Singles Forum Marriage Match-Making. (humor)

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kinda

kinda

Senior Member
#1
Jun 26, 2013
3,932
1,506
113
#1
Back by popular demand.......A marriage topic.




This isn't your ordinary marriage thread in the Singles Forum, this is the Marriage Match-Making Thread. Sponsored by the person who loves marriage topics the most......kinda.

We will be collecting contact information now, putting it through Christian Chat Compatibility Locator Program, and matching you up with only the most qualified applicants.

Best part of it, it's 100% free.

First round of questions will be.


What type of spouse are you looking for?

How many kids do you want?

How long do you want to be married for?



*The Marriage Match-Making service is for humor purposes only. Restrictions and results may vary. There is no such thing as a Christian Chat Compatibility Locator Program that kinda is aware of. Well, let us just say there was a Christian Chat Compatibility Locator Program, all data will be sent to the Central Intelligence Agency for further study. If you receive a knock on the door in two weeks after match results, that may be the CIA. kinda doesn't have any connections to the CIA, so don't expect a knock on the door after two weeks after match results. If you do, that has nothing to do with the Christian Chat Compatibility Locator Program.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#2
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#2
haha like facebook collects your personal information and sends you ads. Or is it Tinder.

It knows exactly where you live.....
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#3
Oct 23, 2018
13,112
10,676
113
#3
In the last few days I saw at least 8 posts about wanting to get married. Now they have a chance to sort things out, where'd they all go? The only aspect usually left out on this topic is the age range, that would help prevent some wrong turns, lol..
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#4
Mar 26, 2014
4,433
2,419
113
#4
First round of questions will be.


What type of spouse are you looking for?

Human Male (from birth), speaks english (or at least american) correctly would be a plus


How many kids do you want?

Getting too old to be interested in dating kids, these should be human males over the age of 30


How long do you want to be married for?

Trust me, we're going to be married until one of us dies.... or else..


But the more important questions are: How do you feel about the concept of being alone together? How big of a TV will we own? What are the shows we will binge watch over and over? And how do you decide when chores absolutely have to be done ( grass is too long, house is too dirty, etc)?

And of course the most important one: toilet paper rolls: pull it over the top or down the back?

Sorry I probably stole round two of questions.
 
kinda

kinda

Senior Member
#6
Jun 26, 2013
3,932
1,506
113
#6
cinder said:
First round of questions will be.


What type of spouse are you looking for?

Human Male (from birth), speaks english (or at least american) correctly would be a plus


How many kids do you want?

Getting too old to be interested in dating kids, these should be human males over the age of 30


How long do you want to be married for?

Trust me, we're going to be married until one of us dies.... or else..


But the more important questions are: How do you feel about the concept of being alone together? How big of a TV will we own? What are the shows we will binge watch over and over? And how do you decide when chores absolutely have to be done ( grass is too long, house is too dirty, etc)?

And of course the most important one: toilet paper rolls: pull it over the top or down the back?

Sorry I probably stole round two of questions.
Click to expand...

Thank you for participating in the cutting edge. We do appreciate your application and always aim to achieve the highest standards in the marriage match making process.

Your information will be placed in our secure data base and will keep you updated when a match is received from our quantum computer (a.k.a. Christian Chat Compatibility Locator Program).

Please feel rest assured that a match is coming.




(SFMMM staff member inputting your information now)



Round 2 of questions are...

How do you feel about the concept of being alone together?

How big of a TV will we own?

What are the shows we will binge watch over and over?

And how do you decide when chores absolutely have to be done ( grass is too long, house is too dirty, etc)?

You looking for an age range of Baby Boomer, Generation X, Millennial, or Gen Z?

And of course the most important one: toilet paper rolls: pull it over the top or down the back?
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#7
Mar 26, 2014
4,433
2,419
113
#7
kinda said:
Thank you for participating in the cutting edge. We do appreciate your application and always aim to achieve the highest standards in the marriage match making process.

Your information will be placed in our secure data base and will keep you updated when a match is received from our quantum computer (a.k.a. Christian Chat Compatibility Locator Program).

Please feel rest assured that a match is coming.




(SFMMM staff member inputting your information now)



Round 2 of questions are...

How do you feel about the concept of being alone together?

How big of a TV will we own?

What are the shows we will binge watch over and over?

And how do you decide when chores absolutely have to be done ( grass is too long, house is too dirty, etc)?

You looking for an age range of Baby Boomer, Generation X, Millennial, or Gen Z?

And of course the most important one: toilet paper rolls: pull it over the top or down the back?
Click to expand...
Hmm... I think you're kinda a thief. But since they are such important questions (and ones you might have to ask yourself even if you're single) I won't report this theft to any authorities.
 
kinda

kinda

Senior Member
#8
Jun 26, 2013
3,932
1,506
113
#8
cinder said:
Hmm... I think you're kinda a thief. But since they are such important questions (and ones you might have to ask yourself even if you're single) I won't report this theft to any authorities.
Click to expand...
A thief? Like a cat burglar? Hamburglar?

Why would you think that?


 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#9
Aug 13, 2014
27,443
9,423
113
#9
*Lynx arches his back, hisses and his tail does an impressive impression of a bottle brush.

Match-making! EEEEEEEVIL!

