What Kind of Husband Do You Want?

[tourist]

Well, I feel a little better knowing that somebody understands what I'm trying to say.

I just hope that my comments don't appear on the front page of "People" magazine next month...lol.

I always enjoyi your thoughtful insightful posts.

 

[Live4Him3]

I always enjoyi your thoughtful insightful posts.

Thanks.

My fan club now has two members...and one of them is me...lol.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

Both.

For me, and I might not be "normal" in this sense ("normal" is overrated, anyway), if a woman trusts me enough to allow me to see her vulnerabilities and/or to know her fears, then that means the world to me. I would never want to hurt anybody, and if a woman would entrust that part of her heart to me, then that would be priceless in my sight.

Again, it's hard to put into words.

Basically, and totally contrary to the opinions of quite a few members here, I truly am a very loving and caring man. I don't mind if a woman isn't "strong" by the world's standards. If she's willing to share her heart with me, even as I'd be willing to share my heart with her, then I would be the happiest man alive.

By my standards, I've only ever really been in three relationships. Oh, I've dated here and there sporadically, but only three real relationships as far as I'm concerned. One of those relationships was before I got saved, and, although I'm not proud to admit it, it was mostly physical/sexual in nature...especially for her. Well, here's the important part...

Aside from my salvation experience and my three precious children, my favorite and most cherished memory in my entire life is when that young woman and I were walking in a park together one Autumn night and just holding hands. In other words, my fondest memory of her was not sexual in nature, but more a matter of the heart. I was with a young woman that I loved, and everything in the world just seemed right.

I'm sorry if this sounds confusing, but, again, it's just hard to put into words. The bottom line is that a woman's heart is the most important thing to me. With that young woman, she didn't know how to deal with me. I mean, she was apparently used to being with guys who only cared about her body, but I truly cared about her spirit and her soul. I could tell that it made her uneasy, but not in a bad way. It was just something that she wasn't used to. Anyhow, that was many years ago, but I'm still that same guy on the inside.

Again, I hope that some of this makes sense.

Im just wondering if Christians can change the way they have always behaved to get their desired outcomes? So if you have always been a loving caring man and this has not worked out for you? Do you change your behaviours or do you wait for someone to appreciate the loving caring side of you...I think this is what you see yourself as mostly? I mean that scenario may or may not happen. Whereas a new approach may surprise you with unexpected results. So Im not saying dont be caring and loving, Im wondering if your other characteristics can come to the fore. Maybe the more masculine traits? And Im not saying this to you directly, I mean all of us as Christians.

 

[CharliRenee]

Interesting where this thread went. I suppose all the good qualities of a good dog. Happy to see me, loyal and protective, and a good cuddle partner, lol.

No seriously, I don't know. I am not actively looking and I'm pretty old, lol. Not to mention, both of my jobs are in my home. If by chance, a fella who believes in our Lord and Savior, who has a job, good integrity, a great sense of humor, def not a negative nelly, or heavy on conspiracy theories, oh and who is NOT desperate for someone, anyone, lol, just happened to be in the neighborhood, wanting to fellowship and be friends first, well...um that is not going to happen, lol.

i am perfectly ok with how my life is, just as it is... and am quite thankful for all the blessing my Lord has given. Being happily married is cool, so is being happily single.

One more thing...

Someone here made a great comment I just read. We should always be looking for ways to be good to one another, in a healthy and kind way, without expecting anything. I think that particular kind of loving others is NON gender specific and what we are called to!!!

 

[Live4Him3]

Im just wondering if Christians can change the way they have always behaved to get their desired outcomes? So if you have always been a loving caring man and this has not worked out for you? Do you change your behaviours or do you wait for someone to appreciate the loving caring side of you...I think this is what you see yourself as mostly? I mean that scenario may or may not happen. Whereas a new approach may surprise you with unexpected results. So Im not saying dont be caring and loving, Im wondering if your other characteristics can come to the fore. Maybe the more masculine traits? And Im not saying this to you directly, I mean all of us as Christians.

Well, first of all, with Christ himself being our example, I would say that being loving and caring are definitely "masculine traits". Again, maybe not by society's standards, but I don't base my life upon what society says. If a man desires to be a husband, then he needs to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and to nourish and cherish her as his own flesh. For me, as a born again Christian, that comes naturally. In other words, it's not some "law" that I need to labor under or something that I'm seeking to attain to, it's simply who I am in my heart.

