Do you find it hard to be "just friends" with people of the opposite sex?

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Stranger36147

Guest
#1
#1
It's a question that's commonly asked. That is, can a guy and a girl be just friends and nothing more?


Until recently, I always thought that was a stupid question. I always thought I'd have no problem being just friends with a girl. But I found out it's not as easy as I thought it would be.


I had never really had a close friend that was a girl. Until recently.


I've been talking a lot to this girl that I met. She's not single, but she was still looking for a friend, I think. But since I've been talking to her, I haven't been myself. I kind of fell for her. I think about her all the time and that's not an understatement either.


It's kind of an embarrassing thing to admit. But then again, it's the Internet and no one really knows who I am. So maybe I shouldn't be embarrassed.


Anyone else have any similar stories like mine? I'm sure I'm not the only one here.
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#2
Jul 24, 2016
7,582
3,616
113
#2
From my experiences i can be friends with a females.. But there is always a chance that a friendship with a woman can suddenly change into something more serious..

Thats when one has to decide to either pursue a more serious relationship with the woman if the way is open for that to be tried.. Or one must decide to end the friendship and made a clean break from the woman if the way is closed for a more serious relationship..

Yes a lot of pain happens when you break with a person who you have come to love and want a serious relationship with.. It's like grieving for a decided loved one if you really loved that person.. But like all suffering associated with break ups,, the pain does mellow and pass after a time..
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#3
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#3
There is no problem for singles to be friends with the opposite sex. It is different when you are married. You should stop being close with a married woman. That is the reason why extra marital affairs start. Her marriage takes hard work and time to maintain. How come she has time to get close to other men?
 
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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#4
#4
You should not be friends with a married woman. Full Stop.
If you are a Christian man, you will respect her marriage and cease talking to her immediately.

Her male friend should only be her husband.

Loving your neighbor as yourself means you will love her husband enough not to be talking to his wife. How would you feel if a man was chatting to YOUR wife online (if you had one).
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#5
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#5
Stranger36147 said:
It's a question that's commonly asked. That is, can a guy and a girl be just friends and nothing more?


Until recently, I always thought that was a stupid question. I always thought I'd have no problem being just friends with a girl. But I found out it's not as easy as I thought it would be.


I had never really had a close friend that was a girl. Until recently.


I've been talking a lot to this girl that I met. She's not single, but she was still looking for a friend, I think. But since I've been talking to her, I haven't been myself. I kind of fell for her. I think about her all the time and that's not an understatement either.


It's kind of an embarrassing thing to admit. But then again, it's the Internet and no one really knows who I am. So maybe I shouldn't be embarrassed.


Anyone else have any similar stories like mine? I'm sure I'm not the only one here.
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My best friend is a guy. We grew up together and I see him as my bro, and he see’s me as his sis. He’s married with kids as well. But I know my boundaries out of respect for him & his wife - although I’m very good friends with her as well. When we do catchup it’s just over lunch or coffee and I make sure that his wife knows - but there’s nothing secretive about our catchups....the wife insists that we do Catchup sometimes because she knows how close we are/were. I can never ever see him in that way, nor does he see me in that way either - infact, it grosses me out just typing it out on here.

Growing up most of my friends were males. I was kind of a tomboy, so it was very easy for me to chat with guys and befriend them. I never had any thoughts of being with any of them romantically cause back then in school, being with a boy never crossed my mind and plus, the very thought of being with one of them (my guy mates) would make me wanna puke forever 🤢

I guess it’s different for some people, but I do advise to stay away from married people & not to get too close to them. My situation might be different because I grew up with him BUT it’s not ok for me to be hanging with him at night time, just the two of us, and/or if his wife doesn’t know.....I know nothing will happen BUT still, He’s married & I can’t be hanging with him like how I use to when he was single.

I’m curious though, why is she getting close to you when she know dat she married? 🤔
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#6
Aug 13, 2014
27,352
9,367
113
#6
LaVieEnRose said:
You should not be friends with a married woman. Full Stop.
If you are a Christian man, you will respect her marriage and cease talking to her immediately.

Her male friend should only be her husband.

