The Fear of Being Alone

I'm not sure how you got that they haven't prayed or tried to be patient out of that. All i heard was that's all they keep hearing, not that they haven't done it.

Then what do you suggest? Your statements, while logical, sound like a reiteration of what my mother has been saying. While you're telling me what I'm doing wrong, there seems to be no advice, or either advice that doesn't really seem like advice at all, like, "Pray." or "Be Patient." or "God has much in store for you." I've been told to try hanging out with my friends. I've tried that, then my mother told me that I shouldn't have ignored my discernment which told me the people that I hung out with didn't care about me. So, i tried making more friends. The same occurred. My real friends are busy and unavailable and I'd rather not burden them with my issues. What outlet do you suggest? A psychologist? A teacher? My family? Done, done, and done. I'm no idiot, and while I know that it's in my flesh to commit error, it truly seems and feels like all my resources have been exhausted. The school psychologist told me I struggled with depression, while not surprising, is quite honestly none of her business. She concurred this with information not shared by me, but my parent. I'm generally a very private person. I only tell people things on a need-to-know basis. I've improved this habit, but I still didn't appreciate some of the information shared about ME without MY permission. The point is that there is no one for me to socialize with. My mother has me hanging all my hopes on next school year, college. However, I've been conditioned to not have great expectations (I'm well aware of the scripture that says that God can do exceeding abundantly above all...). Yet, here I am. I know how blessed I am for what I already have, but I can't help wishing for other things that it seems God doesn't want to give me.

I suspect any attempts at advice will be met with the same level of dismissive irritation. But that doesn't mean i won't try anyways.

Firstly i would say, don't get into a relationship right now unless you want to be hurt again. I thought that was clear in my original post, which would be advice. And good advice.
Next i wouldn't say that God will have more in store for you. I had a similar mindset as you when i was a teen, and i can say things have not, in fact, gotten better for me. Sometimes they do for some people, for others, not so much. In fact I'd say i'm worse off now than i used to be. And definitely part of that is on me. Not only the way you act, but how you respond can have an affect, so my first piece of advice is to look at yourself. This isn't about putting yourself down but introspection to see what role you may be playing in the issue you're having.
For example, the way you present yourself to others. When you maintain an attitude that you won't 'burden' others with your problems, that could make you seem closed off, detached, defensive. Not qualities than generally attract others. Sharing our burdens, up to a point, can actually help in forming closer connections with others.
Also try setting the example, if you want people to open up, try opening up to them first. For example i'm pretty open about myself, my problems, my struggles, etc... as a result people open up to me. Because of my own willingness to share you wouldn't believe the number of times i've heard statements such as 'i have literally never told anyone this......'.
So, take these examples as advice. Being open fosters openness and sharing burdens increases closeness.

Also by sharing burdens you don't hold all that negativity inside where it festers and grows, but rather you get to air it out. And sometimes realize how many others may have similar issues. Or get good advice. Just start small. If you're concerned about feeling vulnerable only share a bit that's not too personal and see how that person handles it. And assuming they do well, then gradually increase how much you share as they earn trust.

Be aware what you think, focus on and feel affects your body language as well. Your very body language may be off putting and creating a barrier or being a discouragement from others wanting to spend time with you.

So there's some advice as a starting point to possibly change things for you.

And so you know i've had depression for 25 years, anxiety for 15 years, i'm shy and introverted and lack self confidence. I haven't had friends where i live in 10 years and have heath issues. I've been in a variety of romantic relationships and have been CRUSHED many, many times by them, most of which i never should have been involved in to begin with.
I get the struggle and have been battling it for a very long time. I've learned some things along the way.

Hi daMel, if I could please just start with a sistergirl thing-- ((((((((daMel))))))))) . Thankfully internet hugs aren't quite as intrusive feeling as good old fashioned physical ones, although sometimes no matter how shy or to ourselves or standoffish we might be, and even though we might fight it or pull away.... we all need those good close "I love you and am here for you, even if you're backing away" kinds of hugs. Sometimes it's actually a relief when someone calls our bluff and just loves us in spite of ourselves and our defensives.

