Different up bringing

[Maryyy2]

I grew up in a very strict and sheltered environment where my dad believed girls needed rules, chores, discipline, and to be taught to listen and obey. If we did something wrong, he believed we needed to be spanked. I was homeschooled, attended church twice a week, and regularly participated in Bible studies. Because of how I was raised, I sometimes feel like I’m very different from the rest of the world and am still trying to understand how to fit into a society with values and experiences that are so different from what I grew up knowing.

 

[Levib]

To be a Christian is to be set aside from the world. You can’t fit in with the world unless you renounce Christ and join the world.

 

[Lynx]

I grew up in a very strict and sheltered environment where my dad believed girls needed rules, chores, discipline, and to be taught to listen and obey. If we did something wrong, he believed we needed to be spanked. I was homeschooled, attended church twice a week, and regularly participated in Bible studies. Because of how I was raised, I sometimes feel like I’m very different from the rest of the world and am still trying to understand how to fit into a society with values and experiences that are so different from what I grew up knowing.

First, howdy and welcome to the forum.

Sticking out has advantages. If you're just like all the other girls, they passively like you because they don't notice you. If you're different you won't have as many people like you, but the ones who do like you will really be your friends.

Also if you're just like all the other girls you are competing for the guys who like that kind of girl. If you're different you get the guys who don't like all those other girls.

 

[OMC]

I grew up in a very strict and sheltered environment where my dad believed girls needed rules, chores, discipline, and to be taught to listen and obey. If we did something wrong, he believed we needed to be spanked. I was homeschooled, attended church twice a week, and regularly participated in Bible studies. Because of how I was raised, I sometimes feel like I’m very different from the rest of the world and am still trying to understand how to fit into a society with values and experiences that are so different from what I grew up knowing.

"It sounds like you grew up in a very structured environment with clear expectations about behavior, family roles, faith, and discipline. That kind of upbringing can leave someone feeling both grounded in certain values and disconnected from people whose experiences were very different.
Many people who were raised in strict homes find that adulthood involves sorting through what they genuinely believe, what helped them, what may have hurt them, and how they want to relate to a much broader world.
Trying to understand where you fit does not mean abandoning your upbringing.
It means learning how to navigate life as your own person.
You are not the only one who feels this way.
People from sheltered religious homes, military families, strict cultural backgrounds, and even highly secular environments such as myself, often experience a similar adjustment when they encounter lifestyles and beliefs they were never exposed to growing up.
It is okay to take your time, ask questions, and learn about others without feeling pressured to become like them.
Your past is part of your story, but it does not have to limit your ability to connect with people who have different experiences."
"What part has been the hardest for you, understanding other people, feeling understood by them, or figuring out what you personally believe apart from how you were raised?"

 

[2Christ]

I grew up in a very strict and sheltered environment where my dad believed girls needed rules, chores, discipline, and to be taught to listen and obey. If we did something wrong, he believed we needed to be spanked. I was homeschooled, attended church twice a week, and regularly participated in Bible studies. Because of how I was raised, I sometimes feel like I’m very different from the rest of the world and am still trying to understand how to fit into a society with values and experiences that are so different from what I grew up knowing.

I grew up in a very strict and sheltered environment where my dad believed girls needed rules, chores, discipline, and to be taught to listen and obey. If we did something wrong, he believed we needed to be spanked. I was homeschooled, attended church twice a week, and regularly participated in Bible studies. Because of how I was raised, I sometimes feel like I’m very different from the rest of the world and am still trying to understand how to fit into a society with values and experiences that are so different from what I grew up knowing.

Dear Mary

Welcome to this forum.

It is excellent to feel different from the rest of the world, truly you do not want to be part of it. The world values are nothing good at this time as you will see in the coming years, it will get much worse. You do not want to fit in this corrupt world ever, Chose your friends carefully always, Abide in Christ and follow the narrow path always.

God Bless You Mary.

 

[Lanolin]

I grew up in a very strict and sheltered environment where my dad believed girls needed rules, chores, discipline, and to be taught to listen and obey. If we did something wrong, he believed we needed to be spanked. I was homeschooled, attended church twice a week, and regularly participated in Bible studies. Because of how I was raised, I sometimes feel like I’m very different from the rest of the world and am still trying to understand how to fit into a society with values and experiences that are so different from what I grew up knowing.

Have you recently left home, are you in a flatting situation, or maybe have a job?
Or is your job in the church, I can imagine you might be a Sunday School teacher or something like that with your background. Are you engaged to be married? Because it seems like your dad was training you to be someone's wife. Maybe a pastor's wife.

Not everyone will fit into society, 'society' favours the rich people. It doesn't care what religion you are, but it does seem to care about how much wealth you have, or your family has. That is the world's values, for the most part.

