Seoulsearch Tries To Date Multiple People At Once -- Ending In Epic Failure!

[stingray72]

hey snackersmom join in

 

[stingray72]

oh by the way the church i go to asked me if i would work the computer during worship....im not sure yet....i might go back to work if i can

 

[Snackersmom]

hey snackersmom join in

Hi Sean, I'm not the most talkative knife in the drawer, I read a lot more than I post . Eating dinner right now and popped in to see if the thread I started is up for posting yet (It isn't!). Hope you had a good day though!

 

[stingray72]

I kinda feel for our pastor shes 70 now and lost her husband a few years back

 

[stingray72]

Hi Sean, I'm not the most talkative knife in the drawer, I read a lot more than I post . Eating dinner right now and popped in to see if the thread I started is up for posting yet (It isn't!). Hope you had a good day though!

No problem do as you would like...having a good day yes thank you

 

[seoulsearch]

Hi Sean, I'm not the most talkative knife in the drawer, I read a lot more than I post . Eating dinner right now and popped in to see if the thread I started is up for posting yet (It isn't!). Hope you had a good day though!

Oh man, a thread by Snackersmom?

*Seoulsearch hunches over on her vulture stand and waits.*

 

[seoulsearch]

My brother used to be a car mechanic too so if you have questions i can ask him for you if need be

his name is Scott and he needs prayer for salvation as does his wife and children

We'll be happy to pray for them, Sean.

Wow, with you as a techie person and your brother as a mechanic, I bet you have people lined up for blocks seeking your guys' help.

 

[Snackersmom]

Oh man, a thread by Snackersmom?

*Seoulsearch hunches over on her vulture stand and waits.*

View attachment 265080

Lol, it's just one of those threads where you can post random questions to random members. I remember we had one of those back in the day before I left for a decade and it was really fun!

I do have another one in mind that's more of a deep psychological dive into Christian culture, you can reserve the vulture for that one lol .

 

[Lynx]

already ripped them more than one place.....im a bit of a techie....yeah needs put together

Never mind then. Way ahead of me.

I got more than 10,000 tracks. Some from CDs, some recorded off from old cassettes, more than 2,000 transcribed from old vinyl. All saved to at least three hard drives at a time.

 

[stingray72]

haha yeah he doesnt work on them any more but he has knowledge....he works for himself now selling things on ebay and such and makes a decent living at it....his wife is what they call a recovering alcholic and his daughter is a once drug addic and his son is Gay

 

[stingray72]

Never mind then. Way ahead of me.

I got more than 10,000 tracks. Some from CDs, some recorded off from old cassettes, more than 2,000 transcribed from old vinyl. All saved to at least three hard drives at a time.

wow your set buddy good on you.

 

[stingray72]

hey ladies and gentlemen if you could pray for my mom also she has nuropothy its very painfull and prgressing fast and my dad has cancer and arthritis

 

[stingray72]

Anyway i think im going to get offline here and watch some tv be blessed as always and sleep well too....Seoul...youll be in my prayers for sleep tonight

 

[seoulsearch]

Anyway i think im going to get offline here and watch some tv be blessed as always and sleep well too....Seoul...youll be in my prayers for sleep tonight

Thank you so much, Sean!

We will definitely be praying for you and your family. Have a blessed night.

 

[stingray72]

I have sleeping issues too so remember me also

 

[seoulsearch]

I have sleeping issues too so remember me also

Of course. No worries, I was thinking of that too.

 

[Sculpt]

Hmmmm, you say something happened around the year 2000, huh? . I was a high school junior that year, and I recall that the hottest trend in Christian dating was to kiss dating goodbye. All the good Christian girls I knew were adamant that they were only interested in a man who would "court" them. I looked into courting and it seemed dreadfully serious; if you began a courtship then you were expected to marry the guy unless something terrible happened to prevent it. It seemed like way too much to try to figure out before you even had a chance to get to know him. I had no idea what to even look for as far as compatibility goes, either. So I decided to be a rebel and just recklessly date every man who asked . NOT!!!!! I was a "Good girl" who was trying to follow the "rules", so I shot down every guy who showed interest in me if I wasn't comfortable with the thought of marrying him. Which was all of them .

