Lately Iāve been thinking a lot about how deeply I desire marriage and a family of my own someday. I genuinely have such a heart for being a wife, creating a Christ-centered home, and loving and serving my future husband and family.
I know Iām not supposed to rush Godās timing, and I truly want to trust Him with every part of my future. But sometimes itās hard when marriage is something I desire so deeply. I want to be able to share life with someone who loves Jesus wholeheartedly and desires to build a beautiful, God-honoring marriage together.
Iām praying for a husband who is kind, intentional, humble, faithful, and deeply rooted in Christ. Someone who wants to pray together, grow together, serve together, and ultimately keep Jesus at the center of everything.
For now, Iām trying to embrace my season of singleness, grow closer to the Lord, and become the woman He is calling me to be. I may not know
when marriage will come, but I trust that God knows exactly what Heās doing.
āDelight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.ā ā Psalm 37:4 
Iād love to hear from other Christian women who also have a strong desire for marriage. How do you balance wanting marriage while still trusting Godās timing?
Hi, Mary!
Desiring these things is normal. And desiring them intensely is normal, too.
Marriage is supposed to be a genuinely good thing, so it's certainly acceptable to desire it. I think it helps to understand the picture at the Garden of Eden. Marriage was part of Godās original design for humanity. Isnāt that interesting? The first marriage happened while Adam had a perfect, sinless relationship with God. Isnāt that interesting? In other words it wasnāt a lack of āGod being enoughā that made Him create Eve and put them together. God looked at Adam and said it wasnāt good for man to be alone.
Wait! You mean even when he was totally with God, Adam still needed someone else? Whoops.
Of course, what happened afterwards? Mankind rebelled, sin entered the world, and everything has been screwed up ever since. We live in a bad world, where bad things happen and life doesnāt always go our way. Iām sure many people are single because we simply live in a fallen world, not because itās Godās gracious and generous Master Plan. Iāve often read that thereās more Christian women in the world than there are Christian men. If thatās broadly accurate, it means that not everyone will be able to marry. In Matthew 19 Jesus talks about singles (well, eunuchs), and he mentions a few different types. People who
choose to live that way, people who are made that way by God, and people who are made that way by other men. So some people are single, and itās not because
they chose it
or because God chose it. Itās just how life turned out.
Yes, God is good. But we live in a world that is
not good.
You also mentioned "God's timing." Sometimes, when single Christians question why they're still single they'll get Christianese answers like
"because it's not God's timing" or
"not God's plan right now" or something like that. According to these people, God has one person for you that He's going to provide but just hasnāt done it yet. if you've listened to sermons about this, or read Christian books about this, you've probably encountered this idea.
Apparently, you need to be "patient," because
"God's ways are better than our ways." And God will bring you The One." You need to learn to
"trust God's plan." You need to learn to
"trust God's timing." Etc., etc. On and on the Christianese clichƩs and platitudes go.
They'll also try to use biblical examples, like Isaac and Rebekah, or Ruth and Boaz. So, yeah, if you're a single guy , just send your servant to a well.
These people mean well, they do. Usually, I'm sure, they're just trying to be comforting. It can also be a quick, easy, and painless way to exit an uncomfortable conversation. It might help you sleep better at night. But it probably won't help you find a spouse.
God never promised marriage to any of us. How can you trust God to fulfill a promise He never made to you?
A lot of people think that God is a Puppetmaster who's running every aspect of your love life. Personally, I doubt that, though. The people who believe that are, in my experience, people who met each other by coincidence (when they "stopped looking" as the clichƩ goes) and then got married at 21. Easy for them to say.
The Bible doesn't teach us anything about "soulmates." See
1 Corinthians 7:39, for instance. And Jesus even says that that there
is no marriage in Heaven. The idea of a "soulmate" comes from Greek philosophy and mythology. But the Bible doesn't mention it. The Bible doesn't even talk about how to find someone to marry. Also, when you believe in "soulmates," it can put too much pressure on your personal interactions with people you find attractive, causing you to over-analyze whether so-and-so is "The One." And when people think about their "soulmate," they often think about how that person will be "perfect" for
me, not so much the other way around. Believing in this sort of thing can also keep us from working on our stuff. For example, I, personally used to struggle a lot with certain sins, insecurities and alack of ability to communicate with the opposite sex. Obviously, this got in the way of me attracting a potential partner. I don't attribute these things to "God's plan."
Also, when people tell you that
"God has a plan" and that you just need to be more "patient," well, the funny thing about this sort of advice is that we don't give it in
other life situations. What if you're homeless, or unemployed, or being abused, or sick? Are people going to tell you to just wait, be "content" with those situations, and wait for God to do everything for you? Probably not. When
those sorts of things happen, is it because that's "God's plan" and God's best for you right now"? I would say no.
Another reason a lot of Christians might be single is because their belief in "The One" keeps them from working on their own stuff. Some of us might be single currently because of our (or other peopleās) sin, insecurities and/or lack of ability to communicate with the opposite sex. Itās not anything that Iām doing, or the choices that I or others around me make. Itās all Godās fault, or God's plan, or something.
Attributing all this stuff to God can be a way to hide from things. Like our disappointment with God. He hasnāt delivered me a spouse but, hey, itās all good, He must have a different āplan." It can also keeps us from dealing with our own stuff. Waiting on God often seems to mean,
āIām not doing anything wrong....itās just that God hasnāt sent me The One yet.ā Yeah, it couldnāt possibly have anything to do with me. Yikes! And it often just leads to inaction on our part, where we feel like we don't have to take any risks, where we're waiting for some perfect scenario, or we're not doing the obvious things that may help.
Besides, if marriage is entirely in "God's hands," then why has God suddenly decided to make people wait longer to get married? It used to be common, in ancient times and for a long time afterwards, for people to marry in their late teens and twenties. Then, in more modern times, it keeps getting pushed back. So God suddenly decided to make people wait longer to get married? Huh? Why? Does He want to "test" us more these days or something?
Apparently, back in the day God wanted everyone to be married early but then, for some weird reason, He changed his mind. Apparently, in the 1950s, something like 90% of Americans identify as Christians, and something like 67% of American adults were married. In 2026, something like 62-67% of Americans identify as Christians, and something like 47% of American adults are married. Is that because of "God's plan"? Apparently, God said, āYou know, Iām tired of everyone being married, let's change it up.ā
And why did God do away with betrothals and arranged marriages? Why did he have to invent the modern dating scene?
Attributing all this stuff to God can also be a way to hide things. Like disappointment with God. He hasnāt delivered me a spouse but itās all good, He must have a different āplan." It can also keep us from dealing with our own stuff. "Waiting on God" often seems to mean,
āIām not doing anything wrong ā itās just that God hasnāt sent someone yet.ā Yeah it couldnāt possibly have anything to do with
me. Yikes!
I think we sometimes have bad motives for leaving these situations in āGodās hands.ā For example, weāre scared to make the first move, we donāt like dealing with rejection, we donāt like dealing with our own insecurities or shortcomings, or we donāt like dealing with our fears. And, of course, as Christians we often just over-spiritualize everything. Thatās how we get to places where we think things like āItāll happen when God wills it.ā Of course, none of this stuff is helpful if youāre still single at, say, 25 or older. I mean, if weāre on a job search, we donāt approach it that way, now, do we? Or goals like, say, weight loss.
I mean, if you're, say, 25 or older and you want to get married, but you're still single, and all you've done is "wait on God's timing," you should probably put some serious effort into it. It's probably not going to "just happen."
I'm starting a Thread 'The Match Game'. Have to wait til after my Bible study but stay tuned possibly after 7 tonight I'll roll it out
