How long have you been single?

[passion84god]

@Lovette

You and I have only interacted briefly on a couple of threads, but I think that I am beginning to understand you based upon different things that you have shared. You have mentioned things like being bossed around by others, feeling like an outsider in relation to your own body, your disdain for what might be described as a pie-in-the-sky, Utopian, fix-all marriage or relationship charade, and your embracing of certain Stoic practices or principles to supplement your Christian faith. When I put these and certain other puzzle pieces together, I get the impression that you have been seriously hurt in the past, and probably multiple times, and that you are just trying to cope and make it through this life as best as you can. That is not a criticism or a judgement. Just a slightly educated deduction. Anyhow, if I am correct, and if you would ever want to talk about it, either privately or publicly, then let me know. I am a paying member with DM privileges, so a private conversation is a viable option.

I am curious about one thing, and you obviously don't need to answer. I am wondering how old you are. If not an exact age, then perhaps some sort of age range. The reason I am asking is because I am trying to understand if you were bossed around in the manner that you described recently or in the past. In other words, I am trying to comprehend how long you have been dealing with whatever it is that you are dealing with.​

 

[RodColeman]

One of the joys of being single. Unobstructed access to the entire bucket and zero guilt for eating every last kernel.

This Paul guy was on to something. It must have been all about the popcorn for him, hahaha!

 

[passion84god]

This Paul guy was on to something. It must have been all about the popcorn for him, hahaha!

Seasoned with salt? Colossians 4:6.

 

[Kainos]

@Lovette

You and I have only interacted briefly on a couple of threads, but I think that I am beginning to understand you based upon different things that you have shared. You have mentioned things like being bossed around by others, feeling like an outsider in relation to your own body, your disdain for what might be described as a pie-in-the-sky, Utopian, fix-all marriage or relationship charade, and your embracing of certain Stoic practices or principles to supplement your Christian faith. When I put these and certain other puzzle pieces together, I get the impression that you have been seriously hurt in the past, and probably multiple times, and that you are just trying to cope and make it through this life as best as you can. That is not a criticism or a judgement. Just a slightly educated deduction. Anyhow, if I am correct, and if you would ever want to talk about it, either privately or publicly, then let me know. I am a paying member with DM privileges, so a private conversation is a viable option.

I am curious about one thing, and you obviously don't need to answer. I am wondering how old you are. If not an exact age, then perhaps some sort of age range. The reason I am asking is because I am trying to understand if you were bossed around in the manner that you described recently or in the past. In other words, I am trying to comprehend how long you have been dealing with whatever it is that you are dealing with.​

Uncommon to encounter a man who's willing to help carry another male's burdens, with the same readiness that he would bear
a woman's. God bless you for that.

 

[passion84god]

Uncommon to encounter a man who's willing to help carry another male's burdens, with the same readiness that he would bear
a woman's. God bless you for that.

I've been through a lot of storms myself, barely surviving them at times. I am just trying to help somebody else weather their own.

 

[tourist]

If you don't expect such, where would you get married? Food, table, floor ain't gonna cook, wipe and mop themselves, somebody has to do it; and the workload may be doubled, even tripled or quadrupled, with more people in the house making messes.

It is best to share the household tasks depending on one's work schedule, if any. I work 4 days a week and do a lot of household tasks on my days off. My wife is not my slave. If people learn to clean up after themselves there would not be much of a mess that would require daily, weekly, or monthly cleaning. Of course, kids are generally messy. If the husband and wife share the household tasks the amount of work of one individual would not be multiplied but rather, it would be cut in half.

 

[tourist]

Then P0rnhub and Onlyfans will.

Perhaps. Somehow, kids learn the basics one way or another.

 

[tourist]

I'm not the one who dedicated this thread and this board to the "one subject" of singleness,

How old are you and have you ever been married or in a relationship with the opposite sex?

 

[tourist]

I think some wives genuinely enjoy things like cooking as a way to make their husband happy, and some husbands genuinely appreciate these sorts of kind gestures.

Of course, what the heck do I know? I'm just a naive idealist or something. Hahaha!

My wife certainly enjoys cooking for me. Usually, once a week or maybe twice. I cook occasionally. I enjoy cooking for her too. I don't exert any authority as a husband to require her to cook or any other tasks. Basically, we do these tasks for each other out of love.

