Justified DIVORCE

Tararose · Mar 22, 2021

Exactly, like We all know that if you were a mass murderer and Truly repent And are saved, you can become a pastor...

But people want to believe that God is saying if you got remarried or even divorced before you got saved that’s it, game over. You aren’t worthy to pastor?
Even when a wife commits adultery, runs away and divorces you? Being betrayed and rejected like that means YOU aren’t fit for ministry?

I really agree that is NOT what God is saying.

presidente · Mar 22, 2021

kaylagrl said:

Why don't you go back and read what I wrote. I did not say that.

I cannot defend what the man did either sexually or abandoning his family. His wife might have talked to him like that before he left her, too, which might have contributed toward it, but it does not absolve him from guilt, of course. But a lot of people have committed sins like that, repented, and become Christians, and are not constantly yelled at.

It really doesn't make sense to reconcile and just tell and lay into someone constantly like that. I saw them on other occasions, too. It was torture for others there to hear it. If you are going to forgive, you have to forgive.

Quite a bit of time had passed. You are missing the point. The point is she was saying things about him along the lines that he did not deserve to walk the earth. He would say something about sleeping on the beach or just dying-- in response to the extreme things she would say. She interpreted that as threats of suicide or threats to abandon her, when that wasn't the point. The point was that he was making was that she was talking about him as if he did not deserve to be alive and that she did not want him around. Her perspective on what he was saying was different from what others observing them perceived.

And the point is that someone in a troubled marriage may not have a clear perspective on what is going on.

I have more information about them than you do. I am not naming them by name, but I am speculating a bit. If... and I say if... she laid into him like that, verbally, before he cheated on her, I can see why he left her to get some peace. It would be a rare person who could consistently stand up to that level of verbal assault constantly. That doesn't mean it was right for him to disappear out of his children's lives or to sleep with another woman.

In the past few months, I saw a clip from a reality TV show and a clip from a commedian, in which women justified committing adultery because they had told their partner they were through and moved into another room. This man's explanation of what he did is that his wife had told him on the phone that they were over. Then he met this other woman and ended up getting her pregnant.

It is serious sexual sin. I am not justifying it. But I do know that sinner's sin.

It could be she was really sweet and kind to him all the time, and told him in the nicest tone of voice that they were through, and then he cheated on her. I don't know. I wasn't there.

I agree with you. But I also understand the man's motivations.

And the wife misinterpreting his comments-- his indirect way of responding to how extreme her rather loud comments to him were--was probably filtered through her feelings about her past experiences of his leaving her and the family, even if she had told him to leave.

She aired his dirty laundry and did not say anything about him being physically abusive, btw.

When I was younger, I worked with someone who engaged in constant insults, and I can only imagine being in a marriage like that. I do have a lot of empathy and compassion for that. But I also know people can repent. And I also do not see anything in the scripture that teaches that if a spouse is verbally abusive to you, it somehow makes it not adultery to divorce and remarry.

I believe I used both gender examples in the one post, and pointing out problems with both husband and wife in the previous post. The man had a child with another woman, which is a pretty messed up thing to do. I think you are projecting here.

I also pointed out I was not accusing any poster of anything. I have noticed the general trend, not only here, but on other forums, for people to hear one side of the story and start giving advice. On another forum with 'Christian' in the label, but which seemed like it had some folks who were a bit literal on the issue, the advice might include advising someone to divorce or separate until someone made a rule against advising that. Once, one spouse posted complaints about their marriage and got advice from people there, then the other spouse came in with the other side of the story and it changed the advice of the forum completely.

My concern here is that people who are free with giving marriage advice after hearing just one person's perspective could give the wrong advice or even encourage that people to sin. I am not saying that is happening, specifically, in this case. She is asking if her husband could rightly remarry. If I were talking to him, I would likely say 'no.'

presidente · Mar 22, 2021

kaylagrl said:

Made up? I have looked into these matters a bit many years ago. I don't remember the stats, but there is some high percentage, maybe 40ish, of domestic violence situations having an abusive female. It could be higher since men may be much less likely to call the police on their wives than vice versa or to report such things. I did not make the scenarios up, but I haven't memorized all the sources either. Here is an article I found with a quick search about 40%+ of DV cases involving an abusive woman. I've also read that men are very likely to be the ones pulled away from DV situations in handcuffs.