Loving your neighbor as yourself means you will love her husband enough not to be talking to his wife. How would you feel if a man was chatting to YOUR wife online (if you had one).
Click to expand...
Oooooh, THIS is gonna be fun to watch! :D
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#7
Aug 12, 2011
10,464
2,692
113
#7
OP, you said she’s not single, but do you mean that she is married or in a relationship?

There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, BUT there are boundaries. If I have a problem, the 1st person I talk to is my husband. He’s my confidante. He’s the one I share everything with. The moment I go to another man is the moment I put myself and my marriage in danger. (I read a quote that said “affairs don’t start in the bedroom. They start in conversations.”)

I have guy friends from my old church. I’m good friends with all of them, but way before I got married, they were “brother in Christ” zoned. Lol. We grew up together, so I didn’t see them as potential relationship, and they didn’t see me as a potential relationship. We are good friends, but we were never CLOSE friends. We just didn’t cross that line, which is why I believe there was never a relationship.
 
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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#8
#8
Lynx said:
Oooooh, THIS is gonna be fun to watch! :D
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That is what clowns are for, to amuse. I am here to entertain.

I can tell you what he will say “I was her friend when she needed one *cue violins*, if she never knows I fell for her, I can be the shoulder she needs on which to lean *cue majestic strains of a martyr’s march* I can sacrifice my love in order to help HER.”

It will be very self sacrificing, and full of heroics. Never mind that he is attempting to alienate a wife’s affections from her husband.

Hopefully, you found this post sufficiently amusing.
 
NotmebutHim

NotmebutHim

Senior Member
#9
May 17, 2015
2,938
1,609
113
48
#9
*grabs popcorn*

Seriously though, when it comes to my female friends, marriage, engagement or a BF/GF relationship is one of the criteria I use to determine how "close" I should get to them. Or how "close" I allow them to get to me.

Because I believe that in cases where you may not be technically sinning, you still have to be VERY careful of the road you're about to start traveling on. It can get really dangerous if you don't watch yourself.
 
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Susanna

Guest
#10
#10
Stay away from married men. You might think you're only his friend, but one day, you naïve little lady, one of you two stupid lovebirds gonna ruin it one way or the other. The bonus is that his wife is gonna be mad at you too.

If it's in East Texas or Western Louisiana the turmoil most likely will include a shotgun as well LOL.
 
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whatev

Guest
#11
#11
Stranger36147 said:
It's a question that's commonly asked. That is, can a guy and a girl be just friends and nothing more?


Until recently, I always thought that was a stupid question. I always thought I'd have no problem being just friends with a girl. But I found out it's not as easy as I thought it would be.


I had never really had a close friend that was a girl. Until recently.


I've been talking a lot to this girl that I met. She's not single, but she was still looking for a friend, I think. But since I've been talking to her, I haven't been myself. I kind of fell for her. I think about her all the time and that's not an understatement either.


It's kind of an embarrassing thing to admit. But then again, it's the Internet and no one really knows who I am. So maybe I shouldn't be embarrassed.


Anyone else have any similar stories like mine? I'm sure I'm not the only one here.
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I make friends with men or women easily. I don't think it matters which gender they are for me to become a friend.

On the other hand, I married the guy I thought would olny be my friend.

If you're attracted to her and she's not single, end the friendship. That's not friendship anymore. That's flirting with sin.
 
W

whatev

Guest
#12
#12
Mel85 said:
My best friend is a guy. We grew up together and I see him as my bro, and he see’s me as his sis. He’s married with kids as well. But I know my boundaries out of respect for him & his wife - although I’m very good friends with her as well. When we do catchup it’s just over lunch or coffee and I make sure that his wife knows - but there’s nothing secretive about our catchups....the wife insists that we do Catchup sometimes because she knows how close we are/were. I can never ever see him in that way, nor does he see me in that way either - infact, it grosses me out just typing it out on here.

Growing up most of my friends were males. I was kind of a tomboy, so it was very easy for me to chat with guys and befriend them. I never had any thoughts of being with any of them romantically cause back then in school, being with a boy never crossed my mind and plus, the very thought of being with one of them (my guy mates) would make me wanna puke forever 🤢

I guess it’s different for some people, but I do advise to stay away from married people & not to get too close to them. My situation might be different because I grew up with him BUT it’s not ok for me to be hanging with him at night time, just the two of us, and/or if his wife doesn’t know.....I know nothing will happen BUT still, He’s married & I can’t be hanging with him like how I use to when he was single.

