At what age do you kick your children out of the house?
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You can send church members on missions but its really on you to adequately prepare them and support them even when they are away. Otherwise they will just become a burden on someone else.
if someone gets married they will of course leave for new premises but newly married couples cant afford homes either especially if they spent all their money on the wedding lol.
if someone gets married they will of course leave for new premises but newly married couples cant afford homes either especially if they spent all their money on the wedding lol.
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It's a matter of opinion. For women, though, I think it best they should stay under their father's protection, if possible, until they are married. Men can go off, get set up, and get set up to marry, if they are inclined to do so. I like the suggestion to do like the Vietnamese. If your daughters are working, they can contribute funds that could go toward a larger house. You could rent your current house out to someone then rent a larger house everyone fits in for a few years. Eventually, the young women will marry, and you can reclaim the your house after that.
That's just my opinion, and I am flexible on it. It also depends on how responsible everyone is. There are some children that need to be kept around a bit longer until they mature.
If you do want kids to find roommate situations, start charging them rent. You could say if you are working, you pay rent, then they would start comparing that to roommate situations.
There are cultures where lots of relatives live in one house. It is common in some Asian cultures for young adults to stay with parents until they marry, and then they go get set up in their own place, or young men get their own place in preparation for marriage. A lot of these cultures have more sharing of financial resources between parents and adult children than in the west, with the children having a responsibility to provide for aging parents.
How many years left does your son have on his apprenticeship? If it's a union job, the salaries start to get okay, I think, toward the end of the apprenticeship with a huge spike when they hit the journeyman level.
That's just my opinion, and I am flexible on it. It also depends on how responsible everyone is. There are some children that need to be kept around a bit longer until they mature.
If you do want kids to find roommate situations, start charging them rent. You could say if you are working, you pay rent, then they would start comparing that to roommate situations.
There are cultures where lots of relatives live in one house. It is common in some Asian cultures for young adults to stay with parents until they marry, and then they go get set up in their own place, or young men get their own place in preparation for marriage. A lot of these cultures have more sharing of financial resources between parents and adult children than in the west, with the children having a responsibility to provide for aging parents.
How many years left does your son have on his apprenticeship? If it's a union job, the salaries start to get okay, I think, toward the end of the apprenticeship with a huge spike when they hit the journeyman level.
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It kind of helps to have many mansions or many rooms. Genesis says a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife.
I prefer the 'keep the daughters till they are married' model.
In the middle ages, if a girl did not want to marry and pursued celibacy, she went to a convent, and boys to a monastery, so they didn't have to be in the house. Otherwise, if you can set the son up with a place to live and some independence and the girls get married off to live in the houses of their husband, that kind of solves the problem. I suppose there could have been multi-generational homes in Europe at the time, too.
I prefer the 'keep the daughters till they are married' model.
In the middle ages, if a girl did not want to marry and pursued celibacy, she went to a convent, and boys to a monastery, so they didn't have to be in the house. Otherwise, if you can set the son up with a place to live and some independence and the girls get married off to live in the houses of their husband, that kind of solves the problem. I suppose there could have been multi-generational homes in Europe at the time, too.
Stop buying them anything. Require them to pay a slightly unfair portion of the bills for everything: mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc.
Give them a lot of chores to do. Resist the urge to help them even when they complain it's difficult.
You'll force them to change their priorities and consider other options. The inevitable option they'll realize is it's time to move out.
Don't encourage them to stay, but don't tell them they are unwelcome either. When possible, introduce solutions to their struggles that involve moving out and being independent.
Give them a lot of chores to do. Resist the urge to help them even when they complain it's difficult.
You'll force them to change their priorities and consider other options. The inevitable option they'll realize is it's time to move out.
Don't encourage them to stay, but don't tell them they are unwelcome either. When possible, introduce solutions to their struggles that involve moving out and being independent.
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In our culture Children can stay as long as they want in their parents house....this is good if the parents are financially able...and also if the children are contributing for the expenses...if not, it is hard especially if the parents are old already and dependents also...the one who supports the parents will end up supporting the other family members also who are living in the same house with the parents...
If I have children I won't kick them out but I would train my kids at a very young age to be independent and when they are grown up already to be responsible....I'll give them responsibility... like one will pay the electricity,one will buy the weekly grocery,one will pay the water bill... everyone needs to help with the dishes and cleaning 😊 if they won't agree well they can move out..(that is me if I become a parent and my kids are not financially dependent on me anymore for their tuition fees. I value education so as long as I can, I will support them while they are studying till 21 I guess.
I, myself moved out when I was in my early 20's after college nobody asked me to move I decided to move out and began helping my parents full time for my younger siblings education(from primary to college) and family household expenses....
So, I believe since the other one is earning already you can gently tell her that it is time for her to learn to live independently tell her I am not kicking out but want them to learn to live independently and your home is always open for her and she can always come back... if not then ask her to contribute and help in the household expenses as well as house chores...
