What Do You Do When You Start to Become the Very Thing You Said You Would Never Be?

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
16,508
5,432
113
#1
Hey Everyone,

I was talking to someone a few weeks ago who grew up in a very controlling, rule-by-the-fist kind of home, and the person I was talking to had observed that some of the children produced from this marriage became exactly like the controlling parents they claimed they never wanted to be like, while others vowed never to be like this and worked at being as compassionate and understanding as possible.

A few days ago I was out and about observing situations around me, when I suddenly realized that my internal thoughts regarding a certain circumstance was the exact same reaction as X would have had (family member I love dearly but do not want to be like in this area.)

It was a bit of a shock to me, as I thought I'd worked very hard not to think like that, but it was a good personal wake-up call and reminder that God still has a lot of work to do in me.

How about yourself?

* Have you ever caught yourself thinking like someone you said you would never be like?

* What steps have/do you take in order to change your thinking and/or behavior?

* Do you have others in your family who became what they said they hated in other people? Do you confront them about this, and what are the results?

I am really interested in hearing people's stories because I was thankful for the reminder that even when we think we have something under control -- it has a tendency to rear its ugly head at any given time.

I'm looking forward to hearing how others have and are dealing with this -- thank you for sharing!
 
Desdichado

Desdichado

Senior Member
#2
Feb 9, 2014
8,768
838
113
#2
Sometimes it's a good thing. It means you have grown.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#3
May 23, 2009
16,508
5,432
113
#3
Desdichado said:
Sometimes it's a good thing. It means you have grown.
Click to expand...
This is a great point, Desdi.

In my own example, I found myself being very critical (in my head) of complete strangers I knew nothing about, and had no idea what their circumstances might be.

I realized that I sounded exactly like someone I had grown up with, and I was chiding myself to do better, admitting to myself how much growing I still have to do.
 
EmilyNats

EmilyNats

Senior Member
#4
Jul 28, 2016
1,374
205
63
#4
It just depends on the situation. It can be a good thing or a bad thing, as was already pointed out. It's like when a kid thinks his parents are great because they let him eat all the candy he wants, while the other kid thinks his parents are bad because they don't. When they grow up, they eventually learn the truth. I think the trick is to just not be radical, but then again I'm not a parent lol Thats just my 2 cents.
 
M

mindfulzen

Banned
#5
Aug 4, 2021
586
185
43
#5
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

I was talking to someone a few weeks ago who grew up in a very controlling, rule-by-the-fist kind of home, and the person I was talking to had observed that some of the children produced from this marriage became exactly like the controlling parents they claimed they never wanted to be like, while others vowed never to be like this and worked at being as compassionate and understanding as possible.

A few days ago I was out and about observing situations around me, when I suddenly realized that my internal thoughts regarding a certain circumstance was the exact same reaction as X would have had (family member I love dearly but do not want to be like in this area.)

It was a bit of a shock to me, as I thought I'd worked very hard not to think like that, but it was a good personal wake-up call and reminder that God still has a lot of work to do in me.

How about yourself?

* Have you ever caught yourself thinking like someone you said you would never be like?

* What steps have/do you take in order to change your thinking and/or behavior?

* Do you have others in your family who became what they said they hated in other people? Do you confront them about this, and what are the results?

I am really interested in hearing people's stories because I was thankful for the reminder that even when we think we have something under control -- it has a tendency to rear its ugly head at any given time.

I'm looking forward to hearing how others have and are dealing with this -- thank you for sharing!
Click to expand...
1. Yes.

2. None, go with the flow. Called becoming christian, why would I fight that?

3. No, do not confront others. We live in a free society, we cannot tell others how to think. Why would I try to tell atheists that they are wrong? Up to them, right?

And your last comment made me laugh
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#6
Aug 13, 2014
27,379
9,384
113
#6
Hmm... The only thing I said I would never do, I have never done.

My mother is always losing her keys/wallet/purse/everything. It takes her forever to get out the door because she has to find everything before she leaves.

I made up my mind long ago that would not happen constantly with me. My pocket stuff is always in my pockets or in a specified place in the house. I never have to look for it. All my stuff is ALWAYS in one of those two places.

On the downside, in the times when I have lost my keys (I'm averaging once every three years, believe it or else) I have no list of probable places they might be. They are always either in my pocket or in that place, so I'm a fish out of water trying to find them. Uh... Uh... Uh... What do I do now?

seoulsearch I know that's not exactly what you meant with this thread, but it's as close as I can get.
 
