What's the best way to go about meeting a man?

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Nov 27, 2021
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#81
Because she doesn't share your feelings on companionship, family, and a Bud :D Neither do I. I loved being married... love having someone to come home to every day, love having someone to do things with, and love having sex. Not really a downside there.
@54, I am single and wish to remain. I can’t imagine ”she who must be obeyed” and living under the shadow of her commands, ugh. We had a big family, all my siblings who got married most are divorced, some bitterly. Not worth the headache. One of my brothers though was smart, he just dates girls. The only woman that I know is true is my Mom. Humility and meekness reigns in her life. Women who have power scare me.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,422
5,361
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#82
What would you do 200 years ago, with no internet? Just curious.
That's an interesting question, and while I can't say for sure, if there would still have been a way to exchange letters, that's how I would have survived.

Writing has always been my primary means of communication, so as long as there would have been a way to share thoughts through writing, I would have likely found something that worked for me.

I've even said that if I got into another relationship or remarried, I'd have to warn him that a lot of my communication would still be written. He might come home from work to an 18-page letter (one particular long-time friend of mine knows that's not an exaggeration.)

As I mentioned with my pen pal from Japan, we set everything up via paper letters, and it took at least 2 weeks for a letter sent in either direction to finally reach its recipient. I was very accustomed to the "snail mail" days and somehow, it worked, even if it was weeks or months before hearing back from someone. Sometimes I/we would be working on an accumulated response up until I/we heard from the other person.

It's also always fascinating to me how God designates different people with different skill sets for different times and events. The pandemic had virtually no effect on my social life, except slowing down some plans I had made to eventually meet people here in real life. I honestly just pretty much lived the way I had normally been living.

Sure there were adjustments and things to get used to, but otherwise, in my life it was mostly just business as usual.

I really do feel for my extroverted friends though, as this whole "stay at home, avoid contact with others" thing is driving them bananas.

But as for me, I just sit alone and write...

Which is the exact same thing I've been doing since I was about 9 years old.

And I don't need a computer or the internet to do it -- I actually like to make myself write out good old-fashioned analog letters every now and then, just to keep up the practice.

I guess I love written communication the way some people love watching movies or playing video games.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
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#83
Let me tell you -- and of course I cannot speak for Lynx -- but a "friend" on the 'net in a virtual medium is not anywhere near the same as one in real life whom you can sit across from in a coffee shop and have face to face fellowship with. And, these virtual kinds of "friendships" are too easily dissolved.
I think that online and real life friendships are two rather different animals. In my own experience online friendships have tended to be more cerebrally based. With my online friends I connect on the level of ideas and discussion of more abstract topics. In real life it's more about common activities: people I see at church every week, who keep up with the same TV shows I do, who enjoy some of the same things I enjoy (board games, books, tea) and sometimes just the warm body that brings energy and a little less loneliness into the picture. My ideal would probably be to find a real life friend that I could have all the discussions that I have with my online friends and then go play games and drink tea or something. I dunno, right now my ideal for real life people is people who are patient enough to win over my dog so that she'll let them in the house when they come over.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,425
2,416
113
#84
And yes there is something to be said for taking your online friends with you when you leave one real life social group and join another.
 
May 25, 2015
6,149
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#85
You're talking to someone who's been online probably as long as you've been alive :)
Not sure where THIS came from. I was saying I've been a member on HERE since 2015.

What I am saying is that the vast majority of such relationships are not solid. But, for the ones that are, they cannot hold a candle to breathing the same air together.

Also, I define the word "friend" differently than most. A friend is not someone I merely know or accidentally bump into from time to time. It's not even someone I get along with online. A friend is someone I know well, even intimately, and is someone I will make the effort to see in real life, and contact if I have not heard from them.

As someone who's mostly made female friendships online over the past 12+ years, I can tell you that it gets old fast. NOTHING holds a candle to hearing her voice and watching her speak three feet from you. It also says that she's serious about wanting you in her life, platonically or otherwise.