Here are a couple of 'popular press' type news articles on the topic: https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/help-for-battered-men?page=3
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-domestic-violence

Many of the charities that deal with domestic violence use the Duluth Model. There is a problem with its validity. My understanding is that it was extrapolated from a case study of one abusive individual. That does not apply to every domestic violence situation. It is also rooted in feminist philosophy. Here is an article that explores some of the problems with that from a conservative Christian perspective: https://www.patheos.com/blogs/justa...horse-of-feminist-theology-within-the-church/

We probably all had ancestors in whose family the fathers/husbands held all the purse strings, managed the family funds, and that was not the woman's domain. In the Bible, inheritance of land was given through the male line, with few exceptions if the sons died. Presumably women enjoyed it through their relationship with their husbands and fathers. That's not immoral. If the law is holy, just, and good, it is good whether it is feminist or not. I have a joint bank account with my wife, and she can go down to the bank and withdraw money, and she handled the banking when we lived in her country. But if a husband runs his household such that he handles the funds, Biblically, I cannot find a reason to think that is inherently 'abusive.' I've seen variants of the power and control wheel model that listed quoting Bible verses about wives submitting to husbands as 'abusive' behavior.

I want people to be safe, but I do not see violence in marriage as a Biblical justification for remarriage. Violence doesn't justify adultery.

So are you one of those couples who never argued?

I met this Malaysian Chinese couple once. He was a pastor. Before marriage she'd been a missionary to the Inban or some tribe like that that was known for headhunting. He was in his 90's. She was in her 80's. She said they never once argued in their marriage. My wife and I asked him if that were the case. He did not answer. She said he had difficulty hearing. They might never have argued. They were a sweet couple. I know one other man who said he and his wife and never argued. It seems a rare thing.

My wife and I have never cussed at each other. We have not called each other 'stupid', but I think we have both said things we wish we would not have said.

I do not sit in on people's marriage counseling sessions, so I cannot say. But based on discussions on forums, that does not seem to be very common advice among evangelicals on such forums.

tourist · Mar 22, 2021

Pickles2021 said:

When we divorced we had share custody, I wanted to try and keep life somewhat normal for them to finish High School They stayed with him 4 days a week, I drove 25 miles every morning and made sure they made it to school, I had them rest of the time and summers- Things became heated between him and the kids on the days he had them , to the point my grown son finally calling me to come get him for good, he was never going back. He beat my child on more than one occasion, and I stood and watched in horror. I then had to drive back and forth 30 miles twice a day so my son could finish high school, after we divorced my daughter was still there 4 days trying to finish school also. He attacked her beating her with a belt buckle and his fist pulling out chunks of her hair. I called the Cops. My grown daughter tried to jump out of my car, when I did for fear he would retaliate against her, she finally forgave him, about a year later he attacked the then girlfriend he as seeing, after I told her about his past. She thought I was just being the jealous ex wife. (LOL). She started texting me @ 1am on a Sunday Morning- saying I could have him. He attacked her- she said , I seen the rage in his eyes. I knew exactly what she was saying. ( almost like the look of Satan- Scary). He to my knowledge has not attacked another person. He figured he needs to stay under the radar, now more than one person could claim of abuse. He is the type of person that likes to catch you off guard or blindsided. He always told me the entire time we were married, if I ever left him he would kill me, like I said he has sense remarried, hoping that occupies his mind. But I never let my guard down, I fear one day he will return. I just pray for God to protect me and my children who have lived with me fulltime before they graduate HS.

This ex husband sounds dangerous. Thank God that you are out of that marriage. Guy is completely unhinged.

tourist · Mar 22, 2021

p_rehbein said:

Have not read the responses Sister. However, I will NEVER accept that God expects ANY woman to remain in a marriage where the man is so unGodly, abusive, and unworthy. GET OUT! STAY OUT! If necessary, go to the Police, Courts and file charges against this guy to keep him far away from you!