Christians are in the world but not of it. What God requires is for you to be salt and light. If your character is like Jesus, it will shine through wherever you are, even in the darkest places.

 

[GaryA]

I grew up in a very strict and sheltered environment where my dad believed girls needed rules, chores, discipline, and to be taught to listen and obey. If we did something wrong, he believed we needed to be spanked. I was homeschooled, attended church twice a week, and regularly participated in Bible studies. Because of how I was raised, I sometimes feel like I’m very different from the rest of the world and am still trying to understand how to fit into a society with values and experiences that are so different from what I grew up knowing.

I was not home-schooled; however, at least most of the rest of your description sounds very familiar. I grew up a boy in my mother's home after my parents divorced when I was about 6 or 7 years old. My brothers and I spent time with our dad mostly on weekends - sometimes longer in the summer during the break from school.

I want you to know that you are very different from the rest of the world - and, I hope you are very proud (in the best possible way) that your dad cared enough to try his best to put you on the "straight and narrow" for all of the right reasons. It is truly a blessing - and, you need to always look at it that way.

While it is true that I believe there were times when my parents (especially my dad) "went a bit overboard" with discipline, etc. - nonetheless, I am very grateful for the way they raised me - it has kept me out of a lot of the kinds of trouble that people too easily find themselves in if they did not grow up in a highly-disciplined structured environment. I have never been in jail, never done drugs, always kept away from the wrong crowds, etc. - all of the things I have not experienced in my life because my parents saw to it that I turned out about as straight-laced as they come. (Albeit, I have "mellowed" quite a bit over the decades - in many ways, I am quite laid-back now - still always try to do the right thing - only, from a bit more laid-back live-and-let-live "stance" now.)

Yes, I will say that - for me being male - it was definitely too 'sheltered'.

Still - my parents taught me 'right-from-wrong' - and, I have always tried my very best to stand firmly on the 'right-and-proper' path ever since.

My best advice to you - look for other like-minded Christians to surround yourself with (Do it now - waste no time - it becomes more difficult as you grow older.) - and, do not let the world weaken your faith or resolve to always do what is right in the eyes of God.

 

[tourist]

Christians are in the world but not of it. What God requires is for you to be salt and light. If your character is like Jesus, it will shine through wherever you are, even in the darkest places.

Outstanding spiritual counsel.

 

[Karlon]

I grew up in a very strict and sheltered environment where my dad believed girls needed rules, chores, discipline, and to be taught to listen and obey. If we did something wrong, he believed we needed to be spanked. I was homeschooled, attended church twice a week, and regularly participated in Bible studies. Because of how I was raised, I sometimes feel like I’m very different from the rest of the world and am still trying to understand how to fit into a society with values and experiences that are so different from what I grew up knowing.

you would fit well into a Christian society.

 

[Maryyy2]

To be a Christian is to be set aside from the world. You can’t fit in with the world unless you renounce Christ and join the world.

I definitely understand what you mean I think for me, it’s less about wanting to “fit in” with the world and more about learning how to live faithfully while still navigating a world that doesn’t always share the values I was raised with. I know I’m called to be set apart, but I also think there’s a difference between being set apart and feeling like I don’t belong anywhere. I’m still learning how to balance the two.

 

[Maryyy2]

First, howdy and welcome to the forum.

Sticking out has advantages. If you're just like all the other girls, they passively like you because they don't notice you. If you're different you won't have as many people like you, but the ones who do like you will really be your friends.

Also if you're just like all the other girls you are competing for the guys who like that kind of girl. If you're different you get the guys who don't like all those other girls.

Aww, I think that's actually a really sweet way of looking at it. I definitely agree that being different can make it harder to feel like you fit in sometimes, but it can also help you find the people who genuinely appreciate you for who you are. I’m still learning to see my differences as something beautiful rather than something that makes me feel out of place. Thank you for the warm welcome!

 

[Maryyy2]

"It sounds like you grew up in a very structured environment with clear expectations about behavior, family roles, faith, and discipline. That kind of upbringing can leave someone feeling both grounded in certain values and disconnected from people whose experiences were very different.
Many people who were raised in strict homes find that adulthood involves sorting through what they genuinely believe, what helped them, what may have hurt them, and how they want to relate to a much broader world.
Trying to understand where you fit does not mean abandoning your upbringing.
It means learning how to navigate life as your own person.
You are not the only one who feels this way.
People from sheltered religious homes, military families, strict cultural backgrounds, and even highly secular environments such as myself, often experience a similar adjustment when they encounter lifestyles and beliefs they were never exposed to growing up.
It is okay to take your time, ask questions, and learn about others without feeling pressured to become like them.
Your past is part of your story, but it does not have to limit your ability to connect with people who have different experiences."
"What part has been the hardest for you, understanding other people, feeling understood by them, or figuring out what you personally believe apart from how you were raised?"