 

[tourist]

"Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” Yeah, very interesting indeed, I'm as reasonable as the Lord's own disciples who drew their conclusion in Matt. 19:10 - it is better not to marry at all than to get stuck in a bad marriage for the rest of your life, or worse, married with the love of your life, only finding out later that you were attracted to the wrong person under the influence of hormonal birth control! I didn't make this up, it has been reported among many that hormonal birth control distorts mating preference. You may mock the idea as absurd, Lord Jesus didn't. Instead, He acknowledges that some people can accept such a calling and that others cannot. The discussion ends not with a celebration of marriage but with recognition that celibacy for the kingdom is a legitimate and even noble path.

"What? Where in the Bible are we given a list of forbidden sex acts between a married couple?" Where in the bible encourage you to snoop around other people's sex life?

You repeatedly defend marriage against a charge that was never made. But acknowledging that something is permitted by God does not automatically mean it should occupy a central place in a believer's life. Wealth is permitted. Food is permitted. Recreation is permitted. Yet all of these can become idols when people organize their lives around them. Marriage is no different.

You cite 1 Corinthians 7 as proof that Paul approved of marriage. Of course he did. Nobody disputes that. What is striking, however, is the relative emphasis Paul gives to marriage versus singleness. Throughout the chapter, Paul's preference is obvious. He repeatedly says it is "good" to remain unmarried as he is, that the unmarried person is able to be concerned with the things of the Lord in a way the married person cannot, and that in his judgment the unmarried state is better under the circumstances.

The fact that Paul allows marriage does not erase the fact that he consistently presents it as a concession to human weakness rather than as the ideal state for maximum devotion to God. "Better to marry than to burn" is hardly a glowing endorsement. It is a remedy, not a celebration.

Likewise, in 1 Timothy 4 Paul condemns those who forbid marriage, but warning people about the potential spiritual dangers of marriage is not the same thing as forbidding it. There is a significant difference between saying "marriage is sinful" and saying "marriage can become a distraction from wholehearted devotion to God." Paul himself makes precisely that argument in 1 Corinthians 7.

When modern Christians devote enormous amounts of energy to finding a spouse, building a family, and pursuing romantic fulfillment, it is fair to ask whether they are pursuing God's kingdom or simply baptizing the same desires that dominate the surrounding culture. The fact that something is lawful does not automatically mean it is spiritually beneficial or worthy of primary attention.

So the issue is not whether marriage is allowed. The issue is whether Christians have given marriage a prominence that neither Jesus nor Paul gave it. On that question, simply quoting verses that permit marriage does not answer the concern.

So basically, you avoid marriage out of fear and guilt.

 

[RodColeman]

My wife certainly enjoys cooking for me. Usually, once a week or maybe twice. I cook occasionally. I enjoy cooking for her too. I don't exert any authority as a husband to require her to cook or any other tasks. Basically, we do these tasks for each other out of love.

Whoah. Imagine that. Who knew that such things were possible? Hahaha! This is how I think about such things as well.

 

[JohnDB]

https://twitter.com/x/status/2066995715507892266

 

[Lovette]

You are doing it again. You are projecting your limited life experiences onto an entire country and possibly the whole world. Can't you see the problem with that? The cure lies in mending your own heart through Christ and not in mass condemnation of others.​

And in dismissal of your "unlimited life experiences". Actually, when I mentioned "other countries", I was referring to the life experiences of this group called "passport bros" who literally travelled to other countries for less-nagging brides.

 

[Lovette]

Why would you seek some hope in humanity through works of fiction? That sounds like self-delusion to me. The Bible offers hope in humanity, even though none of us have fully arrived. Relationships require time and effort. For some, it is a worthwhile endeavor. For others, it isn't. Why condemn those who are trying? It sounds like bitterness to me, and your posts don't give the impression that you are having fun.​

Yeah, the bible does, but dating apps, snapchats and other social media don't. Call me bitter as you like, those who seek love from these are the real fools in real-delusion, considering dating apps are designed to reward causual hookups, rate people on superficial attributes, and keep you subscribed on the platform as long as possible. If that's your definition of "endeavor", then it's more like futility.

 

[Lovette]

"save yourself for marriage", which was a form of false prosperity gospel, that God will reward your faith with happy marriage.

Interesting take, yes. Of course. God almost NEVER guarantees perfect anything in this age. Maybe the age to come it will be better. But, if that's the case. Its because of us. And our own choices really.

We don't know what the future holds, but we know Who holds the future.

