What is the Difference Between Confidence and Delusion? Can Knowing the Difference Save Us From a Lot of Heartache?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

Some recent conversations here in the threads had me pondering something I've thought about for a long time. What is the difference between people having high self-confidence -- and just plain being delusional?

What I mean is, what is the difference between being confident in who you are in Christ and who you are as a person, but having expectations that border on pure fantasy?

Let's look at the movie, "The Fifth Element," as a case study.



In this film, Korben Dallas (Bruce Willis,) is assigned to an undercover mission:



The miliary tells him they are assigning a female officer to pose as his wife:



But you see, Korben has already met Leeloo (Milla Jovovich):




And as could be predicted, he quickly evades the military officers in order to pursue Leeloo instead.


This is the scientist in charge of Leeloo's when she was brought under government watch. The actor playing this character is only 1 year older than Bruce Willis (Korben.)




Let's look at some real-life age differences between the actors playing these characters:

1. Bruce Willis (Korben) is 20 years older than Milla Jovovich (Leeloo.)

2. Bruce Willis is 9 years older than the actress (Julie T. Wallace) playing the military woman assigned to be his wife. Both women are younger, but Milla is MUCH younger, and so it seems that the military woman who was to pose as his wife is much closer in age, and, perhaps, more "socially appropriate." But obviously... This woman looks a bit... different... than Leeloo.

3. Christopher Fairbank (the scientist) is 1 year older than Bruce Willis -- so they're practically the same age. If age alone were the determining factor, both of these men should have an equal shot at winning Leeloo over.

But we all know who the younger, hotter woman winds up with:

Now of course, there are all kinds of other factors at play here, most notably personal preferences. Some people might not find any of these people attractive; some might be attracted to the more everyday-looking ones -- because we all know everyone has different tastes.

But here's my point -- we all know, or have known, people around us (or even ourselves) who look like the military wife and the scientist.

But we also all know a woman who might look like the military wife -- pretty, but not society's "ideal" -- but she thinks she's going to land a Bruce Willis (Korben Dallas.)

And we all know a man who looks like the scientist -- handsome, but also not society's "ideal" -- but he thinks he's going to score a Leeloo (a younger, much hotter woman.)

The "military wife" and the "scientist" might be much closer in age and much closer to each other on the attractiveness "scale", but chances are high that many people like this won't want each other. Rather, they are each going to pass over anyone like themselves, and keep on looking for their Bruce Willis or for their Leeloo. This will be doubly so if they are Christian, because they will believe that God wants only "THE BEST" for them, and they will believe that the best means whatever they want most. Most don't realize, or won't admit, that God's best for us is often much different than what we think is the best.

And, chances are, a lot people like this are going to experience a lot of heartache in the process -- often growing bitter that they haven't found the man or woman of their dreams.

If we were more realistic about ourselves and what we attract, would we spare ourselves a lot of grief?

(Continued in Post #2 to Make This Easier to Read.)

 

[seoulsearch]

From the time I was about 14, I started to realize that I attract the same types of men repeatedly:

1. Men who are old enough to be my Dad and Grandpa.

2. Men who are "Asian-Curious" (especially in towns, workplaces, and general areas without many Asians.)

3. Party boys with one foot in their old life, but try to establish "safe" domestic roots with someone who will rescue them every time they relapse.

4. Men who are in the same category as I see myself -- a bit nerdy, a bit outside the norm, and an average, everyday "lives next door" kind of person. Because I fit into this category, it's also the kind of people I feel most comfortable with.

The men I know I DON'T attract in real life are jocks, models, doctors, lawyers, CEO-types, or VIP's -- which is perfectly fine. We're all built to fit in somewhere -- I know these categories aren't my place -- and I'm perfectly fine with that.

The reason I mention this is because I've seen so many men and women only pursue those outside of their "category" -- almost always to "level up" with someone "way out of their league", and it almost always ends in disaster -- ESPECIALLY ONLINE.

I've known a lot of people who have been severely catfished online, losing their time, money, and hearts to people who don't exist, or who present themselves under a literal mask. And with AI improving everyday, I've seen videos of 65-year-old women video chatting in real time with an image of what they think is their hot 33-year-old boyfriend. It's gotten to be so advanced, it's really only obvious when the mouth is a little rigid while they're speaking. Otherwise, it looks like a real person with facial expressions -- because it's based on a real person, but with a better-looking face slapped over it.

