Okay I think I have my answer to this thread's question. As this question is often asked on this forum, I may copy the following answer to a .txt file for pasting in subsequent similar threads.
I would like to someday find a lady who is willing to talk, listen, trust and be trustworthy. If she and I are both consistent in these things, I think it will cover everything else.
I want to be able to do things for her because I love her, not because I'm afraid she will nag me until I do what she wants, or pout and act spitfully if I don't do what she wants. I want to be able to discuss things she wants that I don't want, or things I want that she doesn't want, until we both understand each other on why the things are important to one and why the other doesn't want them. I want for us to be able to make decisions as a team, not as me trying to get my way versus her trying to get her way.
This is a lot to ask, because first it takes trust. I have to be able to trust her to consider OUR interests instead of only HER interests, and she has to have the same trust in me. If that trust ever fails, everything else will fall too. It takes being willing to talk, and sometimes talk for a while, and sometimes try five different ways of explaining until one of us understands why the other wants something so badly and one understands why the other so strongly does not want it. It takes being patient, not just saying "Oh never mind!" and giving up. It takes being willing to try to understand.
Now I know these relationships exist. I have seen a lot of them. I haven't seen it in MOST relationships... in fact I have seen it in slightly less than half the relationships I have seen... but I have seen enough to know these relationships do exist. They may not be very GOOD at communicating, but they are willing to keep trying until they get their signals straight between them, because each actually cares about what the other thinks and feels, and each wants the other to be happy. Not just "happy enough to give me what I want and not nag me," they really care about each other. The other slightly-more-than-half the relationships I have seen seem to be based on "What can I get out of this, and what do I have to put into it?"
My problem though, and the reason I am still single, is the local ladies I know who are willing to communicate... are already married. Happily married, to guys who are also willing to communicate with them. The remaining local single ladies view disagreements as automatic arguments and discussions as confrontations. If somebody disagrees with them they immediately drop into conversational battle mode.
Bleh. Forever alone.
But yeah, that's the kind of lady I dream of finding one day. One who is willing to talk and listen instead of arguing, one who is willing to explain and willing to work as a team of two people facing the world.