Guys, Why Will You Only Marry Some Supermodel Instead of a Proverbs 31 Beauty?

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
16,165
5,135
113
#1
Hey Everyone!

Just thought I'd do a gender-reversed paraphrased thread based on Green's current thread regarding women only looking for rich guys instead of men clothed in righteousness.

As many know, I've been on Christian dating sites for years and sometimes like to share my stories.

I found one profile of a man this past week that was particularly interesting. As can be assumed, most people on this site claim to be Christians and say their relationship with God is their number one priority, which this guy stated as well.

Admittedly, he was very good-looking... and along with his statement of faith was also a bit of a disclaimer that said, "Ladies, if you're the type that someone would describe as having 'a great personality', you are not for me. If you wouldn't approach me in a social situation, it would be best that you not approach me here, either."

Of course, the message is loud and clear. "God is my number one. I look good. If you don't look good enough, don't even bother talking to me."

Hmm. Don't worry, I didn't try contacting him! (I'll just hold on to my "great personality" and stay single... ha ha ha!) :)

Now OF COURSE, I know it can go both ways! All of us, whether we admit it or not, are affected by appearances. But, seeing as Green's thread is sparking some interesting conversation...

I thought it would be interesting to see what the guys had to say.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#2
May 23, 2009
16,165
5,135
113
#2
Sorry to have missed this, but I wanted to add my OWN little disclaimer to the thread. :)

As I said before, we know not all of you guys out there are like that... and I want to thank you in advance. ;)

But as I said, we're also all human, and every one of is us does react to what we see and what's in front of us, so, if nothing else... I just wondered what thoughts people would have to share on the topic.

I AM NOT assuming all guys are like this--as I said, I just wanted to write a bit of a parallel of Green's thread with the guys in mind... but I'm definitely NOT trying to say all guys think or act like this at all!!

I just thought it might spark some interesting discussions, is all. Thanks!
 
error

error

Senior Member
#3
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
#3
You can look good, but don't make others feel less worthy or less important-cause they don't look like you-or don't look 'good enough' for you.
 
F

FireWire

Guest
#4
#4
Guys and girls do consider looks whether consciously or subconsciously and is usually near the top of the list.

Women say they don't regard looks as very important. That's a delusion.
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#5
#5
Personally,I am totally shallow. I want a woman who is flawless in looks..everything else is secondary.
ROTFL I can't believe I just typed that.:rolleyes:
I'll be honest,I think that guy you described from that site who made that statement was just saying what many women don't have the guts to say. Men are more brash than women. Women don't like to come off that way...they many times would have you think they are more sensitive..more spiritually deep..and not as carnally minded as men. This may be overall true in some aspects...but I think women hold back more than men. At least in a social setting. A woman would be more likely to talk within her circle of friends if she found so & so handsome or ugly than she would in public. Guys seem to have no problem making it obvious what they find attractive in public. Unfortunately many act like pigs in doing so.
I have had women tell me I was very handsome...and I've had woman that I have repulsed.
So am I hot or not??? lol
I don't think my spirituality has won any woman over,as to say trump carded my looks to seal the deal of her falling in shove,umm..er...love with me.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder it seems...all you can hope for is that whomever you date or marry,loves you for you...because looks will eventually fade as we all know.
Emmm...have I lost the point & rambled off here? I need an elctroshock collar I think,so when I get off topic someone over in CC can zap me back on path.
 
D

dashadow

Guest
#6
#6
I don't see anything wrong with wanting both. But it's important to have realistic expectations. A few years after our marriage, my wife accused me of wanting her to be a "Barbie". Of course, that was nonsense. But I did want some semblance of the woman I married.

I think things usually work out best when couples are in the same domain of physical attractiveness, confidence (security about one's attributes) and spiritual beliefs. Otherwise, I think there is a tendency for one or the other to feel more insecure. I don't need to have a "Barbie", but I'm not down with "Broom-Hilda". :)
 
AAAPlus

AAAPlus

Senior Member
#7
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#7
seoulsearch said:
Hey Everyone!