Women -- and men -- are losing their life savings to these kinds of scams. We've seen it right here on CC as well, when a young man excitedly told us about the overseas model who was his new girlfriend -- who was asking him to send her gift cards. Everyone, including a police officer, tried to tell him otherwise, but he just would not be deterred.

I have also known many people who have been worked over by catfishes whose only real goal seems to be attention rather than money, and when asked to meet in real life, they never show.

Could more people be saved from these kinds of fates if we were all just a little more realistic about ourselves?

I was part of the online dating scene for a while, and I got two messages during that time from guys who would be seen as unicorns. But you see, I don't attract unicorns in real life, so I was pretty sure something was off.

One of them turned out to be not only a different guy (an everyday guy, not the model he presented in "his" pictures,) but he was also married. He told me, "I just wanted to talk to you because you seemed so real." Um... Thanks, but no thanks. And while I do believe the other guy was real, I think he was so used to having people bend to his will since he was extremely good-looking and having a successful military career, it felt like he set a stage that took control of every conversation.

I felt like little more than a puppet he was trying to direct, and I can't survive that way.

Of course, I've had my own disastrous romantic experiences due to my own bad choices, but one thing I've been thankful for is that I do think I've been spared a lot of grief by not chasing guys who are "beyond my reach."

Now of course, I'm not saying it's impossible to "marry up." But I don't think it happens very often.

And I have regularly listened to the heartache of people who still believe that they can catch unicorns -- and won't hear a single word that contradicts their belief.

* What are your thoughts on this?

* Have you, or those you know, been catfished, taken advantage of, or fallen flat while hunting unicorns?

* Have you or those you know had to adjust your expectations because of this? How are the expectations different now?

* What do you think is the line between being realistic, being hopeful, and being just plain delusional?

 

[Lynx]

Seems pretty simple to me.

If it works out, it was confidence.

If it doesn't work out, and the failure is because of everybody around you, it was delusion.

This is true for romance, business, evangelism, all kinds of things.

 

[Lynx]

Speaking of delusion though...

That thread about being a 6 that could theoretically improve and wanting a much higher ranked woman got me curious where I rank. I started thinking... Surely there's a website that can give you a ranking. So I googled and sure enough, there are multiple websites where you can send in your picture and get a rank. So I sent my pic in.

It said I was an 8. Suuuuuure I am. Pull the other leg.

I mentioned this in chat. Did my good friends say "Yeah, an 8. That sounds about right." Nope. They said "Yeah, the websites that tell you the ugly truth probably get a lot less traffic."

 

[cinder]

My rule of thumb is that if everyone else is telling you the same thing that you disagree with, it's worth considering that they might be right.

Other thoughts are that the happiest marriages are between two people who both think they married up.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

I believe everyone should adopt these rules.

1. Know what you want in life.

Kids, security, not to be alone, etc.

2. Be open to who God sends your way.

As adults (US 18+), age is just a number but of course factors about having kids and social expectations in our culture frown upon an 18 year old with a 60 year old or a 30 year old with a 80 year old. Attraction does play a factor but also being open to allowing their personality and inner beauty a chance just because in your mind you may be looking for that point 9 out of 10 individual when in reality the average person is not the make-up, air brushed, plastic surgery, botox, picture filter, hourglass woman, or a muscular, fit, perfect handyman, best gentleman, great job, great communicator, etc type of man.

3. Trust but verify.

No one should trust strangers without the verification of certain truths. Are they who they say they are? Do they have a criminal record? Learn to know when red flags are too cumulative. Red flags could consist of narcissism, lying, criminal records, selfish, has dated a lot of people including many sexual partners, immature, not equally yoked in faith or life goals, is financially immature, multiple divorces, etc. Obviously, God can work and transform people from prior lifestyles but have they put in the effort? How much baggage are they bringing?

4. Face reality.

In reality, age will change our attractive appearances but maturity of the mind and soul is so much more valuable.

 

[seoulsearch]

Seems pretty simple to me. If it works out, it was confidence.If it doesn't work out, and the failure is because of everybody around you, it was delusion.This is true for romance, business, evangelism, all kinds of things.[/QUOTE]

Good call on this applying to every area of life.