Courting worked out ok for a lot of my friends, but I wish I had the self-awareness at that age to realize that it was a terrible fit for me personally. I realize it now, but I'm still finding my way through all the mental roadblocks I constructed in the meantime.

I have come to realize that what you said in bold is definitely the case for me personally. But for some reason it's still not well accepted in Christian circles.....people say it would lead to sin, or pain, or it's just plain wrong becasue the only reason men and women should be spending time together is to work towards the ultimate goal....marriage. But if a guy can't put up with me until we figure out if we're even possibly right for each other, then how the heck is he going to put up with me for the rest of my life?!? I can be pretty dang weird, I'd need him to know what he was getting himself into lol.

Ah, yes, the "Say Goodbye to Dating", I remember that. Actually, (in my prior post) I wasn't referencing any event or social trend in 2000. I was just being snarky about my own experiences. There's was plenty of amorous, but not real attachment.

I always wanted to fall in love and be married, I just assumed it would happen by "magic". I wasn't in a rush because we think we're going to live forever. So, I didn't mind casual dating. I was just waiting for the whammy. You know... about being In Love or finding The One, they say, "You'll know". Good stuff...

I never did the official "courting" thing. But like you said, I think you'd have to have some very informative contact with someone before you'd know if a long process of courting is worthwhile. Maybe the idea is, if you're attracted to them and their a christian, that's enough? ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

But yes, you're right that what I might think is being considerate or conscientious could actually be something unhealthy and unkind.......that's probably what I need to watch out for the most, really.

I don't think anyone would want you to push away a "good guy" if you're open to finding love, and it's not against God's will for you. I think we have a beneficial conversation here; we don't want to be too vague. If you don't mind, what do you mean by "pushing the good guy away"? What does that look like for you?

I have a crazy idea. Don't worry though; all my best ideas are crazy . Oh crap, wait......all my worst ideas were also crazy . Hmmm. Well, I guess we won't know which category this one fits into unless we try it out . Anyway, here it is: We can start a thread where members can each post 3 fake dating profiles, and you can tell us which one of the 3 you would choose. Then all of us dime-store therapists can analyze your choices and try to pick up on patterns of self-destructive tendencies! . Hmmm...ok now that I've typed it out, I'm pretty sure that one falls under "worst ideas" . But maybe I will start a thread on the topic, IDK...or you could, since it was your idea in the first place .

I like how you think, Snackermom! You'd be a fine social scientist and therapist. Sounds like a lot of work, but that might actually be fun, and hilarious LOL. If peeps would actually create fake profiles, I guess there would have to be some agreement on what "self-destructive tendencies" are. Maybe we could work on the idea a little first.

I think this one was supposed to be rhetorical? If not I'd be happy to give a shot at answering, but my guess could be dreadfully off the mark! If I were to try to answer, it would be helpful to know more about your selection process/criteria .

I'd love to hear you give it a shot. I don't think you'd find my criteria or process unique... but maybe you could be helpful by using your knowledge, experience, instinct, etc and speak on what some of those "patterns of self-destructive tendencies" might be, for me or lots of men?

 

[zeroturbulence]

Hey Everyone,

All the advice on the forum to date multiple people at once has had me thinking for a while. I was thinking about my own dating history, and trying to sort out why I have said for the longest time that I wouldn't do this. Then I remembered why.

Years ago, I actually tried an in-person dating service, as this was long before internet dating took off. It was insanely expensive and I'd never do it again, but I think I signed up for 12 matches. Although I didn't find someone, I did have some interesting conversations (and can tell you all the more to be careful out there!) Fortunately, they only gave you one match at a time and I liked being able to concentrate on talking to just one person.