ANYWAY, that being said, I hear you. I do understand how hard it is to wait. I am sitting right in the boat with you and it doesn't feel good. Sometimes there isn't a "something to do" or "formula" where we can just do it and make something happen as we want it to be. Sometimes the only way to get somewhere is to make the journey, one step at a time. And with each step and in each moment we are just living life. Maybe not life the way we IMMEDIATELY want it to be... but life as it is, in process. Most of life is actually a process of one sort or another. and, unless you want some kind of monster hybrid two headed chickens of an outcome you just have to give everything the proper time to grow and develop at the pace it's meant to. (if you didn't understand my hybrid monster comment it's ok.. but if you want to know just ask and I can explain if you want).

I know it's hard. And I know that I said that before. But, I'm telling you... I REALLY DO KNOW. It's a part of growing and it's the hardest part. But please hang in there. Do things to help yourself be the person that you really want to be... and the kind of person that you would really want to be friends with. "Grow" yourself... strengthen yourself in your faith and your relationship with God-- as sub said (or someone? oops)... get involved with your church and youth group. Just live life where you are for now... the future will come sooner and faster than you think.

And as far as feeling lonely and wondering about the things that you feel like "God doesn't want to give you".... I do believe that He brought you to this very site for a reason. Right now you have friends and brothers and sisters in the faith coming alongside you in support and talking with you... praying for you... caring for you. That is real love. THAT is REAL friendship. Right now, until God connects you with a person where you are who will be a true friend to you, right now He's given you us. And we're listening and we care and we're here for you.

Just please give God time to do His work in you. Just because you can't see it, don't doubt that He's working.

Thank you for your advice. It's more well-taken than others. After all, a soft answer turns away wrath (yes, this is shade towards the other person for my dismissive irritation. What do you expect? I'm a teen after all *upside-down smiley face*). I'm very involved in my church. I'm a junior deacon and I sing. When most have a question pertaining to God, when an adult is unavailable, and even sometimes when they are, I'm the person contacted. My mother has been pouring scriptural knowledge into me my whole life. SO while I don't know everything, I certainly know more than the average person in my generation. I'm known as a leader not only in church, but in school. But, as most say, it's lonely at the top. So, sometimes, I'd rather not be at the top if that's what it takes.

So then you have tried everything that your mother has suggested, other than Prayer and being patient... Go figure, huh...

I'm not sure how you got that they haven't prayed or tried to be patient out of that. All i heard was that's all they keep hearing, not that they haven't done it.

Thank you for your advice. It's more well-taken than others. After all, a soft answer turns away wrath (yes, this is shade towards the other person for my dismissive irritation. What do you expect? I'm a teen after all *upside-down smiley face*). I'm very involved in my church. I'm a junior deacon and I sing. When most have a question pertaining to God, when an adult is unavailable, and even sometimes when they are, I'm the person contacted. My mother has been pouring scriptural knowledge into me my whole life. SO while I don't know everything, I certainly know more than the average person in my generation. I'm known as a leader not only in church, but in school. But, as most say, it's lonely at the top. So, sometimes, I'd rather not be at the top if that's what it takes.

I would rather be alone than be with someone who was a bad fit, especislly if there were children involved. There’s too many examples of the bad type of relationships around me.

Most of the times I am good with it. Once and a while though, well, it can be tough.
At least now with my 2 daughters being 12 and 10, IRL, I can some semi adult conversations with other bodily human beings during the day. Two or three years ago unless it was a phone call, I could go days or sometimes even weeks without that...

I'm so jealous of my brother who stayed single all his life. My kids make up for it, but for the rest... my goodness. Paul was a smart man. Should have listened to his advice.

To be honest I would rather be single than hurry up and marry just anyone because that's what culture/society dictates. Believe me the pressure of getting married has been put on me and I have learned to take it in stride. I have friends and classmates who got married young and years later ended up separated because of immaturity, irreconcilable differences and the usual reason 'he/she changed'.
I have told my parents that I will get married in God's time. That seemed to placate them. And the fact that I prefer to travel and focus on building a career than look for a mate. I believe if you meet the one, anywhere at any time then you'll just know no need to look for him. God will find a way, I always say

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I agree to every single word you said. you will know and why does people think marriage is the answer to being happy, I have been married and now single, I take single over marriage, its freedom to me. You can find happiness in a lot of things, I notice most married people are unhappy, I have even been told, by married people to never marry again....lol

IMO this says more about the persons who have said it that the institution of marriage. Statistically, most persons who are unhappy in their marriages (if they split) still are unhappy later whether they stay single or remarry. Persons who are looking to achieve happiness (that they don't already possess) by joining with another person are begging for a major disappointment.

