New job

[seantspence]

Somewhere around the 5th or 6th year, I ran across a blog post that I wasn't supposed to find and didn't expect to find. It was a blog post about me. I was stunned. In it he said he made the wrong choice (by choosing me). I informed him that I knew about his post, we didn't communicate for 2 months after this. All I could see in my head were those words, "Wrong choice." I didn't plan to position myself back into that relationship, but his friends (who like me a lot and are very nice gentleman) got us back together. And it worked out for a while, but honestly those words still were in the back of my head. Wrong choice. Now, the last thing I plan to do with my life is be a wrong choice again lol. Goals. Good goals

Things are a mixed bag here in Oklahoma. I have dated different sizes of men. My 3rd relationship was with a plus size man and it was actually the only relationship I got into based off looks alone. I thought he was quite handsome, but we didn't have anything in common. I think it's good to have some different interests, but to not have anything in common at all is not a good thing I found out lol.

I see you mentioned woodpeckers. I see 3 different types of woodpeckers without even leaving the yard. I see red-bellied, downy, and pileated woodpeckers. I love hearing and watching them.
This year, Mississippi kites were dating nearby. I'd be out in my lounge chair and they'd fly over me. I also sometimes see kestrels in the area. Or even bald eagles. I like birdwatching. All these lovely living things are God's artwork to me.

By the way, the only reason I keep thumbs upping everything is cause I dont know how to put any other emoticon up.

My whole life i was thin and athletic up until I started taking the prescription medication. I’m really hoping that my body will heal and go back to normal, just got to pray about that one. My dad weighs 40 pounds less than me and he doesn’t take prescription medication and I also have my mom’s genes and she is tiny and has always been tiny. My dad on the other hand loves to eat and sometimes it is all he talks about. When I listen to him speak sometimes, all I think of is gluttony but he also surfs a lot and his work is physical labor, putting up screens at like raves of all things, concerts and tech buildings such as Apple, Google and Amazon, and he does that 6 days a week sometimes working sometimes 16 hour days.

 

[CarriePie]

By the way, the only reason I keep thumbs upping everything is cause I dont know how to put any other emoticon up.

You hover over the thumb up thingy, but don't click it. Then other options pop, then you click the emoji/reaction you prefer. I'm on my laptop using windows OS. Oh, I think I remember you use Apple? It might be different...I'm no expert!

 

[seantspence]

Somewhere around the 5th or 6th year, I ran across a blog post that I wasn't supposed to find and didn't expect to find. It was a blog post about me. I was stunned. In it he said he made the wrong choice (by choosing me). I informed him that I knew about his post, we didn't communicate for 2 months after this. All I could see in my head were those words, "Wrong choice." I didn't plan to position myself back into that relationship, but his friends (who like me a lot and are very nice gentleman) got us back together. And it worked out for a while, but honestly those words still were in the back of my head. Wrong choice. Now, the last thing I plan to do with my life is be a wrong choice again lol. Goals. Good goals

Things are a mixed bag here in Oklahoma. I have dated different sizes of men. My 3rd relationship was with a plus size man and it was actually the only relationship I got into based off looks alone. I thought he was quite handsome, but we didn't have anything in common. I think it's good to have some different interests, but to not have anything in common at all is not a good thing I found out lol.

I see you mentioned woodpeckers. I see 3 different types of woodpeckers without even leaving the yard. I see red-bellied, downy, and pileated woodpeckers. I love hearing and watching them.
This year, Mississippi kites were dating nearby. I'd be out in my lounge chair and they'd fly over me. I also sometimes see kestrels in the area. Or even bald eagles. I like birdwatching. All these lovely living things are God's artwork to me.

Sorry that you were some guys wrong choice and sorry that young found out so much later on. I’m glad I was someone’s wrong choice from day one, that way I could end it immediately without any of us wasting our time.

I even had a talk with my neighbor the night before and she said if you aren’t attracted to her, do not pursue her, that attraction will keep you together and it’s not even based on looks but just attraction in general. Since I was no longer motivated nor attracted, I figured she just wasn’t the one.

 

[seantspence]

You hover over the thumb up thingy, but don't click it. Then other options pop, then you click the emoji/reaction you prefer. I'm on my laptop using windows OS. Oh, I think I remember you use Apple? It might be different...I'm no expert!

There we go! I’m on my phone and all you do is long press

 

[seantspence]

You hover over the thumb up thingy, but don't click it. Then other options pop, then you click the emoji/reaction you prefer. I'm on my laptop using windows OS. Oh, I think I remember you use Apple? It might be different...I'm no expert!