Was I that way before I became a Christian?

Yes, I was, but that's not really too confusing of a concept to consider. In other words, even back then, I still had a God-given conscience that was governing my thoughts and my actions, and I've always cared deeply for women. Problem was that some of that got tainted through porn in the past, and I've plainly described that whole ordeal on this forum before.

Anyhow, what would you personally consider to be "more masculine traits"?

I should be in bed, btw.

Tomorrow's another early work day for me, but this conversation has piqued my interest.

As far as me trying another approach is concerned, if you knew how many times God has dealt with me in order to get me to just be who I actually am, then you would understand why another approach is basically out of the question.

I am who I am.

I like me...even if nobody else does.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

Well, first of all, with Christ himself being our example, I would say that being loving and caring are definitely "masculine traits". Again, maybe not by society's standards, but I don't base my life upon what society says. If a man desires to be a husband, then he needs to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and to nourish and cherish her as his own flesh. For me, as a born again Christian, that comes naturally. In other words, it's not some "law" that I need to labor under or something that I'm seeking to attain to, it's simply who I am in my heart.

Was I that way before I became a Christian?

Yes, I was, but that's not really too confusing of a concept to consider. In other words, even back then, I still had a God-given conscience that was governing my thoughts and my actions, and I've always cared deeply for women. Problem was that some of that got tainted through porn in the past, and I've plainly described that whole ordeal on this forum before.

Anyhow, what would you personally consider to be "more masculine traits"?

I should be in bed, btw.

Tomorrow's another early work day for me, but this conversation has piqued my interest.

As far as me trying another approach is concerned, if you knew how many times God has dealt with me in order to get me to just be who I actually am, then you would understand why another approach is basically out of the question.

I am who I am.

I like me...even if nobody else does.

Thank you for sharing. Why do you keep saying that nobody likes you? Ive seen you write that several times. Anyway yeah tomorrow is another day. Take care until we chat again

 

[Live4Him3]

Thank you for sharing. Why do you keep saying that nobody likes you? Ive seen you write that several times. Anyway yeah tomorrow is another day. Take care until we chat again

If you ever got a glimpse of what I call my "fan mail", then you would know why I say that.

There are quite a number of people on this forum who hate my guts...and they've made that plainly known, whether publicly or privately.

Anyhow, I'm good.

I'm very comfortable in my own skin...umm...err...fur.



Have a great night, Grand Inquisitor.

 

[Live4Him3]

The type of woman that I'm looking for, and my reaction if I ever find her:

lol.

Good night.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

The type of woman that I'm looking for, and my reaction if I ever find her:

lol.

Good night.

Ive never seen that movie before. Uh oh Rudolph got distracted from his duties lol Speaking of deer. I grew up thinking Bambi was a doe.

 

[Gojira]

Im just wondering if Christians can change the way they have always behaved to get their desired outcomes? So if you have always been a loving caring man and this has not worked out for you? Do you change your behaviours or do you wait for someone to appreciate the loving caring side of you...I think this is what you see yourself as mostly? I mean that scenario may or may not happen. Whereas a new approach may surprise you with unexpected results. So Im not saying dont be caring and loving, Im wondering if your other characteristics can come to the fore. Maybe the more masculine traits? And Im not saying this to you directly, I mean all of us as Christians.

What we see in ourselves and the way we see ourselves is not often the way others see us. What we think should work or is good may not be... or, we may have those traits that are indeed good, but are blind to other intolerable faults -- no matter how much someone may point them out to us. And, those things keep us single.

Sometimes, I also think God just says 'no'. So, no matter what you do, you will not succeed.

Maybe the more masculine traits?

I was thinking something along those very lines.

I used to be the kind of guy that was the "straight-gay" friend. I no longer need to be that and won't be. Has it gotten me hitched? No. Nothing I've done has. I either have one of those intolerable faults or God has simply said 'no' (must be the latter, since I am otherwise too wonderful which I say with all due humility). But, one thing I do have is a little more self-respect than I had in my 20s. And, if I see you as a woman and not merely as a platonic friend, I will not accept you as the latter.