I have no family on my own...no kids yet...and currently I am in the same situation like you right now but I got no courage to tell my other grown up siblings to move out...since I am far away from them and my heart is quite soft for my siblings my entire family actually....but it is really hard on me financially coz I shoulder almost 70% of the expenses including my youngest sister's tuition fees for college...
I just wish I could free myself supporting everyone and only support my parents but they live with them...Sad to say this but Part of the problem is me the biggest part...I am an enabler...because of the hardship I went through growing up...I spoiled them...babied them...😢
If I have children I won't kick them out but I would train my kids at a very young age to be independent and when they are grown up already to be responsible....I'll give them responsibility... like one will pay the electricity,one will buy the weekly grocery,one will pay the water bill... everyone needs to help with the dishes and cleaning 😊 if they won't agree well they can move out..(that is me if I become a parent and my kids are not financially dependent on me anymore for their tuition fees. I value education so as long as I can, I will support them while they are studying till 21 I guess.
I, myself moved out when I was in my early 20's after college nobody asked me to move I decided to move out and began helping my parents full time for my younger siblings education(from primary to college) and family household expenses....
So, I believe since the other one is earning already you can gently tell her that it is time for her to learn to live independently tell her I am not kicking out but want them to learn to live independently and your home is always open for her and she can always come back... if not then ask her to contribute and help in the household expenses as well as house chores...
I have no family on my own...no kids yet...and currently I am in the same situation like you right now but I got no courage to tell my other grown up siblings to move out...since I am far away from them and my heart is quite soft for my siblings my entire family actually....but it is really hard on me financially coz I shoulder almost 70% of the expenses including my youngest sister's tuition fees for college...
I just wish I could free myself supporting everyone and only support my parents but they live with them...Sad to say this but Part of the problem is me the biggest part...I am an enabler...because of the hardship I went through growing up...I spoiled them...babied them...😢
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T
I think if the parents can afford mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc. they should not charge the child for any of that regardless of whether or not the child is working. Obviously, if they are struggling financially (such as in Asian families especially in the older generation, the parents don't have much and are entirely dependent on their children), that is a different story. They are already paying mortgage and utilities to begin with, and increased groceries should not cost much more if the family is all eating the same food (rather than different meals). Obviously, the child should pay for his/her own stuff (clothes, hobbies, medical), and should be generous in other ways such as paying for eating out, outings, etc. Along the same though, an adult child should not be charging an elderly parent rent, groceries if the parent is staying in the child's home. I don't know, charging a child or parent rent, unless there are some financial issues, seems not the thing to do in a family.
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It's a unique situation for every family. There's no set age to have the children leave home.
They will always be your children. However, allowing the employed one's to remain home and continue living as dependent children isn't fair to any of you.
A nurse makes good money these days. And if she's a MDRN she'll make serious bank.
A great opportunity is had as a traveling RN. Gets them out of the house, they make even more money than as a regular RN .
The OP's answer in itself is unique because our kids mature at different ages.
One way to stifle that process is enabling the older employed one's to have no financial responsibilities for their own lifestyle.
No rent, utilities, groceries.
Give the older employed ones a timetable to end that situation now. They'll never really grow into full on independence when mom and dad carry them as was the case when they were minors.
We gave our oldest a timetable once they were fully employed and out of University or nearly so.
Six months. For the first six months they were newly in the steady job market they paid rent for their room. Their percentage, each, of our mortgage.
The minor children earned allowance and were exempt from that responsibility. But they earned their money by working around the house. Chores.
This taught them how ho be actively engaged in sustaining their living early. We did this with all our kids when they were minors.
When the older ones were able to gain full on employment it was a natural progression to paying rent and utilities.
Because they knew what it meant from an early age to be responsible for themselves.
After six months the adult children had a sit-down with us. Continue paying rent, utilities, food cost share at home or give a 30 day notice. That allowed them to find their own accomodations after that one month notice.
While the stay @ home option wasn't indefinite.
We even taught them about credit. And how to build good credit.
One year our middle child wanted a new bike.
The deal was they'd sell their old bike, as one would a car when upgrading.
If the money from its sale didn't allow for buying the new bike with cash they got a mom-loan for the difference.
They bought the bike, I wrote a note of debt, with the bike as collateral.
They worked, doing their chores, and every month they'd make that note payment, with a few coins added as interest, until the bike's loan was paid off.
I didn't breast feed my children into their 20's. I couldn't see doing that metaphorically when they were University graduates and employed in their field of studies.
Teach a child in the way they should go, and when they are older they shall not fall from it.
We did. They never have. They make us proud everyday.💕😀😀
They will always be your children. However, allowing the employed one's to remain home and continue living as dependent children isn't fair to any of you.
A nurse makes good money these days. And if she's a MDRN she'll make serious bank.
A great opportunity is had as a traveling RN. Gets them out of the house, they make even more money than as a regular RN .
The OP's answer in itself is unique because our kids mature at different ages.
One way to stifle that process is enabling the older employed one's to have no financial responsibilities for their own lifestyle.
