Hey Everyone,
Some chatter in the forum this morning has inspired me to ask other singles to share some of their "best" memories/things they've seen during their time on CC. It doesn't have to specifically be from things here in Singles, but from what I've seen, this section seems to get more than its fare share of drama!
"Tales From the Crypt" ain't got nothin' on the "Tales From the Singles Forum" that some of us have seen over the years!
While I normally invite our married friends to post, I'd like to please ask for grace to allow us singles to vent a little frustration. Of course, it's a public place and everyone can post -- but may I ask for some understanding of the discouragement we singles feel.
So...
* What are some of the most memorable things YOU'VE seen here -- in Singles or here on CC -- whether you've been here a day or a decade?
The goal here is to have hopefully share some meaningful or lighthearted stories, though serious posts are also welcome.
I'm not meaning for the tone of this thread to be overly critical or to put down anyone's ideas, but I'm hoping to add a little balance to topics that are often discussed from mostly one side.
Some of my own favorites from my time here in Singles (and if I'm remembering things wrong, feel free to correct me):
1. The young man who kept writing about wanting to find a "Super Shy Wife."
While on the surface, this might seem sweet -- but it came out that what he really wanted was a prisoner whom he thought would eternally adore him and be controlled. He didn't want her to work, have friends, or ever leave the house, but to only ever focus on him. He thought that keeping her away from everyone was the only way to keep her loving him, and only him, forever.
He kept getting banned (I can't remember specifically why,) repeatedly came back under "new" names, but was always writing the same thing.
I'm not trying to criticize, but to me, his threads were a good lesson in red flags for people (whether male or female) who want to possess someone rather than love them.
And when someone is so obsessed about controlling every aspect of someone else's life and behavior -- you have to wonder what they are doing with their own.
2. The time when a band of men in their 50's and 60's strongly advocated giving up on "evil" Western women to find Asian brides in their 20's with "traditional values" as the fairytale solution. I know this is still a popular ideal today, as I'm in finance chats with a lot of men who all champion this. Many talk about going to Asia and basically setting up harems.
While I certainly understand the thinking and frustrations with modern feminism, I don't want to see Singles turn into linear MGTOW vs. Feminist thinking. The thing that bothered me about this topic was that it was never spoken of in realistic terms.
Over the years, I've been around several international couples, and while I'm no expert, I think these conversations gloss over the fact that you can't find someone (male or female) in another country with "traditional values" -- then think you can cut them off from the family that gave them those traditional values.
I know it's different for different people, but I've seen up close the heartache, expectations, and vast amounts of money it takes to keep international couples going (travel to visit both families; cultural expectations involving financial support, etc.) If a man thinks it's expensive to keep a Western woman happy, just wait until he finds out what it takes to please a foreign bride with an entire family that might expect him to support them (not to mention the trips to see her family or bring them here.)
I've also seen situations where couples got married in one country (imagine finally getting married, thinking you're finally going to get the emotional, spiritual, and sexual support you've been looking for your whole life,) only to be forced to separate by expiring visa's or other regulations -- then not knowing when, or if, you'll ever be reunited again. Be prepared to have at least a small fortune ready to go, because that's what it will likely cost in various fees to finally be in the same country. And this is marriage, so it's not like you can just give up and look for someone else.
It's an important topic, for sure -- but all I ask for is if people are going to look for their dream spouses overseas, let's talk about it in a way that reflects reality, not a magical panacea to escape the scourge of "modern women" and find your dream girl.
3. The myriad of sometimes well-intentioned people who come through Singles, always assuming we need "correction" -- because surely all we singles do is go out drinking, partying, and fornicating every weekend!!
How many times have we Singles been given lessons here in the forums about what we should or should not be doing -- because certainly not a single one of us is a God-fearing adult trying their best, just like anyone else, to live a God-fearing life!
NNNNOOOOOO.
Why, we Singles would all be lost if not for the plethora Self-Appointed Preachers and Prophets we get here always trying to save us!
Now I'm certainly not trying to say there isn't a need for correction at times. Rather, it's the automatic assumption that bothers me. The typical zero-attempts-at-all to get to know the people here, but rather, just jumping in and handing out do's and don't by the dozens because it's just assumed we're all doing something wrong.
All I'm asking is, if people are going to preach to singles about unholy living -- be sure to balance it out by preaching to everyone else in the crowd as well. If someone wants to "lay down the law" here in Singles -- I expect to do them doing the same thing in Family to the marrieds -- or I can't take them very seriously.
Because along with all the "lessons" correcting us singles over the years, we've also seen hundreds, if not thousands of posts from married people asking for help because of all of the same kinds of problems (drinking, drugs, lust, pornography, impure thoughts and actions) we singles are automatically assumed to be doing.
Why don't we see all the same Self-Appointed People of God setting themselves up for business in the Family Forum?
I just wish that correction could be kept in balance, acknowledging that all have fallen short of the glory of God -- and everyone, not just singles, needs the reminders.
But that's just me.
One thing is for sure, whenever we get people like this, it makes me all the more thankful for the people we DO get here -- whether single or married -- who are loving, compassionate, truthful but without condescending, and humble enough to see themselves as being no better than the next sinner saved by grace, whether single or married.
But I've droned on long enough.
What about you?
What are some of the observations you've made as a single -- the good, the bad, and the downright ugly -- that stand out most to you?