I’m curious though, why is she getting close to you when she know dat she married? 🤔
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I know! Really! Thinking of getting in a romantic relationship with my guy friends is down there with wanting to French kiss one of my brothers. Too disgusting to want to linger on the thought. And yet, they're still good friends.
 
W

whatev

Guest
#13
#13
LaVieEnRose said:
You should not be friends with a married woman. Full Stop.
If you are a Christian man, you will respect her marriage and cease talking to her immediately.

Her male friend should only be her husband.

Loving your neighbor as yourself means you will love her husband enough not to be talking to his wife. How would you feel if a man was chatting to YOUR wife online (if you had one).
Click to expand...
I see my husband chatting to one of his exes online every once in a while. Why shouldn't he? The three of us are friends from the early days of our marriage and we met up again a couple of years ago and friended on FB. She's a nice enough lady, simply not the one my husband married. And we all know that's where it stays, because that's where it's stayed for decades. I knew about her and then became friends with her before we married. And he knew she wasn't the one before we were married.

I trust my husband. If I didn't, he wouldn't be my husband. And he has great taste in woman. He married me, after all.

If you don't trust your man enough to talk to other women, turn him lose. You don't trust him enough to keep him. Wait for the guy you do trust. But don't cancel out half of all people simply because of gender or marital status. Marriage means trust. If you don't trust, don't marry, but also don't assume everyone else shouldn't trust too.
 
L

LaVieEnRose

Guest
#14
#14
whatev said:
I see my husband chatting to one of his exes online every once in a while. Why shouldn't he? The three of us are friends from the early days of our marriage and we met up again a couple of years ago and friended on FB. She's a nice enough lady, simply not the one my husband married. And we all know that's where it stays, because that's where it's stayed for decades. I knew about her and then became friends with her before we married. And he knew she wasn't the one before we were married.

I trust my husband. If I didn't, he wouldn't be my husband. And he has great taste in woman. He married me, after all.

If you don't trust your man enough to talk to other women, turn him lose. You don't trust him enough to keep him. Wait for the guy you do trust. But don't cancel out half of all people simply because of gender or marital status. Marriage means trust. If you don't trust, don't marry, but also don't assume everyone else shouldn't trust too.
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This is absolutely horrible advice. Trusting is one thing, but playing with matches is another. Is your husband fine with you chatting with your ex boyfriends online? That would be very strange. I should think if he is fine with you talking to exes online, he doesn’t care very much about you.

The model of a good marriage was the marriage of my grandparents. They were married 49 years until death separated them. They loved each other very much. But my grandmother was a passionate person, and jealous. She did not even like women LOOKING at my grandfather in public, she would jealous. He had no female friends, she had no male friends.

I would absolutely never marry a man I thought was a player. I also would not marry a man who did not love me enough to PROTECT me and HUSBAND me and make me feel SAFE emotionally. What would make me feel safe emotionally would for him to have no female friends and for me to have no male friends.

Marriage means respect for the other person’s emotional health and doing whatever you can in order to make the other feel safe in their love.
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#15
#15
Short answer, yes, it's hard but yes, such relationships are possible for me. They are even possible for some married people, because I've seen model marriages where the partners have friends of the opposite sex. There is no one pat answer that works for everyone; everyone is different and each relationship and friendship is different.

I have a few friends who are guys, and I don't have a problem with keeping it there. Then there are some guys who are acquaintances, who I would love to get to know better but don't really dare for one reason or another. Because God made us with a sex drive, and He made us to be attracted to the opposite sex. So being close friends with some guys just doesn't work for me. It takes absolute honesty, stellar communication, and a firm guard on your emotions on both sides, and it needs those things ALL THE TIME. So not only is it rare for it to actually work out, but if it does it takes much more maintenance than my relationships with girl friends. That being said, there are some guys who I truly love as brothers in the Lord, who I would do a lot for; a little extra work to keep our friendship running smoothly isn't anything at all.
 
