Questions For Our Married Friends/People Who Have Experience With Marriage Who Hang Out in Singles
- Thread starter seoulsearch
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Well since I'd still say this and it's a legitimate question that deserves a thorough answer, I think there are several factors:
1) Changing definitions of "a date" and social mixing of the sexes - I suspect that in my parents' (and your) generation a date was pretty much anytime a guy invited a girl to a social event of any kind. Those of us in our 30's and 40's now pretty much grew up in a world where we grew up right alongside and socialized with the boys naturally in school, some co-ed sports, and plenty of other activities. So we had friends of both sexes and when you're used to socializing with the opposite sex it becomes harder to tease out what a date is. For example: Shortly before the pandemic @seoulsearch was visiting my area and we got together one night went out for pizza and then dessert at the chocolate cafe and had a very nice night together. Did I go on date with her? And since she's also a girl and this is Christian chat, we all know that the answer is no. Would it be a date if she were male? And my generation would say not unless there were some sort of romantic intent (some would probably say not unless the night ended with us making out, but that's not relevant to my point).
2) An overprotective / fear mongering culture - Whether the world is a more scary and dangerous place can be debated, but I don't think it can be debated that we are now more aware of the dangers. Part of my college freshman orientation was watching a date rape play. You can imagine how eager to date that would make people. And for many in my generation (especially in the church), that was the messaging we got: your desires will overwhelm you and lead you into sin and guys will take advantage of you at the first opportunity (and if you're a church girl, then you'll be ruined and have forfeited God's best for your life).
3) Too many options - this comes in both the idea of too many other things that you could do (part of the reason I haven't dated is there was usually a next thing and / or major move coming up that made it impractical) as well as now that the internet is out there connecting you to people around the world, well you can spend a lot of time investing in someone who isn't close enough to take you on dates (if they're really even a people and not just a character someone made up for fun or entertainment). So yeah there's a segment of us who are too busy living life and doing other things in life (I will learn to grow mushrooms and make perfect sorbet) and just have never focused on dating. And if you do focus on dating, well you may spend a lot of time online trying to sort through matches to decide who you want to date and most of them may not be close enough to take you out on a date.
So best to translate "I've never been on a date" as "I've never met anyone awesome enough that we mutually spent time considering a possible future together" .
1) Changing definitions of "a date" and social mixing of the sexes - I suspect that in my parents' (and your) generation a date was pretty much anytime a guy invited a girl to a social event of any kind. Those of us in our 30's and 40's now pretty much grew up in a world where we grew up right alongside and socialized with the boys naturally in school, some co-ed sports, and plenty of other activities. So we had friends of both sexes and when you're used to socializing with the opposite sex it becomes harder to tease out what a date is. For example: Shortly before the pandemic @seoulsearch was visiting my area and we got together one night went out for pizza and then dessert at the chocolate cafe and had a very nice night together. Did I go on date with her? And since she's also a girl and this is Christian chat, we all know that the answer is no. Would it be a date if she were male? And my generation would say not unless there were some sort of romantic intent (some would probably say not unless the night ended with us making out, but that's not relevant to my point).
2) An overprotective / fear mongering culture - Whether the world is a more scary and dangerous place can be debated, but I don't think it can be debated that we are now more aware of the dangers. Part of my college freshman orientation was watching a date rape play. You can imagine how eager to date that would make people. And for many in my generation (especially in the church), that was the messaging we got: your desires will overwhelm you and lead you into sin and guys will take advantage of you at the first opportunity (and if you're a church girl, then you'll be ruined and have forfeited God's best for your life).
3) Too many options - this comes in both the idea of too many other things that you could do (part of the reason I haven't dated is there was usually a next thing and / or major move coming up that made it impractical) as well as now that the internet is out there connecting you to people around the world, well you can spend a lot of time investing in someone who isn't close enough to take you on dates (if they're really even a people and not just a character someone made up for fun or entertainment). So yeah there's a segment of us who are too busy living life and doing other things in life (I will learn to grow mushrooms and make perfect sorbet) and just have never focused on dating. And if you do focus on dating, well you may spend a lot of time online trying to sort through matches to decide who you want to date and most of them may not be close enough to take you out on a date.
So best to translate "I've never been on a date" as "I've never met anyone awesome enough that we mutually spent time considering a possible future together" .
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K
Personally I never had that type of interaction at school. Then I began ministry at 16, so I was never home on weekends. That continued until I was in my 40s. My sister left first and got married and it got too hard on her to travel and be married. I continued on a couple more years and then finally "retired" met my husband and got married.
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Hi Everybody!
I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.
I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.
Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?
* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?
* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)
* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.
Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."
In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.
I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.
Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.
I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.
I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.
Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?
* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?
* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)
* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.
Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."
In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.
I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.
Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.
I think that once you're attached, you cannot recall how life felt as a single person. So, it's hard to relate to or counsel someone who's single. In fact, the last thing I ever want to hear is a married man telling me that I need to be content without a legitimate sexual partner. A rich man should never tell a poor man how to be content in their poverty. (I pray that if I ever remarry, that I won't forget so that I can be sympathetic to the struggles of those who are not content in the single lifestyle.)