I've been through many times in churches where someone announced they had been "called by God" to start, do, or accomplish such-and-such -- almost always on the backs of other people.

Now I understand that in most church settings, this is just how it goes.

But if the project fails, could it possibly be because the person announcing it was delusional to begin with?

I personally think so.

But of course, that never gets talked about in church.

 

[seoulsearch]

I believe everyone should adopt these rules.

1. Know what you want in life.

Kids, security, not to be alone, etc.

2. Be open to who God sends your way.

As adults (US 18+), age is just a number but of course factors about having kids and social expectations in our culture frown upon an 18 year old with a 60 year old or a 30 year old with a 80 year old. Attraction does play a factor but also being open to allowing their personality and inner beauty a chance just because in your mind you may be looking for that point 9 out of 10 individual when in reality the average person is not the make-up, air brushed, plastic surgery, botox, picture filter, hourglass woman, or a muscular, fit, perfect handyman, best gentleman, great job, great communicator, etc type of man.

3. Trust but verify.

No one should trust strangers without the verification of certain truths. Are they who they say they are? Do they have a criminal record? Learn to know when red flags are too cumulative. Red flags could consist of narcissism, lying, criminal records, selfish, has dated a lot of people including many sexual partners, immature, not equally yoked in faith or life goals, is financially immature, multiple divorces, etc. Obviously, God can work and transform people from prior lifestyles but have they put in the effort? How much baggage are they bringing?

4. Face reality.

In reality, age will change our attractive appearances but maturity of the mind and soul is so much more valuable.

EXCELLENT advice -- in all areas of life!!

Thank you!!

 

[seoulsearch]

So I googled and sure enough, there are multiple websites where you can send in your picture and get a rank. So I sent my pic in. It said I was an 8. Suuuuuure I am. Pull the other leg. I mentioned this in chat. Did my good friends say "Yeah, an 8. That sounds about right." Nope. They said "Yeah, the websites that tell you the ugly truth probably get a lot less traffic."

LOL!!!

I wasn't the one who said that, and I wasn't thinking of it that way when it was said, but I definitely get your point!!

Lynx is referring to a small group (less than 10) people that he and I have known 10+ years here on CC, and have met during real-life meetups in the past few years. We're not models or CEO's -- just everyday people, and I love that.

We've all gone through hard times and these are people who have offered to help others in the group financially, drive the across the country to visit or take them somewhere, offered to a fly out to others pack, offered to let others stay with them or relatives (even when their relatives haven't met the person yet...)

Of course, people who are high up on the looks and money ladder can certainly be wonderful people.

But maybe this is why I've never felt a need to go chasing on "up the ladder."

Our group might not score 10's in looks, but on a scale of quality of friendships, the people there score 20+, and it makes chasing after hollow idealizations a lot less appealing.

 

[Smoke]

My rule of thumb is that if everyone else is telling you the same thing that you disagree with, it's worth considering that they might be right.

Other thoughts are that the happiest marriages are between two people who both think they married up.

Perhaps it's worth considering, but I've noticed a trend with men and women though. Men are more likely to tell the ugly truth to their male friends than women are to their female friends. If a relatively average guy across the board (looks, job/income, etc...) says he could pull a prime Megan Fox, his friends would playfully humble him about how he is delusional. The same isn't typically true with women. They will lie or gas up their female friend (...at least to their face) even though they internally disagree. This is a common trait with those that claim to be a "girl's girl".

This reminds me of the distinction between being "nice" and being "kind". Being "kind" is far superior to being "nice".

 

[Smoke]

Perhaps it's worth considering, but I've noticed a trend with men and women though. Men are more likely to tell the ugly truth to their male friends than women are to their female friends. If a relatively average guy across the board (looks, job/income, etc...) says he could pull a prime Megan Fox, his friends would playfully humble him about how he is delusional. The same isn't typically true with women. They will lie or gas up their female friend (...at least to their face) even though they internally disagree. This is a common trait with those that claim to be a "girl's girl".

This reminds me of the distinction between being "nice" and being "kind". Being "kind" is far superior to being "nice".

I wanted to be fair and say that while men tend to be more objectively honest with their male friends, when it comes to a romantic interest, they are more "nice" and less "kind"... That is, until the relationship comes to an end. Then the honesty comes out.