M

mindfulzen

Banned
#7
Aug 4, 2021
586
185
43
#7
Lynx said:
Hmm... The only thing I said I would never do, I have never done.

My mother is always losing her keys/wallet/purse/everything. It takes her forever to get out the door because she has to find everything before she leaves.

I made up my mind long ago that would not happen constantly with me. My pocket stuff is always in my pockets or in a specified place in the house. I never have to look for it. All my stuff is ALWAYS in one of those two places.

On the downside, in the times when I have lost my keys (I'm averaging once every three years, believe it or else) I have no list of probable places they might be. They are always either in my pocket or in that place, so I'm a fish out of water trying to find them. Uh... Uh... Uh... What do I do now?

seoulsearch I know that's not exactly what you meant with this thread, but it's as close as I can get.
Click to expand...
Interesting, how did you solve the problem? Goader? Do we have minfulzenophobism? Two quick replies to me in 5 minutes, I small rentfree space in your head, that is not goog.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#8
Aug 13, 2014
27,379
9,384
113
#8
mindfulzen said:
Interesting, how did you solve the problem? Goader? Do we have minfulzenophobism? Two quick replies to me in 5 minutes, I small rentfree space in your head, that is not goog.
Click to expand...
My first post in this thread was not directed to you.

And there is no space to rent in my head. I sold my brain on ebay. Where most people just lose their minds, I got a bright, shiny nickel for mine.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#9
Mar 13, 2014
42,595
17,062
113
69
Tennessee
#9
seoulsearch said:
This is a great point, Desdi.

In my own example, I found myself being very critical (in my head) of complete strangers I knew nothing about, and had no idea what their circumstances might be.
Click to expand...
This has happened to me as well. It is sort of judging a book by its cover. In those circumstances I pray that I become less critical and try to think the best about someone that I don't really know.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
42,595
17,062
113
69
Tennessee
#10
Lynx said:
Hmm... The only thing I said I would never do, I have never done.

My mother is always losing her keys/wallet/purse/everything. It takes her forever to get out the door because she has to find everything before she leaves.

I made up my mind long ago that would not happen constantly with me. My pocket stuff is always in my pockets or in a specified place in the house. I never have to look for it. All my stuff is ALWAYS in one of those two places.

On the downside, in the times when I have lost my keys (I'm averaging once every three years, believe it or else) I have no list of probable places they might be. They are always either in my pocket or in that place, so I'm a fish out of water trying to find them. Uh... Uh... Uh... What do I do now?

seoulsearch I know that's not exactly what you meant with this thread, but it's as close as I can get.
Click to expand...
I have a specific place too for my car keys, wallet, watch, tracfone, etc. I decide years ago that it is a waste of time trying to find things that you were careless to misplace because of lack of forethought.
 
G

Gideon300

Well-known member
#11
Mar 18, 2021
5,360
3,159
113
#11
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone,

I was talking to someone a few weeks ago who grew up in a very controlling, rule-by-the-fist kind of home, and the person I was talking to had observed that some of the children produced from this marriage became exactly like the controlling parents they claimed they never wanted to be like, while others vowed never to be like this and worked at being as compassionate and understanding as possible.

A few days ago I was out and about observing situations around me, when I suddenly realized that my internal thoughts regarding a certain circumstance was the exact same reaction as X would have had (family member I love dearly but do not want to be like in this area.)

It was a bit of a shock to me, as I thought I'd worked very hard not to think like that, but it was a good personal wake-up call and reminder that God still has a lot of work to do in me.

How about yourself?

* Have you ever caught yourself thinking like someone you said you would never be like?

* What steps have/do you take in order to change your thinking and/or behavior?

* Do you have others in your family who became what they said they hated in other people? Do you confront them about this, and what are the results?

I am really interested in hearing people's stories because I was thankful for the reminder that even when we think we have something under control -- it has a tendency to rear its ugly head at any given time.

I'm looking forward to hearing how others have and are dealing with this -- thank you for sharing!
Click to expand...
It's perhaps the most dangerous thought you can have. It's basically judging. The root is pride. We also are quick to see in others faults that we have ourselves. Paul talks about this in Romans 2. Secular psychology is aware of this also, which I found interesting. We don't like the mirror image of ourselves.