On the flip side, when I was married, I never abandoned or forgot about my friends, single or attached. Oftentimes folks forget about their friends after they get hitched. I didn't. (I've never been an advocate for this. It shows that you only used those people to fill a gap until you found what you were really looking for. Yeah, people get distracted when married. But, having been, I cannot see that as a valid excuse.)
I don't think these address your questions, but they were my thoughts as someone who's lived both lifestyles.
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Hi Everybody!
I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.
I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.
Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?
* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?
* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)
* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.
Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."
In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.
I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.
Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.
I was reading over some old posts this morning and came across a comment by a married friend here who was talking about enjoying spending time with us in the Singles Forum.
I am often curious as to how we singles are seen by those who are married or have experience with marriage or marriage-related situations.
Maybe you are someone who is married, have been married in the past but aren't anymore, are engaged, or were once engaged but it didn't work out. Do your experiences with marraige make you look at singles (presumed to have no prior marital experience) differently?
* Do married people ever look around here (the Singles Forum,) and think something like, "Oh, those poor clumsy chaps, they're just stumbling around!" But in more of a good-natured, "they're trying their best, but they'll figure it out eventually" kind of way, rather than as judgment or criticism?
* Do married people find themselves wanting to give dating advice to singles? (If so, what is your advice?) And what mistakes do you want to help us avoid?
* Do married people want to make suggestions about whom they think would make good matches here? (If so, what would be the best way to make suggestions?)
* Do married people look at singles and think, "Praise God I don't have to be alone or deal with that rat race anymore!"
* How do married people feel when singles say they are lonely, and what would you tell them?
* What makes married people want to hang out with us single folk, anyway?
* And, this might be a bit too personal, but for anyone who wants to answer... Does being here ever make married people wish they had stayed single for a bit longer, or do some maybe even admire, or envy, those who have become content with single life?
Everyone is welcomed to answer, of course, regardless of marital status or experience -- I was just curious as who how we as singles are perceived by the married friends who graciously spend their time with us but still let us be ourselves.
Something else that inspired this idea was reading some old threads that were made when I first joined CC (2009.) Back then, it was common to see such titles as, "Looking For Someone to Talk To Ages 19-23."
In other words, the singles crowd here has changed A LOT over the years, and now that many of us are older with a little more life experience than the old crowd, I'm wondering what married people REALLY think about hanging out with a crowd of 30ish-through-70ish-aged singles.
I'm actually hoping we might even be able to have a bit of good-natured banter/joking in our posts and/or between users.
Thanks in advance, and we are very thankful for the wise, compassionate, and thoughtful married friends who choose to spend their time here.
I heard mothers say they wish they never had children but Im not sure if they ever say that within earshot of their own children.
Maybe they do 'gulp'
Children are a handful at the best of times, but they can make the best times as adults are often not fun when they lack imagination. Also married people tend to worry about stuff too much, and talk about boring things like running out of toilet paper. And watching the news. Good grief do we HAVE to know the news every single day, minute and hour?
Maybe they do 'gulp'
Children are a handful at the best of times, but they can make the best times as adults are often not fun when they lack imagination. Also married people tend to worry about stuff too much, and talk about boring things like running out of toilet paper. And watching the news. Good grief do we HAVE to know the news every single day, minute and hour?
No, nothing of that sort... being single is ok. I look around here and think people are children of God and it's cool to socialize with your brothers and sisters in Christ.
Wanting.. no.. willing to give two cents in response to a question, sure!
Doesn't ever cross my mind... that's up to the fine people here lol
Naaa... I believe everyone has a time and place in their life. When I was single, I was doing fine. Yes, it would have been nice to found a sweetheart sooner than later, but when giving your life to God and trusting in Him His timing is perfect... it turns out it will be perfectly planned in His will. I didn't believe it when I was single, but now I do.
When I was lonely, I would find things to do (hobbies or call friends). Last but not least, go to God and build your relationship with Him. It's time well spent.
Married people shouldn't admire or envy those who have become content with single life. Embrace where you are at now. The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you fertilize it.
Anyways...
I have been pretty busy with life now and don't come as often as I use to, but I enjoy reading about people's life and experiences and don't mind being a listening ear and give my two cents for what's it's worth lol.
Wanting.. no.. willing to give two cents in response to a question, sure!
Doesn't ever cross my mind... that's up to the fine people here lol
Naaa... I believe everyone has a time and place in their life. When I was single, I was doing fine. Yes, it would have been nice to found a sweetheart sooner than later, but when giving your life to God and trusting in Him His timing is perfect... it turns out it will be perfectly planned in His will. I didn't believe it when I was single, but now I do.
When I was lonely, I would find things to do (hobbies or call friends). Last but not least, go to God and build your relationship with Him. It's time well spent.
Married people shouldn't admire or envy those who have become content with single life. Embrace where you are at now. The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you fertilize it.
Anyways...
I have been pretty busy with life now and don't come as often as I use to, but I enjoy reading about people's life and experiences and don't mind being a listening ear and give my two cents for what's it's worth lol.
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