Need advice: I have a crush on a married friend. He acts a little weird around me.

You might consider leaving this church and seek a new church home. Of course he feels tense around you because you have a crush on him and he's now married. I really don't see how it is possible to have a friendly relationship with him and besides that, since he is married it would be inappropriate. My counsel is to forget about this guy as no good will come from it and start moving forward. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.

Pray for Him and His wife, then....Look away....walk away...

Hi, guys! I am entirely new to this forum, but I wanted to ask for advice from people who love Jesus. I'm sorry, it's a bit long.

I will try to make this as brief as possible without revealing too much information. About 4 or 5 years ago, I entered a church community via my college and met a few new friends. One of these people was the guy I'm writing about now (let's call him Sam). Sam is a little bit older than me, and had the role of a mentor, so I only saw him as a teacher/big brother for a very long time. Over time, though, I started to realize I was developing a crush on him. As someone inexperienced in romance, I had to recognize that these feelings weren't as gross and evil as I thought they were, because we were both adults, Sam was single (at the time), and I am just human. Still, I didn't make any moves to tell him or show it - I figured the feelings would just pass.

Although I didn't tell anyone, a lot of friends began to notice that we were (apparently) similar to each other, and began to make comments about it. If I made a joke, someone pointed out that Sam was rubbing off on me. If I mentioned a favorite movie, a mutual friend pointed out that it was Sam's favorite, too. When I mentioned loving a certain video game series, a friend told me that Sam loved it, too, and she wouldn't want us to "miss out" on the chance to bond over it. Someone once said we were literally the same person during a dinner with friends, and I tried not to die/feel as embarrassed as I did. I didn't try to emulate him; it just so happened that we were the same kind of nerdy and had similar personalities.

I think that it made Sam feel a bit uncomfortable around me. During a church conference, while were getting in our seats, he quietly moved aside so that the friend behind him would sit beside me instead. (That friend looked very confused, but didn't ask questions.) After a dance, as I was leaving, he followed after me as if to say something, but wound up looking a little frustrated, and asked if I just wanted to take a picture.

Fast forward a bit of time. Sam started to date someone in our church. They got married. Of course it stung, but they are so sweet together, and his wife is a truly beautiful person, inside and out. The comparison comments stopped, but not before a visitor to the church assumed that I was Sam's fiance, and it took some embarrassing explanation on my part. Over time, I am learning to get over these feelings I have for him, and accept God's plan for him.

But here's the thing: he still seems to be noticeably uncomfortable around me. For the longest time, I thought I was just being self-centered/delusional, but it's becoming clear that I'm not just imagining things. Sam kind of flinches when he sees me, and doesn't speak to me as easily as he does to other friends. It is really weird and hard to explain, but he will sort of avoid crossing paths with me if we are in the same room. I know that he doesn't hate me: A friend told me that Sam does have an affinity for me, and that he agrees that we are very much alike. A while ago, he wrote a little note on a birthday card and told me that he enjoyed speaking with me and found our conversations "refreshing". But I just don't understand if I have done something wrong, or how to navigate this; we have too many overlapping social circles to keep ignoring it.

He still smiles when he is sees me, and will say hello, but he always looks a little tense. I just want to be able to get over my feelings for him, and to be able to have a friendly relationship with my brother in Christ. My initial guess is that it was obvious that I liked him, and it made him feel uneasy.

Thanks for reading, and God bless.

Since he is now married, my suggestion is to stop analyzing the awkwardness and keep your distance until your feelings disappear. That doesn't mean you have to stop going to events, but make yourself busy with other friends and don't focus on him, but on the other people, on the Lord and the event.

The more you focus on him, the more awkward it will be and the more difficult it will be to forget about your feelings for him.

Praying you're able to seek the Lord in and with this situation. God bless!

Hi , Welcome and God Bless .. My advice is to confess to both him and his wife straight faced preferably both at the same time what you confessed here then keep your distance.. That should help keep all three of you on your toes and from messing up 3 lives ... His wife is responsible for performing all her wifely duties to him in bad times and in good not you .. Nip it ..

Although I don't think I would tell either of them any time soon, I have sincerely wondered if it would be best if I just spilled the beans, especially if it's already an obvious and awkward thing. But I have never felt like doing that would be appropriate; I really want to respect their marriage and not introduce my own weird feelings into the mix. Maybe many years from now, when it's something everyone can laugh at, I'll be able to.

Although I don't think I would tell either of them any time soon, I have sincerely wondered if it would be best if I just spilled the beans, especially if it's already an obvious and awkward thing. But I have never felt like doing that would be appropriate; I really want to respect their marriage and not introduce my own weird feelings into the mix. Maybe many years from now, when it's something everyone can laugh at, I'll be able to.

Although I don't think I would tell either of them any time soon, I have sincerely wondered if it would be best if I just spilled the beans, especially if it's already an obvious and awkward thing. But I have never felt like doing that would be appropriate; I really want to respect their marriage and not introduce my own weird feelings into the mix. Maybe many years from now, when it's something everyone can laugh at, I'll be able to.

Hi, guys! I am entirely new to this forum, but I wanted to ask for advice from people who love Jesus. I'm sorry, it's a bit long.