Just thought I'd do a gender-reversed paraphrased thread based on Green's current thread regarding women only looking for rich guys instead of men clothed in righteousness.

As many know, I've been on Christian dating sites for years and sometimes like to share my stories.

I found one profile of a man this past week that was particularly interesting. As can be assumed, most people on this site claim to be Christians and say their relationship with God is their number one priority, which this guy stated as well.

Admittedly, he was very good-looking... and along with his statement of faith was also a bit of a disclaimer that said, "Ladies, if you're the type that someone would describe as having 'a great personality', you are not for me. If you wouldn't approach me in a social situation, it would be best that you not approach me here, either."

Of course, the message is loud and clear. "God is my number one. I look good. If you don't look good enough, don't even bother talking to me."

Hmm. Don't worry, I didn't try contacting him! (I'll just hold on to my "great personality" and stay single... ha ha ha!) :)

Now OF COURSE, I know it can go both ways! All of us, whether we admit it or not, are affected by appearances. But, seeing as Green's thread is sparking some interesting conversation...

I thought it would be interesting to see what the guys had to say.
Click to expand...
My thoughts? Guys like attractive girls. That's just an accepted part of life. Any arguing about that would be superfluous and any guy saying he just doesn't care about looks is delusional.

That's not to say it's everything; girls with great personalities can be very attractive as well. They just won't have that initial shock value. By that I mean, unlike really good-looking girls, she won't have guys that are attracted to her before they even talk to her, but she WILL have guys attracted to her. In some ways, that girl has it a bit easier; she won't have to wonder as much about whether a guy is sincere or if he just wants her for her looks.

I do want to note that there is a BIG difference between a girl with a great personality and one with a "great personality". A great personality means she is legitimately fun to be around, funny, interesting, entertaining, etc. A "great personality" is a girl who is unattractive and boring, but not as mean as certain attractive girls. The term "great personality" is applied to her because you want to say something nice about her, but she is neither attractive nor is she interesting (in many cases she might just be shy)
 
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Markum1972

Markum1972

Senior Member
#8
Mar 25, 2013
1,165
32
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#8
I have personally experienced the beauty of placing the virtue of the woman first. In several instances, I was not at all attracted to a woman's appearance, but who she was. In those instances, as I grew to know her she became the most beautiful woman that I have ever known even though I did not find her at all attractive in the beginning.
Unfortunately, these instances were also with unbelievers so they failed. However, I can now see though how this principle applies to a relationship centered on Christ.
You can grow physical attraction but if the virtue is not there, it is only skin deep and you may find yourself trying to change/convert the person. If the virtue is there, then the physical attraction can grow and you truly have a treasure.

I have found myself to be drawn to women that have confidence in what they do and not how they appear. I find it very appealing when a woman can go out in public with little or no make up at all and be confident in who she is. I have grown to be wary of those that adorn themselves with boisterous jewelry, lots of makeup, revealing clothing, hairstyles that require great effort, or similarly flattering additions to who they are naturally. I say "wary"; not "repulsed". Having spent time with both, I have found that those without these things are more like (more likely... not always) to be confident in who they naturally are.
I have also seen that those that do adorn themselves like this are more likely (again, not a definitive statement) to attract to them the men that will treat them without honor.
The scriptures warn us about vanity. Proverbs talks a LOT about it.
To sum it all up, I would encourage men to look at a woman's heart closely and deeply. You may find yourself seeing her in a different way. As for women, I would encourage you to have confidence in who you are naturally. I am not saying be a slob. There is moderation in the time you spend on taking care of yourself. Moderation between vanity and slothfulness. Don't have a lack of confidence in yourself because of how you might appear, but also don't be lazy in taking proper care of yourself.
So my answer would definitely be the Proverbs 31 woman of virtue; THAT'S what I'm looking for. :)
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#9
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#9
I mean I wont lie I want someone I'm physically attracted to as well.
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#10
#10
I didn't know where to put this response, because it kinda fits in either thread on this subject...but I was parked here when I thought of it. So...