Be honest with your family, friends and Church family. Let them know the truth about this guy. If ANY of them deny you the emotional, spiritual, and, possibly, financial support for you to recover from such a horrible experience, then turn your back on them as well.

First and foremost, REMAIN faithful to God, and trust in Him!

Men like this deserve only one thing, and that is a serious horse whipping!

Thank you for telling it like it is brother.

presidente · Mar 22, 2021

TheIndianGirl said:

Was wife beating acceptable in India in 'the old days.' I'm from the US, and the Puritans were against wife beating. There were probably some cultures where it was acceptable. Maybe ancient Rome, but I am not sure. Roman citizen wives could divorce their husbands. That was not consistent with Jewish law, though.

I would imagine some percentage of domestic violence charges against men are the situation you describe, the husband just gets upset for trivial reasons and beats her up, like some psycho in a lifetime movie. I came across a clip once from a comedian Bill Burr. I won't post the clip because he cusses. But he says he doesn't think a certain celebrity came into the room and she said, "Do think we ought to go out to X for dinner' and he just starts beating her up. He acts out a scenario in which they argue and she threatens to sleep with his friends, then he hits her. I'd imagine some cases where a man hits his wife occurs in a heated argument that pushes a man over into a rage.

Then some percentage of women are violent, too, and the man hits her back after taking so many blows. At least in the west, men are not supposed to hit women, so she calls the police and maybe he goes to jail for it.

Some percentage are probably a woman lying about her husband after a really bad argument. Some cases may be calculated cases where she wants to leave him, get the money, and the kids, and him having a record of domestic violence would help her case. Maybe these last two are a small percentage. I have evidence for at least one case of a woman hitting herself to claim domestic violence:

If it were the case that a man could discipline his wife and it were culturally acceptable, then the non-psycho guys who did not fly off the handle might have done so without going into a violent rage.

Christian men are to love their wives as He loves the church and to love their wives like their own bodies.

PaulChristensen · Mar 22, 2021

Pickles2021 said:

A careful exegesis of the "divorce" references show that the blanket prohibition against divorce and remarriage is through Eisegesis (reading into Scripture) and not proper exegesis (reading from Scripture, taking into account the who, what, when, why, and where questions about the references).

Jesus was talking to unconverted Jews, and only mentioned divorce and remarriage under pressure from the Scribes and Pharisees. He was not directing His comments to the ordinary people, and the context was not about divorce as such, but gave the example of Moses permitting divorce, while God's perfect standard is stable marriage. But because His comments were directed to hypocritical, unconverted religious leaders who were out to trap Him by pressuring Him into answers He was reluctant to give, we cannot use this as a blanket prohibition of divorce and remarriage for all Christian believers whatever the cause.

Paul's teaching about divorce and remarriage was to deal with a specific issue that was happening in the Corinthian church. He did not give this teaching to any of the other churches. It was because men were freely divorcing their wives because they had the belief that being single and not encumbered with a marriage partner brought them closer to God and gave them a higher level of faith and direction according to God's plans and purposes for them. I don't believe that Paul was giving a blanket prohibition against divorce, but only for the specific reason that a man wanted to get rid of his wife so he could be closer to the cutting edge of what God was doing in the church.

But if we apply proper exegesis to these references, we see that an important part of the marriage vow involved a man loving his wife as Christ loves the church, and that a wife honours and submits to her husband (willingly and not as a domestic slave until a taskmaster's absolute authority). That vow can be broken by the following:

1. desertion by either spouse.
2. domestic violence where a spouse fears for their safety.
3. Unfaithfulness through an affair.
4. Extreme alcoholism causing extreme stress on the non-addicted spouse to the point of depression and mental illness.

Once the vow is broken, the marriage is no longer viable under God. Paul says that an unbelieving spouse is free to depart from the marriage without any consequences to the innocent spouse. I believe that a spouse who breaks the marriage vow for the above reasons becomes an "unbeliever" as far as the marriage is concerned, and the innocent spouse is released from any obligation to the marriage.

