I am an extrovert, was married to an introvert... Its an interesting situation. If you are an introvert, the one thing i learned after 12 years of being with one, it doesnt change.
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Ultimatum77
Guest
So I read a lot of threads, but mostly I only respond when someone needs encouragement, or people are talking about fabulous video games
Alternatively, do any of you wise introverts have advice on how I might self develop the ability to recharge with people, rather than expect someone to be endowed with such a blessed, magical character?
Don't force yourself to be extra extroverted....be yourself....Recharging with people can be fun but also draining....you have so many stupid expectations to meet with some people and it's not all that it's hyped up to be....I would probably do max 2 hrs extrovert things and the rest be on my own....I'm a loner and I'm cool with that....people tag it as weird and give all sorts of fancy names to it such as anti-social etc....that is crap.....I am social just not over-social....some people like others involved in their business all the time (facebook especially status update: guys im shopping, guys im sleeping).. I mean who cares?! Do people really need to know that....anyway .......I personally find that invading and weird...
I find I'm most happy being alone and doing my own things....people will never get it...but be true to yourself....don't let others change you just because they think "it's not normal"
I find listening to relaxing music, walking/running, yardwork, and eating a home cooked meal are far more enjoyable (all done by myself) than going to some dumb "party" wasting time with people you don't really care to know about....sure party's are fun once in a while but every week/day is too much..... my sibling is the opposite of me lol....parents don't get me because I'm a different bird....but I'm content with myself...which is where you need to get to so that you don't have to impress others and become strong within yourself (not proud) but able to stand up for your own beliefs/convictions and not worry what other think.....there I have written my own epistle
jk
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Ultimatum77
Guest
So I read a lot of threads, but mostly I only respond when someone needs encouragement, or people are talking about fabulous video games
But today I'd like to ask a question.
If you're like me, then you love being alone. It's like a delicious chocolate cake that I've microwaved and then served with ice cream, like a bike ride on a perfect night, or a massage after a hard month, or like being asleep. The absolute epitome of relaxation.
But if you're like me, there's an internal dichotomy that exists.
While the above is absolutely true, I still get lonely, and seek company; but then at the same time I'm liable to eventually resent the albeit invited personal space invader that I'm spending time with for draining me.
This is not to say there aren't any people I enjoy spending my time with; but as someone who does so enjoy solitude, but also company, do you think there's any real hope of finding a prospective partner that simultaneously fills my need for company, without feeling like a space invader? Someone who I can simultaneously enjoy being around, and who I can recharge with like I'm alone?
Alternatively, do any of you wise introverts have advice on how I might self develop the ability to recharge with people, rather than expect someone to be endowed with such a blessed, magical character?
I read Why You Act The Way You Do by Tim Lahaye years ago, and it really helped me understand why I act the way I do and why others act the way they do. It really helped me to understand that God created and designed various personality types/temperaments for a reason, and that we should each use our God-given personalities and temperaments for HIS glory.
Aside from the Bible, Why You Act The Way You Do is one of the most enlightening and helpful books I've ever read, and I refer to it now and again. I highly recommend this book, and I found it to be a very quick and easy read.
It can help you identify your specific temperament BLEND. Once you have identified you own BLEND it can help you identify and recognize the temperament blends of others thereby helping you communicate with others more effectively. There's a chapter about temperament and marriage which I also think can be pretty helpful.
Snapshot of the 12 temperament blends presented in the book
So I read a lot of threads, but mostly I only respond when someone needs encouragement, or people are talking about fabulous video games
But today I'd like to ask a question.
If you're like me, then you love being alone. It's like a delicious chocolate cake that I've microwaved and then served with ice cream, like a bike ride on a perfect night, or a massage after a hard month, or like being asleep. The absolute epitome of relaxation.
But if you're like me, there's an internal dichotomy that exists.
While the above is absolutely true, I still get lonely, and seek company; but then at the same time I'm liable to eventually resent the albeit invited personal space invader that I'm spending time with for draining me.