Some chatter in the forum this morning has inspired me to ask other singles to share some of their "best" memories/things they've seen during their time on CC. It doesn't have to specifically be from things here in Singles, but from what I've seen, this section seems to get more than its fare share of drama!
"Tales From the Crypt" ain't got nothin' on the "Tales From the Singles Forum" that some of us have seen over the years!
While I normally invite our married friends to post, I'd like to please ask for grace to allow us singles to vent a little frustration. Of course, it's a public place and everyone can post -- but may I ask for some understanding of the discouragement we singles feel.
So...
* What are some of the most memorable things YOU'VE seen here -- in Singles or here on CC -- whether you've been here a day or a decade?
The goal here is to have hopefully share some meaningful or lighthearted stories, though serious posts are also welcome.
I'm not meaning for the tone of this thread to be overly critical or to put down anyone's ideas, but I'm hoping to add a little balance to topics that are often discussed from mostly one side.
Some of my own favorites from my time here in Singles (and if I'm remembering things wrong, feel free to correct me):
1. The young man who kept writing about wanting to find a "Super Shy Wife."
While on the surface, this might seem sweet -- but it came out that what he really wanted was a prisoner whom he thought would eternally adore him and be controlled. He didn't want her to work, have friends, or ever leave the house, but to only ever focus on him. He thought that keeping her away from everyone was the only way to keep her loving him, and only him, forever.
He kept getting banned (I can't remember specifically why,) repeatedly came back under "new" names, but was always writing the same thing.
I'm not trying to criticize, but to me, his threads were a good lesson in red flags for people (whether male or female) who want to possess someone rather than love them.
And when someone is so obsessed about controlling every aspect of someone else's life and behavior -- you have to wonder what they are doing with their own.
2. The time when a band of men in their 50's and 60's strongly advocated giving up on "evil" Western women to find Asian brides in their 20's with "traditional values" as the fairytale solution. I know this is still a popular ideal today, as I'm in finance chats with a lot of men who all champion this. Many talk about going to Asia and basically setting up harems.
While I certainly understand the thinking and frustrations with modern feminism, I don't want to see Singles turn into linear MGTOW vs. Feminist thinking. The thing that bothered me about this topic was that it was never spoken of in realistic terms.
Over the years, I've been around several international couples, and while I'm no expert, I think these conversations gloss over the fact that you can't find someone (male or female) in another country with "traditional values" -- then think you can cut them off from the family that gave them those traditional values.
I know it's different for different people, but I've seen up close the heartache, expectations, and vast amounts of money it takes to keep international couples going (travel to visit both families; cultural expectations involving financial support, etc.) If a man thinks it's expensive to keep a Western woman happy, just wait until he finds out what it takes to please a foreign bride with an entire family that might expect him to support them (not to mention the trips to see her family or bring them here.)
I've also seen situations where couples got married in one country (imagine finally getting married, thinking you're finally going to get the emotional, spiritual, and sexual support you've been looking for your whole life,) only to be forced to separate by expiring visa's or other regulations -- then not knowing when, or if, you'll ever be reunited again. Be prepared to have at least a small fortune ready to go, because that's what it will likely cost in various fees to finally be in the same country. And this is marriage, so it's not like you can just give up and look for someone else.
It's an important topic, for sure -- but all I ask for is if people are going to look for their dream spouses overseas, let's talk about it in a way that reflects reality, not a magical panacea to escape the scourge of "modern women" and find your dream girl.
3. The myriad of sometimes well-intentioned people who come through Singles, always assuming we need "correction" -- because surely all we singles do is go out drinking, partying, and fornicating every weekend!!
How many times have we Singles been given lessons here in the forums about what we should or should not be doing -- because certainly not a single one of us is a God-fearing adult trying their best, just like anyone else, to live a God-fearing life!
NNNNOOOOOO.
Why, we Singles would all be lost if not for the plethora Self-Appointed Preachers and Prophets we get here always trying to save us!
Now I'm certainly not trying to say there isn't a need for correction at times. Rather, it's the automatic assumption that bothers me. The typical zero-attempts-at-all to get to know the people here, but rather, just jumping in and handing out do's and don't by the dozens because it's just assumed we're all doing something wrong.
All I'm asking is, if people are going to preach to singles about unholy living -- be sure to balance it out by preaching to everyone else in the crowd as well. If someone wants to "lay down the law" here in Singles -- I expect to do them doing the same thing in Family to the marrieds -- or I can't take them very seriously.
Because along with all the "lessons" correcting us singles over the years, we've also seen hundreds, if not thousands of posts from married people asking for help because of all of the same kinds of problems (drinking, drugs, lust, pornography, impure thoughts and actions) we singles are automatically assumed to be doing.
Why don't we see all the same Self-Appointed People of God setting themselves up for business in the Family Forum?
I just wish that correction could be kept in balance, acknowledging that all have fallen short of the glory of God -- and everyone, not just singles, needs the reminders.
But that's just me.
One thing is for sure, whenever we get people like this, it makes me all the more thankful for the people we DO get here -- whether single or married -- who are loving, compassionate, truthful but without condescending, and humble enough to see themselves as being no better than the next sinner saved by grace, whether single or married.
But I've droned on long enough.
What about you?
What are some of the observations you've made as a single -- the good, the bad, and the downright ugly -- that stand out most to you?
