Welcome to the Wonderful World of Rejection

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SteveEpperson

Junior Member
May 12, 2018
552
222
43
#21
I personally don't believe in premarital sex, so dating or relationships certainly don't include sex when I'm concerned.
I agree one hundred percent. But it's not really about being old-fashioned. Its about being God-honoring.

Once in a relationship though, I very much believe non-sexual intimacy is a great thing. As long as it is within the comfort level of both persons. Holding hands and kissing in particular are a must...or else, I'd think it was just a friendship.
Kudos! I'm glad you are not one of those women who would lead a guy on for the purpose of getting only what you want from him.

I definitely would not spend time with multiple men either, especially doing anything physical with multiple men.
Okay, good. After he kisses you for the first time, make it clear that you want to be exclusive, just so there are no hard feelings later. In the secular world, exclusivity usually comes after having sex for the first time. But of course, as God-honoring people, we are going to wait for our wedding day before that happens.:)
 

CarriePie

Well-known member
Jan 7, 2024
1,861
1,199
113
Oklahoma
#22
After he kisses you for the first time, make it clear that you want to be exclusive, just so there are no hard feelings later. In the secular world, exclusivity usually comes after having sex for the first time. But of course, as God-honoring people, we are going to wait for our wedding day before that happens.:)
I am not naive. At this point in my life, I definitely know when I'm exclusive with someone lol. I just wanted to reply mostly due to seoulsearch's entry, which I found to be very interesting and relatable.

Thanks for your response!
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,394
9,394
113
#23
I am not naive. At this point in my life, I definitely know when I'm exclusive with someone lol. I just wanted to reply mostly due to seoulsearch's entry, which I found to be very interesting and relatable.

Thanks for your response!
So... You free to go out Saturday night? :cool:

Or you already got a date?
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,509
5,442
113
#24
I agree one hundred percent. But it's not really about being old-fashioned. Its about being God-honoring. Kudos! I'm glad you are not one of those women who would lead a guy on for the purpose of getting only what you want from him. Okay, good. After he kisses you for the first time, make it clear that you want to be exclusive, just so there are no hard feelings later. In the secular world, exclusivity usually comes after having sex for the first time. But of course, as God-honoring people, we are going to wait for our wedding day before that happens.:)
I am not naive. At this point in my life, I definitely know when I'm exclusive with someone lol. I just wanted to reply mostly due to seoulsearch's entry, which I found to be very interesting and relatable.

Thanks for your response!
@SteveEpperson,

This is why I asked what age range you're targeting in your posts. While I agree with what you said about good dating advice being applicable to all ages, how it's approached will vary with age range and experience.

I realize there is a variety of ages here and you have no way of knowing how old the people you are responding to are or what their experiences might be, but your posts and especially your answers sound like they are speaking to 20-somethings who have little to no experience with the dating world.

I could be wrong but the people who are answering you seriously are 40 to 50-ish, which is why I've brought up the topics of how to adjust one's approach to people in different stages of life.

Your answers are truth-filled and very sincere, and maybe this is just me, but I feel your posts are like a youth pastor talking to a group of 15-year-olds -- and maybe that's what you intended? Of course, there's nothing wrong with that.

But I thought it might be helpful for you to know that the current demographic answering your posts is at least 3-4 times older than that with decades of life experience, and again, maybe it's just me, but that requires a different approach.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,509
5,442
113
#26
I'll probably be cleaning up the mud that was tracked in the kitchen :D
Lynx identifies as a cat, and for as much mud as he manages to walk through here in the forum, it might be a good idea if you give him a good blast of water hose, too. :D
 

HeIsHere

Well-known member
May 21, 2022
5,914
2,292
113
#28
I believe it does. Sure, a man who is confident with women and can talk to them with ease will get more dates than a man who is unsure of himself or comes across as needy and depressed. But even the guy women find unattractive will eventually land a first date.

I'm trying to make a point here: do not give up on the first rejection. But if he gives up only after a few tries, he can be stuck in a lonely morass, as some men are on this forum. You and I certainly don't want a brother or sister in Christ to suffer any longer with loneliness and depression simply because they've received bad advice over the years, do we?

Let me ask, what's better for a professional baseball player's statistics: going to bat one time or 100 times?



Let me ask this. When you go for a job interview, what do you expect in return? A job, right?