Physical attraction is necessary. For both sexes. It shouldn't be the Number One Most Important Thing to consider when looking for someone to share your life with, and honestly, I don't think that women are quite as prone to an attractive man as men are to an attractive woman (don't shoot! I'm not done yet!). Because men are wired to be more affected by physical appearance! By what they see. That's just how it is.

However, any woman who says "Looks don't matter" is either trying to be nice, or lying, or has never actually tried to be in a relationship with someone she was not physically attracted to.

Looks do matter to women, although the extent that they matter varies from woman to woman.

I think it's fair to say for both genders, we're unlikely to be physically attracted to somebody who is obviously not taking care of themselves in any way; obesity, poor hygiene, general sloppiness...it sends out the message that a person doesn't give a rat's patootie about themselves. And it isn't attractive.

As for looking beyond physical appearance...yes! We absolutely should try to do that. It's absurd to completely ignore 95% of the population just because they don't fit your physical criteria. You miss out on meeting some of the best people if you're that picky, quite aside from the fact that it's just not a Christian thing to do.

But there is nothing whatsoever wrong with not wanting to date somebody that you are just not physically attracted to. If the whole purpose of dating is to eventually find a spouse, then you've got to plan for the future- meaning, is this a face you want to wake up next to when it's old and sliding off its person?

Nice imagery, yeah?

When I was in high school, one of my best friends was a guy. And we became friends because he'd asked me out, and I had said yes, because he seemed very nice. Which was true; he was possibly the nicest teenage boy I have or ever will know. And we had a good time at a traveling carnival that was in town, and he was very gentlemanly and courteous. It was the kind of date that deserved a goodnight kiss.

But I could not kiss him. Nope. No way, no how. I didn't realize til he was about an inch from my face that I felt ZERO attraction.

So I turned my head and awkwardly patted his shoulder and said "thanks".

Anyway, he's been married to a very pretty girl we grew up with for a while now, and they've got some kids, so it appears that she finds him attractive.

My point...

...huh. Not sure now. Hopefully I already made it.

This has been a long rambling from your resident weird married lady. Thanks for watching (uh...reading).
 
Searching4Truth

Searching4Truth

Senior Member
#11
Jul 25, 2012
1,904
24
0
#11
Since I was a child of 2, I've been having dreams of a beautiful but thin woman. Then a voice called from above. It says to me: Feed her a sandwich. Feed her a sandwich. Feed her a sandwich...

And ever since then, I strongly believe I was meant to be married to a model to save her from herself. :rolleyes:
 
M

meggars

Guest
#12
#12
AAAPlus said:
unlike really good-looking girls, she won't have guys that are attracted to her before they even talk to her, but she WILL have guys attracted to her. In some ways, that girl has it a bit easier; she won't have to wonder as much about whether a guy is sincere or if he just wants her for her looks.
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lol...we don't have it any easier....we'll just spend more time wondering how long it's going to be before some hot girl grabs his notice instead.
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#13
#13
I'm not typically attracted to "supermodel" looking women. I was always more attracted to the "girl next door" look. I don't think there's anything shallow about going by looks, but there also needs to be realistic expectations too, someone who does not take care of their physical appearance probably has no chance with someone who does, no matter how bad they want it.
 
A

arwen83

Guest
#14
#14
Looks matter. For both sexes, but what each define as good looking/ attractive is different. I know a few girls who are very attracted to the skinny awkward nerdy type. I know girls who aren't attracted to the buff gym type guy- I am one of them. I agree with Meggars. It is my opinion and experience that many guys tend to flawk towards the hot girl, which leaves women like me in the dark.
 
J

jimmydiggs

Guest
#15
#15
To the question in the title: I sure hope I won't, but I confess as a human I am fallen and prone to sin.

Lord, let my motivations and intentions be right.
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#16
#16
arwen83 said:
Looks matter. For both sexes, but what each define as good looking/ attractive is different. I know a few girls who are very attracted to the skinny awkward nerdy type. I know girls who aren't attracted to the buff gym type guy- I am one of them. I agree with Meggars. It is my opinion and experience that many guys tend to flawk towards the hot girl, which leaves women like me in the dark.
Click to expand...
And you'll also notice many of those guys are either single, or never been married.

