Hello Paul (
@paul67), I'm VERY sorry to hear about all of the things that you are going through right now. I am praying for you. Also, please remember that we have a
Prayer Wall here at CChat that you can use whenever/as often as you'd like to (to inform us of your new and/or ongoing prayer needs, and to keep us updated if something changes). You can find that board
here.
As far as the faith and your daily walk before Him goes, I know that it can be a very difficult thing to do, but if can find a church/a body of believers to call home (even though you may find many things about it that may not be perfect), I would strive to do so.
Church is the place that we go to regularly to step out of this world and remember who we are, Whom we serve, and how VERY much He loves us. It's where we go to pray, worship and learn corporately, and to be in fellowship with other believers (as an encouragement and a blessing to them, and they, in turn, to us). It's where we go to get our "spiritual" batteries recharged (so to speak).
And while it's often the place that we minister ~to~ others in their time of need, it's also the place that God established for us to be ministered to ~by~ others in our time of need.
(One last thing about that, sometimes the most difficult thing of all is allowing others to step in and help us, but there is truly no shame in doing so, as I believe that God is equally glorified when we trust in His provision for us by allowing others in the body to see to our needs )
BTW, I agree with what
@CharliRenee just said, that looking for ways to help others (as you are able to anyway) can actually be as helpful and as much of a blessing to you as you will be to them
Lastly, along with spending time in God's word and praying to Him, spend as much time as you can throughout the day remembering how much He loves you, including all that He did and continues to do for you, beginning at the foot of the Cross (even in the midst of all of the difficulties that you are facing). Then, whenever/as often as you can, try to find things (even the smallest of things at first) to rejoice in and be grateful for (and then thank Him for them). I think that you will be pleasantly surprised at what will happen if you choose to do so
Praying for you!
God bless you!! (
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)
~Deuteronomy
p.s. - one last thing, remember that YOU are what is important to God, NOT what you do. As His chosen & adopted child, He has loved you from everlasting .. e.g.
Jeremiah 31:3, and he will continue to do so both now, and forevermore (as a human "being",
not as a human "doing"). He, in fact, sent His Son here to die for you because He loves you and always wants the very best for you ..
Romans 5:8-10 (though there are times in this life that all we can do is to believe and trust that that is true, and that all of his great promises to us are truly ours as well .. e.g.
Romans 8:28, 32, especially when we are experiencing times like you are now).
Pastor/theologian Charles Spurgeon once said,
"everlasting love shall be the pillow for my head this night" (Morning & Evening, Evening, February 27th). Perhaps remembering how much you are truly/deeply loved by Him will make going to sleep tonight, and the thought of waking up tomorrow morning, a bit easier for you too