No rent, utilities, groceries.
Give the older employed ones a timetable to end that situation now. They'll never really grow into full on independence when mom and dad carry them as was the case when they were minors.
We gave our oldest a timetable once they were fully employed and out of University or nearly so.
Six months. For the first six months they were newly in the steady job market they paid rent for their room. Their percentage, each, of our mortgage.
The minor children earned allowance and were exempt from that responsibility. But they earned their money by working around the house. Chores.
This taught them how ho be actively engaged in sustaining their living early. We did this with all our kids when they were minors.
When the older ones were able to gain full on employment it was a natural progression to paying rent and utilities.
Because they knew what it meant from an early age to be responsible for themselves.
After six months the adult children had a sit-down with us. Continue paying rent, utilities, food cost share at home or give a 30 day notice. That allowed them to find their own accomodations after that one month notice.
While the stay @ home option wasn't indefinite.
We even taught them about credit. And how to build good credit.
One year our middle child wanted a new bike.
The deal was they'd sell their old bike, as one would a car when upgrading.
If the money from its sale didn't allow for buying the new bike with cash they got a mom-loan for the difference.
They bought the bike, I wrote a note of debt, with the bike as collateral.
They worked, doing their chores, and every month they'd make that note payment, with a few coins added as interest, until the bike's loan was paid off.
I didn't breast feed my children into their 20's. I couldn't see doing that metaphorically when they were University graduates and employed in their field of studies.
Teach a child in the way they should go, and when they are older they shall not fall from it.
We did. They never have. They make us proud everyday.💕😀😀
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I let my 4 stay as long as they wanted. We loved them around. Even after they were moved out, our door was open for dinner or just hanging out. I loved it when they were hanging out and so were their friends. They are all independent and living in their own homes now, but we see each other all the time, have dinners, play board games and just hang out. When they were in high school and working, that was their money to pay their car insurance, buy clothes and hang with their friends. They each decided to move out once they started college, they were not asked. They are all cool, loving, hard working adults that open their door to their friends now. I like that.
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If you do decide they need to go using the term, 'helping you get set up in a new place, your next step in life' probably sounds better than 'we need to kick you out.' 
It helps if they all know how to do laundry, clean, and have at least rudimentary cooking skills. I knew how to heat up frozen stuff, open canned food, and things like that. Then, I went to live in South Korea. I'd never cooked meat that I recall, not on a stove top. I'm not sure if I had grilled a hamburger yet. My mom did the cooking and my dad grilled. Then I went on the meal plan. I think I was 21 when I went overseas. I don't know if cooked meat the whole time I was there. I worked early mornings and late nights with a long break in between, so I had to rush. I'd open cans of tuna fish and put them in Korean ramen noodles (not bad if you get the kind in oil and strain the oil out), grilled cheese in a toaster oven, sometimes with imitation crab sticks, and eat out for lunch, usually Korean food. It would have helped me if I'd learned a bit more about that. Also, I knew how to use a washing machine, but i"d never washed clothes out in the sink with a brush, which is helpful in some countries.
It helps if they all know how to do laundry, clean, and have at least rudimentary cooking skills. I knew how to heat up frozen stuff, open canned food, and things like that. Then, I went to live in South Korea. I'd never cooked meat that I recall, not on a stove top. I'm not sure if I had grilled a hamburger yet. My mom did the cooking and my dad grilled. Then I went on the meal plan. I think I was 21 when I went overseas. I don't know if cooked meat the whole time I was there. I worked early mornings and late nights with a long break in between, so I had to rush. I'd open cans of tuna fish and put them in Korean ramen noodles (not bad if you get the kind in oil and strain the oil out), grilled cheese in a toaster oven, sometimes with imitation crab sticks, and eat out for lunch, usually Korean food. It would have helped me if I'd learned a bit more about that. Also, I knew how to use a washing machine, but i"d never washed clothes out in the sink with a brush, which is helpful in some countries.
You mean do what parents used to do, what our parents did? Our parents also never celebrated mediocrity, solved all of our problems, paid for our education and made excuses for every natural consequence, blaming everyone but the foolish child. My wife would let our children live here as long as they wanted. They give her a sense of purpose. They have to get married eventually….right. When the time’s right I think the conversation with the boys will be direct. “You must really like your moms breasts, you’ve been suckling them for decades. Maybe it’s time to stop milking it and move out of the nursery.” They would respond with, “Dad, why are you so weird?” but that image should be just enough to motivate them. That and leaving soothers in their room, diapers in their drawers, rattles in their cars….
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Wow, what a great sibling you are! My wife is the enabler. I have to continually remind her, all of the struggles we faced is what made us strong. Her cuddling the kids makes them weak and dependent. I offer them advice but never force. I let them make their own decisions and live with them. She would rather helicopter parent and hover over directing their choices. They make better choices that way but they don’t learn and grow. Unfortunately they will probably learn how to make their own decisions when the stakes are higher.
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