 

[seoulsearch]

Perhaps it's worth considering, but I've noticed a trend with men and women though. Men are more likely to tell the ugly truth to their male friends than women are to their female friends. If a relatively average guy across the board (looks, job/income, etc...) says he could pull a prime Megan Fox, his friends would playfully humble him about how he is delusional. The same isn't typically true with women. They will lie or gas up their female friend (...at least to their face) even though they internally disagree. This is a common trait with those that claim to be a "girl's girl".

This reminds me of the distinction between being "nice" and being "kind". Being "kind" is far superior to being "nice".

This is an outstanding point.

As a woman, I often feel a need to "soften my answers" for many reasons. Women are often socialized to come across as more compassionate and encouraging, and if you speak your mind too much, it's very easy to be labeled a (witch) or a Jezebel.

Maybe what we all need is stronger doses of truth, both for the give, and the take.

 

[seoulsearch]

I was thinking that it probably seems unfair that I've been writing and commenting so much on posts regarding looks and rating scales, but haven't shown my own picture.

Long-timers here have probably seen this, but:

https://christianchat.com/christian...-to-post-a-picture-of-yourself.203603/page-17


Post #323.

I think it's the only picture I have on the site. It's a few years old but I think the people who know me will say I haven't changed much.

People have almost always thought I was a bit younger than my age.

I usually don't state my age publicly (for privacy's sake,) but last week my Mom got asked if I was her granddaughter (rather than her daughter) and it made me laugh out loud!!

(I keep telling my friends, one day it's going to all catch up to me and I'll wake up looking 80.)

I've always rated myself around a 6, as I always felt that was a realistic answer.

And that's only because yes, I had massive amounts of dental work done, or I'd probably put myself as an average of 5.

 

[Tall_Timbers]

My brain got scrambled reading the two part OP. Does a brain ever unscramble? Will I have a scrambled brain for the rest of my life? My first impulse is to blame @seoulsearch for the condition, but then I realize I didn't have to read the OP. It was my own free will and enjoyment of seoulsearch's threads that led me to read the OP... So it is my own fault.

I don't think most of us have an accurate handle on our visual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Some of us think too much of ourselves, others feel like less than they might be.

A person might look like a 10 to you (we all judge a little differently), but talk to them for 5 minutes and that might drop down to a 1, or still be a 10.

I think the more mature we become as we go about our lives, the more weight we put on the whole person outside of their outward appearance. Of course, some don't mature, ever. Others mature very little.

The way I look at humanity, no one is above or beneath another where the rubber hits the road. Granted, I'm not going to be interested in a woman with characteristics that I don't care for, but that doesn't make me better than that person.

As we grow in Christ, hopefully we'll want a person who reflects Christ in their daily life, and be attracted to that type of person.

 

[CarriePie]

Personally, I've never been drawn to guys that society considers to be the most attractive. For example, I really don't find any actors physically attractive. Not saying there aren't nice looking actors, I just am not attracted to them in that way. To me, they just aren't real. I mean, I know they are real people...but, I want depth and good character (with the addition of a beard, of course lol). My best friend is attracted to guys that society sees as attractive. Her type is guys that look like John Cena. She has always had a terrible time in the dating world, she's been taken advantage of by guys and has been in one failed marriage (he cheated more than once, left her for someone else, and he filed for divorce blaming her for wrongs that he was actually committing). After all this, she has just decided to stay single. She's been single for 9 years now and she says she's prefers her life now. She recently moved out of state with her cat and seems happier than ever.

On the thread called "What are you looking for" @Elizabeth35 had mentioned that I gave myself a low rating (btw, thank you Elizabeth for your nice words!). I honestly hate that 1-10 scale. I've spent most of my life working on my self confidence and honestly, I'm still working on it. My voice is weird (many, many people comment on my voice), my nose is larger than petite noses and people mention it...plus other problems: skin, body, etc. One time in my late 20s, I was dating a guy at work. He hadn't met my family yet. I went to visit my mother one day on my day off. We had lunch and then went outside to sit on her porch swing and talk. She was asking me questions about him. Then things got quiet and then she asked, "Have you wondered why he didn't pick a pretty girl?" I didn't know how to answer, so I just didn't answer and we were just in silence for a while.
After this, she'd come by my apartment and go on and on about how incredibly gorgeous my cousin is. The way she was doing was obvious that she was letting me know how she felt about my appearance.
I'd see those pictures of those fish at the bottom of the ocean that people think are horrid looking and see comments, "That's only a face a mother could love!" I'd ask myself, "If my mother doesn't like my face, I must really be horrid!"