There is nothing like putting good worship music. It’s like God rewards you when you listen by healing your minds pain

 

[seantspence]

You hover over the thumb up thingy, but don't click it. Then other options pop, then you click the emoji/reaction you prefer. I'm on my laptop using windows OS. Oh, I think I remember you use Apple? It might be different...I'm no expert!

I think when I noticed that your words brought healing to me is when I thought you were a very kind person. Your communication with others on here was something I was impressed with. A bright light in a place of light.

 

[CarriePie]

My whole life i was thin and athletic up until I started taking the prescription medication. I’m really hoping that my body will heal and go back to normal, just got to pray about that one. My dad weighs 40 pounds less than me and he doesn’t take prescription medication and I also have my mom’s genes and she is tiny and has always been tiny. My dad on the other hand loves to eat and sometimes it is all he talks about. When I listen to him speak sometimes, all I think of is gluttony but he also surfs a lot and his work is physical labor, putting up screens at like raves of all things, concerts and tech buildings such as Apple, Google and Amazon, and he does that 6 days a week sometimes working sometimes 16 hour days.

I think being healthy is important. I don't think someone should use weight against you to hurt you or make themselves feel better. Getting healthy is great and a worthy goal. Doing it for the Lord and for your own self (to take care of the body He gave you) is, of course, great. People like to use easy stuff to criticize people about, depending on what unattractive feature they have.

I remember as a child, I went a tribal bingo hall with my grandmother. I was young and I blurted out, "Grandma, why is everyone's nose so big here?" She shhhh'd me, "Be quiet!" I got older and while looking in the mirror, I realized I have the same nose lol. I think God gave us all different features and different heights and different shades of skin, eyes, hair and different bone structures (heavy and thin). Just imagine going out into the world and finding that everyone looks the same. That sounds terrible to me!

 

[CarriePie]

I think when I noticed that your words brought healing to me is when I thought you were a very kind person. Your communication with others on here was something I was impressed with. A bright light in a place of light.

Thank you. That is very sweet of you to say. I pray for the Lord's guidance every morning, for the small things as well as the big things. Any good in me comes from Him.
Your communication has been a blessing too, and warmth. So much of the world lacks warmth.

 

[seantspence]

I think being healthy is important. I don't think someone should use weight against you to hurt you or make themselves feel better. Getting healthy is great and a worthy goal. Doing it for the Lord and for your own self (to take care of the body He gave you) is, of course, great. People like to use easy stuff to criticize people about, depending on what unattractive feature they have.

I remember as a child, I went a tribal bingo hall with my grandmother. I was young and I blurted out, "Grandma, why is everyone's nose so big here?" She shhhh'd me, "Be quiet!" I got older and while looking in the mirror, I realized I have the same nose lol. I think God gave us all different features and different heights and different shades of skin, eyes, hair and different bone structures (heavy and thin). Just imagine going out into the world and finding that everyone looks the same. That sounds terrible to me!

Humans love variety but some people you can’t have enough of. I’ve known one of my friends Michael since 3rd grade. We became best friend in fourth grade and I’ve been friends with him ever since. When I moved to Long Beach he distanced himself. But this past year he was addicted to meth, was homeless and had no one to go to except for me. So I had him come over, I talked to him about Jesus and this past year he completely changed his life around and even moved down the street from me. So it is crazy who the lord will lead back into your life when they hit rock bottom. I taught him everything I know about mental illness because when he was talking to me previously he felt like he was being followed and tracked. So I can tell there was obvious paranoia. He went to a rehab program that took him in, got him a therapist, psychiatrist, and he had like 6 classes that he would go to through out the week including chores he would do in a house with 30 other guys. He met a lot of potential life long friends and he is healthier than I’ve seen him in over 8 years. So even fellow believers have the ability to saving people, healing them and leading them down the right path.

 

[seantspence]

Thank you. That is very sweet of you to say. I pray for the Lord's guidance every morning, for the small things as well as the big things. Any good in me comes from Him.
Your communication has been a blessing too, and warmth. So much of the world lacks warmth.

I think that is what happens when the most attractive boy at his high school gets his entire life stolen from him by the devil and then God nurses him back to health after he turned Him and kept him hidden for over ten years in another county, by changing the way he looks. Not to sound like a narcissist but there was a time where I felt unstoppable, that the world was mine. The world tries to distract me from my purpose but God’s promises will be fulfilled.

 

[seantspence]

Thank you. That is very sweet of you to say. I pray for the Lord's guidance every morning, for the small things as well as the big things. Any good in me comes from Him.
Your communication has been a blessing too, and warmth. So much of the world lacks warmth.

