Things To SAY On Your First Date

I can’t speak for other ladies, but I enjoy getting a fair amount of flattery from a gentleman inviting me out for a date😁.

You look mahvelous!!

Keep ‘em coming😂😁.

So many different ways this could go... most of them "South".

um...

well to me, they must say 'We're going to a seafood restaurant, my shout' and when we get there they can say 'crayfish is on the menu' and then they dont need to talk for the entire time cos we will be so busy making eating noises and that there is nothing else to say except mmmm.

Im not really one to receive flattery...if you want to get on my good side you dont fawn over me. You would be praising God and breaking bread and going wow thanks for this abundant feast. Its a miracle! To pay for the meal there might be a coin inside the fish or pearl inside the oyster just like how Peter found one when Jesus had no money.

Then after dinner watch the sunset and the moon come up...you have to schedule the date accordingly...and wait for the stars to appear in the sky. Cheaper than watching a movie.

Well, this is Texas, and chivalry is expected, which requires the gentleman to master the art of conversing with a lady in a suitable manner. That, Sir, includes flattery😁.

Well, given that I'm Canadian, I might flatter you, but then I'd apologize.

Tarzan sure knew how to talk to a lady

Thank you. Appreciating the bravery it took for them to ask you out, the thoughtfulness in planning the time together and any little gesture like opening a door, their taking an interest in your life and any of the little kindnesses. All of these deserve thanks. It is simple but making the other person see and hear that they are appreciated is a must.

Lol... Well, in a situation where a guy has spent 2 hours telling me that women have only used him for money, I'm certainly not going to add to his grief!

Having him pay for MY dinner right after he's told me all about the times women have used him -- for free dinners -- would just be adding insult to injury. If anything, I want him to be able to look back and say, "Well, there was this one time when a woman paid for ME."

I completely understand about people being hurt -- we've all been hurt -- but the point where I draw a line is when someone seems to imply, "All these people have hurt me, and I know you'll probably be just like them." It's almost as if they're making a challenge that says, "PROVE to me that you're any different, and you're going to have to keep proving yourself." I'm happy to do that at the by covering the bill (I won't accept a date if I won't be able to pay for us both as a back-up, if need be.) But for me, that's also where it ends. If he is somehow requiring me to make up for someone else's wrongs by constantly having to "prove that I'm different", I'd rather move on.

It's a funny thing. I'll hear/read lots of opinions about how feminists and strong, independent women have ruined the Godly family unit, but for some people who say that, if you bring up something as simple as paying for her dinner and total mayhem breaks loose. It's almost a feeling of, "I just want someone to obey and submit to me -- but what do you mean, I'm supposed to pay for her dinner? Are you crazy???"

Even when I was young (junior high), I always had it in my head that I was going to make sure I kept a mental tally of what a guy spent on me and would somehow make up for that, because I didn't want guys accusing me of using them for money. There was this very sweet guy in junior high who used to bring me little gifts from the drugstore across the street, so one day I presented him with a t-shirt and Swatch watch (does anyone remember when those were THE thing?!) that I had saved up to get him. I was super excited to be able to pick something out and give it to him, and I could tell he was caught off guard, which I loved.

Anyway... Sorry for the long tangent. And I'm certainly not trying to say this can't go both ways. Guys, I know we women sometimes stereotype and lump everyone into the same boat and demand that you "prove something to us," and I am sincerely sorry for that.

Paying my own way, or offering to pay for for a guy is just my own personal way of trying to even things out.

Honestly I think he was setting you up. He didn't want to pay but didn't want to look cheap so he put himself out as a victim and you had to prove that you weren't one of the bad ones. It is similar to gaslighting. If he'd wanted to go Dutch he should have just said so. Trying to make someone feel badly for them is a huge red flag.
A friend of mine once said, "When you first meet someone, listen to whom they blame for their problems. It will tell you what you need to know about the person." That guy was a piece of work. I'm glad you didn't see him again. You deserve someone more honest and less selfish. Hugs.

Eh?😁

Hmm.

Interesting point, Laughing. Maybe this is just a "type" I seem to attract, because it's happened more than once with different guys.

It usually starts out with them telling me the story of their ex-wife or girlfriend, and what she used them for and how she never did anything for him in return and/or how she took him to the cleaners during their divorce/breakup. Then it moves on to stories about the women they've since tried to date and how all these women have used him for free meals and whatever else he would pay for. I certainly understand that this happens and I just figure they're lonely and need someone to talk to (and they want it to be a woman.)

I totally get it and I'm certainly not trying to say anything against the guys because we women have plenty of our own hangups, too!

I don't mind listening to someone's problems at all -- it's just when you can tell they're in a state of self-pity and bitterness -- and ready to lash out at everyone around them, which might include me -- that I decide pretty quickly that I need to leave the situation.

Thanks very much for the insights, Laughing. If I ever find myself in this situation again, I will surely have your advice in mind.

Something I had to learn was to stop apologizing for someone else's bad behaviour. You try and even things up by saying you have your own hangups, but it isn't relevant in this equation. We give people a pass on scummy behaviour, or minimize it because we feel want to appear unkind or lacking in humility. I am here to say that it was weak and dishonest behaviour on his part as he/they were trying to manipulate your feelings/behaviour and expectations. It happens all the time. "My wife was cold and not affectionate. I hope you are not the same way." "My wife expected me to listen and care about all the boring details of her day. She burdened me with listening to her feelings. I hope you are not going to be a nag like her,...". It is a type of bullying. They aren't going to say that they are selfish, cheap and wanting you to behave in a sexual manner outside of marriage. That would be bad for their own view of themselves. They are just conditioning you to give everything and expect nothing. Sadly this is something that either sex can do to the other.
When people start off by complaining about an ex please know that no one will be spared their condemnation.
Be strong sister.

You would have to think about who was paying if we ever went out for dinner. I'm old school. (Was raised right. Lol..). When ever I forget why I stopped dating. You all have a way of reminding me. Lol. Things were so much simpler back when.. The only thing men had to contend with was when women thought that men expected something in return.(if you know what I mean). Not realizing that being on a date with you Was all we wanted. .Lol... That's just me....

* Would'nt...

Thank you laughingheart. You really hit a nerve. I know. as we grow older we all have "baggage". I believe the biggest destroyer of relationships is people that hold on to there past. Constantly being compared to their ex. Tired of being that "rebound" person for them. Thinking that they have permission to treat you disrespectfully because of something someone else did to them. I am me and only me. To be honest. I think that was the reason I gave up trying. A no win situation...

You look lovely tonight. GENTLEMAN FOR HEAVENS SAKE SAY THIS TO A LADY IN THE MOST RESPECTFUL TONE YOU CAN.

All I can think of is stuff I’d say or like to hear I guess.
- I’m really glad you agreed to our date
- I’m really enjoying getting to know you
- I like your (insert thing you LEGITIMATELY like about them here)
- Well you clean up nice
- I’m really nervous but I’m really happy to be here
- I’m happy to be here with you