I don't know if this answers your post in any kind of helpful way.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

What we see in ourselves and the way we see ourselves is not often the way others see us. What we think should work or is good may not be... or, we may have those traits that are indeed good, but are blind to other intolerable faults -- no matter how much someone may point them out to us. And, those things keep us single.

Sometimes, I also think God just says 'no'. So, no matter what you do, you will not succeed.



I was thinking something along those very lines.

I used to be the kind of guy that was the "straight-gay" friend. I no longer need to be that and won't be. Has it gotten me hitched? No. Nothing I've done has. I either have one of those intolerable faults or God has simply said 'no' (must be the latter, since I am otherwise too wonderful which I say with all due humility). But, one thing I do have is a little more self-respect than I had in my 20s. And, if I see you as a woman and not merely as a platonic friend, I will not accept you as the latter.

I don't know if this answers your post in any kind of helpful way.

Is the straight gay friend a guy who is straight and heterosexual women want to friend zone? I think you said in a thread somewhere that you were a widower (sorry if Im wrong) so something worked there to get hitched the first time.
I think a lot of people eventually become set in their ways. But if you change your ways for God or because of God, does that not mean you could change your ways for a potential mate?
Like I have gotten used to doing most things on my own. And I dont like that and if I was with someone I could learn to let a man do his thing instead of me thinking 'what do I need him for when I can do it myself' In all honesty Im happy for so called traditional roles in the home. Id be happy if he wanted to mow the lawn and I cleaned the house. Does that make sense?
I wonder if expecting others to accept you as you are is laziness on one part to improve on yourself in some way? Generally speaking.

Your last statement - Why cant you see a person as a female platonic friend? Is the difference that one has potential to be something more? Maybe I misread?

 

[Live4Him3]

Ive never seen that movie before. Uh oh Rudolph got distracted from his duties lol Speaking of deer. I grew up thinking Bambi was a doe.

I've never seen nor read "Bambi", but I always thought that Bambi was a female.

I just "Googled" it, and apparently I was mistaken.

I definitely would have lost a bet on that one...

 

[Lynx]

Hold the door open? Not a chance. I'd rather hold a door open for a man than for a woman. A man doesn't feel like people should hold doors open for him, so he's unlikely to become [more] arrogant if someone does. Babying women doesn't promote any maturity. I'm here to promote maturity. I don't like or tolerate babies in adult bodies. Men complain about women's immaturity and self-centeredness, but it's because men are always protecting and catering to women that women aren't maturing emotionally and tend to be toxically self-centered.

Where do you live, that women there are so termagant and overbearing?

You should come down here to the South, where women know how to be treated like ladies.

You talk about women the same way Lanolin talks about rich people: You don't know anything about them, but you hate them.

I'm trying to decide if you are more Diogenes or more MGTOW.

(Replying to SonsofCaleb)

 

[Live4Him3]

What we see in ourselves and the way we see ourselves is not often the way others see us.

This reminds me of something that I heard a man say just about 2 or so months ago.

He was recounting something that had transpired in his life many years earlier. Apparently, he was at some sort of "Leadership Seminar" where they had everyone partake in an exercise. Everyone present was handed a sheet of paper with 100 different adjectives on it, and they were instructed to circle the adjectives which best described the image that they sought to portray to others or the adjectives which best described who they thought themselves to be.

After everyone had circled the adjectives which they felt best described themselves, everyone was given more of the same sheet of paper and instructed to circle the adjectives which they felt best described what they saw in the other people who were seated at their tables. The results were pretty shocking in that basically nobody was seen by others in the same manner in which they saw themselves.

I used to have a certain female friend. She and I first encountered each other on a different Christian forum many years ago, and she and I became online friends. She was married, so it was never anything but a platonic relationship. Anyhow, we bounced around together from forum to forum or from different Christian website to different Christian website for approximately 11 years. There was a troubling aspect to our "friendship", though. She used to call me "Grizz", as in short for grizzly bear, and I never shared my love for grizzly bears with her or anybody else at that time, nor did I use a profile picture like the one that I'm presently using. When I asked her why she called me "Grizz", she told me "You have teeth". In other words, she saw me, at least to an extent, as someone who might devour her in some sort of harmful way.

