An interesting question... for the guys!

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iraasuup

Guest
#1
#1
Okay, just looking for opinions on how I should handle this.

I am recently separated and have moved across the country and have just started attending a new church.

I've been going there a couple of months now and I love it, but I have only met a handful of people, and am obviously still finding my place there and meeting new people all the time.

The past couple of times I have been there, I have noticed this one particular guy who keeps smiling at me and making eye contact. Now maybe he's just being friendly, who knows, but it's kind of awkward for me. He is often on stage (part of worship team) and he has made eye contact from there a few times, and if I walk past him or see him from a distance he seems to always smile at me. Last week I got out of my car, walked three steps towards the building and he was outside with some other guys in a group talking, I had to walk past them, and he smiled again.

Now, as I said, he might just be a smiley-kind of guy, but, if he is not.. then what should I do? I obviously don't want to be rude, it's polite to smile and acknowledge someone if they do to you, but if I make an obvious effort to smile back, and he isn't 'just being friendly'.. am I then giving him a wrong signal? If I don't want to give him a wrong signal, I could just ignore him and pretend I haven't noticed, but that would be rude, and I don't want to give the impression I'm stuck up and rude.

Soooo what should I do? I have no idea about the inner-workings of the male mind (even though I was married for 7 years)..but my instinct is he isn't just being friendly, his attempts seem somewhat deliberate, although he has never actually spoken to me.

So, girls what would you do in this situation? Guys, what SHOULD I do? Guys, if you were making an effort to smile and acknowledge a girl and she noticed and acknowledged u back.. would you assume she was interested, or just being polite and firendly?
 
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Tryndawin

Banned
#2
Apr 30, 2012
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I mean are you interested? You said you were separated, but I don't know what that really means to you as far as restarting in the dating scene. If you aren't interested/ready perhaps ignoring him would be the best idea...

or you could just smile back, maybe have a conversation or two and explain your situation. Seems easier than trying to play guessing games. No one could fault you for being friendly in response and just explaining that when a conversation occured
 
C

CanadaNZ

Guest
#3
#3
Until he says something assume he is just being friendly, because he is either just being friendly, just being cowardly or hasn't figured out what he feels. Smile if you want it won't change anything in regards to his feelings or potential that he might ask you out. If he does be honest, completely honest, none of this "I am not looking right now" or any variation on it, don't leave a doubt in his mind where you stand. That being said don't be a jerk about it.

The truth is guys don't need you to smile to be interested, but smiling back might bring out his intentions quicker, if he has intentions, which will lead to a quicker resolution for you. Another option would be to talk about your situation to someone preferably in what seems to be his circle of friends and that way might get the message without an awkward encounter.
 
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iraasuup

Guest
#4
#4
Tryndawin said:
I mean are you interested? You said you were separated, but I don't know what that really means to you as far as restarting in the dating scene. If you aren't interested/ready perhaps ignoring him would be the best idea...

or you could just smile back, maybe have a conversation or two and explain your situation. Seems easier than trying to play guessing games. No one could fault you for being friendly in response and just explaining that when a conversation occured
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Thanks. To clarify by 'Separated' I mean living apart from my husband but still legally married (in Australia you must be separated 12 months before you can file for divorce) so, given my situation, that is why I'm (a) NOT interested, and (b) not available (even if I was interested). My divorce can't be final until February next year!

CanadaNZ, thanks for your response. I don't know him at all, I don't even know his name, or his group of friends, but I'm sure my friends will know who he is, so I might subtly see what I can find out. In the meantime, I'll just be friendly, and hope I'm wrong about his intentions.
 
T

Tryndawin

Banned
#5
Apr 30, 2012
43
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Ok thats actually how separation works in my state I just wasn't sure about how it was where you are. Well with that information, you have two options. A) Ignore him, which is probably a little rude, or B) smile back. Maybe nothing ever happens but a smile, or maybe he starts a conversation with you. Either way youre either in the clear or you can tell him your situation and let him know you aren't interested in that way. He might make a great friend.
 
S

Stuey

Senior Member
#6
Aug 17, 2009
892
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#6
Just be friendly, but be clear with your intentions, don't lead him on at all.
 
jonathanbchristian

jonathanbchristian

Banned
#7
Feb 16, 2011
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Divorce and remarriage is adultery, Matthew 5:31-32; 19:8-9.
 
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iraasuup

Guest
#9
#9
jonathanbchristian said:
Divorce and remarriage is adultery, Matthew 5:31-32; 19:8-9.
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I'm aware of the content of the bible, but perhaps you should refrain from commenting when you don't know the details of the situation. Your comment really isn't helpful or comforting. Do you think I'm not feeling any pain over this situation? I didn't choose for this happen, but it has. I have to move on with my life.

My little tip for you is, perhaps instead of being judgemental and critical about things you have no understanding of, pray for those situations instead.
 
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Anth07

Guest
#10
#10
There is nothing harmful about a smile except when you don't pass it on. If your not interested by all means don't feel guilty or confused, just be friendly, smile back, whether he talks to you first or you talk to them make sure you let them know your situation before hand. Make friends and get to know them on a friendly level, you never know how you could help them or if they could help you. I'm 100% sure you can handle this.

