Opposites Attract

I was recently discussing this topic with a couple friends and thought the responses were quite interesting, so I thought I’d bring it here to this forum.

Do opposites attract? Why or why not?

Is it wise to be with someone who is completely different than you?

What do you think about being with someone who is just like you?

What are your experiences with this, good and bad?

There are of course lots of variables, but feel free to share your thoughts.

Depends on the kind of opposites.

Opposite personalities can work well together. What one sucks at, the other can be good at.

The trick is to find opposite personalities with identical goals. If two people have opposite, or at least mutually exclusive, goals in life they will have a lot of trouble.

My best friend and his wife are about as different from each other as you can imagine. They are both good people that I am glad to know though, and their world views and objectives in life are the same. Never have met two people with such different personalities though. They work well together in life.

My wife is an SDA and I am a Catholic. She is a Democrat and I am a Republican. She is a clutter-bug and I prefer things to be neat and orderly. She has little or no daily routine and I am more discipline in maintaining a routine. She prefers to get hard or important things accomplished swiftly and I tend to procrastinate. We both love each other though and share our love of God and the blessed assured hope of salvation. I would not say that it is a match made in heaven but that is our destination. We have accepted each other for who we are. It works between us very well.

Yeah, they do. Man and woman😁.

Maybe it has something to do with balance? Of course opposites attract, just ask my home girl, Paula Abdul.

I tried being friends with someone who had an opposite attitude. I was the negativity, the downer. And my friend was the positivity, the one who always tries to see the bright side of things. As one might guess, that friendship didn't last very long.

We tend to be drawn both to those who are like us and to those who are unlike us ( almost used the word 'dislike' there... which would have been oddly appropriate, but... squirrel).

In the realm of romantic relationships, I've heard that the things you find most endearing about your partner early on are the things that will drive you nuts later... (there's that squirrel again).

In my experience, the most enduring relationships are those where there is a balance of commonality and difference. Ideally, the common things are enjoyable and the differences ensure that the bills get paid and the dishes get washed. The differences should be at least somewhat complementary.

My wife handles the finances and I do the dishes. And take out the trash, get the mail, change the kitty liter, and grocery shopping. These things are done before going to work and after I come home. My wife does most of the cooking. Her pizza is exceptional. I find her amusing as well. And very pretty. She makes me feel good about myself and that is not an easy thing to do believe me. Each day we read from the bible, read a daily devotion, read a bible study guide on various topics and say a prayer together. I make her laugh sometimes. She thinks that I am funny. In a good way and not a crazy way but things do get a little nuts around here some days.

I think the categories of opposite, completely different from, and exactly like are rather misleading when it comes to human relationships and that saying opposites attract is really a matter of perception and code for "those two people are so different in this aspect that I don't understand how they have worked it out". As others have pointed out there are some things that a couple really has to be united on and have a similar view of to make a marriage work and there are other areas where a diversity of strengths and approaches actually strengthens the relationship.

If I think about me in a purely hypothetical relationship some of the similarities I would want would include responsible and reliable, follows Christ, handles money well and is debt averse, evaluates the world through logic, values planning, etc. And some of the differences I know I need include: finds people interesting and is in tune with them, eager to go out and do stuff periodically, is willing to question my assumptions and make me defend them (and vice a versa), expands my horizons, gets lost in the good moments of life frequently, would rather charge in and confront issues rather than ignore them and hope they go away. I wish I could have boiled this idea down to a nice clear principle but in this case using my thoughts about me as an example is the best I can do.

Well, it depends I suppose. I think for example with a lot of successful couples, one fills the role the other can't and vise versa. For example, maybe a pastor is terrible at sorting out rota's and admin work, but his wife is extremely gifted in it. In that case, yes! God can use those to bring couples closer and complete one-another as one body to worship and serve him.

However, if we're talking about possibly one of the people in the relationship being a cunning liar and the other brutally honest, yeah, that won't work. So it depends on what we're talking about!

I think they definitely do. But they stay awesomely together when God is in the middle and helps to have the two become a whole.

I am the product of an opposites attracts relationship, and I have always respected it. My mother was the emotional, nurturing one and my father the practical, analytical one. It gave me the ability to have respect both for those with high intellect and also those who are more warm and fun. Sure they had a lot of tiffs, but never enough to have discord or horrible tension constantly. My childhood was very safe and secure.

Evidence number one: Magnets



Notice how the same polarization tend to push away, while the opposites attract.



Irrefutable evidence by using the example of magnets. I'm calling this the Abdul Principal.

In a relationship I'm more on the submissive side and prefer a take charge type of guy. So opposites would work for me in that regard. But outside of that, we need some common interests.

What happens if you are bipolar?

Find someone who is equally bipolar 🤣 Personality wise I mean, having people who are emotionally/mentally bipolar together may be a bit difficult.

Here are some excerpts and a link to an interesting article from the experts on the subject... a bit dated but still relevant to this discussion...

Bottom line up-front - people are finicky and ultimately mutual willingness for positive interactions, deeds and outlooks (resolve to reconcile) are more important than perceptions of compatibility...

The Truth About Compatibility
Expert opinions on love and compatibility, and the interaction between biology and behavior.
"We talked to a variety of experts who could be expected to provide insight into these key qualities. From family researchers to matchmakers, each has watched countless couples draw together and pull apart. And each suggested the same thing: We're looking at love all wrong."
"Compatibility does not hinge on some personal inventory of traits. Compatibility isn't something you have. It's something you make. It's a process, one that you negotiate as you go along. Again and again. It's a disposition, an attitude, a willingness to work."

"Compatibility is overrated." —William J. Doherty, professor and marriage and family therapy program director, University of Minnesota

"Sensitivity to the issue of compatibility may be in and of itself a sign of trouble. My research shows that there is no difference in the objective level of compatibility between those couples who are unhappy and those who are happy." —Ted Huston, psychology professor, University of Texas, who runs the PAIR project, a longitudinal study of married couples

"Personality is important, but no one really knows how to match personalities up. People are sometimes attracted to like personalities and sometimes to different ones. Relationship skills, on the other hand, can always be improved, and they'll help any two people—with any two personalities—to get along better." —Robert Epstein, Psychologist

"People might agonize and think; 'Do we have the same likes and dislikes?' But people are not aware of how powerful self-fulfilling prophecies are. We have expectations in a relationship, and we tend to make them come true. The most satisfied couples are those with overly rosy views of each other." —Lisa Diamond, assistant professor of psychology and gender studies, University of Utah

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200409/the-truth-about-compatibility

Its possible. Sweet and salty go well together

Husband is a social butterfly. I don’t like people.

I guess it honestly depends? I know I've dated men who were polar opposite of me and I know I've dated men who were similar to me. I don't really have a type per se, but if I click with someone, I click. I do find that polar opposites do attract, but I also can see how two people who are similar can be attracted to each other as well.