I'm a virgin with a non-virgin girlfriend, should I stay with her or go?

Thank you and I guess I just don't want to break up with her because
I feel as though I might not meet anyone else or anyone I like nearly as much as her. But its probably at the point where I need to make up my mind because I often find myself on the verge of giving into her temptations and I should probably make a decision before I do something I might regret. But I mean where do I look? I'd usually look in the church but a majority of women in the church are either not virgins or are not compatible with me (I'm quite a unique christian). I've tried online dating but the pool is pretty small even there and I don't get manly replies. But at the same time I realize its selfish to stay with her just because I don't want to be alone. :\ I've thought about getting involved with The Silver Ring Thing but I'm not sure how.

A question: Is she a person, with whom you can talk about your feelings and be understood ?
Marriage is forever.
And you can be more lonely in a partnership than when you are acually alone.
This time is a time to get to know the other and to find out, if you strengthen
each other, or if you hinder each other, to become the best person possible.

I get the feeling, that you want a perfect girlfriend now (!) Gods plan for you might be very
differnent, you might meet your future sprouse with 40

But you are 20 years old!!! It's not like you are middle aged guy like me. I'm married. If I weren't, I'd be concerned at how I'm deteriorating, wrinkles creeping in there, and my hairline is not going to move down. It's good I've already got a beautiful woman of God to be my wife. But at 20, next year, you are going to look as good or better than the last, probably, for the next five years or so. You'll probably loose weight fast, too, if you exercise.

You are 20. How many people are there that you haven't met yet? If the Lord grants you to live, you could potentially live many more years, triple what you've lived so far. There are thousands of people you can meet. There are about three and a half billion people on the planet. I don't know what percent are in your target age group and not married, but I asure you it's a lot.

Also, financially, are you ready to marry? If not, why do you need a girlfriend to be tempted with? Unless you want to get married soon, there should be no rush.

I lived through a similar experience. I was a virgin, and I wanted to marry a virgin. I hadn't thought through all the moral issues and hadn't had teaching on it, so I didn't see a problem with sitting around kissing a girl.

I was overseas, and I started dating this girl from another country. She said she was a Christian, and I took her to church. So we dated, and I'd kiss her. The thing was, though, I had this feeling that I could do whatever I wanted with her. English was not her native language. I said something about my apartment, and she misunderstood and thought I said something about taking her back to my place and seemed a bit too eager. She mentioned that she wasn't a virgin. I realized I was in a dangerous place. The only thing, it felt like, keeping me from sleeping with this girl was me and my self-control. Whether it was true or not, that's what it felt like. I decided to break it off with her. We'd been out on a few dates. We had a very amicable break-up.

I wanted to marry a virgin, and that may have played a role in me breaking up with her. But another huge part of it was the temptation. It just seemed like a dangerous situation.

Proverbs says do not awaken love until its proper time. I didn't hear this growing up, but kissing awakens a certain kind of love. Why should you make out with a woman who is not your own wife, who could well be someone else's wife later on? Don't engage in this kind of stuff with your girlfriend so it won't get hotter and heavier.

I had a friend before marrige who told me that there are ways in which adultery can be a bigger temptation than fornicating the first time. When you haven't had sex, it's a really big deal to actually go through with it. There is fear. It's just a big deal. But if you've done it before, it's more of a normal routine thing. You know what you are doing. For you, it's still a big deal. It may be less of a big deal for a girl who isn't a virgin. No matter who you date, you shouldn't do things to awaken physical love, such as too much intimate physical contact (making out, etc.)

You just need one woman to marry. Most women won't be compatible, or won't seem compatible with you. There won't be a 'spark' of interest with everyone. That's fine. You can pray and ask God to bring you one person. If you have your heart set on a virgin, pray about that. If God specifically leads you otherwise, you can use virginity as a kind of filter. If you find out a woman isn't, then don't go further in a relationship with her. Don't be mean about it, but don't lead her on.

Good thing the girls don't give you manly replies. (Most typos aren't so funny.) There are other places to meet Christian women, like other hcurches.

Yes, if you don't want to be along, get some friends and hang out with them. If you date, it should be to marry, and you should not lead a woman on. You don't want to bruise and batter her heart. The more emotionally invested she gets, the more a breakup hurts, so you have to do it fast or stop before it turns into anything if you aren't a match. Dating too long also wastes her time, especially those multi-year relationships during prime marriage years.