 

[passion84god]

Yeah, the bible does, but dating apps, snapchats and other social media don't. Call me bitter as you like, those who seek love from these are the real fools in real-delusion, considering dating apps are designed to reward causual hookups, rate people on superficial attributes, and keep you subscribed on the platform as long as possible. If that's your definition of "endeavor", then it's more like futility.

That is definitely not my definition of "endeavor."

 

[Lovette]

It is best to share the household tasks depending on one's work schedule, if any. I work 4 days a week and do a lot of household tasks on my days off. My wife is not my slave. If people learn to clean up after themselves there would not be much of a mess that would require daily, weekly, or monthly cleaning. Of course, kids are generally messy. If the husband and wife share the household tasks the amount of work of one individual would not be multiplied but rather, it would be cut in half.

Yeah, "sharing" household chores of cleaning up messes that are doubled, tripled, even qruadrupled by more people in the hosue, compared to the amount of mess caused by yourself - and assuming your partner's willing to share the chores daily without complaining. Your "if" is a huge assumption which I wouldn't make.

 

[Lovette]

Nagging refers to the act of persistently complaining, criticizing, or continuously urging someone to do something.

It's what you are doing here...

Maybe, but I'm aiming at the current landscape of dating and the idolatry of marriage, not anybody here in particular.

 

[Magenta]

Maybe, but I'm aiming at the current landscape of dating and the idolatry of marriage, not anybody here in particular.

Right... just everyone in general LOL.

Carry on....

 

[Lovette]

I never claimed marriage was an "unquestionable necessity." Did someone else on this thread make that claim? I don't think so.

Jesus and Paul both made allowances for the desire to marry. If marriage is so bad, maybe God, Jesus, or Paul should have just forbidden it altogether, haha.

All kidding aside, your message #461 is interesting because it contains stuff I agree with, and points I was actually trying to make:

"Wanting something deeply is not the same thing as believing one cannot live without it. The fact that someone experiences grief, loneliness, or disappointment over singleness does not mean they have elevated marriage to the status of an idol."

"A person can lament their singleness, struggle with it, pray about it, and even grieve it without cursing God. Scripture itself contains numerous examples of faithful believers expressing sorrow over unmet desires without being condemned for doing so."

"Paul explicitly acknowledged that singleness is not everyone's calling."

" If by "carnal" you mean sinful desire, then it is inappropriate to place the desire for marriage and marital intimacy into that category. God created both marriage and sexuality. The desire for them is not inherently sinful."

"A person can be content in Christ while still longing for something they do not possess."

I agree with all this stuff. These points are all good.

You do mention the option of "patiently seeking a godly spouse while trusting God with the outcome." God doesn't promise marriage to any of us. I don't see how, exactly, you're supposed to "trust God" to fulfill a promise that He never made to you. I think we have the freedom to choose to stay single, and the freedom to choose marriage. See 1 Corinthians 7:39, for instance. I wouldn't be too passive about finding a spouse, especially if you're over 25 or so.

I didn't warn about "idolizing marriage," I was trying to explain why that term isn't really helpful or even accurate.

Much of your response actually concedes the central point. If you agree that longing for marriage is not the same as needing it for completeness, that grief over singleness is not idolatry, that marriage is a good gift, and that contentment in Christ can coexist with unfulfilled desires, then there is far less disagreement here than you suggest.

The issue was never whether marriage is good. Scripture clearly affirms that it is. The issue is whether Christians should view marriage as necessary for a fully meaningful and faithful life. Paul's treatment of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7 makes it difficult to sustain such a view.

Your objection to "trusting God with the outcome" misunderstands what trust means. Christians trust God with countless desires He has never promised to fulfill. Trust is confidence in God's wisdom and goodness, not confidence that a particular outcome will be granted.

Likewise, actively pursuing marriage and entrusting the result to God are not competing ideas. The biblical alternative to passivity is faithful stewardship, not entitlement.

Finally, dismissing concerns about idolizing marriage because marriage itself is good misses the point. Idolatry, biblically speaking, is not treating bad things as ultimate, but treating good things as ultimate. The question is not whether one deeply desires marriage, but whether one believes life cannot be truly full or faithful without it. That distinction remains both meaningful and necessary.

Also, just curious, when you talk about "idolatry of fertility," where do you get that from? It's OK to desire children. It's also OK to badly desire children. In the Bible we see women do that quite often. But these people are never condemned for "idolatry."

"Give me children or let me die," using a maidservant as a surrogate, bitter sexual rivalry, loss of appetite (1 Sam. 1:7) don't sound like OK to me.