I had a judgemental attitude to divorce and I made my sister aware of it when her marriage broke up. I was a new Christian and I was yet to see my own shortcomings. Many years later, I had to eat my unkind words as I went through divorce myself. My sister was most loving and kind. She was supportive and did not remind me of the words I'd said many years before.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#12
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#12
hmm not sure

I do remember having a fight with the mother in which she accused me of being selfish and I retorted back 'well where did I learn that from?' and she was pretty much chagrinned.

There used to be a TV show called 'Supernanny' in which super bratty outof control kids were filmed with their hapless parents who were clearly having no idea what to do with their brood and calling on 'supernanny' to save the day and instil disicpline. I always wondered how did the children even consent to be filmed.
Bribe?
 
M

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
#13
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#13
I see hints of my pa in me. Pays scare me. I control my anger and don't use my fists.
But i sympathise with his inability to express love like most people. Deep love and emotions are harder to pay out.
I pity him in a way, but i see parts of his isolation and grit in me.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#15
May 23, 2009
16,508
5,432
113
#15
MatthewWestfieldUK said:
@seoulsearch where do u get such deep questions?
They have me thinking for hours after reading
Click to expand...
Hi Matthew,

I've been like this since I was a kid. Pity my poor parents, teachers, and pastors. :ROFL:

My Mom still remembers when I was about 5 and I asked her if heaven was like waiting in line for Santa Claus at the mall -- I wanted to know if we all stood in line and if we each got a turn to sit on God's lap so that we could ask Him every question we ever had.

People have always told me that I think too much. Remember when the saying K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid) was really popular? People used to tell me that a lot.

You can see what I did, though -- I never let go of my way of questioning, so I just held it in... and then I found this forum. ;)

So now I write things down in a notebook and start a few threads here and there when I have time, because I like discussions and I see them as a way of helping people get to know each other.

Every idea I have is from something I've read, observed, or talked to someone else about. :)

Thank you so much for dropping by!
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#16
Aug 13, 2014
27,379
9,384
113
#16
seoulsearch said:
People have always told me that I think too much. Remember when the saying K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid) was really popular? People used to tell me that a lot.

You can see what I did, though -- I never let go of my way of questioning, so I just held it in... and then I found this forum. ;)
Click to expand...
I dunno... O. Henry made a career, and a LOT of stories, out of such thinking.

There's a time for simplicity. A simple mug of homemade boiled custard is delicious. No whipped cream, chopped nuts, sprinkles or any other foo-foo junk is needed.

Some parts of life are not nearly as simple, and K. I. S. S. can get you smacked upside the head by something you tried to simplify.

SHORT VERSION: Don't change seoulsearch. People like you are handy to have around. :cool:
 
M

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
#17
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#17
seoulsearch said:
Hi Matthew,

I've been like this since I was a kid. Pity my poor parents, teachers, and pastors. :ROFL:

My Mom still remembers when I was about 5 and I asked her if heaven was like waiting in line for Santa Claus at the mall -- I wanted to know if we all stood in line and if we each got a turn to sit on God's lap so that we could ask Him every question we ever had.

People have always told me that I think too much. Remember when the saying K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple, Stupid) was really popular? People used to tell me that a lot.

You can see what I did, though -- I never let go of my way of questioning, so I just held it in... and then I found this forum. ;)

So now I write things down in a notebook and start a few threads here and there when I have time, because I like discussions and I see them as a way of helping people get to know each other.

Every idea I have is from something I've read, observed, or talked to someone else about. :)

Thank you so much for dropping by!
Click to expand...
Never block who u are. It's great to ask. Ask a million questions
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#18
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#18
Keep on asking 'em seoul

I love answering questions, even if they are just a trivia quiz ones. They might not be the exact right answers though...sometimes a good guess suffices.
 
M

MatthewWestfieldUK

Well-known member
#19
May 13, 2021
871
498
63
#19
In a shallow selfish world, deeper and wider questions help keep us alive instead of becoming zombie consumer workers
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#20
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#20
EmilyNats said:
It just depends on the situation. It can be a good thing or a bad thing, as was already pointed out. It's like when a kid thinks his parents are great because they let him eat all the candy he wants, while the other kid thinks his parents are bad because they don't. When they grow up, they eventually learn the truth. I think the trick is to just not be radical, but then again I'm not a parent lol Thats just my 2 cents.
Click to expand...
this one...is a bit tricky because you might have one parent who lets you eat all the candy bars but the other one says they are bad and they are forbidden, so you have to choose which one to follow. They cant both be right can they?!
 
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