, but not with another physical person?
Again, this thread is NOT meant to condemn anyone in any way, but rather to explore our own biases in how we categorize sin and why we see some people as being "worse" sinners or committing "worse" sins than others.
I'm guessing there is a wide variety of answers that could be given here, and I want to invite people to discuss them in an honest way that helps us both learn and empathize with each other instead of putting others down.
God bless, and thank you for your thoughts!
Over the years on CC, there have been times when someone will post a thread that says something like this: "I'm a virgin, and I'm looking for a virgin, and only a virgin to marry, but unfortunately, the rest of you weak, sinful people have all given into temptation and are making it impossible for me to find my special someone!"
I want to add a disclaimer right of the bat that I am NOT in any way, shape, or form, criticizing anyone from EITHER camp (whether virgin or non-virgin, and for whatever reason.) I do understand that some people have a very valid point in that they are working diligently to save themselves for marriage, only to be discouraged that no one else seems to have done the same thing.
I am not saying that these feelings are wrong at all.
But a few times over the years when I've been able to talk with someone who is a virgin and upset that no one else seems to be living by the same moral standard as they do, it will be disclosed that the person actually IS experimenting with and expressing their sexuality through pornography (and I'm not condemning anyone because we are almost all exposed to porn in one way or the other, seeing as today's ads and television shows would have been considered pornographic in the past.)
Rather, my interest in this thread is when a person is a virgin and is angry that they can't find another virgin to marry, and thinks it's terrible that "everyone else is out there doing it", but fulfills their own desires and curiosities through various "at home" medias.
In other words, there seems to be clear distinction between those who are sinning physically, maybe with several people, and those who are sinning spiritually, maybe with thousands of other people (via imagination) through the various things they have read/seen/been exposed to, purposely or not. (And of course, I realize that non-virgins fight this battle just as much.)
The questions I had in mind for this discussion are:
* Why is there a clear distinction between a physical sin and a sin of the heart, when Jesus said that looking at someone lustfully is all-out sin, because as a matter of the heart, the deed is already done? (Matthew 5:28.)
* I understand that the person who sins physically is putting themselves in a different situation with additional dangers, such as STD's and an unplanned pregnancy, but if sin is truly sin, why do those who sin in the flesh seem to be seen as "more guilty" than those who have sinned via print, computer, or any other media?
* Is it because the person who sins both in mind and body has fallen on two different fronts (mental and physical), and the person who fails "alone" has "only" sinned in mind, but not with another physical person?
Again, this thread is NOT meant to condemn anyone in any way, but rather to explore our own biases in how we categorize sin and why we see some people as being "worse" sinners or committing "worse" sins than others.
I'm guessing there is a wide variety of answers that could be given here, and I want to invite people to discuss them in an honest way that helps us both learn and empathize with each other instead of putting others down.
God bless, and thank you for your thoughts!
all you can say to this person is dont be a hypocrite. sorry cant help you. But God can. Confess all to Him.
we must take the mote out of our own eyes before trying to take it out of someone elses. Also there is such a thing as self control which is one of the fruit of the holy spirit. I think people dont really understand this fruit and dont really know how to cultivate it, what seed to plant.
but if you dont sow, you dont reap. The very first thing peoole need to do is prepare the soil. its not good taking out the weeds but they just grow back cos you havent rooted them out properly.
You might think it looks alright on the surface but those weeds are gonna come back eventually.
I will go into more gardening tips in another post but the answer is not necessarily weed killer which will kill your soil too.
I think people dont understand that there is a actually a curse put on anyone who is a bastard in the OT. which is why idolatry and sexual sin were such no-nos. God wanted a pure people.
He didnt get it though as humans being human, just couldnt help themselves. Even Jesus ancestry were all these women (and men) who transgressed. Rahab and Bathsheba and Tamar even his mother Mary herself had children out of wedlock. The thing is its God who redeems us, no matter what weve done, if we ask to be forgiven.
He didnt get it though as humans being human, just couldnt help themselves. Even Jesus ancestry were all these women (and men) who transgressed. Rahab and Bathsheba and Tamar even his mother Mary herself had children out of wedlock. The thing is its God who redeems us, no matter what weve done, if we ask to be forgiven.
Lol... are you referring to this?:
KhedetOrthos said:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I am not there to stand as judge over the past of someone I meet.
I quite agree....
but it got me thinking.... a Christian confided in me a couple of years back about being in this very situation... she has been a committed Christian since she was very young, and desperately wants to be a wife and mother. I was clear about Porn addiction being sin and hastened to add that we have an enemy roaming around seeking whom he may devour; but I have to say, my heart goes out to her, and I in no way see her as a Pharisee, but rather as a true Christian who has become entangled in a trap. I respect her for confiding in me and I keep her in prayer. I think Ben made a really good point when he shared that one of the reasons he fell prey to this trap in the past was fear. I do think it is very hard for Christians who are no longer in their twenties, for example, and remain chaste, having never married or had children, and are waiting on the Lord. Having said that, we all must be vigilant; being a single Christian can make us vulnerable to certain temptations of course, and it's good to be on our guard.
With love in Christ🙂
KhedetOrthos said:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I am not there to stand as judge over the past of someone I meet.
I quite agree....
but it got me thinking.... a Christian confided in me a couple of years back about being in this very situation... she has been a committed Christian since she was very young, and desperately wants to be a wife and mother. I was clear about Porn addiction being sin and hastened to add that we have an enemy roaming around seeking whom he may devour; but I have to say, my heart goes out to her, and I in no way see her as a Pharisee, but rather as a true Christian who has become entangled in a trap. I respect her for confiding in me and I keep her in prayer. I think Ben made a really good point when he shared that one of the reasons he fell prey to this trap in the past was fear. I do think it is very hard for Christians who are no longer in their twenties, for example, and remain chaste, having never married or had children, and are waiting on the Lord. Having said that, we all must be vigilant; being a single Christian can make us vulnerable to certain temptations of course, and it's good to be on our guard.
With love in Christ🙂
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The entire point of that passage is that mental/physical sin is a distinction without a difference. Both are equally damnable. The research being done on porn addiction leads me to believe it's comparably destructive in terms of practical consequences. A lot of Christians and even non-Christians are becoming alert to this.
Your friend may not realize it now, but if they're ever in a relationship they can trust it will take a toll. If they never end up in a relationship, it has already taken a toll.
I'll also add that there are other sins that typically accompany or spur pornographic addiction. Sloth is the big one. Idle hands are the devil's playground.
TL;DR- Sin is sin. Wax is wax.
Your friend may not realize it now, but if they're ever in a relationship they can trust it will take a toll. If they never end up in a relationship, it has already taken a toll.
I'll also add that there are other sins that typically accompany or spur pornographic addiction. Sloth is the big one. Idle hands are the devil's playground.
TL;DR- Sin is sin. Wax is wax.
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