Anyway, not long after my mother said that the relationship ended and it was years before I was in a relationship again.
My mother isn't the only woman who has commented negatively about my appearance. I'd like to know where these women are that are nicer than men when it comes to this sort of thing...I don't think they exist in my area lol. Maybe I need to move

Fortunately, the Lord gave me confidence in a different way. I feel my standards are high when it comes to morals and that is what has kept me out of a lot of situations that I have seen others get into. I also thank my father for instilling into me to be a strong woman and have self worth. Even though I struggle with confidence as far as appearance goes, my confidence in my beliefs and other areas that aren't appearance based have helped me immensely.

And just to add... I don't get delusional over guys with beards, just so everyone knows lol. He's gotta have morals and good character behind that beard 😂

 

[seoulsearch]

My brain got scrambled reading the two part OP. Does a brain ever unscramble? Will I have a scrambled brain for the rest of my life? My first impulse is to blame @seoulsearch for the condition, but then I realize I didn't have to read the OP. It was my own free will and enjoyment of seoulsearch's threads that led me to read the OP... So it is my own fault.

I don't think most of us have an accurate handle on our visual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Some of us think too much of ourselves, others feel like less than they might be.

A person might look like a 10 to you (we all judge a little differently), but talk to them for 5 minutes and that might drop down to a 1, or still be a 10.

I think the more mature we become as we go about our lives, the more weight we put on the whole person outside of their outward appearance. Of course, some don't mature, ever. Others mature very little.

The way I look at humanity, no one is above or beneath another where the rubber hits the road. Granted, I'm not going to be interested in a woman with characteristics that I don't care for, but that doesn't make me better than that person.

As we grow in Christ, hopefully we'll want a person who reflects Christ in their daily life, and be attracted to that type of person.

LOL!

I'm thinking, I need to take @Tall_Timbers first paragraph and turn it into a disclaimer for the threads I start. I'd get in A LOT less trouble if people agreed with this! I'd also spend A LOT less time having to dodge people who want to blame me for any of the effects these threads might have!

I try to tell people they keep coming back by their own free will, but they don't seem to believe me.

On a serious note, I find that the older I get, the more I gravitate towards people who have a lot of life experience, while still being open to the lives of others.

This is why I feel more of a calling to long-time Christians.

It's awesome to be around someone who is excited to know Jesus for the first time. But what I'm really drawn to are the ones who have known him 10, 20, 50 years... a lifetime... because of how many challenges they've faced along the way.

The people I talk to in their 20's and 30's seem to have a very idealized version of who they're looking for; when people get to about 40 and up, it seems to slightly split off into two areas of thinking (to me, at least): those who have even more idealized thinking (like if they've been through a divorce and believe they're going to find THE REAL ONE this time); and those whose views have changed drastically from before, due to the hardships of life.

I like listening to people from all walks, but I enjoy talking to the ones with the realistic viewpoints more.

 

[seoulsearch]

Personally, I've never been drawn to guys that society considers to be the most attractive. For example, I really don't find any actors physically attractive. Not saying there aren't nice looking actors, I just am not attracted to them in that way. To me, they just aren't real. I mean, I know they are real people...but, I want depth and good character (with the addition of a beard, of course lol). My best friend is attracted to guys that society sees as attractive. Her type is guys that look like John Cena. She has always had a terrible time in the dating world, she's been taken advantage of by guys and has been in one failed marriage (he cheated more than once, left her for someone else, and he filed for divorce blaming her for wrongs that he was actually committing). After all this, she has just decided to stay single. She's been single for 9 years now and she says she's prefers her life now. She recently moved out of state with her cat and seems happier than ever.