You're welcome and yep, it's selfish. I don't think we should be in a relationship with anyone whom we don't consider marrying anyway. So while you're in that state of confusion, I don't think it's fair to stay in the relationship.

Your Gf past is none of your buisness. Is a Jealousi relationship or it is love. Ask Yourself.

If she continues to try and pressure you into an intimate relationship with her.. Even after you've told her your stance and that you're upset that she isn't a virgin.. Then she's probably not the girl for you. She's just caring about her lustful feelings and not your feelings on abstinence.

I also wanted to marry a vigin! And I got that chance! At 21 & 22 my husband and I got married and we were both virgins. It's SO much better "learning" together.. Not to mention never having to worry if you were as good as her ex-hookup or whatever. And never having to be out in the situation where she asks for something in bed that you've never heard of because she's done it before.

It's not unreasonable to want to marry another virgin if you are a virgin yourself! (I hate when non-virgins only want to marry virgins though.. That's not fair to me.)

I say part ways with this girl and hold out for someone with equal standards of abstinence! ..they do exist!

I say give the relationship time. God wouldn't judge her why should you or anyone else. Get to know her before anything serious. Good luck.

Thats what my mom has told me.
She told me that as I get to know her better,
it might not be an issue. Besides, I thought about breaking up with her
and I'm having great difficulty even getting the heart to do it. But at the same time,
my mom also tells me perhaps I should wait it out, if we aren't meant to be together, the relationship will
end eventually on its own anyway. Lately, her virginal status has started to mean less and less to me although its still a bit of an annoyance and something I still wish we could share. But we haven't even been dating that long, its only been 2 months.

I hate to sort of disagree with someone's mother, but if it's an issue, if you want to marry a virgin, then don't just keep dating her to see what happens. If you know it's not going to happen, don't depend on the relationship fizzling out on its own. That's called leading her on. The more dating relationships someone goes through, the chances of them being scared emotionally and dumping all that negative experience on her and her future husband go up. And it hurts you, too. If you believe it's not an issue, then maybe you'll want to stay together. If she's putting pressure on you to have sex, then run. If she does that now, she might not be faithful after marriage. But if she isn't, and if she has truly repented from her past, and it isn't an issue for you, then you may decide to continue. Your desire to have a virgin for a wife is a normal expectation.

It is reasonable to not marry a woman who gave her virginity away to someone else, playing the harlot in her father's house as the Old Testament puts it. It is our society that has strange ideas about this. If God has forgiven a woman for doing this, that doesn't mean you have to marry her or that virginity can't be a criteria for choosing who to marry.

The whole "give it time" idea is not as good as it sounds. You do realize that if 2 months becomes 6 months or 12 months.. You're going to have an even harder time breaking up with her because you've been together for a more substantial period of time. At that point you may just think "forget it.. I'll just marry her" because its the easy decision. Definitely don't choose to stick with this relationship if you're not 100% happy and committed to the girl.

Yes, it is very selfish. But most of all, you're using that girl. You claim to have feelings for her... if that's true, and you can't handle her past, you've got to let her go. Don't be the guy that leads her on. Don't be the guy who can't or won't put yourself ahead of someone else. Please, be kind to her and break up.

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna have to pray about even having the guts to break up with her.
I'm not saying this is a valid excuse but I've been through my own share of bad relationships.
The 3 or 4 girls before this one treated me pretty badly and this is the first girl to genuinely like me for me (and vice versa).
And we just think so similarly, we both have a similar past (aside from having sex), we're exactly the same height pretty much, my sister has the same first name as her, and we even like so much of the same things. I realize that I probably never will get over this issue but I dunno, I'm just scared to break up with her. It took a whole 4 or 5 years to get this close to meeting the "perfect" girl. I honestly don't want to go back to being single, it sucks. None of my friends are really close to me, I can't ask any of them for any real favors, I always have to go to the movies alone because my parents are too lazy, its just so lonely. And not to mention I hate seeing couples hold hands and stuff in public, it makes me feel worse. But, I mean I've dealt with the loneliness before (obviously) but is there a section of the bible I might be able to read to help or something or although slightly off-subject, any coping methods? What is the best time to tell her?