Domestic violence includes verbal and physical abuse and assault, death threats, pschological abuse through bullying, inappropriate authoritarianism, spiritual abuse, unreasonable demands, imprisonment within the home, and any other action that makes the innocent spouse feel unsafe and threatened. If a spouse feels the need to escape the marriage to keep herself safe, especially if her life is threatened, then she is free to do so without any future prohibition.

Some pastors advise "loving your spouse more", or "being more obedient and submissive" as remedies, thereby inferring that the innocent spouse if responsible for the domestic violence or even the affair with another partner! This type of advice is shonky pastoral care, unprofessional, and even the crime of "conspiring to pervert the cause of justice".

I believe a spouse who is the target of domestic violence should make a complaint to the police and let them and the courts handle it, and if she has to get out of the marriage to assure her personal safety, then she should not be blamed by anyone in the church because of it. There have been incidents where senior ministries in the church have been responsible for beating up their wives, and yet have retained their ministries in the church while their wives had been forced to leave the church. I think that this is shameful.

So, my advice to the OP is to let her ex husband to his way, and him to take the consequences for his actions, while you can be assured that there is no obligation for you to remain single for the rest of your life. God is a God of second chances and it is best to put your trust in Christ rather than what your church leaders or anyone on this thread might tell you.

presidente · Mar 22, 2021

PaulChristensen said:

Eisegesis? How?

What you are presenting is just making stuff, some of it, up without any scripture to back it up.

That seems likely. We probably see some of these trends addressed in the passage in the second century. Paul endorsed celibacy, but for those who had never married who chose that path and were gifted to walk in it, not for married couples.

Why do you draw that conclusion? It is not justified from the context, especially considering the words of Christ on the Gospel. Paul addresses thsoe concerned with celibacy, then says 'And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:' and goes on from there.

Exegesis? Exegesis of what? What vow? How does that enter into exegesis.

It was the Roman custom for bride and groom to appear before a priest and for the wife to say 'Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia', consenting to the marriage. She wore a ring on her ring finger. Apparently, Romans Christianized the ceremony, added a marriage vow. Where is the idea of getting married by saying vows in front of a group in the Bible? How does this have any thing to do with 'exegesis.'

Where does the Bible teach that marriage is based on a vow?

Let's say someone writes their own vows and a wife foolishly vows to make breakfast for her husband every Saturday? That's a foolish thing to vow. I think I saw that or something similar on reality TV, though, so it is not just made up. (Maybe it was weekends instead of Saturday, still a stupid thing to say at a solemn occasion.) If she broke her vow, does that mean she isn't married? Can her husband rightly marry someone else because she broke a vow?

It's wrong to break an oath, but if you commit adultery because yout spouse broke an oath, that is still adultery. The marriage does not rest on the vow. You seem to be eisegeting vows, anachronistically, into the passage.

Only point 1 is addressed in the passage, and only in the specific case of marrying an unbeliever. The rest are not addressed at all. How do your points have to do with exegesis.[/QUOTE]

PaulChristensen · Mar 22, 2021

tourist said:

Here is a good article about why a woman will stay in an abusive marriage:

PaulChristensen · Mar 22, 2021

presidente said:

[/QUOTE]
A wife comes to you for counselling and says that she is a victim of domestic abuse and feels that her life is in danger. How are you going to advise her. If you advise her to be "more loving or submissive" and she goes back and tries to do it, and then gets stabbed to death with a kitchen knife by her abusive husband, how would you feel about that?

In my view, her blood will be on your hands at the judgment because of inappropriate advice.

I was a Ministry of Justice victim advisor for 10 years, concentrating on domestic violence victims. At least two of my clients were murdered by their abusive husbands because the wife tried to stay in the marriage and make a go of it. We did all we could to keep her safe, including the judge issuing a protection order against the husband.

So, in my professional opinion, churches that advise to keep women in unsafe, abusive marriages are being totally irresponsible and may have to answer to God for their false advice.

I would advise any domestic violence victim in a church that has a blanket prohibition on divorce and remarriage based on the faulty interpretation of the references, should get out of that church and flee for their lives, and find another church that can give them better advice and which will abide by the law concerning the reporting to domestic violence crime.