On the thread called "What are you looking for" @Elizabeth35 had mentioned that I gave myself a low rating (btw, thank you Elizabeth for your nice words!). I honestly hate that 1-10 scale. I've spent most of my life working on my self confidence and honestly, I'm still working on it. My voice is weird (many, many people comment on my voice), my nose is larger than petite noses and people mention it...plus other problems: skin, body, etc. One time in my late 20s, I was dating a guy at work. He hadn't met my family yet. I went to visit my mother one day on my day off. We had lunch and then went outside to sit on her porch swing and talk. She was asking me questions about him. Then things got quiet and then she asked, "Have you wondered why he didn't pick a pretty girl?" I didn't know how to answer, so I just didn't answer and we were just in silence for a while.
After this, she'd come by my apartment and go on and on about how incredibly gorgeous my cousin is. The way she was doing was obvious that she was letting me know how she felt about my appearance.
I'd see those pictures of those fish at the bottom of the ocean that people think are horrid looking and see comments, "That's only a face a mother could love!" I'd ask myself, "If my mother doesn't like my face, I must really be horrid!"

Anyway, not long after my mother said that the relationship ended and it was years before I was in a relationship again.
My mother isn't the only woman who has commented negatively about my appearance. I'd like to know where these women are that are nicer than men when it comes to this sort of thing...I don't think they exist in my area lol. Maybe I need to move

Fortunately, the Lord gave me confidence in a different way. I feel my standards are high when it comes to morals and that is what has kept me out of a lot of situations that I have seen others get into. I also thank my father for instilling into me to be a strong woman and have self worth. Even though I struggle with confidence as far as appearance goes, my confidence in my beliefs and other areas that aren't appearance based have helped me immensely.

And just to add... I don't get delusional over guys with beards, just so everyone knows lol. He's gotta have morals and good character behind that beard 😂

Aw, CarriePie,

It truly makes me sad that people have treated you so callously. I'm very sorry people have made such horrible comments to you. 😔 I can relate in many ways (I'm sure others here can as well,) so I hope we can all lift each other up and support one another.

I love your sense of humor -- you and so many other talented people here always make the threads not just interesting, but FUN! And I think we all can benefit from just a little more fun in our lives.

From what you've shared, you're obviously very active and fit, and I always find that inspiring. And I personally think you look beautiful in your trademark long hair (not that it's because of the hair, of course, but because you rock a one-in-a-million look that many of us couldn't pull off!)

Thank you for mentioning your friend who wanted to marry a John Cena-type. I've always wondered about this as well, because it never gets talked about. Good-looking people usually have, and will continue to have, a lot of options. And a lot of people won't care if they're taken or not (some even see that as more of a "challenge,") So if someone not so good-looking wants a person who is extremely good-looking, they're going to have to find one who is willing to turn down all the "better" offers they're going to get, even after the marriage.

And I love all the banter you bring regarding bearded men! We'll be on the lookout for you, and we'll just have to make sure that his beard contains a whole heap of good old-fashioned morals alongside the birds, nests, and critters.

 

[Mem]

Speaking of delusion though...

That thread about being a 6 that could theoretically improve and wanting a much higher ranked woman got me curious where I rank. I started thinking... Surely there's a website that can give you a ranking. So I googled and sure enough, there are multiple websites where you can send in your picture and get a rank. So I sent my pic in.

It said I was an 8. Suuuuuure I am. Pull the other leg.

I mentioned this in chat. Did my good friends say "Yeah, an 8. That sounds about right." Nope. They said "Yeah, the websites that tell you the ugly truth probably get a lot less traffic."

Submit the evidence. I'd like to see if I'm able to discern the algorithm that AI used. Perfect teeth? Hair like Elvis? A confident smirk mebbe?

You brought of truth and, characteristically, that is the only thing that endures. Among other things that molded me in childhood, I had a grandmother that always told tell me. "Eww, you're ugly!" under the pretense of being funny. But thank God, grandpa's love sustained me (but @CarriePie you see how trusting one gender more than the other might present its own problems). Even so, from there, I'd always suspect that any confidence I had for anything concerning me was just delusional (my teeth aren't perfect). And that in turn rendered me clueless to the degree of authenticity of any friendship where I was just the catfish (or was I the clickbait...) you see the confusion there?

Thanks for sharing your experience with the ranking site but I'd have second guessed it regardless of the outcome. There's the harsh truth and there is truth in love. My friend of mine used to wear a come over to hide his baldness, and he received my suggestion that shaving it all off would hide it in plain sight. Taken with all the love intended with it, he took a wife not too long afterward.