This is not to say there aren't any people I enjoy spending my time with; but as someone who does so enjoy solitude, but also company, do you think there's any real hope of finding a prospective partner that simultaneously fills my need for company, without feeling like a space invader? Someone who I can simultaneously enjoy being around, and who I can recharge with like I'm alone?
Alternatively, do any of you wise introverts have advice on how I might self develop the ability to recharge with people, rather than expect someone to be endowed with such a blessed, magical character?
You'd have to find who or what you're searching for for yourself. If these are the questions you have, well, man... the answer may be out there.
But sometimes, you know, what you find may be better then what you originally intended to seek.
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Ugly
Guest
So I read a lot of threads, but mostly I only respond when someone needs encouragement, or people are talking about fabulous video games
But today I'd like to ask a question.
If you're like me, then you love being alone. It's like a delicious chocolate cake that I've microwaved and then served with ice cream, like a bike ride on a perfect night, or a massage after a hard month, or like being asleep. The absolute epitome of relaxation.
But if you're like me, there's an internal dichotomy that exists.
While the above is absolutely true, I still get lonely, and seek company; but then at the same time I'm liable to eventually resent the albeit invited personal space invader that I'm spending time with for draining me.
This is not to say there aren't any people I enjoy spending my time with; but as someone who does so enjoy solitude, but also company, do you think there's any real hope of finding a prospective partner that simultaneously fills my need for company, without feeling like a space invader? Someone who I can simultaneously enjoy being around, and who I can recharge with like I'm alone?
Alternatively, do any of you wise introverts have advice on how I might self develop the ability to recharge with people, rather than expect someone to be endowed with such a blessed, magical character?
Being an introvert means that people drain you. What you've essentially asked is 'how do i change my personality from introvert from extrovert.
Introverts are givers in conversations. Shallow conversations are the bane of most introverts. Introverts prefer personal, one on one, in depth conversations. During which the introvert gives of themselves, essentially draining themselves. This is the one of basis for introverts preferring solitude. Spending time with people. we drain ourselves. So we need to be alone to recharge. Or we are aware of the drain and is the reason why we keep to ourselves more often.
But this is not to say we don't enjoy people. Introverts are often quite social, but do to the draining, we have to minimize this interaction.
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Harvested
Guest
I wouldn't say I'm anti-social but definitely an introvert . I like people but always feel uncomfortable . I just started attending
church and that was a shock to my system . Felt nervous but tried to remember we were all there for the same reason .
It's hard not to head for the door after the service . I also remember I only have to explain how I feel to other people .
Hard to believe Christ knows exactly how we feel in every situation . Knowing He's there helps a lot .
church and that was a shock to my system . Felt nervous but tried to remember we were all there for the same reason .
It's hard not to head for the door after the service . I also remember I only have to explain how I feel to other people .
Hard to believe Christ knows exactly how we feel in every situation . Knowing He's there helps a lot .
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Yahweh_is_gracious
Guest
I'm an introvert by nature and by circumstance. I don't relate to people well, so I have to keep to myself and I've learned to like my own company enough that I prefer it. Extroverted people are kind of frightening sometimes. Like...get out of my personal space bubble dude.
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Harvested
Guest
I'm an introvert myself and always thought there was something wrong with me . I read an article about some people who took
a poll to find out what the numbers where . Introvert or extrovert . From a lot of different countries around the world .
They found out it was 50/50 . Surprise !!!!!! We're okay !!!!!!
a poll to find out what the numbers where . Introvert or extrovert . From a lot of different countries around the world .
They found out it was 50/50 . Surprise !!!!!! We're okay !!!!!!
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Ugly
Guest
Guys, being antisocial and not relating well with people have nothing to do with being introverted. The majority of introverts are actually social people and enjoy social interactions and crave them.
They also have a higher rate of being sympathetic and empathetic.