I will try to make this as brief as possible without revealing too much information. About 4 or 5 years ago, I entered a church community via my college and met a few new friends. One of these people was the guy I'm writing about now (let's call him Sam). Sam is a little bit older than me, and had the role of a mentor, so I only saw him as a teacher/big brother for a very long time. Over time, though, I started to realize I was developing a crush on him. As someone inexperienced in romance, I had to recognize that these feelings weren't as gross and evil as I thought they were, because we were both adults, Sam was single (at the time), and I am just human. Still, I didn't make any moves to tell him or show it - I figured the feelings would just pass.

Although I didn't tell anyone, a lot of friends began to notice that we were (apparently) similar to each other, and began to make comments about it. If I made a joke, someone pointed out that Sam was rubbing off on me. If I mentioned a favorite movie, a mutual friend pointed out that it was Sam's favorite, too. When I mentioned loving a certain video game series, a friend told me that Sam loved it, too, and she wouldn't want us to "miss out" on the chance to bond over it. Someone once said we were literally the same person during a dinner with friends, and I tried not to die/feel as embarrassed as I did. I didn't try to emulate him; it just so happened that we were the same kind of nerdy and had similar personalities.

I think that it made Sam feel a bit uncomfortable around me. During a church conference, while were getting in our seats, he quietly moved aside so that the friend behind him would sit beside me instead. (That friend looked very confused, but didn't ask questions.) After a dance, as I was leaving, he followed after me as if to say something, but wound up looking a little frustrated, and asked if I just wanted to take a picture.

Fast forward a bit of time. Sam started to date someone in our church. They got married. Of course it stung, but they are so sweet together, and his wife is a truly beautiful person, inside and out. The comparison comments stopped, but not before a visitor to the church assumed that I was Sam's fiance, and it took some embarrassing explanation on my part. Over time, I am learning to get over these feelings I have for him, and accept God's plan for him.

But here's the thing: he still seems to be noticeably uncomfortable around me. For the longest time, I thought I was just being self-centered/delusional, but it's becoming clear that I'm not just imagining things. Sam kind of flinches when he sees me, and doesn't speak to me as easily as he does to other friends. It is really weird and hard to explain, but he will sort of avoid crossing paths with me if we are in the same room. I know that he doesn't hate me: A friend told me that Sam does have an affinity for me, and that he agrees that we are very much alike. A while ago, he wrote a little note on a birthday card and told me that he enjoyed speaking with me and found our conversations "refreshing". But I just don't understand if I have done something wrong, or how to navigate this; we have too many overlapping social circles to keep ignoring it.

He still smiles when he is sees me, and will say hello, but he always looks a little tense. I just want to be able to get over my feelings for him, and to be able to have a friendly relationship with my brother in Christ. My initial guess is that it was obvious that I liked him, and it made him feel uneasy.

Thanks for reading, and God bless.

Different perspective.

Now you have a Male relational role model. Meaning you have a healthy example of a Christian man that you should strive to look for in future mates.

Lots more fish in the sea and it may be God's will to set you adrift in the sea for awhile before finding the right fish. Be patient with God and pray for this future mate. God will lead you in the right direction. And you will know by the example God has already provided you.

Focus on God and God's will, everything else will come to pass in it's own season and it's own time. Right now strive to be obedient to God and this will prepare you for the future commitment and struggles of marriage.

A faith leader and close friend of mine told me something similar, that this guy maybe just serves as a template for what a good husband looks like, and what kind to pray for. It's incredibly frustrating and heartbreaking in the meantime, but God is a good God, and a good Father who gives good gifts. Thanks for responding.

Different perspective.

Now you have a Male relational role model. Meaning you have a healthy example of a Christian man that you should strive to look for in future mates.

Lots more fish in the sea and it may be God's will to set you adrift in the sea for awhile before finding the right fish. Be patient with God and pray for this future mate. God will lead you in the right direction. And you will know by the example God has already provided you.

Focus on God and God's will, everything else will come to pass in it's own season and it's own time. Right now strive to be obedient to God and this will prepare you for the future commitment and struggles of marriage.

Good advice. Yes it is often that what we need to hear isn't always want we want to hear. Learning to accept our present situation for reality can be hard. We want to get lost in the past or the dreams of what could of been. But we mentally have to stay in the present and accept that the future brings hope for new opportunities and new dreams.

Stages of grief are important as they are warning signs that something internally is wrong. Heartbreak involves grief, anger, sadness, among other emotions that if left to linger can lead to mental illnesses like depression.

Filter the emotions but do not linger very long in them. Do all you can to search for the peace, healing, and encouragement that God's Word can bring us. Accept reality as much as it may hurt, the past is the past and nothing can change the present. Learn from the past, grow in the present, and prepare for the future.

You made an excellent point about finding a man who is God h


You hit the mark with that Brother. Emotions can become a stumbling block and cause one to fall into continued sin. Took me a long time to figure that out unfortunately.

Me too. My car accident left me in pain. But for years I was stuck in the stages of grief. Living in past thoughts or broken dreams. I constantly fell into unhealthy thoughts that quenched the Spirit. The tree of life within me was starved and the fruit was lacking. Satan was destroying me within. Until one day God helped me move on.

Past thoughts. That one for me hurts the worst. What could have been or should have been as I would think. Now it’s all about what is to come. Sure there will more trials, but as David said “Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life”