In fairness to her, I kind of understood what she meant. We were both on forums that were "Christian" by name, but they basically hated everything related to Christ imaginable. If you think that the "BDF" here is a war zone, then I'll tell you plainly that it's a kid's playground when compared to some of the other forums I've/we've (she and I) been on. I tried to explain to her that she was only seeing me in a very specific light or in a very limited type of environment. In other words, she was only seeing me and how I behaved in a war zone. She was ex-Military, but she still wasn't convinced.

Well, after about 11 years of only interacting with each other via PM's and emails (aside from our public interactions on the forums), she and I actually began speaking to each other on the phone. It wasn't unusual for us to talk for 3 or 3 1/2 hours at a time. Anyhow, when we got out of that specific "war zone" type of environment, then, and only then, did she begin to see me for who I actually am.

My point?

Everybody here has opinions of each other, but, truth be told, they're limited in scope. I don't really know you, and you don't really know me.

At my end, my focus is primarily upward...especially when it comes to women.

God knows me, and he's no stranger to beating the stuffing out of me when need be.

I talk a lot about marriage and how it was ordained of God to reflect the spiritual union between Christ and his church, and God knows that those are more than just words for me. It's highly probable that I'll be single for the rest of my life, and that kind of pains me. I do know how beautiful a bond there can be between a man and a woman, and it's hard to just let that go...especially when I'm firmly convinced that no such bond will ever again be available on the other side of eternity.

Anyhow, it is what it is.

 

[pix]

I want a husband like Tony Orlando.

 

[Gojira]

Is the straight gay friend a guy who is straight and heterosexual women want to friend zone? I think you said in a thread somewhere that you were a widower (sorry if Im wrong) so something worked there to get hitched the first time.
I think a lot of people eventually become set in their ways. But if you change your ways for God or because of God, does that not mean you could change your ways for a potential mate?
Like I have gotten used to doing most things on my own. And I dont like that and if I was with someone I could learn to let a man do his thing instead of me thinking 'what do I need him for when I can do it myself' In all honesty Im happy for so called traditional roles in the home. Id be happy if he wanted to mow the lawn and I cleaned the house. Does that make sense?
I wonder if expecting others to accept you as you are is laziness on one part to improve on yourself in some way? Generally speaking.

Your last statement - Why cant you see a person as a female platonic friend? Is the difference that one has potential to be something more? Maybe I misread?

Yeah, a little I think. If I see you as a woman... i.e., as a potential girl-friend or more, but you want only to "friend-zone" me as you put it, I will not agree to that. Now, you might say, "Well things could change." But, in my experience, they never do.

However, I have several female friends with whom I am very close. One is single, two are married. And, I'm good with those relationships. So are their husbands, which is also good.

As for the rest of what you wrote, geez, I wish we could sit and talk about this. I just don't have the brain power right now to process all of those conversation-stimulating questions.

 

[TheNarrowPath]

Yeah, a little I think. If I see you as a woman... i.e., as a potential girl-friend or more, but you want only to "friend-zone" me as you put it, I will not agree to that. Now, you might say, "Well things could change." But, in my experience, they never do.

However, I have several female friends with whom I am very close. One is single, two are married. And, I'm good with those relationships. So are their husbands, which is also good.

As for the rest of what you wrote, geez, I wish we could sit and talk about this. I just don't have the brain power right now to process all of those conversation-stimulating questions.

I understand. Its 11 pm here and I should log offline before I resemble the walking dead. Chat later Gojira

 

[Ruby123]

I understand. Its 11 pm here and I should log offline before I resemble the walking dead. Chat later Gojira

It is 7.15pm here and freezing cold. I got home not that long ago and have lit fire and waiting for it to warm up.

 

[tourist]

It is 7.15pm here and freezing cold. I got home not that long ago and have lit fire and waiting for it to warm up.

We had a fireplace when we lived in Clearwater. Never had the opportunity to use it. Could come in handy here in NE Tennessee but we don't have a fireplace.

 

[Gojira]

I understand. Its 11 pm here and I should log offline before I resemble the walking dead. Chat later Gojira

I usually compare myself to Frankenstein, but same thing I guess.