I don't know, maybe it's just me. I'm attracted to a girl at work, and seem to be the only guy attracted to her, and am not attracted to the other girls that my coworkers are attracted to. Maybe I'm just the black sheep of the male species.
 
I

iTOREtheSKY

Guest
#17
#17
zaoman32 said:
And you'll also notice many of those guys are either single, or never been married.

I don't know, maybe it's just me. I'm attracted to a girl at work, and seem to be the only guy attracted to her, and am not attracted to the other girls that my coworkers are attracted to. Maybe I'm just the black sheep of the male species.
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BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA lol nah yer' not dude. I'm the same way. The women I find attractive most other people dismiss or go "meh". That's fine by me..I think she's hot...less competition.LOL
 
L

livingepistle

Guest
#18
#18
seoulsearch said:
Sorry to have missed this, but I wanted to add my OWN little disclaimer to the thread. :)

As I said before, we know not all of you guys out there are like that... and I want to thank you in advance. ;)

But as I said, we're also all human, and every one of is us does react to what we see and what's in front of us, so, if nothing else... I just wondered what thoughts people would have to share on the topic.

I AM NOT assuming all guys are like this--as I said, I just wanted to write a bit of a parallel of Green's thread with the guys in mind... but I'm definitely NOT trying to say all guys think or act like this at all!!

I just thought it might spark some interesting discussions, is all. Thanks!
Click to expand...
Goooooooood thread.

JOB 42:15-16
And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job: and their father gave them inheritance among their brothers. After this lived Job an hundred and forty years, and saw his sons, and his sons' sons, even four generations. 17So Job died, being old and full of days.

If his daughters were that beautiful, what did MOM look like?
 
C

Chewbacca1995

Guest
#19
#19
First off, if supermodels are what he wants, he's probably not much of a Christian to begin with lol

Honestly, I tend to avoid drop-dead gorgeous women because they tend to be vapid, and I have no shot with them,
no matter how hard I try haha :) but I agree that looks are extremely important with guys (especially at my age!). If
I don't think she's attractive... Things won't work out!

But... I look at girls who are in the 6-8 range of the looks department since I'm probably between 4.5-6.5 (just guessing) on that scale. But as I've learned, beauty can sometimes literally be on the surface. I hung out with this girl who was a 10 (she turned heads lol)but she was a total ice queen. I tried to be sweet, funny and friendly - and she ended up hating my guys and ignoring me for my friend. Once she called me short and weird, I knew this cold hearted girl was not one with The Lord. I got her out of my life, and don't regret it one bit ;)

I want a girl who's sweet to those around her, who brightens up the world with her light, who can take a joke without huffing and puffing, who is pure and respectable, who has long hair (no short hair!), who isn't worried about what the world is doing, who is devoted to the Lord's plan for her, and who doesn't mind being taller than me :)

Honestly, I want a girl who loves me for who I am - one just like the one in Proverbs 31 :) hope this helps OP!
 
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L

livingepistle

Guest
#20
#20
seoulsearch said:
Sorry to have missed this, but I wanted to add my OWN little disclaimer to the thread. :)

As I said before, we know not all of you guys out there are like that... and I want to thank you in advance. ;)

But as I said, we're also all human, and every one of is us does react to what we see and what's in front of us, so, if nothing else... I just wondered what thoughts people would have to share on the topic.

I AM NOT assuming all guys are like this--as I said, I just wanted to write a bit of a parallel of Green's thread with the guys in mind... but I'm definitely NOT trying to say all guys think or act like this at all!!

I just thought it might spark some interesting discussions, is all. Thanks!
Click to expand...
Good thread and honest question in my opinion. In my opinion: Each individual defines beauty to themselves. Unfortunately, we men have one thing in common, animal like instincts can override our cognitive reasoning.

JOB 42:15-17
And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job: and their father gave them inheritance among their brothers. After this lived Job an hundred and forty years, and saw his sons, and his sons' sons, even four generations. 17So Job died, being old and full of days.

If his daughters were that beautiful, what did MOM look like?

Respectfully submitted
Living Epistle
 
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