The issue is that they are not likely to interact with other introverts, so they have a harder time finding people similar to themselves. And the only real issue they have with extroverts is that their conversations tend to be less focused and more shallow. This is why extroverts thrive at parties, where long, deep conversations don't go well, but small, quick interactions are perfect.
But since introverts are most likely to have to continually deal with extroverts it creates the sense the introvert is alone, and gives them the false sense that they are unable to relate to people. It's not 'people' that are the problem, it's the fundamental differences in the way introverts and extroverts communicate. But you get an extrovert to slow down and pull them into a more focused ad in depth conversation and you will find that they are more relatable.
Actually the problem falls on the lap of the introvert in that they have a harder time being flexible. Extroverts are more flexible and can fit into a broader range of conversation styles and topics as well as different levels of conversation. But trying to have an in depth conversation with an extrovert in a room full of people will be difficult. But getting them one on one and slowing things down is another story.
So many people, including introverts themselves, have so many misnomers about what being an introvert means. This is often damaging to introverts because of some of the negative concepts surrounding what an introvert is.
There is a distinction between attitudes or behavior that cause one to segregate from others vs being an introvert.
For example, being anti-social isn't an introverted trait. The problem is the anti-social mindset, which causes a behavior similar to introverts, but for different reasons. Anti-social people tend to have more of a dislike for people. While introverts have a natural need for socialization, but due to the way they socialize, they Have to set limits on it to remain mentally and emotionally healthy.
But instead of seeing the difference people just take the two separate types of personalities and assume they fall under the same banner, introversion. And this misunderstanding causes introverts to think of themselves as not being social creatures, but causes confusion when, as happened with Harvested, they actually are social.
A few things introverts are not by definition:
-anti-social
-shy
-unfriendly
-stuck up
If a person who appears to be an introvert has any of these qualities, it's more likely that these qualities cause them to be closed off, not that they are this way because they are introverts. And in the case of the last two, people often mistake peoples introversion for these traits. I, for one, through my teens in particular, was often considered stuck up. I wasn't stuck up. And a simple look at the kinds of people i befriended showed that i was quite open to a variety of people, especially those people others looked down on.
Traits that are more common to introverts:
-sympathetic
-empathetic
-artistic
-deep thinkers
-good listeners
-good at helping people through problems
-social, just with limits
-introspective
-observant
So introverts, don't let a misunderstanding of who you are make you feel less than you really are. Introverts have a lot to offer people, if those people would give them a chance.
The reality is introverts, by their nature, are givers. But all people have limits. When an introvert spends an evening around people, it is like being drained for hours, the entire time. This is why your introverted friends disappear for a week after hanging out with the group. Spending time alone, for introverts, is not shunning socialization, it's recharging their batteries. And at times introverts might avoid some socialization if they are feeling drained in other areas of their life. Introverts need to be somewhat protective of themselves and being alone makes this possible. But make no mistake, once that introvert has charged back up, more than likely they'll be itching to spend time around someone, as they typically Are social creatures.
I'm an introvert, and just the other night i posted about how i sometimes sit in the chat room, one part of me hoping someone talks to me, and the other part hoping no one talks to me haha. But see, i've been somewhat lonely lately. But also having a lot i'm dealing with that is draining. So i have this conflict of wanting to talk, but feeling drained at the same time.
Hope this cleared up some of the confusion about what introversion really is, and what they aren't as well. Naturally, as is pretty much always the case, some people don't fit entirely into the standard explanation. This is simply a generalized overview and not intended to encompass all people considered introvert. Ultimately people are individuals and some traits may not be present in certain people, or may be more present in some than others.
So before anyone starts with the 'i'm an introvert and i'm not X way you said'. Blah blah blah, yeah, i know. Now go away =P
They also have a higher rate of being sympathetic and empathetic.
The issue is that they are not likely to interact with other introverts, so they have a harder time finding people similar to themselves. And the only real issue they have with extroverts is that their conversations tend to be less focused and more shallow. This is why extroverts thrive at parties, where long, deep conversations don't go well, but small, quick interactions are perfect.