Fast forward to a few years later when I was on a couple of paid Christian dating sites... My favorite thing back then was to hang out in the Christian Mingle chat rooms (arranged by ages in decades,) because I could see what people were like in real time. And of course, you got plenty of 50-year-olds hanging out in the 20-and-30-year-old rooms. (As far as I know, CM doesn't have these anymore? It's been years since I've looked at their site.)

Again, I didn't meet anyone special, but I did have some good conversations and learned from other's experiences. I also learned something very important about myself.

I had been chatting with a couple of really nice guys and when it felt comfortable, moved on to talking to the phone with a few of them. And I can still remember, I was talking with one guy, and I said something like, "Oh, that's right, your father..." and then I went on to finish what I thought was a story about his dad. And he paused for a minute, then said plainly, "Uh... that's not me."

In other words -- I WAS GETTING HIS STORY CONFUSED WITH THAT OF ANOTHER GUY I WAS TALKING TO -- AND I FELT SO BAD!!!

The poor guy was incredibly gracious about it, but understandably, we never talked again.

Shoot, it's not just in dating situations. I have a good friend I've known for years, but we only write each other a couple times a year, and when I asked how her parents were doing, she wrote back, "Well, I don't expect you to remember, Seoul, but my Dad actually died 20 years ago..." Oh my goodness. I felt like the worst friend ever.

Throughout my life, I've actually kept handwritten notes to remind me of people's important events, dates, and life facts, but I had foolishly gotten away from the practice, and it was obviously showing.

THIS is why I personally wouldn't date more than one person at a time. If I did, I would have to keep a fact-checking file on each person, then re-read it every time I talked to them to try to make sure I didn't mess up. I just remember that poor guy on the phone whose family information I incorrectly identified and how immensely disrespectful that was -- and all because I was talking to more than one person at a time -- even though it was all online.

And I thought about how I would feel if it got flipped around -- how would any of us feel if our "date" started talking to us earnestly about a family or life situation that wasn't ours, all because he was accidentally got our story mixed up with the 3 other girls he's dating?

It was about this time that I backed out of the dating scene, because I wanted to do better. I wanted to give someone the respect and attention he deserved, not a slice of time in between going out with Joe on Monday and Bobby on Friday.

And what really got to me is that I started wondering what kinds of affection are allowed on dates, because I would not feel comfortable dating someone if both of us were holding hands with/kissing other people on our days off from seeing each other. I know I probably sound like as old-fashioned as your Grandma -- heck, maybe even some people's Great-Grandma -- but for my own self, I felt that limiting my time and focus to just one person would be the most honorable thing to do.

I know others might be different though and maybe dating multiple people DOES work for them. Shoot, some people might even tell me I'm just too forgetful and/or stupid to be able to date several guys at once, lol, and I understand that. Or maybe they'll say I'm being too sensitive I'm turned off that my date gets my story mixed up with the girl he went out with the night before me.

So for those of you who DO think it's possible, I'm sincerely interested in how you keep all their stories straight. (Obviously, I can use these tips on just trying to remember facts about my long-term friends!)

* First of all, how do YOU feel about dating more than one person at a time? Yeah or Nah?

* If you DO see several people at once, how do you keep from mixing up their information?

* Do you feel it's ok to hold hands with, hug, and kiss each person when you take them out?

* What are you comfortable with your date doing in between dates with you: dating other people, holding hands with other people, hugging and kissing other people? And then being fresh, ready, and smiling to take YOU out the next night?

Everyone is welcome to answer -- it would be interesting to hear from our married friends about how this type of advice has worked -- or not -- in real life for them, or those they know.

I think this is going to be a fascinating discussion and I am eagerly awaiting your thoughts.

@seoulsearch I never dated more than one woman at a time and there was plenty of time between them so I was never in danger of a mixup but there was this one time I was on the phone with a woman I had just started dating and I accidentally called her by another woman's name. I think something she said reminded me of another woman I had dated and her name came out. But she didn't say anything and never mentioned it. I wonder if she even heard it or noticed it. I never asked of course.