No, I am not concerned about that; like I'm not concerned about being attacked by a polar bear.
If I was reporting back to civilization, I would document that around 2000 all women were infected with a disease that prevent amorous attachment. For utilitarian purposes they mimic attachment behaviors to create an illusion of fidelity, friendship, admiration, dependency and attachment... Just Kidding
I really mean
some people, males and females, do this. Genuine love searchers must guard their hearts and be critically discerning.
As long as people are upfront and honest, adults are fully responsible for their hearts.
Hmmmm, you say something happened around the year 2000, huh?
. I was a high school junior that year, and I recall that the hottest trend in Christian dating was to kiss dating goodbye. All the good Christian girls I knew were adamant that they were only interested in a man who would "court" them. I looked into courting and it seemed dreadfully serious; if you began a courtship then you were expected to marry the guy unless something terrible happened to prevent it. It seemed like way too much to try to figure out before you even had a chance to get to know him. I had no idea what to even look for as far as compatibility goes, either. So I decided to be a rebel and just recklessly date every man who asked
. NOT!!!!! I was a "Good girl" who was trying to follow the "rules", so I shot down every guy who showed interest in me if I wasn't comfortable with the thought of marrying him. Which was all of them
.
Courting worked out ok for a lot of my friends, but I wish I had the self-awareness at that age to realize that it was a terrible fit for me personally. I realize it now, but I'm still finding my way through all the mental roadblocks I constructed in the meantime.
Perhaps "romantic attachment" before established compatibility and friendship is folly. The various ways someone feels may be real but also fleeting and rootless. In short, you knowing yourself, and being discerning, I think you're doing the right thing. I'm not sure what you mean by "pushing him away"... but to reiterate, with up-front honesty, setting boundaries and expectations, I think you can keep a "good guy" on a healthy relationship course with you, without "pushing him away" if that takes unhealthy forms that would cause distrust or derail a promising relationship.
I have come to realize that what you said in bold is definitely the case for me personally. But for some reason it's still not well accepted in Christian circles.....people say it would lead to sin, or pain, or it's just plain wrong becasue the only reason men and women should be spending time together is to work towards the ultimate goal....marriage. But if a guy can't put up with me until we figure out if we're even possibly right for each other, then how the heck is he going to put up with me for the rest of my life?!? I can be pretty dang weird, I'd need him to know what he was getting himself into lol.
But yes, you're right that what I might think is being considerate or conscientious could actually be something unhealthy and unkind.......that's probably what I need to watch out for the most, really.
Yes, too true! LOL! That might make a good thread. It's a big subject. It probably mostly comes down to doing what you know you should. What someone finds attractive is likely partially subconscious; information worthy of bringing into the light. And probably requires a therapists.
I have a crazy idea. Don't worry though; all my best ideas are crazy
. Oh crap, wait......all my worst ideas were also crazy
. Hmmm. Well, I guess we won't know which category this one fits into unless we try it out
. Anyway, here it is: We can start a thread where members can each post 3 fake dating profiles, and you can tell us which one of the 3 you would choose. Then all of us dime-store therapists can analyze your choices and try to pick up on patterns of self-destructive tendencies!
. Hmmm...ok now that I've typed it out, I'm pretty sure that one falls under "worst ideas"
. But maybe I will start a thread on the topic, IDK...or you could, since it was your idea in the first place
.