Imo, Jose could add a point to his score, whatever that might be, just by investing in a pair of contact lenses. Even though the alignment of his eyes may off to start with (I didn't readily notice, and his glasses might've camouflaged that but) they significantly distort the visible proportions of his facial features. Likewise, with myself, and @seoulsearch, it's just the drawback of book smarts which readily managed with contact lenses.

This is the story of the professor and his alter ego Buddy Love that he invents to woo Miss Purdy. But in the end Miss Purdy falls in love with the professor. I think it had to do with the realness he showed her after the facade he attempted had crumbled in front of her.

 

[CarriePie]

Aw, CarriePie,

It truly makes me sad that people have treated you so callously. I'm very sorry people have made such horrible comments to you. 😔 I can relate in many ways (I'm sure others here can as well,) so I hope we can all lift each other up and support one another.

I love your sense of humor -- you and so many other talented people here always make the threads not just interesting, but FUN! And I think we all can benefit from just a little more fun in our lives.

From what you've shared, you're obviously very active and fit, and I always find that inspiring. And I personally think you look beautiful in your trademark long hair (not that it's because of the hair, of course, but because you rock a one-in-a-million look that many of us couldn't pull off!)

Thank you for mentioning your friend who wanted to marry a John Cena-type. I've always wondered about this as well, because it never gets talked about. Good-looking people usually have, and will continue to have, a lot of options. And a lot of people won't care if they're taken or not (some even see that as more of a "challenge,") So if someone not so good-looking wants a person who is extremely good-looking, they're going to have to find one who is willing to turn down all the "better" offers they're going to get, even after the marriage.

And I love all the banter you bring regarding bearded men! We'll be on the lookout for you, and we'll just have to make sure that his beard contains a whole heap of good old-fashioned morals alongside the birds, nests, and critters.

Thank you so much for your kind words!! I just figure that I was blessed in different ways than being attractive. As I get older, I realize that has actually been a blessing. In high school, I was in the brainy unpopular crowd. And I'm thankful for that! I got to go on field trips and do interesting things for being brainy. Not saying that attractive people can't be brainy! I'm just thankful that I was blessed in the manner in which the Lord blessed me. I was able to focus on things that I felt were more important.

My best friend was something else back when she was dating. Honestly, I was so glad when she stopped dating
She'd show me pics of the guys she was interested in, and none of them appealed to me at all. Also, she's always liked younger guys (she was seeing guys in their 20s whilst she was in her 40s). We have strikingly different ideas about who we consider attractive. We'd go out to lunch and I wouldn't even look at guys (not in a checking them out kind of way). Meanwhile, she'd noticed all of them before we had even looked at the menu lol. Anyway, she'd be all giddy about a guy only to tell me later that he was just out to take advantage of the situation instead of wanting to have an actual serious relationship with her. She has since settled down into single non-dating life, became close to the Lord, and seems happy with her life and I'm thankful for that.

Looking back, there were some funny times though. One time, we were out to lunch and an officer came in. I made the mistake of pointing him out to her (knowing she'd like him). He gets his food and sits down in a booth. She stands up and loudly says, "Has anyone seen a hot cop in here?!!" I wanted to crawl under the table 🙈 Fortunately, he took it well and just chuckled. And it's a story we've often looked back on and laughed about.

 

[CarriePie]

You brought of truth and, characteristically, that is the only thing that endures. Among other things that molded me in childhood, I had a grandmother that always told tell me. "Eww, you're ugly!" under the pretense of being funny. But thank God, grandpa's love sustained me (but @CarriePie you see how trusting one gender more than the other might present its own problems). Even so, from there, I'd always suspect that any confidence I had for anything concerning me was just delusional (my teeth aren't perfect). And that in turn rendered me clueless to the degree of authenticity of any friendship where I was just the catfish (or was I the clickbait...) you see the confusion there?

Just because I didn't mention things that men have said, doesn't mean men haven't said anything negative about my appearance. Actually, just as many men have commented negatively about my appearance as women. I mentioned women because of my mother and how that impacted me.

To go further into the story... several years after my mother said that, I was working on my confidence and had become content with myself. I had became close to a nice gentleman and we were getting to know each other and I felt really close to him. I thought things were going well. Then one day he said something very hurtful about my appearance and that shot me back to working on my confidence again lol. Confidence as far as my physical appearance, that is.