Starting off virtually is fine. But, if that's as far as it goes -- when it is possible to go further -- I blow the people off.
[/QUOTE]
I'm sorry you have experienced relationships that weren't solid from online.

I think we just have to agree to disagree. I am thankful for my friends that I have met online and they have been the best of friends that I've had in a while :) Although my social life is active in person, I still have a few virtual friends that I consider very close to me.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,538
17,014
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Tennessee
#86
I agree. A friend in real life is easier manageable. But, I've been here since 2015 and still have friends that I am very close with who used to be on here.

Don't discount friendships that can be formed online :) They might be the best of friends you've ever met!
Absolutely. :)
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,538
17,014
113
69
Tennessee
#87
Starting off virtually is fine. But, if that's as far as it goes -- when it is possible to go further -- I blow the people off.
That's the key - when it is possible to go further. I started off virtual and took it from there.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,422
5,361
113
#88
You're talking to someone who's been online probably as long as you've been alive :)

What I am saying is that the vast majority of such relationships are not solid. But, for the ones that are, they cannot hold a candle to breathing the same air together.

Also, I define the word "friend" differently than most. A friend is not someone I merely know or accidentally bump into from time to time. It's not even someone I get along with online. A friend is someone I know well, even intimately, and is someone I will make the effort to see in real life, and contact if I have not heard from them.

As someone who's mostly made female friendships online over the past 12+ years, I can tell you that it gets old fast. NOTHING holds a candle to hearing her voice and watching her speak three feet from you. It also says that she's serious about wanting you in her life, platonically or otherwise.

Starting off virtually is fine. But, if that's as far as it goes -- when it is possible to go further -- I blow the people off.
That's the key - when it is possible to go further. I started off virtual and took it from there.
The subject of how different people meet, define, and sustain friendships is interesting, because I think it is as wide and varied as people themselves.

I guess my life has been very unconventional that way. I have 3 good friends from my hometown, and most of the rest are people I have met from this site. All of them live thousands of miles away. If it was someone online, it sometimes took years to meet in person so I understand that most people would never have the patience or even know how to sustain such friendships, because most people need more. But for me, the one thing I've found is that the ones who can keep something like this going often make the highest quality and caliber of friendships.

I can think of at least 4 people here who, if I found myself in any kind of trouble, I could call them anytime, night or day, and they would immediately help me get to where I needed to go -- even if it was to live with them until I got back on my feet. I've only met 3 in person -- and I think it took 5 years or more for that to finally happen -- and I'm determined to meet the 4th if it's the last thing I do!!!

One of my best friends is a guy I starting writing through a prison ministry almost 20 years ago -- and yes, this was before the internet, or at least long before inmates could receive any email. So for at least 10 years, our only communication was paper letters and an occasional phone call and the times I was able to go and visit. I remember a time in my life when someone I was very close to passed away, and he was the only one who allowed me to verbalize my grief.

Fast forward several years -- God completely changed his life around and he has been out for some time, working both a full-time job and running his own full-time business.

But back when he was still serving time, he got a job in the prison maintenance but couldn't afford a protective set of work boots. I sent him some money and told him to get a decent pair because he was going to need them (seeing as they had him on the roof working in snowy conditions.) He told me one day he would pay me back. I told him not to worry about it.

A while after he was out, he sent me a text with a link to very popular shoe brand and wrote, "Choose." I tried to pick out a pair that was on sale and as inexpensive as possible and he was like, "No, I know you're on your feet all day and I want you to pick something from the XYZ line because they're supposed to have the most cushioning." They were also one of the most expensive and I kept telling him, "You don't need to do that," but he said, "I told you one day I would pay you back."

My point is, I'm used to making amazing friends in very unconventional ways that most people would never believe or ever have the patience for (I'm not trying to criticize or sound above anyone, I'm just saying I've seen some very unusual situations work out.) I know not everyone has experienced this and of course, I also know things like this are extremely rare. I've had a hundred "false starts" for every one good friendship that lasted.