PaulChristensen · Mar 22, 2021

Truth7t7 said:

The OP says that her husband wants a divorce so he can be free to marry someone else. So, it seems that he has someone in mind. Therefore, as soon as he remarries, she is totally free and there is no prohibition for her to remarry..

My first wife deserted me, and the actions of the toxic church we went to was a factor in her disillusionment and depression. It was only after I knew that she had remarried, that I felt free to remarry. That was 31 years ago.

Blade · Mar 22, 2021

Pickles2021 said:

Hi sorry for what you been through yet only hearing one side of the story. We as believers need to be very careful. Its done its over so forgive..forgive your self and keep going.

Again its hard to say anything because its only one side of the story. Don't look here to people you don't know. Just turn to Jesus. Just love show grace mercy forgiveness. Its HIM and HIM alone we please for man will tell you YES you had ever right.. MAN will say NO you didn't have a right.. on and on. Jesus knows what you went through.. And YES HE cried ever tear with you. Just fall into His arms and let go. Look forward.. Put HIM first....if you never did.. great time to start. He forgives you.. He does NOT in anyway condemn you.. or us. He loves you is with you,.

Platosgal · Mar 22, 2021

Divorce was created by Moses
Who divorced his wife because they were not compatible

So this black and white thinking about this specific issue puzzles me
I for one can not judge

I encourage you dear sister not to
Beat yourself up- or look at the past mistakes to identify who you are today
Find grace and peace
It will all work out, surrender this conflict to God and cling to the Lord

Understand,I am not saying your leaving this abuser is a mistake, it is the absolute right move! I am proudvof you for being brave. But
Don't take the full fault for this broken sitiation, move forward you are free of him. Embrace your freedom

Pickles2021 · Mar 22, 2021

TheIndianGirl said:

When we divorced we had share custody, I wanted to try and keep life somewhat normal for them to finish High School They stayed with him 4 days a week, I drove 25 miles every morning and made sure they made it to school, I had them rest of the time and summers- Things became heated between him and the kids on the days he had them , to the point my grown son finally calling me to come get him for good, he was never going back. He beat my child on more than one occasion, and I stood and watched in horror. I then had to drive back and forth 30 miles twice a day so my son could finish high school, after we divorced my daughter was still there 4 days trying to finish school also. He attacked her beating her with a belt buckle and his fist pulling out chunks of her hair. I called the Cops. My grown daughter tried to jump out of my car, when I did for fear he would retaliate against her, she finally forgave him, about a year later he attacked the then girlfriend he as seeing, after I told her about his past. She thought I was just being the jealous ex wife. (LOL). She started texting me @ 1am on a Sunday Morning- saying I could have him. He attacked her- she said , I seen the rage in his eyes. I knew exactly what she was saying. ( almost like the look of Satan- Scary). He to my knowledge has not attacked another person. He figured he needs to stay under the radar, now more than one person could claim of abuse. He is the type of person that likes to catch you off guard or blindsided. He always told me the entire time we were married, if I ever left him he would kill me, like I said he has sense remarried, hoping that occupies his mind. But I never let my guard down, I fear one day he will return. I just pray for God to protect me and my children who have lived with me fulltime before they graduate HS.

Pickles2021 · Mar 22, 2021

presidente said:

I just want to share a word of warning to those who are free about offering advice to other people about their marriage. I am not calling into question anyone's honesty in particular, but I want to share an observation.

One person's account of their own marriage may not exactly represent reality. There is a saying, there is his version, there is her version, and then there is the truth. We only see things from our own perspective.

Maybe some of you married folks have never experienced this, but I have had a few arguments with my wife over 20 years of marriage. For the most part, it has been fairly peaceful, but on occasion, it has not. Usually, this happened at certain times of the month or during or after pregnancy. But during arguments, sometimes my wife's understanding of what I said or what I meant did not actually represent what I recalled I said or what I meant. She could occasionally read ideas into what I said that were not there.