It would be highly unseasonable to say, "God, I'm going to sit right here on this couch watching reruns of my favorite TV shows until you send me a job," right? Everyone knows that's not the way it works.

So, why do we expect God to wave a magic wand and conjure up a Godly spouse out of thin air while we sit back and do nothing? That would be unreasonable, also.

When we invest time and energy in our children, we expect to get something in return. What is that something? God-honoring children!

It's the same thing here. A new relationship with the opposite sex that turns into a God-honoring marriage doesn't just happen. It takes work on our part. For our efforts, along with much prayer, we expect to:

1. Make a new connection
2. Get a first date to see if we are compatible
3. Develop the relationship (hopefully under the auspices of the local church)
4. Become engaged to be married
5. Get married in the church according to God's ordinances

That's a lot of steps! And with each one, we expect a "result" so we can move on to the next phase of the relationship.:)

Like I already stated the connection has to be genuine, how about getting to know the person and then go on a "date."
My point is to be genuine and have a true interest in another person, not having snappy come on lines.

We invest time and energy in our children because it is the right thing to do because we love them unconditionally.
Children know when they are being manipulated and typically rebel against that type of parenting later on.
 

SteveEpperson

Junior Member
May 12, 2018
552
222
43
#29
I wanted to bring this thread to the forefront again because many guys are reading my new post, The Tiny Two-Letter Word That Will Help You Find the Woman of Your Dreams. You could be thinking, "I don't mind saying hi to women, it's the rejection afterward that really stinks."

Rejection is not very pretty

I get it. When I was entering my teens, I discovered very quickly how vicious young girls can be. Unfortunately, many adult women have never outgrown their need to disparage men. Don't believe me? Look no further than some of the replies to my posts. You even have feminist men :LOL: attempting to score points with the militant feminist women. What you see here is a microcosm of what you'll see in real life. There's no getting around it.

You can't simply "IGNORE" rejection

In my opinion, the most wonderful thing about this site is the "IGNORE" button above an attacker's name. You just click it, and they magically disappear from your life forever. I love it!

Unfortunately, you can't do that in real life. For example, if you muster the courage to say hi to a woman, and she responds with, "What the #%^*@ is the matter with you?" There's no "IGNORE" button. You simply have to endure her foul mouth.

The good news about rejection

I have good news. You have the freedom to choose how you respond to the situation. Yes, you can choose to blame yourself for the rejection, as most men do. They say to themselves, "Man, if only I were better looking she wouldn't have been so nasty to me." Or "I know if I had more money, women would be more likely to think of me in a more positive light."

Not true! Look at Donald Trump. He probably has more money than all of us on this site combined. Some women love him, and some women hate him. Looks and money are not the issue.

Nobody is 100 percent "on" every time

Some women are going to find you attractive while others are going to find you repulsive. Many times it's due to something completely irrational like having on the wrong color shirt that day. I've even heard some women describe Brad Pitt as being ugly. Go figure.

Choose to put the onus on her

Personally, I choose to put the rejection squarely on the shoulders of the woman rejecting me. For example, today I was at the car wash (I don't have a carwash fixation; I have a company car that the boss requires to be clean all the time).

When I got out to vacuum the seats, one of the pretty young ladies working there came by to unclog one of the other vacuum hoses (fun job, right?). I did what has come naturally to me over the years. I said hello to her. But unfortunately, she sneered at me and took off in the other direction.

"Huh," I said to myself. "She must be having a really bad day. I've seen her here before, many times over the past year. This job must be getting to her. They do seem to have a lot of turnover at this location, and I wonder if she may be at her breaking point. Poor thing. I hope she either finds a new job or she gets a vacation, a raise, or both. I will certainly be praying for her. "

Do you see what I did here? Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I chose to have empathy for her. After all, isn't this what Jesus instructs us to do?

But I say to you who are listening: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-28.

Even so, you must move on quickly and forget about the encounter. The sooner you do that, the quicker you can recover. If possible, find someone else to say hi to. Once you get a positive response, it's easier to get over a bad one.

So, the next time a woman rejects your greeting, your kindness, your request for her phone number, or your first kiss, always remember:

It's one less "no" you will have to endure later on the way to the inevitable "yes!"
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,394
9,394
113
#30
In my opinion, the most wonderful thing about this site is the "IGNORE" button above an attacker's name. You just click it, and they magically disappear from your life forever. I love it!
Yes... Yes you do seem the type to use the ignore button quite heavily. Can't take disagreement at all.