When the internet hit, it simply felt like an extension of the life I'd already long been living up until that time -- meeting people through writing, the very slow and old-fashioned way -- and if we hit it off, finding a way to eventually meet in person, even if it took years. Gojira had asked what I would have done without the internet but to me, the internet was just a faster way of doing something I had always done -- like using a microwave instead of an oven. In fact, it's kind of a joke that I occasionally send the friend I mentioned an old-fashioned paper letter as a tribute to our many years of only being able to communicate through the postal system.

It's kind of like the movements towards finding ways of living that are slower, simpler, and "out-dated" to most. This was one of the reasons I didn't find anyone when I was on the dating sites -- they all wanted to meet within the first week and I understand that, but I was always like, "Can't we get to know each other for a while first?" There were many times when I would get someone calling me paranoid, immature, behind the times, or whatever -- but I can't say I have any regrets.

I understand that it sounds crazy to most people but this is what has sustained me all my life -- and I've never claimed to be all that sane. :D (Just ask the people here who know me.)
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#89
@54, I am single and wish to remain. I can’t imagine ”she who must be obeyed” and living under the shadow of her commands, ugh. We had a big family, all my siblings who got married most are divorced, some bitterly. Not worth the headache. One of my brothers though was smart, he just dates girls. The only woman that I know is true is my Mom. Humility and meekness reigns in her life. Women who have power scare me.
But not everyone has such rough experiences. That's why some of us want to be married. For some of us out here, it works and the good outweighs the bad.
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#90
The subject of how different people meet, define, and sustain friendships is interesting, because I think it is as wide and varied as people themselves.

I guess my life has been very unconventional that way. I have 3 good friends from my hometown, and most of the rest are people I have met from this site. All of them live thousands of miles away. If it was someone online, it sometimes took years to meet in person so I understand that most people would never have the patience or even know how to sustain such friendships, because most people need more. But for me, the one thing I've found is that the ones who can keep something like this going often make the highest quality and caliber of friendships.

I can think of at least 4 people here who, if I found myself in any kind of trouble, I could call them anytime, night or day, and they would immediately help me get to where I needed to go -- even if it was to live with them until I got back on my feet. I've only met 3 in person -- and I think it took 5 years or more for that to finally happen -- and I'm determined to meet the 4th if it's the last thing I do!!!

One of my best friends is a guy I starting writing through a prison ministry almost 20 years ago -- and yes, this was before the internet, or at least long before inmates could receive any email. So for at least 10 years, our only communication was paper letters and an occasional phone call and the times I was able to go and visit. I remember a time in my life when someone I was very close to passed away, and he was the only one who allowed me to verbalize my grief.

Fast forward several years -- God completely changed his life around and he has been out for some time, working both a full-time job and running his own full-time business.

But back when he was still serving time, he got a job in the prison maintenance but couldn't afford a protective set of work boots. I sent him some money and told him to get a decent pair because he was going to need them (seeing as they had him on the roof working in snowy conditions.) He told me one day he would pay me back. I told him not to worry about it.

A while after he was out, he sent me a text with a link to very popular shoe brand and wrote, "Choose." I tried to pick out a pair that was on sale and as inexpensive as possible and he was like, "No, I know you're on your feet all day and I want you to pick something from the XYZ line because they're supposed to have the most cushioning." They were also one of the most expensive and I kept telling him, "You don't need to do that," but he said, "I told you one day I would pay you back."

My point is, I'm used to making amazing friends in very unconventional ways that most people would never believe or ever have the patience for (I'm not trying to criticize or sound above anyone, I'm just saying I've seen some very unusual situations work out.) I know not everyone has experienced this and of course, I also know things like this are extremely rare. I've had a hundred "false starts" for every one good friendship that lasted.

When the internet hit, it simply felt like an extension of the life I'd already long been living up until that time -- meeting people through writing, the very slow and old-fashioned way -- and if we hit it off, finding a way to eventually meet in person, even if it took years. Gojira had asked what I would have done without the internet but to me, the internet was just a faster way of doing something I had always done -- like using a microwave instead of an oven. In fact, it's kind of a joke that I occasionally send the friend I mentioned an old-fashioned paper letter as a tribute to our many years of only being able to communicate through the postal system.