God bless you,

Anth
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#11
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
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#11
You do realize that you asked a bunch of americans, right katie? :)
 
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CanadaNZ

Guest
#12
#12
jonathanbchristian said:
Divorce and remarriage is adultery, Matthew 5:31-32; 19:8-9.
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What is with the heartless people on here. Did she say she was interested? Did she say she is divorced? Maybe you should pay more attention and stop being a jerk.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#13
Aug 2, 2009
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#13
You may not be legally divorced yet Katie, but that is just a piece of paper. In the eyes of God your husband has already divorced you.
 
Red33

Red33

Banned
#14
Jun 24, 2010
3,822
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#14
CanadaNZ said:
What is with the heartless people on here. Did she say she was interested? Did she say she is divorced? Maybe you should pay more attention and stop being a jerk.
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Jonathanbchristian is a direct kind of guy and always has been. You should know that by now if you have read any of his posts. He is no respecter of persons or sex and if you don't like what he says he really doesn't care. You can't fault a guy for that and what he said is true in most cases, but there are some other factors to be considered. He did not say that to attack anyone and if you don't think he was being sensitive, send him a pm instead of being p____off. Sometimes I think God does these kind of things just to let others see who is living by faith or living in the flesh.
 
Red33

Red33

Banned
#15
Jun 24, 2010
3,822
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zeroturbulence said:
You may not be legally divorced yet Katie, but that is just a piece of paper. In the eyes of God your husband has already divorced you.
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That is terrible counsel to give anyone and you should really reconsider what you have not only said but implicated with your statement. If that is suppose to make her feel better or give her liberty to pursue dating or some relationship, think again. You don't know what is going on there and neither do I. You can communicate things that you have learned through experience without implicating or presuming against anyone.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#16
Aug 2, 2009
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#16
Red33 said:
That is terrible counsel to give anyone and you should really reconsider what you have not only said but implicated with your statement. If that is suppose to make her feel better or give her liberty to pursue dating or some relationship, think again. You don't know what is going on there and neither do I. You can communicate things that you have learned through experience without implicating or presuming against anyone.
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I do happen to know the details. Don't just assume things and start shooting your mouth off.

Furthermore, I agree with CanadaNZ. What that guy posted was completely insensitive. Your trying to defend him and the manner in which you did it shows me that you have a lack common sense and basic social skills.
 
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iraasuup

Guest
#17
#17
Okay,well I have shared a little with some people, so they are probably commenting based on the details they do have.

The thing that irks me, is people who just make blanket statements as if it's cut and dry and applies to everyone, when clearly it doesnt.

I'm aware of what the bible says. I know Divorce is not Gods desire, it wasn't mine either, but things happen sometimes, that we have no control over.
If you actually take time to read the bible fully, rather than just taking snippets of a scripture to suit your opinion, you'll find theres more to it than you realise. No, God doesn't like divorce, it's not what He intended when he instituted marriage, but, the passage goes on to say there are times when He will permit it, although the ideal solution is to work out the issues, forgive, and reconcile. In a perfect world, yes, that would be best. I would love to sit here and write you one of those stories of overcoming a difficult marriage and having it restored, but the fact is, that simply isn't the case. The marriage I was in, was certainly not how God intended marriage to be.

I never asked for this, when I took my vows, I took them seriously, I meant them... for life. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for him. My situation has come to a point where I have realised, I must get on with moving forward with my life, one day at a time. Sitting around waiting for something that isn't going to happen, is only going to torture myself... that and he has already 'moved on'.

So, please just be more mindful of the comments you make to people. Everyones situation is different, there are so many factors that make up my situation, I could write you a book, and you still wouldn't understand what I lived with for 7 years! This is a choice he made, not me. I have to deal with the pain, and move on with my life. It's that simple.

The whole purpose I wrote this thread, was because I'm trying to be God-Honouring and do what's right, while I'm face with a trying circumstance. The last thing I want to do, is be held accountable before God for not conducting myself correctly during this time.

I don't know what will happen in my future, I may never remarry, but right now, I just need to get over this hurdle in front of me, in order to see more clearly what God has laid ahead for me.
 
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iraasuup

Guest
#18
#18
zeroturbulence said:
I do happen to know the details. Don't just assume things and start shooting your mouth off.

Furthermore, I agree with CanadaNZ. What that guy posted was completely insensitive. Your trying to defend him and the manner in which you did it shows me that you have a lack common sense and basic social skills.
Click to expand...

And yes, I dont take Zero's comment as offensive at all, because I have shared details with him, and I can see exactly where he is coming from with that point of view. He isn't make a comment that is ill-informed...for what it's worth.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#19
Aug 2, 2009
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Red33 said:
That is terrible counsel to give anyone and you should really reconsider what you have not only said but implicated with your statement. If that is suppose to make her feel better or give her liberty to pursue dating or some relationship, think again. You don't know what is going on there and neither do I. You can communicate things that you have learned through experience without implicating or presuming against anyone.
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And what is so terrible about what I said? JESUS's SPECIFIC instructions in 1 Corinthians 7 says that "the husband should not send his wife away." And that is what happened here, so the husband has broken the law of marriage according to JESUS.

JESUS's instructions further state in 1 Corinthians 7 that "if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace."
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#20
Aug 2, 2009
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#20
iraasuup said:
And yes, I dont take Zero's comment as offensive at all, because I have shared details with him, and I can see exactly where he is coming from with that point of view. He isn't make a comment that is ill-informed...for what it's worth.
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Thank you Katie. I didn't realize u replied while I was posting that last post. I'll shut up now. :)
 
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