But sadly, I've recently begun to realize that it probably needs to be ended anyway, since last month, our relationship doesn't have the same spark it used to and we don't hug, kiss, etc, etc like we used to. That should be a red flag in its own.
I have an appointment with a counselor coming up pretty soon as well which I think might help get me through this decision.

You mean you couldn't find the perfect girl at 15? Some folks on these forums are in their late 20's, or their 30's, and 40's and still single in the IRS 1040 sense of not being married. (That's what the word means in my mind. I'm still getting used to people using it for not dating.)

Why are you in such a rush? Are you even ready to get married any time soon? Is your career solid enough to marry?

I can relate. I been alone like that, at Christmas, overseas. But loneliness is no reason to have a girlfriend. You should be looking for someone to marry. It's enjoyable to have the relationship, but if you just date girls to have someone to go with, to date, to go to the movies with, you'll be breaking a lot of hearts cruelly and unnecessarily, including your own. You have to at least have 'honorable intentions' of pursing marriage if you are going to court or date.

How about directing your energy into cultivating some new close friendships as opposed to dating?

Section of the Bible about loneliness? Psalm 42 is good for sadness.

Have you made up your mind? That's the important thing. Make up your mind. If you are going to ask her out again, don't break up, date again, break up, etc. Really pray about it. You can also pray about criteria for who you want to marry and submit that to the Lord. If marriage is way off in the distant future for you, you may want to hold off on the dating, IMO.[/quote]

I don't know about that, especially over a few months. I'm married and I can tell you there have been times in mine and my wife's marriage where we kissed and hugged less than at other times. Personally, I think it's best to save close physical affection for marriage. Song of Solomon says not to awaken love until it's proper time, and kissing can do just that.

Has the virginity discussion been a big enough of an issue to create a bit of distance between the two of you?

The asnwer is very simple if you love her stwy with her it dosebt matter about her past what matters is her comminment to you now an sence shes not a virgin an still wants to be with you even knowing you want to wait till marrige id say she cares a great deal about you... so just ask your self if you care the same about her an youll find your answer..

I don't know about that, especially over a few months. I'm married and I can tell you there have been times in mine and my wife's marriage where we kissed and hugged less than at other times. Personally, I think it's best to save close physical affection for marriage. Song of Solomon says not to awaken love until it's proper time, and kissing can do just that.

Has the virginity discussion been a big enough of an issue to create a bit of distance between the two of you?[/QUOTE]

Yeah I'd say to a degree.
I was with her today and we had so much fun today and I really just can't imagine my life without her.
It feels empty and sad without her. Maybe I'm in love with her already, I dunno. And sometimes the virginity thing dosen't matter to me and some days it does. Although I still dislike her attitude towards sex as today we had a bet and if she won, I'd do her a favor and she told me that she knows what she wants but won't ask because she knows she won't get it. I dunno, its tough because while I just find it so difficult to part ways with her, at times I dunno, its just so incredibly hard like I said to imagine life without her like I just know the day I break up with her will be one of the most depressing days of my life. But I keep saying the same thing over and over, I sound like a broken record. Like you guys said, I guess I just need time to think about my options and decide which one is the best decision for me cause besides her attitude on sex and virginity, she's perfect but I still want to experience being a girl's first and the only way to do that with a clear conscience is to find someone else.


I do care for her, so incredibly much, again I think thats why this is such a big issue.
I don't want to make her cry and I'm afraid she'll go out and do some self-destructive things if I break up with her
as she's been chronically single and she says thats what led her to have sex with the guy but that isn't a valid excuse cause the same thing happened to me and I'd rather stay a virgin in that situation.

The girl had sex with some guy so what ud probaly be lucky if you could find five girls in a whole state who are still virgins... she made a mistake she sinned yes but so have you.. you may not have had sex but im sure youve lied probaly stole something at some point makes you a lier an a thief probaly was mad at a brother without reason before to makes you a murderer an most likely lusted after a girl at some point in life which makes you an adultery.... her mistakes are no worse or better than yours an God can forgive both of yalls.... so if you truly care for this girl like you say then forget an forgive.... if you dont care for her let her go so she can find someone who does.... plan an simple friend.