It's kind of like the movements towards finding ways of living that are slower, simpler, and "out-dated" to most. This was one of the reasons I didn't find anyone when I was on the dating sites -- they all wanted to meet within the first week and I understand that, but I was always like, "Can't we get to know each other for a while first?" There were many times when I would get someone calling me paranoid, immature, behind the times, or whatever -- but I can't say I have any regrets.

I understand that it sounds crazy to most people but this is what has sustained me all my life -- and I've never claimed to be all that sane. :D (Just ask the people here who know me.)
Your experiences work for you the way they do. I personally hate the virtual for trying to form serious relationships with people. Unfortunately, it is all I've had to attempt ANY female connections at all, since real-world meeting opportunities have been even worse. But, again, it is used as a start, not an end.

If ever I am given the opportunity to be with someone for real, chat sites will become a distant memory. I'd probably stay on a site like this, but that's because I have no serious expectations from it.
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#91
Not sure where THIS came from. I was saying I've been a member on HERE since 2015.
I'm sorry you have experienced relationships that weren't solid from online.

I think we just have to agree to disagree. I am thankful for my friends that I have met online and they have been the best of friends that I've had in a while :) Although my social life is active in person, I still have a few virtual friends that I consider very close to me.[/QUOTE]
Yeah... you're one of the few I've met who've said such a thing... I've had women actually tell me directly (online) that if I wanted "reality" to tap the screen... and one even told me that she was terrified of real-world situations. So, there ya go.
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#92
I think that online and real life friendships are two rather different animals. In my own experience online friendships have tended to be more cerebrally based. With my online friends I connect on the level of ideas and discussion of more abstract topics. In real life it's more about common activities: people I see at church every week, who keep up with the same TV shows I do, who enjoy some of the same things I enjoy (board games, books, tea) and sometimes just the warm body that brings energy and a little less loneliness into the picture. My ideal would probably be to find a real life friend that I could have all the discussions that I have with my online friends and then go play games and drink tea or something. I dunno, right now my ideal for real life people is people who are patient enough to win over my dog so that she'll let them in the house when they come over.
You should join an Apologetics group. You'll have plenty of reality AND real-world interaction.
 
May 25, 2015
6,149
850
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#93
Yeah... you're one of the few I've met who've said such a thing... I've had women actually tell me directly (online) that if I wanted "reality" to tap the screen... and one even told me that she was terrified of real-world situations. So, there ya go.
Yeah, that's not me. I have a very active social life. I just have a few friends virtually :)
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#94
Yeah, that's not me. I have a very active social life. I just have a few friends virtually :)
Welp, that puts a knot on that. Wish more online were like you, but they are not.
 
Nov 27, 2021
87
21
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#95
The avatars always shows this nice slender and dainty tea cup, but in reality they end up looking like a short stout tea pot. 😂

Of course, hot inside and delicious, despite the ole bag.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,114
9,214
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#96
o_O

Ooooo...kay then!
 
G

Gojira

Guest
#97
The avatars always shows this nice slender and dainty tea cup, but in reality they end up looking like a short stout tea pot. 😂

Of course, hot inside and delicious, despite the ole bag.
Nope. I'm a 400' reptile who subsists on radioactive energy.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,188
113
#98
uh

I want to be helpful when I post even if the person isnt after the same thing I am. After all they are looking for advice.

Another poster wrote that he was a guy (so hes a man right?) and aged 42 looking for a partner and here we have this poster who is a gal (so shes a woman right?) who is looking to meet a man.

Ok so what I would do is tell these two lookees to look each other up on the computer and do that facetime/skype/zoom thing where they can stare at each others faces and talk at the same time. They dont even have to leave the computer or go anywhere!

Solution..no?

Now if I had the tech I would arrange the zoom meeting myself and give you both the codes.