When my kids are with my ex I feel really alone. Found the solution for that now: friends. Why hadn't I thought about that earlier? It's only positive, fun and no drama.

Hi daMel, if I could please just start with a sistergirl thing-- ((((((((daMel))))))))) . Thankfully internet hugs aren't quite as intrusive feeling as good old fashioned physical ones, although sometimes no matter how shy or to ourselves or standoffish we might be, and even though we might fight it or pull away.... we all need those good close "I love you and am here for you, even if you're backing away" kinds of hugs. Sometimes it's actually a relief when someone calls our bluff and just loves us in spite of ourselves and our defensives.

ANYWAY, that being said, I hear you. I do understand how hard it is to wait. I am sitting right in the boat with you and it doesn't feel good. Sometimes there isn't a "something to do" or "formula" where we can just do it and make something happen as we want it to be. Sometimes the only way to get somewhere is to make the journey, one step at a time. And with each step and in each moment we are just living life. Maybe not life the way we IMMEDIATELY want it to be... but life as it is, in process. Most of life is actually a process of one sort or another. and, unless you want some kind of monster hybrid two headed chickens of an outcome you just have to give everything the proper time to grow and develop at the pace it's meant to. (if you didn't understand my hybrid monster comment it's ok.. but if you want to know just ask and I can explain if you want).

I know it's hard. And I know that I said that before. But, I'm telling you... I REALLY DO KNOW. It's a part of growing and it's the hardest part. But please hang in there. Do things to help yourself be the person that you really want to be... and the kind of person that you would really want to be friends with. "Grow" yourself... strengthen yourself in your faith and your relationship with God-- as sub said (or someone? oops)... get involved with your church and youth group. Just live life where you are for now... the future will come sooner and faster than you think.

And as far as feeling lonely and wondering about the things that you feel like "God doesn't want to give you".... I do believe that He brought you to this very site for a reason. Right now you have friends and brothers and sisters in the faith coming alongside you in support and talking with you... praying for you... caring for you. That is real love. THAT is REAL friendship. Right now, until God connects you with a person where you are who will be a true friend to you, right now He's given you us. And we're listening and we care and we're here for you.

Just please give God time to do His work in you. Just because you can't see it, don't doubt that He's working.

Then what do you suggest? Your statements, while logical, sound like a reiteration of what my mother has been saying. While you're telling me what I'm doing wrong, there seems to be no advice, or either advice that doesn't really seem like advice at all, like, "Pray." or "Be Patient." or "God has much in store for you." I've been told to try hanging out with my friends. I've tried that, then my mother told me that I shouldn't have ignored my discernment which told me the people that I hung out with didn't care about me. So, i tried making more friends. The same occurred. My real friends are busy and unavailable and I'd rather not burden them with my issues. What outlet do you suggest? A psychologist? A teacher? My family? Done, done, and done. I'm no idiot, and while I know that it's in my flesh to commit error, it truly seems and feels like all my resources have been exhausted. The school psychologist told me I struggled with depression, while not surprising, is quite honestly none of her business. She concurred this with information not shared by me, but my parent. I'm generally a very private person. I only tell people things on a need-to-know basis. I've improved this habit, but I still didn't appreciate some of the information shared about ME without MY permission. The point is that there is no one for me to socialize with. My mother has me hanging all my hopes on next school year, college. However, I've been conditioned to not have great expectations (I'm well aware of the scripture that says that God can do exceeding abundantly above all...). Yet, here I am. I know how blessed I am for what I already have, but I can't help wishing for other things that it seems God doesn't want to give me.

What is it ? Did you not get onto the college you wanted ? My daughter is only going to be a freshman in high school . she does well in school but the schools that she is looking at ( unless she gets a scholarship ) is out of my reaches...