Some of it's sinking in.
But the whole 'God loves/cares about you' I can't believe.
I wish I could say "I get where you're coming from" but I don't know where you've been...
I can share with you that I once had that very same belief , Wich I walked in for about 30 years..
at the age of three , I was taken from my family and put into foster care.. I'm not sharing this with you for any other reason other than to let you know you arent alone, but that God Himself will and can if "you" will allow Him to.. Give you new thoughts to think upon..
In foster care is where I learned what not loving was.. Broken arm, broken heart, broken virginity , broken trust, broken security..everything in my three year old little world was shattered .. all my life I wondered how a good God could allow
So much "wrong" to come to a child.. I thought god hated me, I thought I wasn't suppose to exist ..I even thought I was a huge mistake.. I walked in that belief system for most of my life... I didn't want to know a God who would allow such atrocities to come to a three year old girl who had done nothing but be born.. Im sharing the following graphics, because I want you to know "how deep seeded" my rejection to come to know Him was.. at three I had my hair ripped out being pulled out of bathtubs , this was before and after the same foster parent broke my arm , I was beaten when naked with a wire hair brush , locked outside in storms, held down in a garage with my arms out and feet crossed, while being smothered ..molested among other things ,when I asked to be shown how to tie a shoe .. I was slapped instead of kissed , and rejected instead of accepted .. So I "understand" what your feeling like a mistake is like .. I didn't want to know or believe a God who allowed such things to happen to me . I wanted as far away from a God like that actually..
Well I went allright ..
I'm hear to tell you as well it is that very same God I cried out to still trying to be good .. I was so mad at Him I challenged him and was ready to die over it .. I wanted answers from Him .. Why??
when I saw the passion of Christ .. I saw that little girl "Me" .. For the first time I identified with Christ .. But jar hit me
Like a ton of bricks and brought me crawling to His feet was, God wasn't being unkind to me at all in those years.. he actually gave me a front row seat into His sons suffering .. Christ knew "exactly" what I had gone through.. better yet and the sweet fragrance that replaced all those horrific memories was and is still.. I came to" know" the suffering Christ went through for
me .. But I saw His suffering on a whole other scale .. what I went through was for one, " me"- I didn't do it willingly nor did I have a desire too.. I did it fighting the entire time to prevent it ..
Christ suffered much much worse , at the hands Of millions .. he did it willingly where I did not , he did it knowing where I dis not either... There is a verse that is one of my favorites ..
1corr 1:25
For the foolishness of God is wiser than all mans wisdom, and the weakness of God is greater than all mans strength ..
When I came to this meeting place with Christ , I can't tell you how foolish and selfish I felt, thinking I had suffered anything ....
I assure you, our God makes know mistakes