I have to go to sleep though. I got a therapy appointment in the morning and I need my eight hours but it was great talking to you again. Always a magical time. Especially talking about to woodland critters.

 

[CarriePie]

Humans love variety but some people you can’t have enough of. I’ve known one of my friends Michael since 3rd grade. We became best friend in fourth grade and I’ve been friends with him ever since. When I moved to Long Beach he distanced himself. But this past year he was addicted to meth, was homeless and had no one to go to except for me. So I had him come over, I talked to him about Jesus and this past year he completely changed his life around and even moved down the street from me. So it is crazy who the lord will lead back into your life when they hit rock bottom. I taught him everything I know about mental illness because when he was talking to me previously he felt like he was being followed and tracked. So I can tell there was obvious paranoia. He went to a rehab program that took him in, got him a therapist, psychiatrist, and he had like 6 classes that he would go to through out the week including chores he would do in a house with 30 other guys. He met a lot of potential life long friends and he is healthier than I’ve seen him in over 8 years. So even fellow believers have the ability to saving people, healing them and leading them down the right path.

That's a smashing story! You were a great blessing to him. You seem to have a lot of patience. I feel like I am lacking in that area. But I do believe that the Lord blesses everyone with their own unique abilities. Someone may not be as strong in some areas, but much stronger in others. I think we all balance each other out that way.
I am the world's worst at asking anyone for help. I ask the Lord for guidance daily and He continues to provide all that I need. I'm so thankful for that.

There is an attractiveness about a person that glows, no matter their physical appearance. They just glow.

I hope you get much needed rest. It's been wonderful talking to you. A blessing. Keeping glowing

 

[seantspence]

Thank you. That is very sweet of you to say. I pray for the Lord's guidance every morning, for the small things as well as the big things. Any good in me comes from Him.
Your communication has been a blessing too, and warmth. So much of the world lacks warmth.

I was discipled by a pastors kid for 10 years

 

[seantspence]

That's a smashing story! You were a great blessing to him. You seem to have a lot of patience. I feel like I am lacking in that area. But I do believe that the Lord blesses everyone with their own unique abilities. Someone may not be as strong in some areas, but much stronger in others. I think we all balance each other out that way.
I am the world's worst at asking anyone for help. I ask the Lord for guidance daily and He continues to provide all that I need. I'm so thankful for that.

There is an attractiveness about a person that glows, no matter their physical appearance. They just glow.

I hope you get much needed rest. It's been wonderful talking to you. A blessing. Keeping glowing

I think it takes submitting to God and trusting he won’t steer you wrong.

 

[CarriePie]

I think it takes submitting to God and trusting he won’t steer you wrong.

I'm thankful to have someone (the Lord) to fully trust, I know without a doubt I can trust His guidance and will.

I won't keep you from sleep any longer. I should also go get some sleep. May the night be peaceful and restful!

 

[tourist]

She is a winner @tourist

@CarriePie is most absolutely a winner.

 

[jacko]

You hover over the thumb up thingy, but don't click it. Then other options pop, then you click the emoji/reaction you prefer. I'm on my laptop using windows OS. Oh, I think I remember you use Apple? It might be different...I'm no expert!

Just learned that thank you

 

[seantspence]

Looks can be such a crushing thing in the dating world. I've actually never even looked for anyone on a dating site. All of my relationships have came about by getting to know someone (at work, online, or what-have-you) not with the intention of a relationship, we'd just hit if off and start dating. Actually, the only relationship I've been in where looks were such a problem was in my last relationship. The relationship that felt the deepest, so working on the 'ol self esteem was necessary afterwards. I can't change my nose (I'm not getting a nose job lol) and I can't change my skin tone and I'll never have the "perfect body." So dwelling on this stuff just wrecks a person's self esteem. I like what Nayyirah Waheed said, "If someone does not want me it is no the end of the world. But if I do not want me, the world is nothing but endings."

Off topic, but there is a raccoon at my door. I see it on the cam. Cute

Plus, once you get one procedure, at least for my aunt, she got more and more and more procedures as she got older cause she cared so much about her looks. Even got botched jobs.

I just weighed myself after only weaning off these pills for a week and a half and I already lost 4.5 pounds. Crazy. In a week they are going to half my current dose until it’s all out of my system.

The nurse practitioner asked me if if want to go the natural route with my medications last time I talked to him and I said no. When I realized I said no this morning, I thought next time I see him I’m going to tell him that I want to go the natural route. So who knows what that’ll be like. I’ve been on this medication for 14 years.

 

[CarriePie]

@CarriePie is most absolutely a winner.