My wife had a friend who had lots of kids with her husband. They were having marriage problems while losing their apartment due to financial reasons. I had not met the wife at this point, but my wife knew her. She called to talk to my wife, and ended up unloading on me for a long time about her marriage problems. Her husband had done some bad stuff, had a baby with another woman, and disappeared for a while. She said he kept saying things like, "Why don't I just die?" or "Why don't I just go sleep on the beach then?" She complained he did not care about the family and just wanted to sleep on the beach by himself.

So, after moving, they came over to see us. I think this was to line up us housing some small percentage of their many children during their transition to finding a new apartment. They were going to basically be homeless for a little while.

Anyway, the wife just laid into him, verbally, just attacking the poor guy. I know he'd done awful stuff. They were supposed to have reconciled. But it was just a constant stream of harsh criticism. We fed her and she toned it down just a little bit. Just a little. Then I heard the comments. Basically, after talking to him like he did not deserve to live on this earth, from the types of things she was saying, he said, "Why don't I just die then?" or "Why don't I just go be homeless and sleep on the beach?" What he was saying was that if I am as worthless as you are saying, then why should I exist or why should I be with you? He wasn't threatening suicide or threatening to abandon her, as far as I could tell. She just did not get what he was saying. There were a number of other comments. She totally misunderstood and totally misconstrued the situation when she talked to me.

What he did was not right, but I understand why he had left her before. It was probably her mouth. If she attacked him like that before he cheated on her, I know why he left. He said he slept with that woman after he'd had a conversation with his wife and she said it is over. Some people, especially unbelievers, think a conversation like that makes adultery okay. I've heard a couple of people use that justification in TV and online media recently. At this point in his life, he knew that was wrong.

People in these painful emotional situations can misinterpret information. They can also edit history in their minds. A couple meet, fall in love, and get married and have a wonderful time together. Five years later, she tells him she wants a divorce. If you talk to her, she has a revised history of their marriage in her head. They were never in love. Their marriage was awful from the start. She latches on to a few bad memories. His telling her she looked fat in that dress or a few off comments when he is in a bad mood or when she has talked to him terribly during an argument become a history of 'verbal abuse.' His controlling the money becomes financial abuse. If she gets ahold of some materials from a domestic violence center, if he's a Christian, his quoting verses about wives submitting to their husband gets labeled as part of a 'divorce wheel.' If they argue-- and she is as big of an instigator as him-- and they make up, and it happens over and over again, that 'cycle' is part of an 'abusive' cycle she reads about. There is a lot of reading material out there to make people feel like a woman has been 'abused' when no one has laid a 'finger' on her.

There is also some percentage of abuse that involves the story of the woman who hits her man. They get into a fight, and she starts punching. He can't hit back, because she's a girl, and that is heavily stigmatized in our culture. One day, he bruises her wrists restraining her, or loses it and slaps her or hits her after she'd been wailing on him. She calls the cops and he goes to jail. The police may have a policy of arresting someone for a domestic violence call. They usually take the men away. If too many violent women get hauled away, feminist activists might complain. There aren't many male activists groups applying pressure the other way. So he gets a mark against his record that can be used against him in divorce court and custody battles in the future.

There are cases where the woman is the victim, where the husband is a big violent bully. But there are a lot of other cases where it is more complicated. And there are cases where the man is the victim of a violent, irrational woman, too. There are also exaggerated perceptions. There are divorcees who talk about being 'abused'. They are talking about mean words or the other person controlling the bank account, etc., not fists flying. You hear 'abuse' and you think black eyes and broken bones. If you say, "Divorce him" or "You were right to divorce him." you could be encouraging someone to sin, based on misleading information.

Proverbs 18:17
The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.
(ESV)

My wife and I have never cussed at each other. I've never threatened my wife with divorce. But I have said some things to my wife that I wish I could take back. She's done the same with me. If you are married, and your spouse took the worst words you have ever said, strung them all together in a story about how you are as a wife or a husband, he or she could probably paint a rather abusive picture of you. And that is what some people do when going through the pain of a damaged relationship. Some of these things may be sinful, but they are not beyond the scope of 'normal' stuff that many married couples go through. If you had a spouse who editted your marriage in his/her brain and told a pastor who believes in divorce..... and remarriage... over 'abuse' of every kind, you might find advocating for your partner to end your marriage. This is dangerous stuff, and we need to be aware of this.