This is such a thoughtful response, and I really appreciate how gently you put it. I think for me, the hardest part has probably been how polarizing I was raised is

 

[Maryyy2]

Dear Mary

Welcome to this forum.

It is excellent to feel different from the rest of the world, truly you do not want to be part of it. The world values are nothing good at this time as you will see in the coming years, it will get much worse. You do not want to fit in this corrupt world ever, Chose your friends carefully always, Abide in Christ and follow the narrow path always.

God Bless You Mary.

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and your kind words. I definitely understand what you mean, and I agree that being different from the world doesn’t have to be something we’re ashamed of. I think I’m just learning how to hold onto the values I was raised with while also navigating a world that feels very different from what I knew growing up.

 

[Maryyy2]

Have you recently left home, are you in a flatting situation, or maybe have a job?
Or is your job in the church, I can imagine you might be a Sunday School teacher or something like that with your background. Are you engaged to be married? Because it seems like your dad was training you to be someone's wife. Maybe a pastor's wife.

Not everyone will fit into society, 'society' favours the rich people. It doesn't care what religion you are, but it does seem to care about how much wealth you have, or your family has. That is the world's values, for the most part.

Christians are in the world but not of it. What God requires is for you to be salt and light. If your character is like Jesus, it will shine through wherever you are, even in the darkest places.

Haha, I can see why you got that impression from what I shared. I actually still live with my parents and plan to stay at home until I’m married. I’m a stay-at-home girl, and I also volunteer at my church teaching Sunday school, which I really love.

 

[Maryyy2]

I was not home-schooled; however, at least most of the rest of your description sounds very familiar. I grew up a boy in my mother's home after my parents divorced when I was about 6 or 7 years old. My brothers and I spent time with our dad mostly on weekends - sometimes longer in the summer during the break from school.

I want you to know that you are very different from the rest of the world - and, I hope you are very proud (in the best possible way) that your dad cared enough to try his best to put you on the "straight and narrow" for all of the right reasons. It is truly a blessing - and, you need to always look at it that way.

While it is true that I believe there were times when my parents (especially my dad) "went a bit overboard" with discipline, etc. - nonetheless, I am very grateful for the way they raised me - it has kept me out of a lot of the kinds of trouble that people too easily find themselves in if they did not grow up in a highly-disciplined structured environment. I have never been in jail, never done drugs, always kept away from the wrong crowds, etc. - all of the things I have not experienced in my life because my parents saw to it that I turned out about as straight-laced as they come. (Albeit, I have "mellowed" quite a bit over the decades - in many ways, I am quite laid-back now - still always try to do the right thing - only, from a bit more laid-back live-and-let-live "stance" now.)

Yes, I will say that - for me being male - it was definitely too 'sheltered'.

Still - my parents taught me 'right-from-wrong' - and, I have always tried my very best to stand firmly on the 'right-and-proper' path ever since.

My best advice to you - look for other like-minded Christians to surround yourself with (Do it now - waste no time - it becomes more difficult as you grow older.) - and, do not let the world weaken your faith or resolve to always do what is right in the eyes of God.

Thank you so much for sharing all of this with me. It honestly means a lot to hear from someone who grew up in a similarly structured environment, even though our experiences weren’t exactly the same.

 

[Maryyy2]

you would fit well into a Christian society.

Thank you

 

[OMC]

This is such a thoughtful response, and I really appreciate how gently you put it. I think for me, the hardest part has probably been how polarizing I was raised is

When you say your upbringing felt polarizing, do you mean that it left you feeling separated from others socially, or that it made it difficult to relate to perspectives that were very different from your own?"

 

[Maryyy2]

When you say your upbringing felt polarizing, do you mean that it left you feeling separated from others socially, or that it made it difficult to relate to perspectives that were very different from your own?"

I think a big part of it was that my dad was very much the head of our home, and we were raised with pretty strong Christian and conservative values. There were very clear expectations about obedience, respect, modesty, and doing what was considered right. And yes, spanking was part of the discipline when I was growing up. Which many people do not agree with

 

[OMC]

I think a big part of it was that my dad was very much the head of our home, and we were raised with pretty strong Christian and conservative values. There were very clear expectations about obedience, respect, modesty, and doing what was considered right. And yes, spanking was part of the discipline when I was growing up. Which many people do not agree with

Learning to understand others without feeling pressured to let go of your own beliefs is often one of the biggest challenges.
I can relate.

 

[Maryyy2]

Learning to understand others without feeling pressured to let go of your own beliefs is often one of the biggest challenges.
I can relate.

Yes excatly! It’s just shocking to me how polarizing it is because I just feel it’s how it’s meant to be. Sorry it’s hard for me to explain