You both have warmed my day

Plus, once you get one procedure, at least for my aunt, she got more and more and more procedures as she got older cause she cared so much about her looks. Even got botched jobs.

I can't imagine ever getting procedures. That's not to say that I don't care about my appearance. I have a natural approach to skin care. The years are creeping up on me, so I guess I'm just trying to look okay for my age instead of older than I am. I do take collagen peptides and hyaluronic acid everyday, plus vitamins. I do face exercises and gua sha everyday. I use organic coconut oil on my face and a natural oil mixture around my eyes and snail mucin on my neck. That'll have to do, 'cause I have no plans of getting any type of procedures. I'd rather go into hiding. The critters would still come visit me lol.

I just weighed myself after only weaning off these pills for a week and a half and I already lost 4.5 pounds. Crazy. In a week they are going to half my current dose until it’s all out of my system.

The nurse practitioner asked me if if want to go the natural route with my medications last time I talked to him and I said no. When I realized I said no this morning, I thought next time I see him I’m going to tell him that I want to go the natural route. So who knows what that’ll be like. I’ve been on this medication for 14 years.

This is smashing to hear! It sounds like your health will benefit so much. I think it is brave of you to go through the procedure of getting off meds. I haven't personally been on meds, but I've heard that it's not an easy process. You are choosing to move forward in a better direction and are actually doing it. That's inspiring. All the things you've mentioned surely will result in you feeling better in mind and body. Having a healhy overall well being (spiritual, mental, physical) is a blessing. It's not good for us to be trapped. It's not good for us to be stagnant. I hope so much that the road ahead continues to bring positive changes.

 

[seantspence]

You both have warmed my day




I can't imagine ever getting procedures. That's not to say that I don't care about my appearance. I have a natural approach to skin care. The years are creeping up on me, so I guess I'm just trying to look okay for my age instead of older than I am. I do take collagen peptides and hyaluronic acid everyday, plus vitamins. I do face exercises and gua sha everyday. I use organic coconut oil on my face and a natural oil mixture around my eyes and snail mucin on my neck. That'll have to do, 'cause I have no plans of getting any type of procedures. I'd rather go into hiding. The critters would still come visit me lol.




This is smashing to hear! It sounds like your health will benefit so much. I think it is brave of you to go through the procedure of getting off meds. I haven't personally been on meds, but I've heard that it's not an easy process. You are choosing to move forward in a better direction and are actually doing it. That's inspiring. All the things you've mentioned surely will result in you feeling better in mind and body. Having a healhy overall well being (spiritual, mental, physical) is a blessing. It's not good for us to be trapped. It's not good for us to be stagnant. I hope so much that the road ahead continues to bring positive changes.

I currently don’t do anything with my face other than apply a prescription shampoo to my head, face and ears. For 8 years I had skin issues on my face, scalp and ears. Almost like a psoriasis. I told an urgent care facility about it like three months ago and after eight ears of being super self conscious about my face, it all went away and my skin issues back to normal. It’s crazy. I never really had bags underneath my eyes until recently but I think it is cause of me staying up every night cause I was drinking 64 oz of coffee every day. Now that I don’t drink coffee, I realize that I just have insomnia. So today my therapist recommended I talk to my nurse practitioner about it so I don’t have insomnia anymore and my bags will go away just by having better sleep.

If it wasn’t for me leaving my old psychiatrist because they didn’t take my insurance anymore, I wouldn’t have the amazing nurse practitioner that I do now. And the fact that I don’t have schizo anything and I’m just bipolar which I may not even be that either, gives me a lot of hope. Having a diagnosis of being someone who believed they were schizophrenic cause a doctor diagnosed them that way did a number on me but now that that isn’t the case, I feel like I defeated a ton of people that I told and judged me for it, including my dad and his wife and their children. They all blamed the drugs and told me that it was my fault for not moving in with them when I was 14. My dad is the biggest hypocrite because he went through the same thing when he was my age except he did worse drugs and a lot more than I ever did and instead of stopping at 26, he continued into his 30’s, never having a job until he was around the age that I am now. I started working when i was 18 and I’ve been creating things my entire life. So he could just not speak cause I obviously am not like him and matured at a much earlier age, while he was living off of my rich grandpa and stealing money from his for the first half of my life. The only thing I’ve ever stolen was a pack of gum when I was 3 and a few digimon cards at a target when i was 13. My dad bought jackets worth 8k with my grandpas money. So if he is going to judge anyone, he has to look in a mirror or the Bible.

I have since forgave him but these are things that have come up over the years that I don’t forget.

Now we get to see his new kids go through the same thing. I wonder what he thinks about that but probably pointing fingers again from my guess, instead of doing a deep dive into himself.