*Lynx bounds off to get his flamethrower.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#10
Aug 13, 2014
27,443
9,423
113
#10
kinda said:
What type of spouse are you looking for?
I ain't. If I happen to find her, yay! But I'm not spending any effort to find her.
How many kids do you want?
I think 2.6 is average. But average is normal is boring... besides, if I had a kid right now I'd be in my 60's by the time the kid was old enough for me to legally kick him or her out.
How long do you want to be married for?
Depends on how much longer we are both still alive.
Click to expand...
Round two:

cinder said:
How do you feel about the concept of being alone together?
Depends on how she smells and what annoying habits she has. Also depends on how annoying she finds my habits.
How big of a TV will we own?
Are we using this as a computer monitor? No TV show worth watching has been made since Home Improvement went off the air.
What are the shows we will binge watch over and over?
Let her pick them. I'll be over here with my laptop.
And how do you decide when chores absolutely have to be done ( grass is too long, house is too dirty, etc)?
When one of us decides it needs to be done and is willing to do it. If one is not willing to do it, one must wait for the other to decide it needs to be done.
And of course the most important one: toilet paper rolls: pull it over the top or down the back?
Over the top is easier to grab-and-rip without mauling the rest of the roll with the other (possibly stinky) hand.
Click to expand...
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#12
Mar 13, 2014
42,600
17,063
113
69
Tennessee
#12
cinder said:
First round of questions will be.


What type of spouse are you looking for?

Human Male (from birth), speaks english (or at least american) correctly would be a plus


How many kids do you want?

Getting too old to be interested in dating kids, these should be human males over the age of 30


How long do you want to be married for?

Trust me, we're going to be married until one of us dies.... or else..


But the more important questions are: How do you feel about the concept of being alone together? How big of a TV will we own? What are the shows we will binge watch over and over? And how do you decide when chores absolutely have to be done ( grass is too long, house is too dirty, etc)?

And of course the most important one: toilet paper rolls: pull it over the top or down the back?

Sorry I probably stole round two of questions.
Click to expand...
I now do the toilet paper roll over the top because that's the way my wife trained me.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#13
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#13
the 'how big a tv will we own' is the trojan horse.
 
J

JustEli

Well-known member
#14
Dec 23, 2018
1,374
983
113
50
#14
Only irresponsible, selfish, non woke neanderthals use toilet paper, watch television, and procreate.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#15
May 23, 2009
16,536
5,466
113
#15
JustEli said:
Only irresponsible, selfish, non woke neanderthals use toilet paper, watch television, and procreate.
Click to expand...
Oh please.

You know you have like 8 years' worth of toilet paper stored somewhere in your house that you're hoping to impress some woman with: "Hey baby, check out my rolls!" :cool:
 
S

Susanna

Guest
#16
#16
seoulsearch said:
Oh please.

You know you have like 8 years' worth of toilet paper stored somewhere in your house that you're hoping to impress some woman with: "Hey baby, check out my rolls!" :cool:
Click to expand...
Seoulsearch, that remark made me literally roll on the floor☺️😄😂🤣.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#17
May 23, 2009
16,536
5,466
113
#17
JustEli said:
Only irresponsible, selfish, non woke neanderthals use toilet paper, watch television, and procreate.
Click to expand...
seoulsearch said:
Oh please.

You know you have like 8 years' worth of toilet paper stored somewhere in your house that you're hoping to impress some woman with: "Hey baby, check out my rolls!" :cool:
Click to expand...
Susanna said:
Seoulsearch, that remark made me literally roll on the floor☺️😄😂🤣.
Click to expand...

Another CC member told me about the best "Coronavirus Pick-Up Line" ever -- "Hey Baby, can I be your Prince Charmin?" :ROFL:

(For anyone who might not recognize the name, "Charmin" is a well-known brand of toilet paper here in the USA.) :)
 
S

Susanna

Guest
#18
#18
seoulsearch said:
Another CC member told me about the best "Coronavirus Pick-Up Line" ever -- "Hey Baby, can I be your Prince Charmin?" :ROFL:

(For anyone who might not recognize the name, "Charmin" is a well-known brand of toilet paper here in the USA.) :)
Click to expand...
But what are they gonna do with all those rolls of toilet paper? Will the TP-Movement grow? Will they be challenged by the R.A.H(Rolling A House)-Movement? What will the WC-Preppers say?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#19
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#19
I saw one post on here asking for someone to die at the same time as them, holding hands.

It really put me off for some reason. What if you dont want to die at the same time?! And who is going to organise the funeral?
 
kinda

kinda

Senior Member
#20
Jun 26, 2013
3,932
1,506
113
#20


The first match is in. Before I say, what the match is, let me first say, this is a proven scientific method based upon proven compatibility test and trials. No need to ever look for a match again. If you do though, you can submit more data to the Christian Chat Compatibility Program.

Lynx, I would like to introduce you to Cindy, Cindy say, hi to Lynx.

No need to thank me, just be thankful for the wonders of science and technology. Please post wedding pictures, so I can use this for reference for future clients.



Lynx said:
Round two:
Click to expand...
cinder said:
Hmm... I think you're kinda a thief. But since they are such important questions (and ones you might have to ask yourself even if you're single) I won't report this theft to any authorities.
Click to expand...
 
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