There was a 'Christian counsellor' show that I occasionally caught a bit of when I was in the car. I never heard the whole thing, but the time or two I heard it, one person called in, described a situation, and the 'Christian counselor' advised separation--- based on one person's testimony. I think one was a case of 'verbal abuse.' I wonder how some people keep their license diagnosing people over the radio having heard only one side of the story.

Thank you for taking the time to go into such depth. Yes, you are so right- there are women out there that will push the buttons of a man until he just flies off the handle. I watched my father torment my own mother as a very young child , my earliest memory was around 5. I remember watching him hold her up to a wall and choke her then beating her down in the floor. When I married, my own abuse started on the honeymoon because I voiced my opinion on a subject about dinner, that night to a certain restuarnt. A place he wanted to go and I really did not. He looked at me and told me to never question his plans or his authority. He thought the marriage license meant ownership. He could go and do as he pleased with friends, when he was off work , while I worked as hard as him and long hours juggling a career with kids. He spent the money like he wanted and I had no say so, as a mother I watched in horror on a few occasions him beat our son like a man. Because he was picking as his little sister. After I left he tried the God convicted me card. When I begged him before I left to get help. He had too much pride and still does. He made people think I left him and the Kids,. Not true. Kids lived with me other than the 4 days he had them for school there.

Pickles2021 · Mar 22, 2021

p_rehbein said:

It took me 22 years to figure out a way out, I had no family to turn too that would help me. Church when we went , I could not think of anyone there that would of helped, it was his church. Who would believe he would do such a thing behind closed doors. We were such a perfect family as what others thought. His mom worked for DSS, and he had more than half the town as friends, I WAS TRAPPED. Terrified to tell. I knew he would retaliate and take his anger out twice as hard the next time around. He removed my name from bank accounts a year before I tried to leave the fist time. I got just enough money for gas to work, any other money I needed I had to call his mother to remove from account when he was not in town. This is the type of crazy I lived. I found a way to save 25.00 a week from my pay to another savings account. Figured he would not know. Told him the health insurance increased. Praying he never got the check stub to the the deductions. After a year, I packed up when he was gone to work all I could take, was afraid to return to the house after I left.

Dino246 · Mar 22, 2021

Platosgal said:

Huh? Where is that in Scripture?

Platosgal · Mar 22, 2021

Dino246 said:

Ex 18:2

Platosgal · Mar 22, 2021

Platosgal said:

And he ( Moses) remarried Num 12:1

Live4Him · Mar 22, 2021

Platosgal said:

Exodus 18:2 says absolutely nothing about Moses allegedly divorcing his wife due to incompatibility. IN FACT, the passage, IN CONTEXT, clearly demonstrates that Moses and his wife were still married at that time.

Exodus chapter 18

[1] When Jethro, the priest of Midian, Moses' father in law, heard of all that God had done for Moses, and for Israel his people, and that the LORD had brought Israel out of Egypt;
[2] Then Jethro, Moses' father in law, took Zipporah, Moses' wife, after he had sent her back,
[3] And her two sons; of which the name of the one was Gershom; for he said, I have been an alien in a strange land:
[4] And the name of the other was Eliezer; for the God of my father, said he, was mine help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh:
[5] And Jethro, Moses' father in law, came with his sons and his wife unto Moses into the wilderness, where he encamped at the mount of God:
[6] And he said unto Moses, I thy father in law Jethro am come unto thee, and thy wife, and her two sons with her.

In relation to Moses' wife, he had merely "sent her back" to her father, and probably for nothing more/less than her own protection.

I suggest this because it wasn't until Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, "heard all that God had done for Moses, and for Israel his people, and that the LORD had brought Israel out of Egypt" that he brought Moses' wife and two children back to him.

Furthermore, this is how the incident ends:

[27] And Moses let his father in law depart; and he went his way into his own land.

There's no mention of Moses' wife or two children departing with Moses' father-in-law, so the implication is that they remained with Moses.

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