P

pjharrison

Guest
#16
#16
Stranger36147 said:
It's a question that's commonly asked. That is, can a guy and a girl be just friends and nothing more?


Until recently, I always thought that was a stupid question. I always thought I'd have no problem being just friends with a girl. But I found out it's not as easy as I thought it would be.


I had never really had a close friend that was a girl. Until recently.


I've been talking a lot to this girl that I met. She's not single, but she was still looking for a friend, I think. But since I've been talking to her, I haven't been myself. I kind of fell for her. I think about her all the time and that's not an understatement either.


It's kind of an embarrassing thing to admit. But then again, it's the Internet and no one really knows who I am. So maybe I shouldn't be embarrassed.


Anyone else have any similar stories like mine? I'm sure I'm not the only one here.
Click to expand...
If you truly love Jesus , you should back off, because once you cross the line and are in sin, you will become blinded and start to justify it. I speak from experience. Wish I could go back and change it, because I can't. I have repented and haven't looked back.
 
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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#18
#18
Tinuviel said:
Short answer, yes, it's hard but yes, such relationships are possible for me. They are even possible for some married people, because I've seen model marriages where the partners have friends of the opposite sex. There is no one pat answer that works for everyone; everyone is different and each relationship and friendship is different.

I have a few friends who are guys, and I don't have a problem with keeping it there. Then there are some guys who are acquaintances, who I would love to get to know better but don't really dare for one reason or another. Because God made us with a sex drive, and He made us to be attracted to the opposite sex. So being close friends with some guys just doesn't work for me. It takes absolute honesty, stellar communication, and a firm guard on your emotions on both sides, and it needs those things ALL THE TIME. So not only is it rare for it to actually work out, but if it does it takes much more maintenance than my relationships with girl friends. That being said, there are some guys who I truly love as brothers in the Lord, who I would do a lot for; a little extra work to keep our friendship running smoothly isn't anything at all.
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No offense is meant in what I am about to write. I respect you greatly and think you are the finest Christian on this site.

I believe the attitude of thinking you can keep a firm grip on your heart is an attitude of pride.

A man and a woman can be friends, and love can very subtly occur. By then, it is too late to disentangle your heart or his heart because you are both married to other people or one is married.

Everyone can slip, and it doesn’t take much for people to develop feelings for another person- a sympathetic ear, a shared interest, a feeling of being understood, a certain simpatico.

To be safe, since we are all sinners and prone to sin, prone to break promises, prone to hurt the ones we love- married people should not have friends of the opposite sex- not confidantes. It is a very perilous slope.
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#19
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#19
LaVieEnRose said:
No offense is meant in what I am about to write. I respect you greatly and think you are the finest Christian on this site.

I believe the attitude of thinking you can keep a firm grip on your heart is an attitude of pride.

A man and a woman can be friends, and love can very subtly occur. By then, it is too late to disentangle your heart or his heart because you are both married to other people or one is married.

Everyone can slip, and it doesn’t take much for people to develop feelings for another person- a sympathetic ear, a shared interest, a feeling of being understood, a certain simpatico.

To be safe, since we are all sinners and prone to sin, prone to break promises, prone to hurt the ones we love- married people should not have friends of the opposite sex- not confidantes. It is a very perilous slope.
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Sorry, but I disagree, regarding the situation I was in.... I grew up with him, our families are close and there’s absolutely no chance on Gods green earth that I would “go there” with him. I just don’t see anymore further than the brother he is to me. So it’s easy for me to be friends with him even if he’s married.

But I guess that situation is different. I can understand if it were someone I didn’t grow up with.
 
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LaVieEnRose

Guest
#20
#20
Mel85 said:
Sorry, but I disagree, regarding the situation I was in.... I grew up with him, our families are close and there’s absolutely no chance on Gods green earth that I would “go there” with him. I just don’t see anymore further than the brother he is to me. So it’s easy for me to be friends with him even if he’s married.

But I guess that situation is different. I can understand if it were someone I didn’t grow up with.
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What would you do if you fell in love with a man and your friendship with this guy made your lover insecure? Would you sever ties with your friend or with your lover?
 
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