To those of you dating...

What if you only dated the person God has for you? Meaning, you know who they are to you, and pursued them in knowledge of God’s providence. You still can get to know each other, and court them even, towards marriage.

Instead of going through a process of elimination by dating (multiple people), you would wait (haha) for the right date. That’s funny. The right date, both in terms of person and timing. 😄

Hey Dino,
What happened to the times that two people could just truly enjoy one another's company?
I miss those times.The frustration I have is, that may never happen again. I don't know who I am supposed to be. I don't check enough boxes anymore. lol...

You insult our intelligence.

You paint "waiting" as the clearly spiritual choice, and "not waiting" as the clear choice of those who do not trust God, and then you try to claim you are just soliciting opinions about which is best? I marvel at your temerity even as I am insulted that you think we are stupid enough to not notice what you said.

Where I have to disagree with you is when you paint waiting as the spiritual option, and try to claim that people who go out on dates to find somebody are not trusting in God. And I'll keep disagreeing with you, because that IS what you painted it as in your first few posts, no matter how you try to weasel-word around it in subsequent posts

That's your claim, but let's look at the way you worded things.

"Why don’t you wait upon the Lord?" - The very nature of that question suggests one is waiting upon the Lord and one is not waiting upon the Lord. If not waiting for God's direction, then you, by default, are going against it. So you have worded it, right at the beginning, that waiting IS the right way, because by not waiting you're not following God's direction.

"If you asked the Lord for a spouse, and God would let you know who that specific person is" - This reinforces your above statement further, by stating that waiting is God's way, and dating is not. Thereby making dating the wrong approach.

"they will justify their reason for dating" - If you see people who offer an opposing view to yours as 'justifying' their choice, that implies that the choice is wrong and needs justification at all.

"This is about trusting in the Lord" - So by waiting you're trusting God, but by dating you're not trusting God, is what you say here. That's clearly stating one is wrong.

"So, if God would provide you a spouse by you trusting in His timing and providence, and Him letting you know who it is when you meet the person, why would you subject yourself to dating?" - A repeat of what you said above.

"I am saddened to see people, more specifically sisters in Christ, go through heartache and pain, being dishonored, and mistreated. Devalued. They deserve better. You deserve better. I ask, why will you not wait upon the Lord?" - Here you relate dating (and apparently just women?) to 'heartache', 'pain', 'being dishonored', 'mistreated' and 'devalued'. If you align these things to dating, then clearly that shows one is better than the other.

"wouldn’t waiting upon the Lord be the ideal?" - Again putting waiting as superior to dating, thus making dating the wrong option.

"what stops you from now putting a pause on dating, putting your desires before God in prayer, and waiting for Him to bring that person into your life?" - This statement says that by dating you are not praying and trusting God. Obviously if one is seen as not trusting God that means it's wrong.

"What do you think your Heavenly Father thinks of the man you’re with or the men you’ve been looking at?" - So people dating are not being discerning and picking people not pleasing to God? I'm sure you'll deny that's what you meant, but that is what you have said just by the act of bringing it up at all.

"so in actuality we have the right to be with whomever we choose, regardless of the consequence. Yet, God knowing all, would you not think it wise to seek the Lord’s counsel?" - Another statement that suggests by taking the option of dating you'll have the right to do what you want, but it's not what God wants. And also that one isn't trusting in God by doing so.

"The right date, both in terms of person and timing." - Well, you state it pretty plainly there, that it's the right way.

"The question is, do they intend to have a relationship that leads to marriage and death do you part, and if they do, why are they not waiting upon the Lord and His providence instead of subjecting themselves to the pains of dating? Again, people are free to date; I am asking why they don’t wait, instead? Why go through the process of examination and elimination when they can just wait for God’s providence?" - Dating is mans way, waiting is God's way, is what that says.