But then every forum becomes an echo chamber where you never hear any new thoughts from anybody.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
27,394
9,394
113
#31
I wanted to bring this thread to the forefront again because many guys are reading my new post, The Tiny Two-Letter Word That Will Help You Find the Woman of Your Dreams. You could be thinking, "I don't mind saying hi to women, it's the rejection afterward that really stinks."

Rejection is not very pretty

I get it. When I was entering my teens, I discovered very quickly how vicious young girls can be. Unfortunately, many adult women have never outgrown their need to disparage men. Don't believe me? Look no further than some of the replies to my posts. You even have feminist men :LOL: attempting to score points with the militant feminist women. What you see here is a microcosm of what you'll see in real life. There's no getting around it.

You can't simply "IGNORE" rejection

In my opinion, the most wonderful thing about this site is the "IGNORE" button above an attacker's name. You just click it, and they magically disappear from your life forever. I love it!

Unfortunately, you can't do that in real life. For example, if you muster the courage to say hi to a woman, and she responds with, "What the #%^*@ is the matter with you?" There's no "IGNORE" button. You simply have to endure her foul mouth.

The good news about rejection

I have good news. You have the freedom to choose how you respond to the situation. Yes, you can choose to blame yourself for the rejection, as most men do. They say to themselves, "Man, if only I were better looking she wouldn't have been so nasty to me." Or "I know if I had more money, women would be more likely to think of me in a more positive light."

Not true! Look at Donald Trump. He probably has more money than all of us on this site combined. Some women love him, and some women hate him. Looks and money are not the issue.

Nobody is 100 percent "on" every time

Some women are going to find you attractive while others are going to find you repulsive. Many times it's due to something completely irrational like having on the wrong color shirt that day. I've even heard some women describe Brad Pitt as being ugly. Go figure.

Choose to put the onus on her

Personally, I choose to put the rejection squarely on the shoulders of the woman rejecting me. For example, today I was at the car wash (I don't have a carwash fixation; I have a company car that the boss requires to be clean all the time).

When I got out to vacuum the seats, one of the pretty young ladies working there came by to unclog one of the other vacuum hoses (fun job, right?). I did what has come naturally to me over the years. I said hello to her. But unfortunately, she sneered at me and took off in the other direction.

"Huh," I said to myself. "She must be having a really bad day. I've seen her here before, many times over the past year. This job must be getting to her. They do seem to have a lot of turnover at this location, and I wonder if she may be at her breaking point. Poor thing. I hope she either finds a new job or she gets a vacation, a raise, or both. I will certainly be praying for her. "

Do you see what I did here? Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I chose to have empathy for her. After all, isn't this what Jesus instructs us to do?

But I say to you who are listening: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-28.

Even so, you must move on quickly and forget about the encounter. The sooner you do that, the quicker you can recover. If possible, find someone else to say hi to. Once you get a positive response, it's easier to get over a bad one.

So, the next time a woman rejects your greeting, your kindness, your request for her phone number, or your first kiss, always remember:

It's one less "no" you will have to endure later on the way to the inevitable "yes!"
Wait a minute...

Wait.
Just.
One.
Minute.

You, the one who can't take any disagreement or debate, condescend to tell US how to take rejection?

Oho, this is prime! I'd pay cash to see you in action, oh Great Master, when you get rejected.
 

cinder

Senior Member
Mar 26, 2014
4,433
2,419
113
#32
Wait a minute...

Wait.
Just.
One.
Minute.

You, the one who can't take any disagreement or debate, condescend to tell US how to take rejection?

Oho, this is prime! I'd pay cash to see you in action, oh Great Master, when you get rejected.
Oh he's probably got that one down, definitely seems to be the type of person who is absolutely convinced that the problem is always with the other person never with himself. Easier to deal with rejection when you believe the problem lies entirely with the other person and that's why they can't see your awesomeness.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
42,597
17,062
113
69
Tennessee
#33
I enjoyed your insightful OP. I believe the primary reason people are alone in this world is because of the fear of rejection and commitment. Even if rejected there can be a valuable learning experience that will serve you will in a future endeavor. All in all, well worth the cost of admission. As the saying goes, no pain, no gain. At least that has been my experience and observation. The pursuit of an enduring, loving relationship can be a fascinating experience with lasting repercussions.