Yeah, I think its a bit more complicated then that though.
If it was as simple as that, by that logic, waiting for marriage would be kind of pointless.
And I understand that but part of why it bugs me is because she doesn't even feel bad about it.
When we discussed it the couple times we did, she made sure she always said she didn't regret it at the end of her
discussion. And finding virgins isn't so hard, there are a ton of them online, the hard part is finding one your compatible with or thinks the same as you. And it does sort of change the way I look at her. It just seems so wrong in a way that someone as sweet and perfect as her would have made such a big mistake.... And that dosen't solve all my problems, I still want to experience being a girl's first like I've said and the only way to do that and have a clear conscience is to find someone else.

For me when I was dating, this would be a deal-breaker. Not being a virgin would have been a deal-breaker, but if I could get past that, this other thing definitely would be.

Proverbs talks about the benefits of a wife who fears the LORD. If she knows what the Bible says and doesn't regret playing the harlot in her father's house, let her go. If she feels that way about fornication, what's to keep her from committing adultery on you after you get married? What kind of sexual morality are you going to teach your kids? Statistically, women having more than one sexual partner correlates with higher divorce rates after marriage according to a study in a marriage and family studies academic journal.

When I was single, as a part of my memorization of scripture, I also memorized verses about marriage and divorce. I realized if I married a woman who divorced me, I could get stuck in a situation where I would feel compelled to be celibate waiting for her. I didn't want to be a divorced man, having to visit my own children instead of living with them. I wanted to raise my own kids. So I had to find a wife who would not divorce me. I also remained a virgin and wanted to marry a virgin so that we would both be 'one flesh' only with one person because this is what I believed was the Lord's will for marriage. A marriage should reflect the relationship between Christ and the church.

I did this to some extent as a young man, but if I knew what I knew now minus who I was going to marry and had to do it over again, I would be more rigorous about it. I'd look for a woman who was a virgin, and work various topics into the conversation about her beliefs on the role sin marriage, e.g. wives submitting to husbands, children, finances, etc. I'd seek to marry a woman who feared the Lord. I'd also tell her about scenarios where a wife left her husband for various reasons and see what her views were. If she were really off on her understanding of the word on some issue, and wouldn't budge if I shared the word of God with her, I wouldn't pursue it. I discussed most of these things with the woman I married, and it turned out well. But I think young people should be a bit more diligent about it. I married a woman whose priority is God who seeks to please God. She is also intense about prayer. Fear of the LORD is an area where you don't want to compromise in choosing a mother for your future children. It's not just about you. It's about them.

If you share what the Bible has to say about fornication, and her attitude doesn't change, why would you continue in a relationship with her? If you don't have the same values, will she be happy in an actual marriage where values easily become an issue? It's not as big of an issue when you are dating. If you aren't going to marry her, the longer you keep dating, the more difficult it could be for her.

If you see dating her as a future sexual temptation, that's another thing to take into account.

You shouldn't date a girl to prevent your own depression if you aren't going to marry her. Sometimes you have to be a man and make decisions. If you decide you should break up, you need to do it. If you concerned about her hurting herself, that's a problem. Maybe you can insure she has friends or family around if you decide on it.

Pray about it first, whatever decision you make.

Why should she feel bad?we should learn from are past mistakes but not regret them.. we wouldnt be the peraon we are todwy withoutthem. Personally i dont think her not being a virgin should be a big deal but to you it obviosly is an since its such a big deal you just need to let her go bow so she can move on..

What we have done in our past we need to give answer for to the Lord. Aman has no right to ask a women if she is a virgin as her past relationships are nothing to do with him. Do I think that you should be a virgin when you get married yes, do I think we steal and rob what the Lord has for us in having sex before marriage yes.

I think it is the Lord's plan for us to wait until marriage, she however is not subjected to have to give you any answer's.She is only accountable to you and to give answer's for what happens inside of the relationship she has with you.

The fact that you did ask her, tells me that this is a key fundamental important issue to you, and rightly so, I do however think your approach could of been a bit more tacktful because she know thinks it is a big issue, which it is. Should you break up with her, she is going to base it on the fact that she is not a virgin and we both know this will be the reason, but it will leave her feeling like she is less than anyone else because she no longer is a virgin. It will lead to feelings of guilt and so it goes on.

When we minister to people it is the wholeness of who we are, it is in every word spoken, every gesture done, and this is what I wanted to bring to your attention.

God Bless