But since introverts are most likely to have to continually deal with extroverts it creates the sense the introvert is alone, and gives them the false sense that they are unable to relate to people. It's not 'people' that are the problem, it's the fundamental differences in the way introverts and extroverts communicate. But you get an extrovert to slow down and pull them into a more focused ad in depth conversation and you will find that they are more relatable.
Actually the problem falls on the lap of the introvert in that they have a harder time being flexible. Extroverts are more flexible and can fit into a broader range of conversation styles and topics as well as different levels of conversation. But trying to have an in depth conversation with an extrovert in a room full of people will be difficult. But getting them one on one and slowing things down is another story.
So many people, including introverts themselves, have so many misnomers about what being an introvert means. This is often damaging to introverts because of some of the negative concepts surrounding what an introvert is.
There is a distinction between attitudes or behavior that cause one to segregate from others vs being an introvert.
For example, being anti-social isn't an introverted trait. The problem is the anti-social mindset, which causes a behavior similar to introverts, but for different reasons. Anti-social people tend to have more of a dislike for people. While introverts have a natural need for socialization, but due to the way they socialize, they Have to set limits on it to remain mentally and emotionally healthy.
But instead of seeing the difference people just take the two separate types of personalities and assume they fall under the same banner, introversion. And this misunderstanding causes introverts to think of themselves as not being social creatures, but causes confusion when, as happened with Harvested, they actually are social.
A few things introverts are not by definition:
-anti-social
-shy
-unfriendly
-stuck up
If a person who appears to be an introvert has any of these qualities, it's more likely that these qualities cause them to be closed off, not that they are this way because they are introverts. And in the case of the last two, people often mistake peoples introversion for these traits. I, for one, through my teens in particular, was often considered stuck up. I wasn't stuck up. And a simple look at the kinds of people i befriended showed that i was quite open to a variety of people, especially those people others looked down on.
Traits that are more common to introverts:
-sympathetic
-empathetic
-artistic
-deep thinkers
-good listeners
-good at helping people through problems
-social, just with limits
-introspective
-observant
So introverts, don't let a misunderstanding of who you are make you feel less than you really are. Introverts have a lot to offer people, if those people would give them a chance.
The reality is introverts, by their nature, are givers. But all people have limits. When an introvert spends an evening around people, it is like being drained for hours, the entire time. This is why your introverted friends disappear for a week after hanging out with the group. Spending time alone, for introverts, is not shunning socialization, it's recharging their batteries. And at times introverts might avoid some socialization if they are feeling drained in other areas of their life. Introverts need to be somewhat protective of themselves and being alone makes this possible. But make no mistake, once that introvert has charged back up, more than likely they'll be itching to spend time around someone, as they typically Are social creatures.
I'm an introvert, and just the other night i posted about how i sometimes sit in the chat room, one part of me hoping someone talks to me, and the other part hoping no one talks to me haha. But see, i've been somewhat lonely lately. But also having a lot i'm dealing with that is draining. So i have this conflict of wanting to talk, but feeling drained at the same time.
Hope this cleared up some of the confusion about what introversion really is, and what they aren't as well. Naturally, as is pretty much always the case, some people don't fit entirely into the standard explanation. This is simply a generalized overview and not intended to encompass all people considered introvert. Ultimately people are individuals and some traits may not be present in certain people, or may be more present in some than others.
So before anyone starts with the 'i'm an introvert and i'm not X way you said'. Blah blah blah, yeah, i know. Now go away =P
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Ugly
Guest
I'm in your head and i'm not leaving.... muahahahahahahahaaaa!
As long as you don't follow me into the bathroom like my kid's and cat's do I'm OK with that.
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Ugly
Guest
Y
Yahweh_is_gracious
Guest
If that's the case, you're posting in the wrong thread
http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/138924-yep-im-mean-nasty-jerk.html