And i could go on, but i think this makes a clear point. You claim you're looking for a discussion, but yet your posts, right from the start, all point to one way being the right way. And you reinforce and drive home the same view again and again and again. If your goal was actually a discussion you would not so constantly and forcefully label your view as God's way and the other as outside of what God wants. You can't constantly push one view as God's way, then turn around and pretend you are just looking for people to answer a question.
This is what we see in the BDF all the time, people using neutral sounding questions to draw people in, when all they are really interested in is telling everyone their view is wrong. It's never about discussion, it's about cornering people and ambushing them. Not having open discussion. If discussion was your goal, and learning what motivates others, then you would not be constantly and relentlessly pushing the view you believe to be right, but you'd be focusing on hearing what others say and not wording things in a way that suggests one is inferior or wrong.
It's a rather passive/aggressive approach. You won't come straight out and say dating is wrong, but constantly paint it as being wrong. One doesn't need to say things directly to make their opinion known, especially when one repeats themselves in so many different ways as you. Or responds to Every response with 'but this way is God's way, that way is not'. That closes off all discussion because you're clearly not interested in listening, but rather using the question as a way to tell people what you believe is the right way. I'll pass.

I will quote Subhumanoidal's excellent post where he breaks it down for you where you said all those things... Partly because he has already done it, so why reinvent the wheel, but mostly because he had more patience for it than I have.


You definitely said one way was good and the other was bad - not that one was was better than the other, but that one was good and the other was bad.

and therein lies the problem with lack of spiritual development, a simple post becomes a cat fight. I see the world, and its right here on my computer screen. Well done Satan, you have prevailed yet again.

All I wanted was a discussion and instead people have taken offense when none was intended. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Yes, I would encourage people to wait, but after this thread and certain people’s comments, I realize it is up to the individual and their faith. Some people genuinely aren’t comfortable with waiting nor do they desire or trust that process.

Some people want to date in a godly fashion, some prefer a slow process, and others would rather wait upon the Lord’s confirmation and then pursue a person. Each is acting within their right and within their faith.

Funny enough, the Bible speaks about being equally yoked and would you believe I pray for my future wife and her spiritual growth? I pray that she is in God’s presence, in His word, and encountering His goodness. That she knows His voice. It’s good to be on the same page, when it comes to things of the Spirit.

@BenFTW I can't speak to your intentions, but the history of this thread shows that multiple people heard in the words and phrasing you chose an adversarial and aggressive tone that left them in little doubt which side of the discussion you were on and much doubt about this being a discussion rather than someone looking to promote their own views. Poke around the threads and you'll find that, that's not a good way to start a discussion. No one wants to jump into a discussion where they expect to be told they're wrong. And I'm trying to be nice and gracious as much as I can because about 15 years ago I would probably have espoused many of the ideas that you are in favor of.

The best way to foster discussion is to approach people like they are the experts and you are the learner. You clearly have a very negative view of dating and it's potential harms and dangers. But there's a world of difference in tone between saying dating has so many negatives why would you choose it and what are the potential rewards of dating that makes you think it's worth the risk . In the same way, and as I mentioned in my very first response it helps to define ambiguous terms when you want to have a discussion and dating and waiting are nice for rhymes but pretty fraught with abiguity as to what those behaviors specifically consist of. With a more nuanced discussion we may have been able to discover that we can all agree that we should wait for a good date and not just date a least bad of the available potentials so we can be in a relationship. We could talk about different levels of emotional intimacy and how to determine if your interactions are starting to encroach upon that border between dating and friendship and if you're treating your brother or sister honorably and with honesty in those interactions. Unfortunately all we've gotten is a repetition of the idea of : dating has so many negatives, why would you date when you can just wait on God to do it all perfectly? And the repetition of such a broad and undefined questions has stifled some potentially really deep discussions because that question really gets down to our faith and how we believe God is present and active in our lives and how God works in the real world when the rubber meets the road.

Personally, I would consider this thread at best a misfire and I don't think it will have much longer before it's either derailed or the arguments escalate further and it just becomes nasty. You're thinking and choosing worthy discussion topics which is great and something we need around here; I think maybe you just need some more practice in choosing words and setting a tone that will promote collaboration and discussion instead of taking sides over competing views and digging in our heels that we're right and the other side is wrong.